I was in a relationship with a drug dealer

[roseblushes]

And spent a lot of time in that world around other dealers, seeing what it was like.

Stuck in isolating and my friend suggested this would be a good AMA to do. Not sure if anyone would be interested but happy to answer any questions!

@2irishmums2be

Did you take drugs when with him? Did other people take drugs in his house ?

No I didn't, I am an ex drug user but this was mostly before I was with him. We took diazepam together maybe twice. He only smokes weed, none of his family members are drug users.

Did he do anything else such as people trafficking or prostitution?
Does he have children?

@chinabumps85

I don't know why I find this thread so funny😂 maybe because I'm in South London and it's really not unusual to be in relationships with drug dealers. It's more or less the norm

Is is super common! I've found met way less women who are in relationships with those much higher up the chain though, as opposed to being with "runners".

With regards to how many levels there were....was it similar to an mlm/pyramid structure? more people they recruit the more money?

Not really, recruiting people wasn't really a big thing and he had to be selective about who he chose.

Also what demographic (and/or social class) would you say customers were?

All classes! But mainly working/middle class customers. Predominately working class.

@Gardeningcreature

Did he do anything else such as people trafficking or prostitution? Does he have children?

No nothing like that, and he doesn't have children.

Yeah I hear you! It's one thing being with a petty runner but very very different to associating with the women who are with men higher up. It really is a business😂

@chinabumps85

I don't know why I find this thread so funny😂 maybe because I'm in South London and it's really not unusual to be in relationships with drug dealers. It's more or less the norm

😂I'm from South East London and agree I know loads of people that have dated drug dealers it's very common where I am!

This is very interesting thanks OP.

I am now conflicted finding myself outraged that women are discriminated against in the drug dealing workplace!

One more question - is there any television show that you think accurately reflects the lifestyle??

Fascinating thread. How long were you together, did he meet your friends / family / colleagues, and did they know what he does for a living?

Do you worry about being involved with him coming back on you in any way? For example the police gathering info and knowing you lived together (I know they need concrete evidence but still)?

@RedCandyApple honestly! I've been with two (not that it's anything to brag about).
The questions are really interesting though, some seem like the sort of people that would watch Top Boy and be surprised these things happen in real life😂

Was he involved in any county lines type stuff?

Can I ask please, where does the violence come into play, or rather, why?
Is it because of people owing money that can't or won't pay?
Other dealers, or users?
Who would carry out violence?
Are there people whose role is just to mete out beatings?

What part if the country are you from? I know you can't be too specific but England? North? South?

@FFSFFSFFS

This is very interesting thanks OP.

I am now conflicted finding myself outraged that women are discriminated against in the drug dealing workplace!

One more question - is there any television show that you think accurately reflects the lifestyle??

I've heard too boy is a pretty decent representation, but I haven't watched it myself so couldn't say. There are a lot of accuracies in the stereotypical drug/gang shows and films

@SecretKeeper1

Fascinating thread. How long were you together, did he meet your friends / family / colleagues, and did they know what he does for a living?

We were together for two years. He never met colleagues or extended family, but met my parents and friends. My friends knew what he really did.

@Floraflower3

Do you worry about being involved with him coming back on you in any way? For example the police gathering info and knowing you lived together (I know they need concrete evidence but still)?

No I don't, they don't tend to bother with people like me and I never got involved. I did gain from it, but I never directly assisted in the business side of things at all. We also never had joint accounts of anything like that

@Spudlet

Was he involved in any county lines type stuff?

Not directly, but we knew people involved in it. It's inevitable to be exposed to it when you're working higher up. He was very against involving kids and wouldn't associate himself with those who did.

Can I ask please, where does the violence come into play, or rather, why?
Is it because of people owing money that can't or won't pay?

Yes owing money was probably the biggest one. But a lot of the time it was a pride thing, if someone was talking behind someone's back then they'd often get beat up. Fighting/beating people up over women wasn't uncommon either.

I think a lot of the violence is to make a statement that you're not to be messed with.

Other dealers, or users?

Mainly dealers, but users too that owed money.

Who would carry out violence?

Dealers. People would usually do it themselves as opposed to sending people to do it, although this does happen but I didn't see it much.

@Flaxmeadow

What part if the country are you from? I know you can't be too specific but England? North? South?

The midlands.

Really interesting thread, thank you for sharing OP

My question is, if he wanted to give it all up tomorrow, could he? Would there be repurcussions from his bosses or would they let him go and just replace him? Assuming they didnt fear he might grass them up?

Was he a good boyfriend? Was he open about it with you at first or only when he realised he could trust you?

What drugs did you take?

Do you ever think he will try and get back with you?

@cluecu

Really interesting thread, thank you for sharing OP

My question is, if he wanted to give it all up tomorrow, could he? Would there be repurcussions from his bosses or would they let him go and just replace him? Assuming they didnt fear he might grass them up?

A lot of people wouldn't be happy if he stopped but I don't think it would result in violence. He's well liked and respected, I imagine there would be harsh words/arguments but nothing more.

He never felt trapped and it never seemed to me like he was either. Well, only trapped by himself.

Do you think there is a way you can tell that someone does it?

My question is about the practicalities. How did he keep track of his product and income if it all had to be washed? Did he have "an accountant"?

Thanks for your openness.