I am getting a prenuptial before I get married. AMA

[sheerjewl]

I'm in the process of getting a prenuptial drafted for my other half to sign before we get married - AMA

I see what you mean OP.

There's been some awful threads on here of future spouses managing to disinherit children.

@TheRealCherHorowitz

I’m just wondering if you fiancé needs to have his own barrister/solicitor and if there were lots of discussions about the terms of the agreement?

Or does that only happen in The Split?

Sorry I forgot to answer, we haven't even had the draft yet however I am of the belief he will sign whatever we draft as he doesn't see it as his. This obviously may change once he sees it and has solicitor advice but who knows. I'm interested to see how it all pans out.

Is your wealth primarily made up of money passed down from family, or self-made wealth? Do you think the answer to that changes your attitude to the money?

DH and I also have a pre nup (he is in your position) and he has more than £3m, but ours didn't have to go to a barrister?

Ours is also on an increasing scale - increases every 5 years. To me, this makes sense. Especially as I am now a SAHM

We also included any potential child maintenance payments & that he would be responsible for school fees and all related costs until any children that we had turned 18.

To me, pre nups make sense when 1 party has a significant wealth in comparison to the other. I am under no illusion that I would "deserve" half of DH's wealth should we divorce - He will also inherit a large amount in the future.

@Parkmama

How did you come into your money? Has it always been in your family? Can you tell us about the estate? What sort of property is it? Will you go to live there eventually? Very sensible to protect these assets!

The money has come from my parents. They ran a successful business and have gifted it to me since I was 18 (to avoid inheritance tax) I will continue to receive these gifts and will inherit upon death. I am an only child.

The estate isn't a property sorry - your estate is basically the total of your assets which includes property, stocks and shares and cash in ISAS, savings etc

Good for you, OP, but - my question....

Aren’t there more rigorous ways of keeping things secure?

I have inherited (property and $£€), and it’s all owned by the family trust (now my DB and I) since our parents have passed away, with both of us having access, ability to use/invest, etc.

DH and I have a great relationship, and divorce will never be on the cards. But the property’s been in the family for over 150 years, and it’s important it goes on to the kids, and only the kids. With a trust in place, it’s watertight.

A trust is just one example of securing your assets.

Interesting thread OP.

Are you protecting "family money" i.e. wealth passed through the generations or is it self made?

If family money, did your parents insist on it/bring it up/presume you'd get one?

How did it come up in conversation with your partner? Was it a case of "well when we get married we'll need a pre nup" type conversation, or was it just never said?

Does it change the vows in any way i.e. the "all that I have, I give to you?" Although that may just be in church vows, I'm not sure.

Very interesting :)

Ah, I see you already answered my first question when I hadn't refreshed the page - ignore that bit!

Also, has your partner ever felt offended by it or did he just go along with it?

Well done. Men have routinely done this for ages. I even had a partner spring last minute a very unfairly written Deed of Trust on me shortly before buying a flat together (because his mum was worried apparently). Fortunately I read it before signing and it was asking me to return money that he never put down in the first instance when we would sell up (that got corrected! The rest was okay, I don't mind people protecting their deposit, etc.).

I am glad women are doing it too and not succumbing to the "be nice" argument.

Congratulations on your business deal, sorry I mean upcoming marriage.

[quote WB205020]@sheerjewl
Your future DH.....what sort of background does he have? On the breadline or average / comfortable?

And how was he when he found out how much you had and would inherit, knowing money would never be a worry again?[/quote]
He has been comfortable. He's got a good job, he's really good with money, has no debts has saved when he could. He's from a loving family, only child, and the best Dad to our children.

He was like oh wow. But other than that nothing really. It doesn't change anything. We will still live the same way - hence why no one knows the extent of it. Our children are the ones who will benefit the most.

@RickiTarr

Is your wealth primarily made up of money passed down from family, or self-made wealth? Do you think the answer to that changes your attitude to the money?

It is from my parents so passed down. Maybe - my parents worked hard so I would never have to want for anything and my children wouldn't either. And even their children. I've seen how they've worked and I've always been brought up to look after money, not waste etc A marriage can take all their hard work away in an instant.... so I want to protect it as much as I can.

@Doomsdayiscoming

Congratulations on your business deal, sorry I mean upcoming marriage.

It sometimes feels like that. But wealth brings along other things that people don't think of until you have to go through it. I am learning myself doing this.

