My dh walked away from his children after fighting to see them for six years - AMA

[Katypp]

Family courts about 12 years ago - things hopefully will have changed by now

Because any decent parent would move heaven and earth to be with/have regular contact with their child, You dont just walk away.

@ZeroFuchsGiven I'm sure you can appreciate that some men would just get worn down by the system. Not everyone can cope with it for years on end.

It wasn’t said. Read it again!
she said he paid 80% of his wages to the ex in order to keep contact. Which I expect was WAY ABOVE the £250 he should have been paying..

I do! Dp paid his ex maintenance, the whole mortgage for the house he didn't live in, plus 100% of clothing,a massive loan she'd taken out, school costs, someone to fix the boiler about 8 times. He did that for nearly two years. He lived with his parents. Seems unbelievable, was actually very much true.

There are a small amount of women who are very happy to use their children against an ex. What happened as soon as he suggested meditation? She stopped him seeing them.

Read my post
You have no idea of the expense, the relentless nature of it, the fact that the children are pulled into it and weaponised and it destroys them in turn. I'm watching and hearing it with my dss's right now. The terrible lies they are being told about us by their Mother-their heads are scrambled.

Equally everyone saying "I'd do anything for my kids id fight no matter the cost" who are also saying "I can't believe someone would pay 80% of wages"

Why? You've clearly said you'd do whatever it takes, so why is it so unbelievable that someone else did?

I have answered this, at least twice. No he doesn't

Sorry? £250 a month is 80% of his earnings?

OP I suspect the vitriol from so many on here is due to recognition that some women are not the sainted mothers they'd like to be portrayed as...and not above using their children for financial gain.

Why not? No contact at all?

No. He didn’t check how much CSA payments were, he just automatically paid her 80% of his salary. Which he then couldn’t keep up, so reduced it.

Probably because they have been told a life times worth of lies by their Mother and when that's fed to you from a young age by one of the people you love the most in the world you believe it?

I apologise I am not coming back quick enough for pps liking but I am getting a lot of questions.
I think the main answers are:

1. The maintenence situation - I have answered that above
2. No he doesn't see them now. He has no idea where they are. He does look out for them in social media but thinks he may have been blocked
3. There was no reason why he should not see his children. All agencies agreed that and he had numerous contact orders which his ex ignored
4. I have no idea why I was allowed into the court. It was never questioned.
5. I am not bitter, interfering, naive or lying
6. My dh is neither a liar, manipulative or controlling.

Thb I am finding this really upsetting as some of the assumption people are making are so far off the mark it's ridiculous

Why doesn’t he see them now?

I'd say having no idea where they are or how to contact them had something to do with it?

Yes op. But it's illustrative of how people leap to assumptions about dads. And if people think that doesn't extend to family court they are kidding themselves.

For what it's worth I send lots of sympathy to your dh.The grief must be very hard to carry.

You’re right. A better question is: what is he doing to find his children now that they’re adults?

Go on what would you suggest he do?

Because he was a decent bloke trying to do the right thing by his kids and maintain a co parenting relationship with his ex at a guess.

I did the same. In fact for an easy life and to hopefully stop the threats to withdraw all contact (which she tried anyway) I gave her 90 percent of the marital assets and basically only kept enough for myself to buy a car and pay a few months rent on a place the kids could come and visit.

They never did stay a night in that house because she never let them. The first time the kids came to see the house they were excited and chose their own rooms. I took the box room although I was there every night for three years.

The second time my daughter, who was 7 at the time came around she said “Mummy says I won’t be able to sleep if I ever stay here because the road is noisy, and her house is nicer” 🤷‍♂️

Contact family? Get in touch with his ex? He only stopped paying maintenance a year ago so he must have contact details for her. Or was the money going directly to his kid?

The second time my daughter, who was 7 at the time came around she said “Mummy says I won’t be able to sleep if I ever stay here because the road is noisy, and her house is nicer” 🤷‍♂️

So what? What’s the significance of this?

He probably ran up massive debt. Same as I did. Thick then got added to by enormous legal fees

Dh and I had no idea where our step sons were when their mother decided apropo of nothing to pick them up at 2.30 from school on a day we were due to get them and then block us on all phones for 10 days. It was the last day before Easter holidays. The police wouldn't get involved as they view it as a 'domestic' though they don't use that term anymore.

How do you propose we found them after exhausting all options of known addresses and family members/friends? (For which we were later accused of stalking?!)

Now add 12 years to that. Adults that move around. How do you do it?

You don't have contact details of the receiving parent. You have their bank details alone which is thankfully not enough to track someone down. And you know, with her withholding contact for so long, do you actually think that would be a success?

Worth a try to see your kids, no?