I'm an alcoholic - AMA

[RedRedWhiney]

Thought this might be a good thread for anyone questioning their drinking or has loved ones with alcohol problems.
I'm in the care of the drug and alcohol support services, I'm also a professional woman holding down a good job.

So ask away...

There are other ways than AA. I wouldn’t have given up if that was the only way. It’s great for those it helps though but I don’t buy into their view of alcohol never mind the higher power stuff. I find the concept of people still describing themselves as being “in recovery” decades later weird as well.

What have you tried so far?

have a look at the alcohol support board and threads on here.

I didn’t know I could do 2 days without alcohol. I was in despair and thought it was hopeless. I’m now over 14 months sober. I had to do it before it was no longer my choice. Being “functioning” is a red herring. That won’t last forever and doesn’t mean you don’t have a problem.

Apologies if the questions have already been asked and answered, but at what age did you start drinking, and was there a trigger to the excessive drinking? Also, what is the longest time you have gone without a drink?

@XenoBitch have you read Holly Glen Whitaker's book 'Quit Like a Woman'? I found it utterly brilliant. It also provides a really good insight as to why AA does not appeal and does not work for many women- including me. It is a pretty thoughtful take on the culture of AA.

AA is not the only game in town. It's the most widely known but it is not the cure all for everyone. For those for whom AA meets their needs that is fine. But it's not one size fits all.

Personally I like a number of the online sober support groups like Soberistas, the FB group The Sober Cafe, Club Soda etc.

op- hows it going-what stage you at now-are you managing?

@MichaelFabricantWig What you said is incorrect. People aren't 'in recovery ' decades later. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a program. If you read the book, do the programme as outlined in the book, you recover. The meetings I attended, people who had been through the 12 step program of recovery, identify as a recovered alcoholic.
I attended meetings for about 5 years, I'm 16 years sober, probably recovered from 'the seemingly hopeless state of body and mind' about 18 months in. I moved towns a few years ago and attended a few meetings. This was to meet like minded individuals. The 12th step of the program is to work with others. This is why people go to meetings years later, to share their experience with the newcomer.
I am not religious. I designed my own higher power. I prayed to a god of my own understanding, God being good order and direction in the beginning or Group of Drunks, the people in the meetings who shared their experiences and made me feel like I belonged and gave me hope that I too could recover.

AA was not for me either, I tried and tried but couldn't. I found the endless talking about drink, about lows and about feeling helpless encouraged the addict in me to seek alcohol. I managed with a medical home detox, a support group that became friends so we don't talk about alcohol unless someone is struggling and just accepting that I cannot drink and realising that I do not need to drink. Once you start seeing it from another perspective it becomes easy. I don't drink alcohol. Why? Because it just does me harm. Alcohol takes me to a low place, it's disguised as a high but it always leads to sadness, disappointment and just an ugly place. If I don't drink it doesn't affect me, so I don't drink.

And for anyone worried about health, the liver is amazing and very forgiving once you have STOPPED. Mine was fatty and enlarged, it is now sparkling and perfect. ⭐

Thank you to the people who offered helpful advice. I lack the concentration/executive function to read a book, but the recommendations are appreciated.

Despite my sky high weekly unit consumption, I have managed 6 days now with nothing. I know many will say that is dangerous, but I can not reduce. I am an all or nothing person. I am feeling ok right now.

What I really struggle with is the whole 'your head drinks before you do' thing.

How come people 20, 30 years sober in AA, or the ones I have encountered anyway, still describe themselves as “recovering alcoholics” in that case?

fair play to AA and those it helps, it has saved millions of lives, but I’m glad a found a way that suits me better.

@MichaelFabricantWig I don't know. They've not been taken through the program as outlined in the big book with a sponsor maybe. I went to into the CA meetings after rehab. I found it to be a much more positive fellowship. I'm glad you've found a way that suits you too. There seems to be a lot of services available but it looks a bit of a minefield to navigate. I'm lucky DM threw me into a treatment centre when she did. My old schoolfriend got clean and sober a few years back and is now working for our local drug and alcohol team but the clients there are referred by probation. My friend set up an NA meeting, their program is hardcore. I've not worked it but at least there is a choice of services out there.

I am an Alcoholic,sober for almost 20years in AA.I tried everything to stop drinking rather than go to AA,I managed 3years sober once.

I am not religious,only attend weddings and funerals in church.

The reason I continue to go to AA now is mostly to help newcomers,it’s what we do.

I am a recovered Alcoholic,some of the posters on here have no idea about AA,yes talking about you @MichaelFabricantWig .

Few people who have been in rehab stay sober long term.I think they are a complete waste of time and money.Anyone who is serious about staying sober should try AA,for a minimum of 6months and go to different meetings.

There are also thousands of Zoom AA meetings now,all around the World.

