I’m an alcoholic and my child is on a child protection plan AMA

[Pengola87]

Just that really

Wishing you the very best op. People have beaten this, and you can too. The Body Keeps the Score is a great rec, and would look into trauma therapy too.

Don't have anything to ask, but want to say that I think you are very brave and you deserve to be happy & healthy

I want to say well down for recognising you have a problem and attempting to address it.

My mum died when I was 14, of alcoholic related health issues such as cirrhosis of the liver. Prior to that we spent around 2 years viewing hospital as home from home when she kept getting readmitted for issues relating to her drinking, in fact she died in the hospital and not long before this she downturned and the police came and informed my dad and took him and me and my sister to the hospital at 2 in the morning. It was a horrific time and we felt so conspicuous (for all the wrong reasons) amongst our friends.

I also recall a ‘friend’ of my mums whom we had to be on our best behaviour for and were questioned by about our mums ‘special pop’ maybe 5 years before her death. Not long after that she was hospitalised and wheelchair bound.

She was in many ways a great Mum, but we essentially still came second to the drink (lack of money/ our homework time spent at hospital, our gcse years disrupted by her death, being made to reach alcohol bottles off shelves in supermarkets as she was wheel chair bound and ultimately watching her die slowly).

Now I’m 40 I can see how this came about, she lost her mum early and there was clearly a drinking problem in the family, I can see it’s not a path one sets out to walk! However, I cannot and will probably never forgive her, she for her own reason chose drink initially / chose not to fight her urge to drink later on or left it too late- despite having 2 daughters who needed her.

I sincerely hope that you do all you can to ensure that your child never has to recount a tale like this about the person who created them and should have done everything they could to ensure target their child’s life was happy, safe and secure.

If I could ask you anything I guess it would be so guy really (and I mean really....) comprehend the inevitable outcome for you and your child’s
Life/mental health if you do not make rehabs work this time?

Best of luck x

@PotteringAlong

If you know you will loose her if you don’t stop drinking, and you have only been drinking at a level considered problematic to social services for 8 weeks, then why not just stop? Why is that not enough?

With the greatest respect, it really is not that easy- many, many parents love their children and are battling addictions. While it's possible to overcome, it's not nearly as easy as just not buying alcohol anymore. I grew up with an alcoholic parent; when they were dry, they were a wonderful and loving parent. But when they wanted a drink, nothing and I mean nothing came above that.

People can be a functioning alcoholic for years; often people only find the problem when it escalates beyond that.

OP, hopefully you have some support from social services and specialist services. I wish you and your DC all the best.

Oh by the way - ‘keep a drinks diary’ is code for: please create our evidence for us. They have zero interest in helping.

The GP's are no help. I went to rehab after that. It's an addiction. If alcohol was discovered today it would be a banned substance. Addiction isn't a choice. Try and have some empathy as some of you are sat at home with your large glass of white wine but you are lucky enough NOT to have an addictive personality.
Good Luck OP. PM me if you want. X

No question op but would like to say that I wish you a bright future and good luck with rehab.

Do you find it hard not to blame other people? I've had a couple in my life with serious alcohol problems, and that seemed to be a common pattern. Friends who supported them were praised up to the nines, but then blamed and dropped as soon as they drew any kind of line or boundary.

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

Oh by the way - ‘keep a drinks diary’ is code for: please create our evidence for us. They have zero interest in helping.

Exactly. I was of the opinion that social services are there to help and work with the family but my experience has been the opposite. I have been nothing but honest and open and explained I want help and to get better. I don’t enjoy living like this and I just need a bit of help to get back on track however it feels like they have tried to trip me up at every turn, twist things I have said and their sole goal seems to be getting my child away from me! Yet they won’t fund any treatment or help. If it wasn’t for me taking out the loan my child would be removed and I would be left to rot!

Sorry, I might be reading things wrong but I'm a bit confused... you say your child is a daughter in one of your first posts and then you refer to your son in later posts?

Not that it really matters. I wish you all the best anyway.

@Dimsummummy

I want to say well down for recognising you have a problem and attempting to address it.

My mum died when I was 14, of alcoholic related health issues such as cirrhosis of the liver. Prior to that we spent around 2 years viewing hospital as home from home when she kept getting readmitted for issues relating to her drinking, in fact she died in the hospital and not long before this she downturned and the police came and informed my dad and took him and me and my sister to the hospital at 2 in the morning. It was a horrific time and we felt so conspicuous (for all the wrong reasons) amongst our friends.

I also recall a ‘friend’ of my mums whom we had to be on our best behaviour for and were questioned by about our mums ‘special pop’ maybe 5 years before her death. Not long after that she was hospitalised and wheelchair bound.

She was in many ways a great Mum, but we essentially still came second to the drink (lack of money/ our homework time spent at hospital, our gcse years disrupted by her death, being made to reach alcohol bottles off shelves in supermarkets as she was wheel chair bound and ultimately watching her die slowly).

