I’m an escort, AMA.

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hi,

been an escort since February now and doing rather well. I have lots of strange stories and experiences so think I’m able to answer some questions lol!

x

I worked as an escort in my 20s, via an agency.

Escorts had to be attractive, intelligent, & have their own suitable clothes for various functions.
The work was to accompany someone who needed a partner for appearance's sake.
There was absolutely no sex involved.

I think OP performs a valuable service, but to call herself an escort is wrong.

I imagine after sex with all those men (sweating) in one evening that room is gonna smell rank 🤢

That's what I always thought an escort was too.. to "escort" someone for the evening, not for sex (although I expect some did.) Such as a work function etc.

any woman could do it so there’s nothing special there.

No, that's not true really. Well to clarify: not every woman could do it voluntarily. You have to have the personality for it. Usually a personality that has been modified through previous abuse or extreme stress.

And some women pushed into it under duress would find a way to kill themselves as a way out.

I think a lot of women (myself included) find it difficult to imagine how just enjoying sex (as many of us do) translates into letting 10-15 strangers a weekend have sex with you for money. There’s a difference between having sex with someone of your choice for fun and having sex with someone who you didn’t choose and are only having sex with because they’re paying you.

How do you get feedback before you see a new client?

Yes, I agree. I have no evidence, of course, but I would guesstimate that around a third of men have paid for sex at some point in their life, even if only once. It's just so easy. Thanks to the internet, it's no longer a seedy, hidden, backstreet kind of thing.

I also suspect that the vast majority are not weird or creepy. Nor do they hate women, or have no respect for them, etc. They just don't want the hassle and turmoil of a real, committed relationship. That may be for all sorts of reasons. They could be embroiled in a hellish custody battle, for example, or caring for a sick/disabled wife who can no longer have sex, etc. Others are trapped in awful, loveless marriages but can't leave because they don't want to hurt their children. I'm not saying I approve. But if life has taught me anything it's that you have to judge individuals as individuals. You have to understand the context as well.

I also agree. My eyes have been opened recently, by two very long standing, very intelligent and wealthy men, married with grown up DCs, who use sex workers now and again. It causes the least hurt and neither of them would anyone be remotely put off having sex with.

They are nice men, they have their reasons.

You find it all very funny OP, lots of replies with hahahahas and Lol and 😂 - do you really find it all that funny?

That is a writing style.

erm, it causes the least hurt to who? Their wives maybe (presumably dead bedroom and they turn a blind eye but would be upset by real intimacy) but what about the sex workers? It's very hard to find someone truly not hurt by doing this. I guess they don't count as real people.
It's like doing cocaine and overlooking the deaths behind it. Selfish nasty and exploitative but fun, hey

The same would apply to women, but why don't women pay for sex?

A lot of women in loveless marriages also have children so it would be difficult to find time for a little affair. And Women have needs too. Women do tend to be more social than me so more likely to be involved in the village fete, the PTA etc where you can meet men in a non work setting. Compared to many men who basically just go to work and go home and maybe go to the gym/ sit in the pub to watch some sports and thats the full extent of their activity.

You mean some men are too lazy to put minimal effort into trying to make someone fancy them? Yes, probably.

Yes, to indicate you think something is funny.

I used to work as a sex worker too, for nearly a decade.

I think people want to polarise sex work based on their own views (especially those who've never done it), when it's nuanced like everything else.

I don't miss the stigma and worrying people will find out, and my earning power being reliant on whether men want me was not good for my mental health, but neither was poverty.

I do really miss the money, and the camraderie with other women, also I genuinely liked meeting people from all walks of life. Most of all though, I miss the freedom to work whatever hours I liked and the ability to work around health problems which in a 'normal' job would have me let go.

A lot of women in sex work have health issues or caring responsibilities which aren't compatible with the 'normal' workforce, so what can we do??.

Most of us have been turned down for the disability benefits we need because of the punishing way the system is set up. Some are actually more traumatised by this 'system' than sex work, where at least we can find some agency.