The whole recovered/ recovering alcoholic is a personal choice, like a previous poster said its detailed in the big book.
I describe myself as recovering because I'm not naive enough to think 2.5 years sober has fixed me, my sponsor has less sobriety but describes herself as recovered, its a personal choice.
I will be in AA for the rest of my life it has got to the bottom of my alcoholism, identifying behaviours in me that have been there since childhood.

If you have relied on any substance or behaviour to change the way you feel or deal with the world just stopping will never be enough. The reason behind it needs working on just like counselling or CBT doesn't just fix a problem, you get tools to help you manage that underlying problem that you have to use to keep it under control.

Alcohol services provided by the NHS are poor, how does keeping a drink diary which an alcoholic will just lie about and having a weekly phonecall really help?
Addiction is very complex and misunderstood.
And ill say it again, I am not religious, not once in the big book does it mention Jesus, it mentions a higher power or a god of your understanding it could be the radiatior in the meeting room you go to or your cat that sits next to you when you log on to an online meeting in your living room.
My higher power was Group Of Drunks
I handed my will over to these people who helped me, I couldn't do it myself.

Helping newcomers I suppose is my higher power, I volunteer on the phoneline a few shifts a week and that keeps me sober, listening to people who are in the depths of alcoholism and denial, this is my insurance policy of ever going down that road again.

@Notwashingup I really like CA meetings too, totally different feel to AA meetings isn't it but we're all in the same boat. I am an addict not just alcohol, it was anything to change how I felt, shopping, food, crap relationships I just couldn't cope with life without using/ doing something to change how I felt.

You're the second person I've come across who seems to think if you don't use AA you won't stay sober.

AA isn't for everyone.

I did a whole load of counselling in the run up to my at home detox, i cannot imagine myself ever choosing to drink again. 3+ years sober.

The choice isn’t AA or rehab though, @Ladywiddio48 there are other community programmes.

But you still call yourself an alcoholic. 20 years and you still identify yourself as being that way despite not having touched a drop in all that time.

it’s an incredible achievement on your part and AA has clearly worked for you but you are wrong to suggest it’s the only way to successfully get and stay sober.

I don’t agree with AAs fundamentals ie that I am “powerless” over alcohol, nor that “alcoholism” is a disease discrete from any other type of drug addiction. You do agree with their ways and that’s fine. I’m not telling anyone not to go or dissing it when it has saved so many lives, but merely pointing out that there are other ways.

Hi OP. How are you doing?

Yes, would love to know how you are getting on ..bless you

Hi, back until my sainsbury delivery turns up!!!

Massive question that I'm still working through.

I had quite a traumatic childhood (CSA), but so did my siblings and they don't drink.

I do think there's a physical aspect to it. The first time I had a drink it was like a switch flipping, and I still feel like that now. I was a high achieving but shy child. I remember going to a nightclub age 16 and being bored silly. Then the next time I drank and it was the best time ever. All my shyness and insecurities were drowned away.

Also there is definitely a social aspect. British culture is immersed in alcohol. Sad? Have a drink. Celebrating? Have a drink. I'd always been a Binge drinker, but didn't start drinking at home until a relationship breakup in my late 20s. Then it seemed to be what you did. Have a bottle of wine.... very sophisticated

There's a lot more to it that I'm still figuring out but I think trauma, a genetic (?) leaning and society.

Afraid I'm not much help here although I massively sympathise.
I was referred to the MH team after a suicide attempt. The MH team won't engage if you're not engaging with substance addiction support, so it's a massive catch 22. My GP luckily is bloody fantastic so sorted it all out, but I'm very aware it's because she has gone well above and beyond.

My MH nurse (too late for me) said not to tell them you have an addiction because it hinders getting MH support.

I'm currently only prescribed thiamine. I need to detox before I can be prescribed anything stronger, but as I live alone can't do a community detox. I'm getting a bit 'fuck it' with it all to he honest. It's such a long process (Although I understand the safe guarding)

Symptoms:
A constantly upset tummy. I have diarrhoea every morning (sorry if that's TMI)
Random bouts of nausea. No idea when they come on. Will be fine then suddenly retching in the street
Constantly exhausted. If I'm not drinking or Woking then I'm sleeping. It's no way to live.

Finally, not getting into the AA debate.
But my keyworker suggested joining a zoom meeting and disabling video and mic. I think that's a really good suggestion for those on here who aren't sure :) x

@RedRedWhiney Just to say, it’s so brave to seek help and I hope you are successful in quitting 💐.

@XenoBitch You are drinking a lot, I imagine you likely feel and function fine on the amount you are consuming, aside from feeling fuzzy/lethargic etc in the mornings. I hope you manage to cut back or at least not increase and I wish you well. I love a nightly glass of red, cutting back with cleaning and tidying instead of relaxing with a drink.

@BlackBarbie not helpful comments and not accurate to say someone will swell up etc that’s very unlikely on a bottle a night. You build a tolerance. But it’s unhealthy and will have long term affects and take a massive toll on your body and mental health. Haven’t read the whole thread, so not sure what “higher power” you are referring to. Won’t be back to the thread, not interested in hijacking/arguing.