I am getting a prenuptial before I get married. AMA

[sheerjewl]

I'm in the process of getting a prenuptial drafted for my other half to sign before we get married - AMA

@MsSquiz yes I am waiting for the conversations once his solicitor starts throwing things in the mix. However I have been open to OH regards what I have suggested but I don't know if it's enough or too much. Oh first reaction was too much.

He will be covered cash wise for maintenance easily in any case with what I have suggested. We own a house together too mortgage free and I have said he can have that. After not many years he will have half the house we live in now too... plus others bits too.

I'm all for being fair but for protecting too

Perhaps I was being a little harsh, apologies.

I can see reasons why people would get prenupts, not financially intertwine, but to me it is just bizarre.

I’ll ask a few questions, as I guess that is the point of this thread?

How old are you? How old is he?
How long have you been together?
Have you ever had any reason to suspect he is in it for the money?

@Doomsdayiscoming

Perhaps I was being a little harsh, apologies.

I can see reasons why people would get prenupts, not financially intertwine, but to me it is just bizarre.

I’ll ask a few questions, as I guess that is the point of this thread?

How old are you? How old is he?
How long have you been together?
Have you ever had any reason to suspect he is in it for the money?

Don't need to apologise, everyone has different opinions and sometimes until you're in the situation yourself it's difficult to imagine.

I am 33, he is 35.
We have been together 6 years.
And he is 100% not in it for the money

@sheerjewl I totally understand what you mean. You don't want to come across as not being fair and he doesn't want to come across as grabby. No one really has a clue when you first start these negotiations, but as long as you're both open and honest, it makes it easier

We had some awkward conversations because DH just wanted it all sorted and was happy to go with what I wanted/my solicitor suggested but I didn't want more than was "fair". The financial side for me was more about "if we had children" and being "compensated" for being a SAHM/housewife.

Lots of love and luck with your wedding and your family

@sheerjewl

Fair enough.

It isn’t what I’d do, even if I had 3m tucked away, but maybe I am deluded. I don’t expect to ever get divorced.

We’ve never split finances. Everything has always been shared even when one of us was unemployed. It’s never been you pay for this, I’ll pay for that. Our money is our money. So I guess I am a long way away from legally saying this is mine, this is yours, so that’s why I can’t get my head around it.

Even as a child my parents had friends where the wife would be given an allowance from her husband. Aged 6 I thought this was weird AF, I guess I haven’t changed.

[quote Doomsdayiscoming]@sheerjewl

Fair enough.

It isn’t what I’d do, even if I had 3m tucked away, but maybe I am deluded. I don’t expect to ever get divorced.

We’ve never split finances. Everything has always been shared even when one of us was unemployed. It’s never been you pay for this, I’ll pay for that. Our money is our money. So I guess I am a long way away from legally saying this is mine, this is yours, so that’s why I can’t get my head around it.

Even as a child my parents had friends where the wife would be given an allowance from her husband. Aged 6 I thought this was weird AF, I guess I haven’t changed.[/quote]
We live off a joint account. Nothing is split at all. The money I have inherited is never touched and is separate.
What we do day today day is completely different to this situation.
Day to day our money is pooled and no one has to ask anyone for money or have allowances.

This is my parents money. We live of our money which we save a lot more of because of the situation. So we have joint savings too.

[quote Doomsdayiscoming]@sheerjewl

Fair enough.

It isn’t what I’d do, even if I had 3m tucked away, but maybe I am deluded. I don’t expect to ever get divorced.

We’ve never split finances. Everything has always been shared even when one of us was unemployed. It’s never been you pay for this, I’ll pay for that. Our money is our money. So I guess I am a long way away from legally saying this is mine, this is yours, so that’s why I can’t get my head around it.

Even as a child my parents had friends where the wife would be given an allowance from her husband. Aged 6 I thought this was weird AF, I guess I haven’t changed.[/quote]
Also I don't think anyone expects to get divorced. But it happens for a multitude of reasons.

To be fair Doomsday I imagine quite a lot of divorced people also thought they’d never get divorced.

X post with OP.

@sheerjewl

Oh right. So did you buy a house independent of the money from your parents? Or they helped but you are happy to split that? Sorry can’t remember if you mentioned it before.

So it’s just the 3m that is being ringfenced? I guess I get it then.

You aren’t entitled to anything like 50% until it’s been a significant amount of time though? Like ten years I think.

How was working out the steps been, like how much for how many years, was it uncomfortable?

What does your will say? I'm assuming he won't be tempted to bump you off 😀

@Fauchelevant

To be fair Doomsday I imagine quite a lot of divorced people also thought they’d never get divorced.

