I have quite a different gifted child

[PennyRa]

Reading through the ama yesterday I realised I have quite a different gifted child on the severe end of the gifted spectrum. If you'd like, I can answer questions from a different perspective.

FAQs:

Are they Autistic?
Yes, on the far end of that spectrum too.

When did you know?
When they were 2 and went from nonverbal to reading out loud everything around them, followed by them demonstrating they could do arithmetics, and so on.

So they have hyperlexia and hypernumeracy?
No, upon testing we discovered they had full understanding. They just figured it out.

How's their emotional intelligence?
Very high too. As a 6 year old they were able to identify and discuss complex emotions characters might be feeling and potential motivations behind their actions in a way not even expected of GCSE students.

What areas are they gifted in?
They are globally gifted. It's not about subject areas, their brain just functions differently.

Are they in school?
There are no appropriate provisions available for children in this position. They would be in year 6 if they were.

Are they good at sports?
No, sports are physical so being gifted does not affect it. They are pretty average. Same for art.

Will they take their GCSES and A Levels early?
No, they could easily but there is no point. They may not take them at all, only if they become necessary for something they want.

Do they like the things other children their age typically do?
Some, they've never been interested in children's TV but some games, books, things like Lego.

What is the hardest part of having a gifted child?
It's a lot and very full on all the time.

What is the best thing about having a gifted child?
Seeing the amazing things they do with utter joy in their heart.

WTF - no it doesn’t 🙄

My DS didn't say a word until he was 3 and was speaking and reading by 4. He's a pretty bright kid and in a "gifted" class" but I don't think that is that unusual.
I also don't get the point of this thread but all good.

I think it's so strange that you are sure there is no school provision at all. I'm sure your DC is gifted, but I think focusing on this is a mistake. Everyone can learn & develop & some kind of opportunity to socially interact is important.

There are loads of gifted and autistic kids in schools like Westminster or Winchester College (although the boarding element is a bit weird). If anything, the teachers there really know how to extend such a child.
As an adult to fulfil their intellectual potential they will need to develop social confidence or likely they will just get used. So personally, for secondary especially Year 9 onwards I would be looking into suitable schools. And keeping them with kids the same age.

I notice you are using the pronoun "they" - do they have gender dysphoria? I only ask because I have a teenage GC with ASD who has. Apparently the two often go together. They are not G&T academically, but they are in art.

I stongly advise you to let them take GCSEs and A levels with their peers. If you are seeking to help them be happy long term, into adulthood, allowing them to fit in as much as they are able with their peers is a massive help. And forcus as much on their social skills and physical abilities as on their intellect. Or more. These things matter in life far more than brilliance. You need to get along with others.

I speak as the wife of an utterly brilliant (and lovely) man who did all his exams early, went to uni early but has struggled with employment and hasn't a friend in the world. He doesn't know how to do chitchat. He comes over as supercilious. His social age is still quite immature, even in his sixties!

I dont think Ive seen an AMA where you ask and answer your own questions in your Op. Weird.

This.

I doubt he'd be the most gifted at Winchester either.

It's not easy being G&T. It attracts unwanted attention at school from other kids in the form of bullying. I went through that because my parents were not wealthy and academic enough to give me home schooling.

Sorry I am still not quite getting it OP.

You use “gifted” seemingly in the context of ASD, and you say he was “diagnosed” as gifted, and is “on the other end of that spectrum”.

Are you able to give any further explanation, or link to any reading that could help me understand that context?

I get the feeling that you are using gifted in a different way to my understanding of it, or what comes up in a search, although it seems to resonate with some other posters. I am keen to understand further.

Do you mean gifted in a savant syndrome way?

www.ssmhealth.com/treffert-center/conditions-treatments/savant-syndrome

Hmmm... my DS is probably 'gifted' unfortunately his ASD causes him so many barriers to unlocking it that it just causes him immense frustration... SALT aged 8 showed use and understanding of language on an 'academic' level at 18-21 years... functional language skills - ie how he can communicate - below 1st centile ... I'd give anything for him to be less gifted and less conflicted. I just want him to be happy and feel less need to fight the world 😢

@Didiplanthis - in my profession we have quite a few gifted autistic colleagues who are amazing with detail and incredible workers. They add so much. HR are much more tuned into their needs these days, just to reassure you a bit - we even have a sensory quiet room. It will only benefit society if we work with these exceptional minds to make them flourish. Autistic fatigue due to being overwhelmed with the every day demands which us neurotypicals take for granted is such a real thing.However, just to reassure you that things are hopefully getting better. We really need more specialist schools though or at least safe places in mainstream settings. School can be such an overwhelming environment for some of these kids.

Yeah, most children who are gifted are on the milder end so they are far closer to their average peers than those on the other end of the gifted spectrum

I understand how it must be difficult for someone who hasn't experienced it to understand. Before I had my special child I just assumed everyone was offered a place in school and that every school could adapt to each child and if their needs were too great there would obviously be a special school waiting with open arms.

The reality is that is only true for most of the population.

When you have a child who is a severe outlier in two very different ways the reality is you end up with folders full of official letters that summise to we don't want you

Giftedness and Autism are two different separate diagnoses.

I feel people are getting a little confused because you have focused your post on the positives of your child ( this is a good thing !) But perhaps they don't see the struggles you have and have had, and if they don't live it they can't see that side of it, so perhaps don't understand how you have arrived at the position you are in eg re schooling... I'm guessing this is a position you have arrived in by default rather than choice and you are now making the very best you can of it, and finding and celebrating the positives as the alternative is drowning..

@PennyRa

But it sounded like it was you that didn't want the school!

I can't understand (still) that even a gifted child can't be accommodated in school, I appreciate the ASD is another complexity.

You said in your posts that school wasn't suitable for him.

I'd be a bit concerned you are overly focused on the 'gifted' aspect.

I am confused because I don’t understand a “diagnosis” of gifted, nor can I find any information on it online. Who diagnoses it and how, and what does it mean? I am, however, genuinely interested.

Yeah, kind of. However with savant you are expected to be exceptional in just one area

It can be so hard when the world it built to exclude you

Yeah, we are forced into this situation. I've had to work really hard to become a better special needs teacher and a better school than exist, with no support. My child needs a lot of academic input, vastly more than a school child is given. I spend my evenings finding resources and researching everything, and we have to do school 7 days a week, every single week, because they need it. They learn 10 times faster than the average child and do twice as much school as the average child and I am expected to keep up with that or it's academic neglect.

They have a lot of struggle because of their autism too but my main mission in life is to make everyday a happy and safe day for them

An educational psychologist most of the time

Give over man, are you really saying you are teaching your child better than any school in the country can? Ive read some bollocks on MN in my time but this is brilliant