I’m the aromantic asexual who’s thread was taken down and I don’t even know why AMA!

[IWillFindYou]

So I posted it, checked day later no questions, next thing it’s gone.
I have no idea what happened or was said.

So, let’s do this again.

@geeksupreme

Have you ever been particularly involved with the asexual community online?

The healthiest serious relationship I've ever been in was an aromantic/asexual quasiplatonic relationship, it's so nice to hear of others who want the same thing. While my relationship with sex and relationships has changed a lot over the years and I'd now consider myself an asexual lesbian, the acceptance and community I felt with other aroaces helped me so much in that time.

Yes, I have. They are very supportive. I just skip the posts about sex, quite a lot of those these day.

That’s amazing that you had that experience.

I’ve heard it referenced as queerplatonic relationship, but thought there were enough labels already

@beastlyslumber You don't understand asexuality.
I'll sum it up for you in basic terms, since you seem to be struggling:
Heterosexual: sexually attracted to opposite sex
Homosexual: sexually attracted to the same sex
Bisexual: sexually attracted to more than one sex
Celibate: is sexually attracted (homo/hetero/bi) but chooses not to have sex
Asexual: not sexually attracted to ANY sex.
Asexuality is NOTHING to do with whether or not the person has sex. It is about who they are sexually attracted to. OP is not sexually attracted to anyone of any sex, therefore, she is asexual. The fact you consistently refuse to understand this speaks volumes about you.
I'm an aromantic asexual myself. The difference between myself and OP is I don't have a libido. Before you ask, yes, I have had my hormone levels checked. They are fine. My only health condition is ME/CFS and that doesn't impact on sex life given what I see on many ME/CFS forums and groups. Like with homo and bi sexual people, I was born the way I am. If you honestly can't accept that, I'd kindly suggest that this thread probably isn't the right place for you.
OP, sorry for jumping on your thread.

But she is asking a valid question as many of us don’t really understand what she is on about, sorry to say, and by the way my husband doesn’t smell and he is so much more tidy than me and we both like football so I don’t get your point

Someone thinks being born asexual is a choice don't they?

Oh but homosexuality isn't..
Being born asexual and struggling with it for 42 years is just my choice..
That sounds like bigotry.

@butterpuffed

*And for some it can be man or woman. For me, they would have to be a woman. Not interested in men at all*

I can't get my head around this, OP . You say you're asexual so you don't fancy men or women so why would you also exclude men as being companions ?

I’ve always liked being around women more. Every fantasy I’ve ever had living with someone has been with a woman. Men just never fit the picture. I don’t want to share a life with a man.

I've read enough to see that you've answered questions I would have asked myself, but I just had to say how surprised I am at the multiple dismissive posters! Patronising much! Why people post comments which add zero value to a thread beggars belief.

I think your thread certainly sparks interest and if I met someone aromantic I would be intrigued to find out more.

Thanks for posting and sticking with it despite the haters, it’s been an education!

So can you be asexual but not a romantic or not asexual but not aromantic (actually that might sum up some people I used to know!)

It's not a sexuality. It's not a sexual orientation. Neither is celibacy.

Sexual orientation: heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. That's it. That's your human range of sexualities.

Asexual = to be without sexuality.
Celibate = to choose not to have sex.
Incel = to feel forced into celibacy.

Neither of those three are sexualities and you're not oppressed in any way because of them. It's homophobic to compare these chosen identities with actual homosexuality, which people are born with and which they are often punished for, discriminated against, and injured because of. HTH.

[quote Wroxie]@Wotwhywhen if the golden girls had wanted to fuck each other, that would have been romantic. Romantic=sexual attraction + friendship. There isn't a third feeling that gets sprinkled on top of that. Sorry I thought that was clear - I agree with you, platonic friendships exist. You can also I suppose be sexually attracted to someone you don't feel friendship for (as many men will attest). Feeling "romantic" towards someone just means you like them as people and want to watch telly with them and go on walks but you also want to have sex with them sometimes too.[/quote]
You know this may be true for some people but not for all. Perhaps it’s to do with how intimate your friendships are but there’s a lot of things (non sexual) that I want to share with DH that I wouldn’t share with friends.

I like to rub his back and I to cuddle him while we watch films. We also like to talk to each other in the bath and talk about our dreams and things we’d love to do. I think for me ‘romance’ is more intimate and vulnerable than simple friendship, so I would say there’s a difference between romantic love and friendly love.

@RoseAndGeranium

I’m sorry you’ve been given a hard time, OP. I think AMA threads are really generous and if people aren’t interested in the topic there’s no need to engage. My question is — and sorry, I haven’t read the whole lot, so if you’ve answered this already just say so! — do you feel a sense of relief about it, at all? I was incredibly unhappy for a while because I so badly wanted a loving monogamous relationship, and it’s fair to say that once I met my husband my quality of life changed dramatically for the better. But I think of the things I could have done and experienced and the life I could have loved without that internal pressure, and though I wouldn’t change my marriage or family for anything I wonder what I missed out on.

