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AMA
Original poster

I've been a victim of stalking. AMA

51 replies

Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 17:09

Ask away.

OP posts:
Lucylock · 22/02/2023 20:30

Have you not got any homework you could do? 😉

Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 20:33

@Hawking003 - I overheard a telephone call where the recipient mentioned stalking - hard to explain but it all happened right in the thick of things some years ago. But of course I can't be 100% sure

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 22/02/2023 20:40

This isn't stalking OP and demeans victims of actual stalking - including myself - who have been both terrorised and terrified.

sadieshavingashindig · 22/02/2023 20:40

I'm a bit confused. As a victim of stalking twice in my life, this doesn't sound like stalking to me, although apologies if I'm wrong. Were they just hanging around a street corner following or intimidating other women (or "stalking" as you heard them on the phone) too? Is it just a hunch you were being stalked?

How often did they do this? How long did it continue for? Why didn't you pursue it with the police? I know they need witnesses, but they do follow up complaints even if they can't initially make an arrest, and they also offer different kinds of support and don't just do nothing. Also I found the experience absolutely terrifying rather than "unsettling".

Was really hoping this might be a thread where someone that had actually been stalked was sharing their experience and might advise others who had been/are being stalked.

@Tinkerloo Yes, I've also kept all the statements, police incident numbers etc in a box, and don't really know why I've held onto them.

jerseybean1000 · 22/02/2023 20:42

That was ten minutes of my life I'll never get back

OldTinHat · 22/02/2023 20:44

Another victim here. Started 20yrs ago. Police did what they could but I ended up moving far away and cutting off everyone apart from family 4yrs ago and changing my name.

Sorry to derail your thread OP. You're not alone!

Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 20:45

sadieshavingashindig · 22/02/2023 20:40

I'm a bit confused. As a victim of stalking twice in my life, this doesn't sound like stalking to me, although apologies if I'm wrong. Were they just hanging around a street corner following or intimidating other women (or "stalking" as you heard them on the phone) too? Is it just a hunch you were being stalked?

How often did they do this? How long did it continue for? Why didn't you pursue it with the police? I know they need witnesses, but they do follow up complaints even if they can't initially make an arrest, and they also offer different kinds of support and don't just do nothing. Also I found the experience absolutely terrifying rather than "unsettling".

Was really hoping this might be a thread where someone that had actually been stalked was sharing their experience and might advise others who had been/are being stalked.

@Tinkerloo Yes, I've also kept all the statements, police incident numbers etc in a box, and don't really know why I've held onto them.

No it wasn't just a hunch.

There was a lot to sort out in my like at the time which thankfully did get sorted - although I didn't pursue it with the police - I guess I wanted to pursue other aspects of my personal life.

To cut a long story short I had a stroke of luck that sorted the problem

OP posts:
Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 20:46

OldTinHat · 22/02/2023 20:44

Another victim here. Started 20yrs ago. Police did what they could but I ended up moving far away and cutting off everyone apart from family 4yrs ago and changing my name.

Sorry to derail your thread OP. You're not alone!

Thank you - glad you overcame it. I did pretty much the same as you

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 22/02/2023 20:46

Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 20:33

@Hawking003 - I overheard a telephone call where the recipient mentioned stalking - hard to explain but it all happened right in the thick of things some years ago. But of course I can't be 100% sure

Fair points, these days you never know who's really who

RoseBucket · 22/02/2023 20:50

Sounds like gang harassment?

Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 20:50

RoseBucket · 22/02/2023 20:50

Sounds like gang harassment?

Actually that may well be a more accurate description to be fair

OP posts:
ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/02/2023 20:55

I was stalked by an obsessive ex in my early twenties He followed me too, often appearing outside my bedroom window. I lived alone so it was an incredibly frightening time. You feel the fear all the time when in reality he was there only a small percentage of the time.
He eventually got bored and moved on to his next victim but only after being threatened by my brothers. How did yours stop? Are you sure it was a group? I've never heard of that.

winningeasy · 22/02/2023 20:59

Did you get harassing phone calls? Text messages? Letters? Phoning your work? Contacting family members?

Did they reference you on their own social media? Setup fake profiles pretending to be you?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 22/02/2023 21:01

Sorry op but I think you are just not explaining yourself properly. You've started an AMA so I think you need to expand.
You're giving short basic answers leaving a lot of us confused as to what actually happened.

Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 21:01

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/02/2023 20:55

I was stalked by an obsessive ex in my early twenties He followed me too, often appearing outside my bedroom window. I lived alone so it was an incredibly frightening time. You feel the fear all the time when in reality he was there only a small percentage of the time.
He eventually got bored and moved on to his next victim but only after being threatened by my brothers. How did yours stop? Are you sure it was a group? I've never heard of that.

It stopped cos by luck a completely unrelated situation made me move away from the area. It was a group but as time went on tbh I could sense that the group were not that cohesive

OP posts:
Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 21:03

winningeasy · 22/02/2023 20:59

Did you get harassing phone calls? Text messages? Letters? Phoning your work? Contacting family members?

Did they reference you on their own social media? Setup fake profiles pretending to be you?

One dodgy phone call - nothing else . Indirect references in social media not setting up fake profiles

OP posts:
Justforlaffs · 22/02/2023 21:04

No offence OP but I reckon about half the female population have been stalked at some level at least once in their lives. Unfortunately it’s really not rare.

My own specimen stopped when 2 burly males from my family gave him a visit and had a word. Shame it needed to come to that but it cleared the matter up nicely!

sadieshavingashindig · 22/02/2023 21:06

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/02/2023 20:55

I was stalked by an obsessive ex in my early twenties He followed me too, often appearing outside my bedroom window. I lived alone so it was an incredibly frightening time. You feel the fear all the time when in reality he was there only a small percentage of the time.
He eventually got bored and moved on to his next victim but only after being threatened by my brothers. How did yours stop? Are you sure it was a group? I've never heard of that.

You feel the fear all the time when in reality he was there only a small percentage of the time.

This.

Original poster
Tromso82 · 22/02/2023 21:47

Justforlaffs · 22/02/2023 21:04

No offence OP but I reckon about half the female population have been stalked at some level at least once in their lives. Unfortunately it’s really not rare.

My own specimen stopped when 2 burly males from my family gave him a visit and had a word. Shame it needed to come to that but it cleared the matter up nicely!

Glad your situation was resolved - it can be very frightening!

OP posts:
VerityUnreasonble · 22/02/2023 22:16

My DD was stalked / harassed by an ex. The police were pretty useless. Basically went round and said please don't do that.

Hundreds of emails. Many multiple social media accounts in different names to get round blocks. Going through friends profiles to try and find pictures. Sending pennies to her bank account so he could message her via the transaction reference. Sometimes pleading, sometimes threatening, trying to find her new address etc. It was absolutely constant for years. Currently more settled but honestly never know if it will start again.

It's a horrible thing and the internet is a nightmare for it.

Original poster
Tromso82 · 23/02/2023 05:27

VerityUnreasonble · 22/02/2023 22:16

My DD was stalked / harassed by an ex. The police were pretty useless. Basically went round and said please don't do that.

Hundreds of emails. Many multiple social media accounts in different names to get round blocks. Going through friends profiles to try and find pictures. Sending pennies to her bank account so he could message her via the transaction reference. Sometimes pleading, sometimes threatening, trying to find her new address etc. It was absolutely constant for years. Currently more settled but honestly never know if it will start again.

It's a horrible thing and the internet is a nightmare for it.

Nightmare. If it's settled I feel it probably won't start again Flowers agreed. Internet can be nightmare

OP posts:
Original poster
Tromso82 · 13/03/2023 18:30

Since starting this thread I've actually reflected on something a PP said. I think what I experienced, realistically, was gang harassment not stalking in the traditional sense. However, I do feel that the technique gang harassers use are similar to stalkers - monitoring my social media etc - so I felt k needed to get my guard up and take it very seriously to keep them out - iyswim

OP posts:
Original poster
Tromso82 · 13/03/2023 18:31

Sorry for typos!

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/03/2023 19:07

But what did they actually DO?!

Original poster
Tromso82 · 13/03/2023 19:15

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/03/2023 19:07

But what did they actually DO?!

Several things - one was get someone to falsely befriend me and get me to tell them valuable information about my work and social habits so they bullied me at work ! Also one of them threw something at me in the street / basically trying to intimidate me

OP posts: