I’m an alcoholic and my child is on a child protection plan AMA

[Pengola87]

Just that really

He also had a period before his 15 years dry when he thought he was ‘cured’ and tried to socially drink. It ended badly and then he had to start the cold turkey all over again after realising that it wasn’t doable x

Why are you doing an AMA? What’s in it for you?

What an odd comment!

I don't have a question to ask just wanted to send you lots of love and strength for rehab next week. NHS help for addiction is appalling so it's awful you've had to take out a loan to attend rehab but it's definitely for the best. You should be really proud of yourself ♥️

Rehab doesn't work. Neither does AA, a religious based program that Uk rehabs use. I was the only person in the big posh £££££ rehab for the 1st time. The others had been in and out of the same place 2 or 3 times.
OP please don't blame yourself, "catch yourself when you fall" and start again. X

OP, no questions. Just sending you a hug and support.

Pengola - I wish you all the luck and best wishes in the world. You've taken big steps and show great insight. You can do this for you and your child. Your story mirrors a former patient of mine - she came out the other side and is a real credit to herself and her family.
Please feel free to pm me if that would help.
Midwife

I don't have a question I just wish you and your child well I really hope you get the help you need in rehab and you come out and can live your life with ur child and both be happy! I really am rooting for you! Good luck OP big hug!

It was brave of you to post here OP and anytime you want to offload or talk then update your journey and your thread, then know that someone here will listen and cheerlead you on.

Do you know why it was triggered the last time?

‘Why are you doing an AMA? What’s in it for you?’

I’m glad you are op. Thank you.
One of my parents is an alcoholic and I think the fact that it is brushed under the carpet was the hardest bit for us all. Thank you for being honest.

Wishing you all the best @Pengola87

I think you will find the strength to kick this addiction. And when you do, please, please never let another drop pass your lips. You will never be able to drink functionally/recreationally.

You have two choices, stay as an alcoholic who drinks or an alcoholic who doesn't drink.

Good luck with everything, I hope you find the right support, you have so much to offer to your child and the world around you.

I was pa heroin addict from being 13 years old, a chaotic life for many years prostitution drugs. I had my son and he was put on child protection but as soon as I found out I was pregnant I stopped he is worth more than any high, by the time he was 6 months old we was signed off by social services. Please believe me you will lose your child you can beat this, I never thought I would but I look at him he saved me. Please don't let your child watch you destroy your self!!! Good luck if I did it anyone can

As a daughter of 2 alcoholics I am reading with interest. My dad was a functioning alcoholic, he never drank until everything he needed done for the day was done then would easily drink 3 bottles of wine but was always silly and funny.

My mum was the opposite at her worst would drink vodka for breakfast, she was neglectful and aggressive. I am perhaps lucky that I am young enough to not remember the worst of it but my 2 older sisters do. They have both had their own struggles with addiction, depression etc.

My mum stopped when I was 7 and started again when I was around 15. She stopped again when she went into rehab after she crashed her car with me in (whilst I was pregnant) she has been 9 years sober now.

She cannot drink a drop, no social drinking it is very much all or nothing. No alcohol allowed in her house but is OK with people drinking when out at dinner etc.

My sisters have mixed feelings towards mum. I think they equal.parts love her and loath her for the alcoholic years and have so many things they can't forgive.

I however am incredibly proud of her for turning her life around. She hit a proper rock bottom but now has a great job, a nice partner etc. However we don't have a typical child/parent relationship. I would say we are more like siblings or friends. In that I've had to look after her as much as she has had to look after me and she is not my first port of call in a crisis or when I need advice and it took me a very very long time to trust her with my children.

I have my own bad relationship with alcohol. I grew up with drinking every day being normal as did my DP so we sometimes have to check ourselves (especially over lockdown) over whether we should really be opening a bottle of wine on a Tuesday.

I wish you all the luck in rehab. I hope it works out for you. I wish SS would have done more when we were children, because our dad could function we were left to it and the damage to my sisters especially has been life changing damage.

Hi op I'm a Social Worker. I just wanted to add I hope you get the help that you need to get back on your feet. You appear really honest and open about your alcohol issues and wanting support for this. Could your GP not have made a referral for rehab for you, I'm surprised that social services did not progress this for you also. Whilst getting help focus on the bond with your child when spending time with them and I'm not sure what age they are but explain to them in child friendly terms what is going on may help ease their worry. Is your family onboard?

I was raised by a parent who had an alcohol addiction and it was tough for me and them. In the end they ended their own life. Even though there was nothing I could have done I forever will hold guilt that I couldn't help them, even though I was only a child myself. Addiction is so misunderstood.

You have got yourself to a good place before so you know it's possible. What did you use then in terms of your own strengths and means to make these positive steps.

@scotsllb I hear absolutely everything you say. I'm sending you all my best wishes x

OP I had a partner who died of her alcoholism. I was supported through Al-Anon. One of their workers told me that if someone doesn't want to stop drinking then giving them every bit of support in the world simply won't work. The person who is determined to give up will do so with no help at all. You're making the right choice with rehab, but if you don't make it, & soon, I would be fully behind the removal of your child. The devastation experienced by children of alcoholics cannot be overestimated & they cannot be collateral damage in the destructive path chosen by their parents - & it is always a choice, no alcoholic will ever beat their addiction if they don't start by recognising that.

My now partner was coincidentally an alcoholism support worker for 20 years. She says that alcoholics often see themselves as different, they believe that no-one else really understands their addictions & struggles to give them up & that those who do give up weren't really alcoholics in the first place. She says the few she worked with that beat the drinking were the ones who recognised this isn't true, that they are just like anyone else & that they can beat it. In the final analysis, the ones who beat it are the ones who get on with the job of beating it.

I wish you all the very best.

@Pengola87 a huge well done for starting this AMA. It really is a big thing that you’ve opened yourself up to people you know will judge, you’re wanting people to help hold you accountable and that really is huge I promise. Please let us know how rehab goes and everyone is rooting for you.

What an odd comment

It’s not an odd comment. I think it’s a really good question. Alcoholics like attention. They’re very selfish. OP already knows this.

Why are you doing this? Is it going to help?

Why aren’t you in AA? You don’t really want to stop, do you.

For disclosure: my children’s father died of his alcoholism.

I've been drinking to self medicate for years, also due to things that happened in my childhood and teenage years.
Nowhere near as much as you, thankfully I have some control over it.
I just wanted to give a handhold and say I really hope the treatment works for you and I really hope therapy 9s included and you can, as a pp said, get that little teenage inside you the help and understanding she deserves.

Teenager

You have the wrong impression - social services are there to protect your child primarily as you may be unable to do this.

Child protection social workers are really just that.
They aren't substance abuse workers.

Their job is to look at what is in the best interests of the child, sometimes it will be to stay with the birth parents and sometimes it won't.
They cannot signpost to services that haven't been funded because they aren't there.

I hope that your rehab goes well and you are able to take over the parenting of your child again.

Alcoholics like attention. They’re very selfish

"Alcoholics" are generally people who have experienced some sort of trauma, they deserve attention. We feel sorry for traumatised kids but then judge when they turn into traumatised adults.

@HopeClearwater This is so very true. One of the defining characteristics of alcoholic behaviour is the seeking of affirmation. The people they really need around them are those who don't simply affirm that they are "doing well by at least trying." That isn't enough.

I know all that

BUT they are very selfish. I don’t mean they’re born that way. It’s what addiction does to them. Ask someone who’s lived with one.

@MrsCalypsoGrant ah you understand. Thank you.