I'm a wedding Registrar AMA

[Loveweddings]

I've been a part-time wedding Registrar for a couple of years and love my job. Happy to answer any questions.

Ah I see.

I’ve obviously led a sheltered life as I’ve not seen any of these in action. Do you think it actually enhances things or is it a bit like gilding the lily?

My registrar made a complete hash of my name. Fortunately we weren't videoing it for a perfect instagram moment. Have you ever cocked up a bride/groom's name?

@YesThisIsMe

My registrar made a complete hash of my name. Fortunately we weren't videoing it for a perfect instagram moment. Have you ever cocked up a bride/groom's name?

Sorry to hear that. We're trained to check pronunciation, so when I speak to the couple beforehand I ask them to say their full name and I'll sometimes write it phonetically on my script (which no one else sees) to make sure I get it right on the day.

@AppleKatie

Ah I see.

I’ve obviously led a sheltered life as I’ve not seen any of these in action. Do you think it actually enhances things or is it a bit like gilding the lily?

Lovely when it's meaningful and well thought through, less so when it's been done perhaps with photos in mind or because someone said they should. We don't have them very often, which means we sometimes feel a bit outside our comfort zone! Which isn't necessarily a bad thing

If a couple said their cows but didn’t sign the register are they still married? Like if one of them died (always wondered this)

Vows not cows!

How did you get the job OP, do you need specific experience in a certain field/what qualifications do you need? Also are you a registrar of births, deaths and marriages or just marriages - i.e. can you in theory opt to do all 3 if for example you want more work?

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

If a couple said their cows but didn’t sign the register are they still married? Like if one of them died (always wondered this)

Good question, which I can't answer! The couple are legally married once they've said the declaratory words to each other, as marriage is a verbal rather than written contract. But I'm not sure how they'd then prove it if they and their witnesses, and us, hadn't signed the schedule.

Has anyone picked any unusual songs at their ceremony?

@Darcy86

How did you get the job OP, do you need specific experience in a certain field/what qualifications do you need? Also are you a registrar of births, deaths and marriages or just marriages - i.e. can you in theory opt to do all 3 if for example you want more work?

No specific experience for the role I do, I came to it with relevant skills and was trained in everything I needed for the ceremonies role. If I wanted to become a Registration Officer I'd need to apply (my role is seen as a good way in to this) and then do lots of training!

Do couples actually do those awful, badly rhyming vows like in Married at First Sight?

And if so, can you keep a straight face?

@SouthOfFrance

Has anyone picked any unusual songs at their ceremony?

Yes, often! It's lovely when the music really means a lot to the couple or their loved ones. At one wedding the bride entered to a clarinet piece and her dad told me afterwards it was one she used to play when she was a child, which was lovely for him and her mum. I think the song I hear most often is probably All of Me by John Legend. Someone had my favourite song a few weeks ago, hadn't heard it at a wedding before, and I had to keep reminding myself not to sing!

@HopelessSinking

Do couples actually do those awful, badly rhyming vows like in Married at First Sight?

And if so, can you keep a straight face?

Not yet, but if they did I'd have to keep a straight face. I read everything beforehand so would be prepared and could just tune out at that point (it's not a legal bit)!

Thanks for answering. Tuning out is a great plan, do some times tables in your head or something.
Fingers crossed you never have to!

@HopelessSinking

Thanks for answering. Tuning out is a great plan, do some times tables in your head or something. Fingers crossed you never have to!

I should add though, sometimes I'll read their wording, or a reading someone's written for them, and it won't be my cup of tea at all. But on the day, standing in a room of people who love the couple and want the best for them, it can be really moving. I haven't watched MAFS but imagine the lack of genuine emotion would make it feel pretty naff / hilarious!

@Snowdropsandbluebells

What an interesting job. Do you ever suspect any fake marriages (ie. For residency or whatever) ?

Sorry, missed this one. We're trained in what to do but I haven't had any suspicions so far.

Sorry OP, so a Celebrant and a Registrar are the same role then Yes..

@QueenBee52

Sorry OP, so a Celebrant and a Registrar are the same role then Yes..

At a civil ceremony they're different roles (both need to be there) but done by the same people. There are also private celebrants who perform non statutory ceremonies.

thank you @Loveweddings

my friend is training to be a Celebrant and is having so many enquiries for when she qualifies, it's a fantastic role, best wishes to you. [flowers[

Thanks queen, I'm sure she'll love it

Are you allowed to officiate for friends? Have you ever done it?

@SpeckyWithTheGoodHair I did that for a mumsnet couple. I was really surprised that we weren't asked to provide any ID. It was for a lovely couple who were obviously genuine though.

@SouthOfFrance

Are you allowed to officiate for friends? Have you ever done it?

Yes, if they're getting married in my area. I've also had guests at weddings request me for theirs, which is lovely. One of my colleagues conducted her son's wedding!

Ah thanks lovely!

And nice for guests to ask you too - must be nice to think they've seen you do a good job!

That's not thanks!? Autocorrect fail+