I got into it because the amount the government deem suitable for a human being to 'live' on is nothing short of criminal, and I was sick of eating from the foodbank and struggling. Sex work - for me - was an infinitely better option than the grinding poverty. And no, I didn't 'just not know how to budget' ffs!!

I think these are the issues that need addressing. The push factors. Whilst people moralise, scandalise, and prevaricate though - this will get ignored.

Yes, you do need to be able to have sex with men you find unattractive or even gross (not hygiene wise, I mean old or icky). For me, that genuinely doesn't bother me, as long as they were clean, polite, and respected my dos and don'ts.

Sorry to jump on your thread OP. If anyone has any questions for me, I'm happy to answer too.

Can you tell us about your experiences with your worst and best client?

Is it something that you envisage doing long term, or are you preparing for the future?

@peasalad Great post

If your husband is a high earner why do you need to have sex with other men for money?

If you don't have sex together then I can sort of see why he doesn't mind you having sex with other men, but isn't he worried about your safety? You are putting yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position.

Not per se, they’re not buying a woman, they’re buying sexual services and in the case of independent sex workers (like OP), she has the power to grant the transaction (or not). Just because a man contacts a sex worker seeking an appointment, it does not mean she will agree to see him.

Because I like to have my “own” money. I like being able to buy my children things, to pay for household bills and do things off my own back. Iv managed to buy myself a car which Iv never been able to do.

my husband wants £60k, but we had high bills like credit card debt/the mortgage. And being able to help pay for those things make me feel like a normal human being. I worked my ass off in my old job for barely any money and I would be away from my children alot.

i genuinely think my husband doesn’t think about the work, we don’t have sex. I think he would prefer this to having an affair and getting feelings for someone.

I do understand there is a huge stigma around sex work, I get it.

but I do really enjoy what I do. I enjoy meeting new people, even the icky ones. Iv not met anyone that’s disrespectful to me luckily. Yet.

This!! I turn down a hell of a lot of people. I can get the jist of a man if he’s respectful etc through his messages. I won’t see someone who just says “how much” or someone who puts a booking request in before they contact me.

i have genuinely seen some amazing men.

i have noticed a lot of younger men doing it as well! It’s crazy. Iv barely had anyone over the age of 45 and alot of men in their 20s!

i had a man who was 24, he mentioned that he was going to go on a tinder date but didn’t want to do the whole talking to someone who may not “put out”. So came to see me because he knew exactly what he was getting and wanted.

my best client was one who took me London, because he worked there but lived in my town. He paid £900 and booked a hotel room just for myself. We spent 5 hours together and went for dinner, he also took me to a sex shop on Oxford street and treated me.

my worst- a guy I had seen in my 20s who came back. He looked nothing like I remembered and was really gross. I didn’t do much, he seemed to like me just grinding on him/teasing luckily. He was respectful but I found him repulsive. He keeps asking for another booking but I won’t tKe it.

Concur with much of what you have written - I have experience of sex work too, albeit differently to most as I did not work for an agency or use Adultwork to advertise or attract clients.

There is much grey when it comes to sex work, so many nuances too. Far too often, many look on the truly repugnant review boards and think that’s representative, particularly in terms of attitudes and what happens during a booking. It really is not. Many reviews are written for other men, and are often fiction in part. It is estimated that those who review only account for a mere five percent of men who visit sex workers, yet many think they are representational of the norm. They’re not. It’s like how the media only portrays sex workers as addicted street walkers or high class escorts when in reality, there are all sorts doing it. One doesn’t need model looks either.

Many women choose to be sex workers, some out of choice, others out of survival and/or coercion/force.

Posted too soon.

If a man chooses to see a sex worker, surely it’s better he opts to see one who wants to do it and is independent than one who is not. Seeking to criminalise sex work, both those whom offer services and those whom pay merely drives the whole thing underground and causes more misery for those who are trapped/forced.

alot of my clients have mentioned they won’t see Romanian etc because of the risk of them being forced to do it. The few that have seen them have said they walked out because the woman was uninterested/on their phone.