Now I’m 40 I can see how this came about, she lost her mum early and there was clearly a drinking problem in the family, I can see it’s not a path one sets out to walk! However, I cannot and will probably never forgive her, she for her own reason chose drink initially / chose not to fight her urge to drink later on or left it too late- despite having 2 daughters who needed her.

I sincerely hope that you do all you can to ensure that your child never has to recount a tale like this about the person who created them and should have done everything they could to ensure target their child’s life was happy, safe and secure.

If I could ask you anything I guess it would be so guy really (and I mean really....) comprehend the inevitable outcome for you and your child’s
Life/mental health if you do not make rehabs work this time?

Best of luck x

That is so sad and I feel for your poor mum and you 😢 I don’t want that for my child, of course I don’t and I know that this time in rehab is probably my last chance

I have no questions for you OP, but I wish you the very very best, and hope everything works out for you. I hope you get the right help and the people in rehab know what they are doing to get you back on the right path.

@Jaguarana

Sorry, I might be reading things wrong but I'm a bit confused... you say your child is a daughter in one of your first posts and then you refer to your son in later posts?

Not that it really matters. I wish you all the best anyway.

I was trying not to make it to identifying but obviously didn’t realise had already used ‘daughter’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

Unfortunately SS is no longer a service there to support families, find solutions etc. They are there to assess risk, and keep their jobs. I have a stage 3 complaints report to prove it - found in my favour but all far too late - my family is destroyed. You find the odd social worker who will fight if they see you putting up a fight, but in reality what most are doing is gathering evidence to remove children right from the very start.

DO NOT KET THUS REALISATION HOLD YOU BACK CROM GETTING WELL.

@GerardWay123

The GP's are no help. I went to rehab after that. It's an addiction. If alcohol was discovered today it would be a banned substance. Addiction isn't a choice. Try and have some empathy as some of you are sat at home with your large glass of white wine but you are lucky enough NOT to have an addictive personality. Good Luck OP. PM me if you want. X

I do have empathy but as I watched my sons dad descend into his addiction despite rehab and prescriptions and all the help available, it becomes very difficult. My child suffers because he choses, and it is a choice, to continue his addiction. My dad the same with alcohol, no matter the pain and suffering and endless help he has had. The services I spoke to have all told me an addict will stop only when they are truly ready and nothing and no one else will change that. I feel empathy but I feel more empathy to the child who is the innocent victim. The relapse is a choice, the continued drinking even with the child there to the point it inevitably became unmanageable was a choice. Why is it not enough to face life on life's terms for the sake of the small people you chose to bring into the world and let that be your power.

‘I would be left to Roy’

One professional read my notes after I’d SARd everything and said: ‘they left you in a skip to die’.

No questions, OP, but I just wanted to wish you well.

I really hope you make it this time. I'm the widow of an alcoholic and what I see from you is what I never saw from him - insight and the realisation that there is a real problem. That's the key first step.

Work your arse off in rehab and dig deep is all I can say. And thank you for being brave enough to come on here and do your bit to unpick the stupid stereotypes of what alcoholics are like. My late husband didn't fit the stereotype either. It really can happen to anyone.

Are you scared of going to rehab? Have you imagined not drinking again and what does it feel like? Were you able to care for your child beforehand with school runs and parents evenings ect? Did you ever do school pick ups after drinking?

Also do you have to go without things to be able to afford your wine?

I just wish you the best, no questions here. My mum is an alcoholic. It's such a horrible illness/disease... not sure what it counts as. But just hope you get treatment

Best of luck @Pengola87
As @Calphurnia says AA is via zoom atm. Saved me- 10 years sober and lovely family still intact.

@MinnieJackson

Are you scared of going to rehab? Have you imagined not drinking again and what does it feel like? Were you able to care for your child beforehand with school runs and parents evenings ect? Did you ever do school pick ups after drinking?

Yes did more school runs drunk than sober and not stating that because I’m proud of it but because it’s true. At that point though I was very much functioning and no one would of known I was drunk at all, like I say was much more about self medicating than drinking to get drunk. I am absolutely terrified of rehab and facing life sober. And the thought of not drinking again terrifies me but I have done it before and life was good so hopefully I can get there again x

I totally agree with you about the stigma around addiction.

I see both sides; it's awful to think that there could be something as indifferent as a substance like alcohol taking priority over their children and families.

But the truth is it isn't an emotional choice by the time an addiction has taken hold; it's a serious need. Like the need to breath air.

Someone close to me suffered through this and thank goodness they managed to secure their treatment after several dead end attempts and their lives are normal again.

I just don't think people who haven't been addicted to a highly addictive substance can understand. It is self medication for far deeper issues, not recreation.

I wish you all the very best OP. I'm glad your child has people in their life able to loom out for them and I'm glad you are getting treatment.

I do have one question. Do you think you would have sought help had you not been referred?

No question just wanted to wish you all the best for you and your daughter.