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AMA
Original poster

I was in a relationship with a drug dealer

129 replies

roseblushes · 21/12/2021 14:49

And spent a lot of time in that world around other dealers, seeing what it was like.

Stuck in isolating and my friend suggested this would be a good AMA to do. Not sure if anyone would be interested but happy to answer any questions!

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SouthOfFrance · 21/12/2021 15:07

Do you think he will go to jail or get killed at some point?

Would you have had children with him?

madisonbridges · 21/12/2021 15:09

That was definitely a part of what drew me to him at first.

I admire the honesty of that answer. I think a lot of women feel the same, although with professional men rather than drug dealers!

Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 15:09

@SouthOfFrance

Do you think he will go to jail or get killed at some point?

Would you have had children with him?

He will almost definitely go to jail. It's hard for me to see him getting killed, I don't think that would happen but it's entirely possible. Jail is the most likely, he won't stop dealing until he does.

I wouldn't have had children with him whilst he was still living that lifestyle. If I'd have accidentally got pregnant it would have been awful.

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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 15:10

@madisonbridges

That was definitely a part of what drew me to him at first.

I admire the honesty of that answer. I think a lot of women feel the same, although with professional men rather than drug dealers!

I felt like this with all kinds of men in positions of power. It's something I have pretty much squashed now, but it does creep in sometimes.
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SouthOfFrance · 21/12/2021 15:54

Really interesting thread. Thanks for your honest answers, it's definitely an area of life I know little about

OK here's some more questions.

If you could 'shop' him to police with no come back on you or your friends/family & he'd never know you were the source, would you?

Did anything surprise you about drug dealing, that you hadn't realised before?

If people met him would they guess what he did? Did he have a cover story about what work he did?

St0rmTr00per · 21/12/2021 15:57

Did he ever feel bad for playing a part in destroying lives? Obviously people have free will but he was helping destroying families with lies/addiction and worse

Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:21

If you could 'shop' him to police with no come back on you or your friends/family & he'd never know you were the source, would you?

This is such a good/hard question. Yes I think I would, but I don't know. I still have love for him and I know it would not only ruin his life, but the life of his family etc. and I know it would be the right thing to do and he would deserve it, but bringing myself to would be hard.

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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:23

Did anything surprise you about drug dealing, that you hadn't realised before?

How normal and seemingly nice so many of them were. Really generous, thoughtful, kind in a friendship context. But on the flip side, the seriousness of some of it and the extreme people took things to shocked me as well. The violence, and how emotional people were getting over something so stupid.

I also hadn't realised how dangerous it was to sell drugs on any level. I knew there were risks, but not as high as they actually are.

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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:25

If people met him would they guess what he did? Did he have a cover story about what work he did?

Yes, probably. He did have a cover story but to say it would potentially be outing, there's a specific trade he tells people he does (that he did for about two weeks years ago).

But you wouldn't be surprised to find out what he did. Everyone knows. The police know, the town knows, everyone.

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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:26

Did he ever feel bad for playing a part in destroying lives? Obviously people have free will but he was helping destroying families with lies/addiction and worse

No, he didn't feel bad and I doubt he ever will. I really don't think it ever crossed his mind unless brought up to him. His attitude is that, as you said, people have free will and if he wasn't doing it, someone would be.

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TheRigatonini · 21/12/2021 18:31

What is his relationship with the police like?

TheRedTowel · 21/12/2021 18:32

It's interesting when you sat how nice people were. My former neighbours were drug dealers, we had absolutely no idea. They were the nicest neighbours we ever had, very courteous, never had to worry about loud music or arsehole behaviour. It wasn't until he had to "work away" and she then got evicted that we discovered the truth. Our new "respectable" neighbours are the biggest bunch of wankers I've had the misfortune of knowing.

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/12/2021 18:40

How did he get into it?

Have you got any stories for us?

BiscuitLover3678 · 21/12/2021 18:40

If the police know why isn't he in jail?

SouthOfFrance · 21/12/2021 18:43

When you say I also hadn't realised how dangerous it was to sell drugs on any level. I knew there were risks, but not as high as they actually are could you elaborate? Guessing you mean violence/death?

SouthOfFrance · 21/12/2021 18:44

Everyone knows. The police know, the town knows, everyone If the police know, how come he's not in jail? Do they not have the evidence or you mean police corruption?

Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:59

@TheRigatonini

What is his relationship with the police like?
When I was with him, he was known to police. He had been raided twice but with nothing found and was never charged with anything. They would literally say to him they know what he's doing and that they will catch him. It's just a case of striking at the right time.

It's common for police to wait until they have built up a case to get the maximum charges against someone and I'm sure that will be what happens in his case. He knows he is going to end up in prison at some point.

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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:59

@TheRedTowel

It's interesting when you sat how nice people were. My former neighbours were drug dealers, we had absolutely no idea. They were the nicest neighbours we ever had, very courteous, never had to worry about loud music or arsehole behaviour. It wasn't until he had to "work away" and she then got evicted that we discovered the truth. Our new "respectable" neighbours are the biggest bunch of wankers I've had the misfortune of knowing.
It's incredible, isn't it? How you genuinely would never now.
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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 18:59

*know

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TheRigatonini · 21/12/2021 19:00

@SouthOfFrance

Everyone knows. The police know, the town knows, everyone If the police know, how come he's not in jail? Do they not have the evidence or you mean police corruption?
Police will have loads of people on their radar who are known career criminals. They might be a small actor in a wider network or under general surveillance as part of a far wider-reaching operation. I’d imagine turning a blind eye to some stuff is useful in the wider scheme of things. They might wait till a critical mass of evidence is reached and someone is in hot enough water to consider informing on people higher up, etc. Interested to hear more about that dynamic too.
babouchette · 21/12/2021 19:04

This thread is so interesting and I admire your frankness.

Did he ever try to get you involved with any criminal activity?

How did the relationship end?

Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 19:05

@BiscuitLover3678

How did he get into it?

Have you got any stories for us?

His dad sold drugs and was in and of prison when he was growing up. His dad didn't get into it but that was probably what set the foundations.

He and his friend were weed smokers and bought an ounce of weed one day and halved it, his friend smoked it and my ex sold it. I think he was 16 or 17.

Oh god, so many stories I wouldn't even know where to begin. We were out and got a panicked call from his younger brother and sister, five masked men had jumped his fence with machetes and threatened them, made their way inside the house and ransacked it asking where ex was. His poor sister didn't realise it was a break in at first and approached them in the garden, thinking it was ex and his friends. They also stole their dogs. He loved his brother and sister out that night.

His best friend also got shot on Christmas Day that year.

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TheRigatonini · 21/12/2021 19:06

Thanks OP, just saw your update @roseblushes..! How high up in the chain was your ex?

Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 19:06

@BiscuitLover3678

If the police know why isn't he in jail?
I answered this just, but they know about SO much of the drug activity that's going on but they can't do anything until they have concrete proof that would stand up in court and/or they have built a decent case.
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Original poster
roseblushes · 21/12/2021 19:09

@SouthOfFrance

When you say I also hadn't realised how dangerous it was to sell drugs on any level. I knew there were risks, but not as high as they actually are could you elaborate? Guessing you mean violence/death?
Yes, violence. I never knew anyone personally who was killed but you hear things. What shocked me was how often even the naughty 15 year old selling weed by the park was even at risk of violence, and often much more involved than you would think.

It was surprising how from the lowest level, right up to the top, everyone was always looking over their shoulder.

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