No, I don’t feel relief. What a question! No I spent so much time searching and waiting to become ”normal”. That’s what I wanted.

I’ve never liked being this way.

What did tou wonder missing out?
Being single?!
I’ve so been there done that, that I really don’t want it!

Gosh glad this thread got going after a pretty spiteful start (don’t know what’s wrong with some people).

My question might be a bit stupid and/ or personal, but if you have a sex drive but are not attracted to others, what is it that gets you going? Most women think about, eg, George Clooney. Sorry if personal, that’s just the thing I’m left wondering!

No, I'm not a bigot. I think it's homophobic to claim an identity and then say you're oppressed just like gay people are. Be celibate, be single, be an incel if you like. But you're not oppressed and it's homophobic to compare your lifestyle choice with homosexuality.

How come being attracted to the same sex is something your born with and being attracted to neither sex is a ‘lifestyle choice?’ Either way you can’t help who you’re attracted to. Celibacy is just the action and has nothing to do with the attraction - so an asexual person is normally celibate but not all celibate people are asexual. A gay person or straight person could also be celibate, they’re just abstaining from sex at that moment even if they wanted to have it, whereas I understand an asexual person wouldn’t have that urge.

I'm just reporting the offensive posts tbh.

If someone said
"Homosexuality is a lifestyle choice."
They'd be called a homophobic bigot.

@Wotwhywhen

Someone thinks being born asexual is a choice don't they?

Oh but homosexuality isn't..
Being born asexual and struggling with it for 42 years is just my choice..
That sounds like bigotry.

Genuine question here: why is it a "struggle"? Nobody ever got beaten up for not holding hands with someone in the street.

Yes there is pressure on asexuals to couple up, whether from family or friends, but that's true for people who aren't asexual, too.

@BuckyBarnesArm

I honestly don't know why some people are being so fucking rude. Just because they're not interested it doesn't mean others are not.

Same I for one am finding the thread interesting, was going to ask what aromantic meant as didn't know before this thread but see it's been answered!

@WillaWeatherspoon

My friend's daughter has just publicly shared that she is ace/aro. She's 19. What advice would you have for her about how to navigate young adult life? Anything you wish you'd done differently at that age?

To find a community. Internet or if she goes to school, to my understanding the LGBTQIA groups among younger people are more open minded.

If she is already out to her parents and even you know, that probably means she is out and open and excepted.
That’s a major win!!

Biggest thing to me would be to be able to be honestly and openly me.

So she’s already ahead of me.

Second would be to accept myself.
Not feeling like I was broken or wrong or too different to even be in this world.

Genuine question here: why is it a "struggle"? Nobody ever got beaten up for not holding hands with someone in the street.

Is that the yard stick is it? Getting beaten up?

How about years of bullying for being different? That count?
Years of torment from people for not being the same as them?
Years of family questioning your choices, ridiculing you, singling you for 'not being like your brother'
How about the lies unloved from the early.90s until 10years ago? How about them? Where does hiding yourself away for 32 years fall on your scale?

I mean getting beaten up in the street is pretty common. There's a good chance that stats show that heterosexual men get beaten more than any other demographic, obviously their sexuality is not the cause tho...

Pretty shitty stick to beat someone with isn't it?
"You weren't beaten up, so you're not really real, you're just trying to be a trendy kid"

So I'll ask again.
30+ years of mental anguish, bullying by peers, family members and colleagues.. where does that fall on your legitimacy scale? Do I need one more 'flip the fuck out and attack a bitch with a knife' stamp on my card before I'm in your shitty club?

@beastlyslumber

Would you suggest a gay/lesbian person 'get themselves checked out?'

No of course not. But why are you comparing a medical condition (lack of sex drive) to a sexual orientation? Seems a bit homophobic.

Asexuality isn't a sexuality. Obviously. It's a lack of sexuality. Because we humans are built to reproduce sexually, not having any sexual feelings/sex drive is very likely to be a symptom of an underlying medical condition.

Luckily, OP isn't asexual, just celibate. She has a sex drive but she chooses not to have sex with others. Celibacy is also not a sexuality, just a choice that some people make.

Please don’t tell me what I am or am not.

Celibacy is choice, asexuality is not.

@ShaneTheThird

I have a few questions actually!

Why do you want to live with someone who is essentially just a friend? Isn't a housemate/friend you see every day enough?

Also I am also perversely wondering what you master are too given masturbation is a sexual act but you say you have no sexual feelings.

Do you enjoy watching stuff on TV such as ROM coms even though you don't relate to the feelings at all?

Because I would like a life partner and companion.

I just go with the physical sensation, what feels good.

No I don’t like romcoms.
I don’t relate to traditional portrayals of relationships.

Do you feel anything towards your own reflection? By that I mean, a sense of self, a "this is me" feeling.

@Alfr

If you did find your person, who was happy to give you the relationship you want - but needed to have sex, so slept with other people? Would you feel that they were cheating on you?

I would not get into a relationship with someone who wants to have sex. Sounds like miserable times. For the both of us.