@cardswapping

Well done. Men have routinely done this for ages. I even had a partner spring last minute a very unfairly written Deed of Trust on me shortly before buying a flat together (because his mum was worried apparently). Fortunately I read it before signing and it was asking me to return money that he never put down in the first instance when we would sell up (that got corrected! The rest was okay, I don't mind people protecting their deposit, etc.).

I am glad women are doing it too and not succumbing to the "be nice" argument.

Thank you

@MsSquiz

DH and I also have a pre nup (he is in your position) and he has more than £3m, but ours didn't have to go to a barrister?

Ours is also on an increasing scale - increases every 5 years. To me, this makes sense. Especially as I am now a SAHM

We also included any potential child maintenance payments & that he would be responsible for school fees and all related costs until any children that we had turned 18.

To me, pre nups make sense when 1 party has a significant wealth in comparison to the other. I am under no illusion that I would "deserve" half of DH's wealth should we divorce - He will also inherit a large amount in the future.

I'm not sure on this one, this is just what the solicitor advised. To get specialist advice. They have asked a lot of questions which I know means they are being thorough. I also have to have a video call with the barrister. The solicitor is dealing with the barrister rather than myself.

Yes I have said I will pay for the education too

@Doomsdayiscoming

That’s horribly unkind. Do I smell jealousy there?

OP- I haven’t got a pot to piss in, as my own DM would say, and probably never will. But I completely completely think this is the right thing to do. I hope you never have to use it- and true congratulations

Fascinating thread . Just out of interest, why are you marrying? Wouldn’t it be simpler financially not to .

Ignore previous post . I have just seen previous answer .

Congratulations BTW.

Are you having a lavish wedding 👰. Another thread maybe :)

Interesting thread. DMIL wanted DH to protect himself from me, and he replied that it was the other way round! He has a high paying job and saved well so he's the reason that we own our house mortgage free. I don't have much money but will inherit £1-2m in a trust when an elderly relative dies.

We didn't end up with a prenup in the end, but if I'd inherited the money first I would have. I offered to sign one for DH to protect his property but he didn't want one.

@Eileen101

Ah, I see you already answered my first question when I hadn't refreshed the page - ignore that bit!

Also, has your partner ever felt offended by it or did he just go along with it?

My parents actually didn't insist on one and because of the cost of it actually went down the route of well do you need one? They adore my husband to be and think he's the best Dad. But I insisted to be honest. You never know what can happen.

I don't think that vow necessarily to do with money but who knows! Never really thought of it.

@Eileen101

Ah, I see you already answered my first question when I hadn't refreshed the page - ignore that bit!

Also, has your partner ever felt offended by it or did he just go along with it?

He has never once been offended with it and yes I just brought it up. I'm quite an upfront person. He's not offended or in any way has said well I'm not happy with it. He's not with me for my money it seems

@SpeckledyHen

Ignore previous post . I have just seen previous answer .

Congratulations BTW.

Are you having a lavish wedding 👰. Another thread maybe :)

No lavish wedding. We didn't want to spend a lot on a wedding and Covid has done us one favour in being able to reduce our numbers. However it will probably be for 15 at this rate. But we will just be happy to get married.

Thank you so much

[quote AnaisNun]@Doomsdayiscoming

That’s horribly unkind. Do I smell jealousy there?

OP- I haven’t got a pot to piss in, as my own DM would say, and probably never will. But I completely completely think this is the right thing to do. I hope you never have to use it- and true congratulations [/quote]
Thank you

@sheerjewl now I think of it, DH's solicitor has been their family solicitor for years so maybe they were consulting with a barrister at the firm.

Are you covering your DP's legal costs? As I guarantee his legal team won't just agree to sign the first draft.

I ended up having to sign a waiver, saying I was signing the pre nup against my solicitors advice - small jiggly things he thought I could include and I didn't see as necessary.

It will throw up some awkward questions between you, not out of greed, but once his solicitor starts talking to him about the details, conversations between the 2 of you will happen.
Mine was the maintenance - as a child of single mother whose father didn't pay a penny towards me, I needed it in writing. Even though we didn't have DD at the time and I know he wouldn't see his child go without, I also knew that my dad probably made a similar promise to my mum when they were married!

It's sensible and logical to have one in a situation like this

2 very similar threads in 2 days.
Maybe the OPs should get together and discuss