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Original poster

I have quite a different gifted child

124 replies

PennyRa · 28/11/2022 22:41

Reading through the ama yesterday I realised I have quite a different gifted child on the severe end of the gifted spectrum. If you'd like, I can answer questions from a different perspective.

FAQs:

Are they Autistic?
Yes, on the far end of that spectrum too.

When did you know?
When they were 2 and went from nonverbal to reading out loud everything around them, followed by them demonstrating they could do arithmetics, and so on.

So they have hyperlexia and hypernumeracy?
No, upon testing we discovered they had full understanding. They just figured it out.

How's their emotional intelligence?
Very high too. As a 6 year old they were able to identify and discuss complex emotions characters might be feeling and potential motivations behind their actions in a way not even expected of GCSE students.

What areas are they gifted in?
They are globally gifted. It's not about subject areas, their brain just functions differently.

Are they in school?
There are no appropriate provisions available for children in this position. They would be in year 6 if they were.

Are they good at sports?
No, sports are physical so being gifted does not affect it. They are pretty average. Same for art.

Will they take their GCSES and A Levels early?
No, they could easily but there is no point. They may not take them at all, only if they become necessary for something they want.

Do they like the things other children their age typically do?
Some, they've never been interested in children's TV but some games, books, things like Lego.

What is the hardest part of having a gifted child?
It's a lot and very full on all the time.

What is the best thing about having a gifted child?
Seeing the amazing things they do with utter joy in their heart.

OP posts:
LunaLights · 01/12/2022 13:01

PennyRa · 30/11/2022 15:03

I understand how it must be difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand. Before I had my special child I just assumed everyone was offered a place in school and that every school could adapt to each child and if their needs were too great there would obviously be a special school waiting with open arms.

The reality is that is only true for most of the population.

When you have a child who is a severe outlier in two very different ways the reality is you end up with folders full of official letters that summise to we don't want you

Show quote history

We were blatantly told by several schools that they weren’t the “right fit” for my DC, due to giftedness and ASD.
That was devastating, but I soon found out it was nothing compared with the vitriol and animosity from other parents when I sought support and information to determine the correct path for my child regarding education.
My DC is happy, safe and thriving - I’m glad yours is too, OP.

Original poster
PennyRa · 01/12/2022 17:16

ZeroFuchsGiven · 01/12/2022 11:20

Give over man, are you really saying you are teaching your child better than any school in the country can? Ive read some bollocks on MN in my time but this is brilliant Grin

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That's the law, and I get a big shiny gold star every review.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 01/12/2022 18:53

You spend all day every day teaching your special child? With what aim?

Original poster
PennyRa · 01/12/2022 22:56

LunaLights · 01/12/2022 13:01

We were blatantly told by several schools that they weren’t the “right fit” for my DC, due to giftedness and ASD.
That was devastating, but I soon found out it was nothing compared with the vitriol and animosity from other parents when I sought support and information to determine the correct path for my child regarding education.
My DC is happy, safe and thriving - I’m glad yours is too, OP.

Show quote history

School rejections are heartbreaking but yeah, for some reason I will never understand so many parents hated us because of it.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that too, but I'm so glad your child is thriving!

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyRa · 01/12/2022 22:57

UrsulaPandress · 01/12/2022 18:53

You spend all day every day teaching your special child? With what aim?

To educate them and make them happy

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 01/12/2022 23:16

There are others ways to be happy than being ‘educated’ all the time.

It sounds exhausting.

Original poster
PennyRa · 01/12/2022 23:29

UrsulaPandress · 01/12/2022 23:16

There are others ways to be happy than being ‘educated’ all the time.

It sounds exhausting.

It is. For me.

OP posts:
Bananastars · 02/12/2022 07:42

Does your child listen to the news? If so what do they think about Lady Susan Hussey's questioning style?

Original poster
PennyRa · 02/12/2022 16:06

Bananastars · 02/12/2022 07:42

Does your child listen to the news? If so what do they think about Lady Susan Hussey's questioning style?

No, the news gives them too much anxiety to watch or listen to

OP posts:
Bananastars · 02/12/2022 16:52

No, the news gives them too much anxiety to watch or listen to

How do they find studying subjects including history and religious education, and do you tend to filter out books which may cause them anxiety?

How would that affect in day to day activities? Do you think they may grow out of this anxiety, if not do you plan to work on it so they can be in touch with real world?

Original poster
PennyRa · 02/12/2022 20:48

Bananastars · 02/12/2022 16:52

No, the news gives them too much anxiety to watch or listen to

How do they find studying subjects including history and religious education, and do you tend to filter out books which may cause them anxiety?

How would that affect in day to day activities? Do you think they may grow out of this anxiety, if not do you plan to work on it so they can be in touch with real world?

I have to disregard some resources. Maybe because I know it will cause anxiety, maybe it would be overwhelming (or underwhelming so they wouldn't engage), maybe it's just because they are still a child and it's not appropriate.