Haha true.

I’d never divorce my wife, maybe she’d divorce me I guess. If that happens I’d deserve it, and she’d deserve every penny.

[quote MsSquiz]@sheerjewl now I think of it, DH's solicitor has been their family solicitor for years so maybe they were consulting with a barrister at the firm.

Are you covering your DP's legal costs? As I guarantee his legal team won't just agree to sign the first draft.

I ended up having to sign a waiver, saying I was signing the pre nup against my solicitors advice - small jiggly things he thought I could include and I didn't see as necessary.

It will throw up some awkward questions between you, not out of greed, but once his solicitor starts talking to him about the details, conversations between the 2 of you will happen.
Mine was the maintenance - as a child of single mother whose father didn't pay a penny towards me, I needed it in writing. Even though we didn't have DD at the time and I know he wouldn't see his child go without, I also knew that my dad probably made a similar promise to my mum when they were married!

It's sensible and logical to have one in a situation like this[/quote]
@MsSquiz doesn't your waiver / signing against legal advice make the document ultimately less likely to be enforceable?

Interesting thread, thank you.

@iftherewereahorseyinthehouse

What does your will say? I'm assuming he won't be tempted to bump you off 😀

Haha he will get more if I die as death is different to divorce however I will protect some of it into life interest trusts for the children to protect some of it going to any future children/spouse as ultimately I want my children to get it all. However it's not tax efficient to do that with it all as if I pass to my spouse, there is no inheritance tax which would be 40% in normal circumstances

@ThePricklySheep

You aren’t entitled to anything like 50% until it’s been a significant amount of time though? Like ten years I think.

How was working out the steps been, like how much for how many years, was it uncomfortable?

He will still get more than if the prenuptial was not in place.

It's actually been emotionally draining and overwhelming however I am interested to see what the draft comes back as because I've made my suggestions but I have no idea how they sit with these types of things

@FlibbertyGiblets

Interesting thread, thank you.

Thank you. For me too to see what people's thoughts are... it helps

Yes, an estate to protect should we divorce..

How much stuff can you get in the back and does it have an MOT?

@EuroTrashed I'm not sure how it would.

There were many back and forths to get the pre nup to where it is, I was of sound mind and under no duress to sign it, and signed it of my own free will. The waiver was because my solicitor believed I could have "gone for more" and I didn't think it was necessary.

I'm not sure about the OP, but our pre nup can be reviewed every 5 years and/or on the birth of any children. So far, we got married in 2017 and I had DD in December 2019 and we have needed to amend it because we are both happy with it how it stands.

ah, ok - so you negotiated with the "other side" but your solicitor needed your disclaimer so you couldn't sue them for negligence down the line. That makes sense.

I’m totally fascinated by your thread OP. Really interesting I think it’s difficult as I read your questions I assumed your partner was not the father of your biological kids and it did make me wonder why you would want to do this.

However you have only been together 6 years and your wealthy. So I agree you should do it.

The inheritance tax bill who is left to pay if you didn’t do it this way? Also would you leave him something in terms of money if you were to split up 10 years down the line?

@Poppyseeds2

I’m totally fascinated by your thread OP. Really interesting I think it’s difficult as I read your questions I assumed your partner was not the father of your biological kids and it did make me wonder why you would want to do this.

However you have only been together 6 years and your wealthy. So I agree you should do it.

The inheritance tax bill who is left to pay if you didn’t do it this way? Also would you leave him something in terms of money if you were to split up 10 years down the line?

He gets left money even after 6 months. He just doesn't get as much as if the prenuptial wasn't in place. After 5 years he will get half the house we live in which I own plus other stuff . So it's not like he doesn't get anything - it is just I guess protecting it in a time dependant manner.

Inheritance tax is paid upon death by the person who inherits the money should they inherit over a certain amount.
So as an example if he inherits 3,000,000 which is taxable off me and we are not married - he would pay £1.2 million in inheritance tax .... if we are married.... he pays nothing. Hence why it's important we get married and we are getting married irrelevant of the numbers we can have due to Covid as it's important.

Yes he's the biological father to my children. However if we divorce, he takes 50% of my assets... say £1.5 million. Then remarries, has another child (or not) ... that £1.5 million will likely go to another spouse or child (plus interest) Not our children. So my parents hard work has basically gone to another family.... and not to my children ....

Hope that sort of clarifies a bit

ANd then there is that other thread where the bride to be's DF has asked her not to get married because of the family money and she doesn't get why he would ask that.

@BarryWhiteIsMyBrother

ANd then there is that other thread where the bride to be's DF has asked her not to get married because of the family money and she doesn't get why he would ask that.

Surreal .