I'm a born-again christian single parent - AMA

[midwifeinthemaking]

Just that really - would love to answer any questions, dispel myths etc.

A few questions - sorry!

How did you find Christianity?

How old are your children? Are they Christians?

Has it changed your outlook?

I had one of these and it caused a lot of suffering unfortunately. Do you feel you are able to accept your children fully if they do not believe what you do as they grow?

@daisyoranges

A few questions - sorry!

How did you find Christianity?

How old are your children? Are they Christians?

Has it changed your outlook?

Thanks for your questions! I grew up with a fairly surface-level experience of christianity (church choir, sunday school, church school etc.). I was very sceptical up until I had my child - I met a few lovely women through toddler groups at churches who invited me to an Alpha course, and another who invited me to come to her church - that's how it started really.

I have one daughter, she's 3 - I had her baptised and she has a basic understanding of there being a God who loves her.

It most certainly has changed my outlook on everything - I used to be very self-absorbed, critical of myself, anxious, jealous, selfish etc. and now I have a sense that whatever happens in my life, it is happening for a reason, I can find good in everything, and I don't have to look at 'wordly' things to find fulfillment. It is like a huge weight has lifted, and life seems so much better! It's also helped me to be a better mother for sure! Sorry if it sounds too preachy haha!

Do you have a moment to......

@Merename

I had one of these and it caused a lot of suffering unfortunately. Do you feel you are able to accept your children fully if they do not believe what you do as they grow?

I'm not here to judge decisions of anyone. I will always love my child. I hope to give her guidance and knowledge of christianity as she grows, but she has free will.

How long have you been a Born Again Christian?

@Merename - me too, me and my siblings are all atheists.

@TitusPullo

How long have you been a Born Again Christian?

Nearly 4 years. I am constantly learning!

Thanks for answering midwife

Why is god doing such a shit job?

How do you personally deal with christianity being misogynistic? How will you raise your daughter to be strong, independent etc while also supporting a misogynistic religion?

My mum loves me, always did, but at 15 when I had enough of being groomed into bible camps and Christian youth activities and told her how I felt, she cried, pleading with me to believe in god or I would go to hell. It’s been a terrible strain in our relationship as she so strongly believes that anyone not saved like her, is going to hell, and that causes her terrible pain. And me as she cannot accept that I will never believe what she does, I feel I can’t be truly supported by her due to her beliefs.

I wish you well and the effects you describe are important. I would just advocate on your child’s behalf that it would be a good idea to anticipate that they may not share your beliefs in the future.

Thanks for answering @midwifeinthemaking - How do you feel your religion impacted on friendships that preceded your conversion? Do you feel the need to try and “save” an non-believing friends?

Have you had to make any big changes or give anything up from your old lifestyle?

It really stood out that you specified that you were a single parent, as though that was something that might be at odds with your Christianity, and I notice that you had your daughter before you became a Christian. How would you feel about a single woman from your church having a child - would you hold her in the same level of regard, and continue to see her as a potential role model for you and for the younger members of the church?

Do you believe in science as well? How do you feel about IVF and sperm/egg donation?

@TitusPullo, ironically, I have faith as well but as a Buddhist. The values and qualities that I try to develop in my practice are more or less the same as those espoused in her belief system, and I am happy for her that her beliefs bring her comfort, but my ‘wrong’ beliefs will never be acceptable for her. It’s sad

If you start a relationship (or are currently in one) will you refrain from sex outside of marriage?

@SimonJT

How do you personally deal with christianity being misogynistic? How will you raise your daughter to be strong, independent etc while also supporting a misogynistic religion?

Women and men are equally as valued by God, and I believe that our differences, when they come together, create a pretty good harmony. Jesus (who we aspire to be like as much as possible), acted pretty counter-culturally towards women in Israel, where it was a very hostile environment to be a woman.

@Merename - the very rigid thinking from this sort of Christianity and the control my parents imposed based on it is what drove us all away. It’s their way or the highway. They are in complete denial and won’t accept we do not believe. I don’t think any conversation doesn’t involve some mention of God. I don’t answer the phone to them very much. I’m pleased you have found a faith despite it all.

@TitusPullo

Thanks for answering *@midwifeinthemaking* - How do you feel your religion impacted on friendships that preceded your conversion? Do you feel the need to try and “save” an non-believing friends?

I'd love non-christians to experience the freedom and happiness I have found, but I don't think preaching to them constantly is the best approach. Oddly, a large number of friends I had before all of this who were also non-christians, have some way or another come to faith too. But I still have plenty who are non religious, and I still have great friendships with them!

@InventedthePostIt

Have you had to make any big changes or give anything up from your old lifestyle?

It's really made me stop and think much more than I used to, for example with my parenting. I am very intentional in my words and actions now, and I definitely have improved in areas such as being slow to anger when my dd is having a meltdown! I really enjoy life, and still drink, go out with friends etc. but I dress a little more modestly, and have become more intentional in watching/listening/doing something that aligns more with my core beliefs.

Do you believe that non-Christians will end up in hell?

Hmm, it’s interesting Titus, I agree with your analysis that the teachings of evangelical Christianity seem to only allow for this ‘our way or to hell’ viewpoint, which isn’t shared by all Christians. I’m thinking though is this a personality element - my mum also has issues around being really missatuned to what’s going on for other people, not reading the room kinda stuff, that definitely predates her becoming born again. I just think to disrespect what others believe, not be able to truly listen and connect with where people are rather than where you think they should be - is so incredibly un-Christian.

Sorry OP that is a complete derail and I know nothing of your personality, I’m sure you are a kind and lovely person. I hope it is helpful to you to understand how it can feel for young people growing up in this environment though.

@DaisyWaldron

It really stood out that you specified that you were a single parent, as though that was something that might be at odds with your Christianity, and I notice that you had your daughter before you became a Christian. How would you feel about a single woman from your church having a child - would you hold her in the same level of regard, and continue to see her as a potential role model for you and for the younger members of the church?

One of my great friends from church recently divorced and has a young child - she has sinned through divorcing, as I have sinned for having a child out of wedlock, as has joe bloggs over there for gossiping. We all sin, and I am not to judge. I wouldn't stop loving her as my friend for her decision, but I wouldn't look up to her in that aspect of her life. But her strength, resilience, etc. I most certainly admire.