They definitely won't grow out of their anxieties, as in they won't just naturally disappear, but we work on them a lot and on other life skills too

OP posts:
marvellousmaple · 02/12/2022 21:54

Sounds like hell. For both of you.

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 02/12/2022 22:17

You say it’s school 7 days a week every week, what would happen if you told your child they have to entertain themselves for the day?

SignOnTheWindow · 02/12/2022 22:19

hamstersarse · 28/11/2022 23:17

This thread is weird

Why is your ds different to other gifted children?

How do you know they could do their GCSEs / A Levels early? Are they 6?

my ds was g & t, got a scholarship at a good school…..he’s 20 now. At uni, and is definitely bright and on for a first but he’s also really undisciplined and disorganised. Constantly getting into situations about practical things, E.g. bills. Kids who are less bright can easily get ahead if they have more disciplined/ conscientious. IQ only accounts for about 40% of the variance of success outcomes, so 60% is coming from somewhere else. Conscientiousness is a big one. Bright people with no conscientiousness are basically cancelled out!

My conclusion is that IQ is much more exciting when they are young and there are no responsibilities, but when the other 60% of variance kicks in in real life….who knows what will happen!

It might be worth looking into getting him some executive functioning skills support. Learning strategies to help him manage the practicalities of life could make a huge difference to his functioning and wellbeing further down the line as well as now.

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 02/12/2022 22:21

SignOnTheWindow · 02/12/2022 22:19

It might be worth looking into getting him some executive functioning skills support. Learning strategies to help him manage the practicalities of life could make a huge difference to his functioning and wellbeing further down the line as well as now.

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I’d be interested to know where to get these for my DS.

SignOnTheWindow · 02/12/2022 22:21

Aleaiactaest · 30/11/2022 14:09

@Didiplanthis - in my profession we have quite a few gifted autistic colleagues who are amazing with detail and incredible workers. They add so much. HR are much more tuned into their needs these days, just to reassure you a bit - we even have a sensory quiet room. It will only benefit society if we work with these exceptional minds to make them flourish. Autistic fatigue due to being overwhelmed with the every day demands which us neurotypicals take for granted is such a real thing.However, just to reassure you that things are hopefully getting better. We really need more specialist schools though or at least safe places in mainstream settings. School can be such an overwhelming environment for some of these kids.

You sound like an awesome colleague. So few NT people 'get it'!

SignOnTheWindow · 02/12/2022 22:26

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 02/12/2022 22:21

I’d be interested to know where to get these for my DS.

Show quote history

Have a look at 'Connections in Mind'. Lots of good information there!

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=connectionsinmind.com/&ved=2ahUKEwi1qpHS_Nv7AhVNEsAKHaXcAjYQFnoECBYQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3XPaQ1UkH_u01gW2u0cAuq

Sorry about the long link, btw. I'm on the app and can't seem to insert a link neatly...

Namechangeforthisone2022 · 02/12/2022 22:28

Thank you @SignOnTheWindow 😊

WeightoftheWorld · 02/12/2022 22:29

Since when is 'giftedness' a 'diagnosis'? Can you share where in the DSM or equivalent medical textbook this diagnosis is listed along with its diagnostic criteria?

EstoPerpetua · 02/12/2022 22:35

PennyRa · 29/11/2022 20:53

There are no appropriate provisions available for children in this position. That includes private schools. Yes some may be able to provide for their academic needs but not their severe sen needs at the same time.

Show quote history

I couldn't disagree more with this. There are independent schools and independent schools. Part of a the challenge if you have an astronomically gifted child who's also on the autistic spectrum is finding a school which will enable to them to become the very best version of themselves (which also means nurturing them through the things they find a bit less easy, or which they have never really tried). These schools do exist, though the school which will do this for your child isn't necessarily the same school as the one which did it for my particular child (one of several, so definitely not a PFB).

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 02/12/2022 22:36

I don't really get the point in your post? Are you asking for advice or what?

Why aren't you sending your child to school or at least encouraging them to socialise in some way?

Loads of kids are different. Doesn't mean they can't go to school and certainly doesn't mean they can't take exams 😕

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/12/2022 22:40

What happens when you can't keep up with them anymore? Sooner or later, if they are so remarkable, so might as well be trying to teach the equivalent of a neurosurgeon that those are their toes 1-2-3-4-5. And in time, no amount of searching will find tutors able to challenge and stretch them.

What behaviour do they display when they're bored? Because if they get bored academically, that'll increase - and any intelligent/smart/inventive child (or adult, for that matter) that is missing interesting, challenging tasks will have very strong motivation to make their own entertainment. Which might prove to be a problem.

BadNomad · 02/12/2022 22:44

Will you be disappointed if they grow up to have an average live with average job?

BadNomad · 02/12/2022 22:44

*life

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 02/12/2022 22:58

How do you home school? I’ve got a gifted autistic DS and his maths skills were better than mine in Year 1. He’s far far better than me in every academic subject except English.

I’m not a stupid person but he’d have been teaching me even in primary school.