I’m an alcoholic and my child is on a child protection plan AMA

[Pengola87]

Just that really

He understands I’ve not been well and wants me to get better and get back to the mummy I used to be. Not trying to minimise in anyway but it is only very recently that he knows there has been a problem and has been affected by my drinking

@TeachesOfPeaches

How did social services find out about your alcoholism?

Reports from my sons dad concerned, a hospital admission

Have you read The Body Keeps The Score? It really helped me to understand what was happening penning inside my brain and how I used alcohol to block out emotional pain, the same way as people might use painkillers to block out physical pain (it's the same part of the brain). Understanding what was going on on a physiological level made a big difference to me. IME there's a lot of advice that starts with the symptom (the drinking) rather than the cause (the pain).

@PotteringAlong

If you know you will loose her if you don’t stop drinking, and you have only been drinking at a level considered problematic to social services for 8 weeks, then why not just stop? Why is that not enough?

That's not how alcoholism works

@TabbyStar

Have you read The Body Keeps The Score? It really helped me to understand what was happening penning inside my brain and how I used alcohol to block out emotional pain, the same way as people might use painkillers to block out physical pain (it's the same part of the brain). Understanding what was going on on a physiological level made a big difference to me. IME there's a lot of advice that starts with the symptom (the drinking) rather than the cause (the pain).

That’s really helpful to hear and it definitely has been a case of self medicating rather than drinking to get drunk! Will have a look at this to take into rehab with me

Are you saying you’re in rehab right now?

Cross post. When are you going in?

At the end of next week for 5 weeks

Typical children’s - doesn’t actually offer support or signpost.

How much are you drinking/week OP?

Glad you’ve got the loan and you have family support. When do you start rehab?

Thanks for posting. My sons dad also has an addiction and as a result does not see him.
I wonder if you can answer why you cannot stop for your child.
I say this kindly of course I know it's complex but would like to understand.
Why can the addict not just "suck up" the physical illness from withdrawals for the weeks it takes? Why is losing their child not enough to grit down through that?
Why does there have to be another intervention in that case?
I think what I mean is why does the addicts self inflicted symptoms trump the needs of the child.
Please don't think I'm being insensitive I'm trying to understand.
I hear from my own child's dad the excuses the feeling rubbish when he quits and boom right back on it. The feeling awful part is the part he can't handle

@LaLaLandIsNoFun

Typical children’s - doesn’t actually offer support or signpost.

How much are you drinking/week OP?

Glad you’ve got the loan and you have family support. When do you start rehab?

5 bottles of wine a day atm

@PotteringAlong

If you know you will loose her if you don’t stop drinking, and you have only been drinking at a level considered problematic to social services for 8 weeks, then why not just stop? Why is that not enough?

People can die when they stop drinking suddenly. It's the only drug that happens with

Severe alcoholics can't just stop.

OP every area has an addiction service and they have run during COVID, some may be telephone appointments. Community mental health services have gone to telephone support too.
Has nobody signposted you to these services?

OP I was where you are 2 years ago. PM me if you want to talk x

I hope your rehab goes well OP.

Severe alcoholics can't just stop.

No but they can be prescribed Librium or antibuse by a GP and do a safe home detox.
My dad who is a long term alcoholic did this several times.

With me I was functioning very well for a long time and I knew my drinking was problematic but it didn’t effect my child and I was able to work, take them on holiday and be a good mum albeit whilst struggling. It is only very recently that things have come to a head and honestly drinking is more important than my child. Which is awful to say but suddenly things changed and I realised the alcohol was more of a priority. That’s the nature of addiction unfortunately and it crept up on me 😢 currently as it is if there was alcohol in front of me I would choose that over my child but at the same time I have been asking for help for a long time and it feels like it’s been dismissed as not being bad enough! Or all mums like a drink! I’m not in denial and have said that I am not being a good mum right now I need help but unfortunately it’s not out there.

Welldone for getting a rehab spot lets hope it works. Do keep a record. I hope it works out for you. I knew a girl at school whose mum was an alcoholic, in ome ways it was a surprise she wasn,t taken into care. Her mum is a nice person but the damage was very long lasting on my school friend. Thankfully I thijk her mum did manage to stop.

@scotsllb

Severe alcoholics can't just stop.

No but they can be prescribed Librium or antibuse by a GP and do a safe home detox.
My dad who is a long term alcoholic did this several times.

I have been to my GP several times asking for help. They will not give anything for alcohol withdrawals or detoxes. The addiction services can offer at home detoxes but the earliest available time is January. I’m aware it probably differs depending on area but that is how it is where I am.

Why are you doing an AMA? What’s in it for you?

wishing you well OP

Christ alive, that’s a lot.

So glad you’ve gotten into a rehab programme. This is a learning moment - you cannot drink ‘normally’, it’s likely to creep back up on you afterwards.

Much luck to you, and to dealing with the shit show that is children’s. Grab onto every decent bit of support x

@Mummyoflittledragon

Why are you doing an AMA? What’s in it for you?

Why not? It helps me to talk about it and I think that there is a stigma around addiction and a stereotype of the type of person who is an ‘alcoholic’ if it helps break that down the why not?

Well done for asking for help OP

Do you have Zoom? AA have meetings round the clock. I've been all over the world!

PM me if you want some links x

Good luck Pengola. There's an increasing awareness about trauma and substance misuse. Dr Gabor Mate is another person - Hungry Ghosts is about exactly that, though it's quite hard going. He's done quite a lot of Podcasts though, if you search his name the Tim Ferriss podcast or Dr Rangan Chatterjee's are good examples.

Stephanie Covington in the States has helped to pioneer some work around this too, moving services from "what's wrong with you" to "what happened to you" which is much more useful around understanding your journey and how to recover. I think people who haven't been in severe emotional pain can't understand its intensity and how you'd do anything to make it go away. Recovery is more akin to how you'd recover from chronic physical pain than it is being able to think your way out of it because of how our brains are constructed