I’m an escort, AMA.

[Tweetrepeat]

hi,

been an escort since February now and doing rather well. I have lots of strange stories and experiences so think I’m able to answer some questions lol!

x

I think these are the issues that need addressing. The push factors. Whilst people moralise, scandalise, and prevaricate though - this will get ignored.

I completely agree.

As I've got older, I've realised that 'consent' is a far more complex issue than it first seems. There are many factors that may lead a woman into making riskier lifestyle choices.

Most of them are not positive - sometimes the so-called benefits are in fact maladaptive coping strategies, or compensatory ways to avoid other issues. Various pressures and narratives can be involved, some of which we may not even be aware of.

Many women choose to be sex workers, some out of choice, others out of survival and/or coercion/force.

The latter part of this sentence undercuts the first - if you're doing it for survival or coercion, it's not a choice at all.

I don't see for example peasalad's decision (with apologies) as one of choice - when it's choosing from 2 equally shitty options, it's scarcely choice at all.

@category12 Actually, I am quite offended by your comment, though I don't think you mean it maliciously.

The benefits system is not fit for purpose and often people fall through it's (designed) cracks.

I could've chosen to keep eating tinned food from foodbanks, could've chosen to get further into debt just to pay essential bills, could've chosen never to have enough money for even a tiny treat, could've chosen to keep wearing old shabby faded clothes and feel embarrassed, could've chosen to never see my family because I couldn't afford bus fare..

I did choose sex work over that yes. I continued in it for nearly a decade and it served a purpose for me.

People on the lower end of society already have little agency in their lives, and little choice in what they want to do. We don't need people telling us about our own lives and what is best for us. I can't think of any other group where people are told that their opinions, feelings, views, on their own lives are invalid, as much as women in sex work!!

I posted too soon, the paragraph was incomplete and should have continued -

Many women choose to be sex workers, some out of choice, others out of survival and/or coercion/force. If a man chooses to see a sex worker, surely it’s better he opts to see one who wants to do it and is independent than one who is not. Seeking to criminalise sex work, both those whom offer services and those whom pay merely drives the whole thing underground and causes more misery for those who are trapped/forced.

I do see peasalad’s decision as being a considered choice, but not everyone will agree or see it that way.

Apologies, but I don't think the choice between grinding poverty and sex-work is much of a choice.

I'm not trying to say what is best for you. It shouldn't have been that those were your options, tho.

If a man is married, do you feel any guilt?

Yes. It has made me not trust men. IF me and my husband broke up I don’t think I’d date again.

People on the lower end of society already have little agency in their lives, and little choice in what they want to do. We don't need people telling us about our own lives and what is best for us. I can't think of any other group where people are told that their opinions, feelings, views, on their own lives are invalid, as much as women in sex work!!

Sure.

Sex work is a high risk occupation, and many women working in that area are vulnerable and/or being exploited. How do we know that a woman is in sex work from her own freely made choice? Rather than as a result of coercion, mental health issues, financial pressures? Is it better that we just don't ask or say anything, or do you think it's worth putting out a hand to see if they need help?

If I'm correct the legalising of superbrothels in Germany only served to increase sex trafficking, as opposed to making sex work less risky.

I could be wrong but followed several discussions about it here.

Frankly my view is that women who choose sex work throw other women under the bus, and you can try and justify it every way past Sunday and it doesn't change that fact

And something being as 'old as time' doesn't give it any moral standing. Many things have 'always been done', slavery for one, but I don't see anyone advocating that that makes it something we all ought to be happy to put up with in society.

@Corsette Yeah right.

Frankly my view is that women who choose sex work throw other women under the bus, and you can try and justify it every way past Sunday and it doesn't change that fact

It's your view though - not a fact.

Frankly my view is that women who chose to vote for a party or parties who implemented austerity (only for the poor of course), the 5 week wait for benefits, the two child policy (which adversely effects mostly women and children), benefit cuts and freezes, cuts to disability benefits etc etc - throw other women under a bus.

I'm not saying you do vote that way, just my own view on what throwing women under a bus is.

Austerity being shite(I know just how shite it is being a true victim of falling through its cracks several times before, being actually physically sick before job centre appointments in the past etc etc ad finitum ) doesn't make something equally crap (some would say worse) 'good' or 'better' by comparison.

Tell me how women renting their bodies and vaginas for sex isn't throwing other women under the bus??

Can I ask you, if a woman decides to exchange sex for a work promotion, does she make it easier or harder for the women beneath her trying to get a break?

Who mentioned German FFKs? I know I did not, nor do I want them in the UK or ever choose to work in one. And besides, brothels are only one facet of sex work and not legal in the UK anyway (although many operate under the blind eye of the law).

You are entitled to your view but, it is flawed at best particularly in terms of women who choose sex work throwing other women under the bus. And fyi, your view is your view but it does not make it a fact. Maybe try and listen to what actual sex workers are telling you - those who entered into sex work of their own free will and their reasons for doing so.

I never said it was good or better. I said it was a choice I made. I felt the alternative grinding poverty and as you describe, the fear and awfulness of dealing with the job centre, was worse than sex work.

For me.

Women blaming women will not help the factors which land women in poverty.

No one seems to get all fired up about the effects of austerity and poverty though. Probably because it isn't 'sensational' or about sex or a way in to moralise.

Curious to know were you’ve advertised as it takes several days on most sites to be verified…

To extend a bit on a previous question, does the OP feel any guilt with regard to the potentially damaging and lifelong effect upon the children of married men who visit her?
You know the sort of thing. Finding out your cherished dad is actually sleeping with prostitutes because they are so freely available on a website; having your whole world turned upside down; the revisioning in their heads of society and marriage; the anguish at having to parent your own mother; the lifelong hatred of what their father did to their mother and to their relationship with him; lifelong mistrust of their own father; lifelong hatred of prostitutes, etc.

Aaach, come on - I think this whole thread is grim, but the damage done to those children is done by their father.

@Corsette your mother must be so proud !!

Yes, women are being blamed here, when it's the social malaises caused by austerity, poverty, lack of opportunity and patriarchy etc driving it.

And the guilt for having sex outside his marriage lies entirely with the man.

I am well aware of the effect the patriarchy has on how situations like these are viewed. Viewed through the normalised lens, most children would hate their father but would hate the prostitute even more. Whether that's right or wrong is not under discussion. I would ask how the OP deals with this, though? Does it make her feel wretched (and if so, how does she deal with that) or does she think that the guilt should rest entirely with the man (in which case, she has bucked the normalised trend to blame the woman).

It is done by social media.

Sorry Whitney, their father too of course!

It's done by several factors. FOMO, unrealistic expectations of women, the concept of 'deserving' more. It IS ultimately the man's fault, of course. But there's a bit more to it than if you didn't want it, you wouldn't do it. We live in a world where sex, is literally pushed in our faces at every opportunity. Even food adverts have overt sexual undertones!

There can be any number of prostitutes (male or female, I am not woman-blaming before someone calls it that!) walking this earth, and decent men can still make the decision not to use their services when they are in other relationships.