I was a lap dancer for 16 years, AMA

[Tiny2018]

I noticed a thread about stripclubs on the relationships board. I was a lap dancer from the age of around 20. I worked less and less until Covid hit and the club's were shut down.
Feel free to ask me anything.

Thank you! Interesting.

Can I ask where you fall on the biological v social spectrum. I'm probably the latter mostly, but the older I get and the more I see of men I am starting to accept some of their behaviour is more innate. I'm not 100% sure.

I've never been so this is totally unknown to me... is there really women of all types (weights and body types) in the clubs or do they fall into a reasonably narrow and biologically unusual type. I suppose I'm asking if there are any older or overweight dancers, or ones with stretch marks and cellulite

What's the oldest dancer you've met?

Oh and as below, are they saying sleazy things to you when you dance (the men)... or just sat there stunned into silence

ScreamingBeans sorry I missed your other question.
I think all jobs come with a price tbh and my job was no different. I would say that lap dancing is probably good short term and if you are capable of being professional at all times. As I think I mentioned above, I developed a binge drinking problem whilst dancing. In most of the club's I worked, drinking on the job is fine, some clubs even allow the girls a tab to pay at the end of the evening. Many girls take certain drugs to get through it too, to stay awake, to boost confidence. I've always managed to stay away from drugs (other than booze) which I'm so pleased about as many of the girls are still addicted even years later. I would say this would be my main concern with my daughter wanting to do the job. Drugs are too easy to get a hold of and all it takes is one bad day for a girl to join the wrong group of girls.
Also I think I'd certainly worry the first few years if she chose this line of work. Growing up, I was extremely compliant, one of the top students in school, polite, naive and had limited street experience fur yo a strict upbringing. The job obviously hardens you up and I'm considered pretty feisty these days. Any customer that was ever rude towards myself or any of the girls was often given a smart ass tongue lashing, usually resulting in embarrassment for them. I would say this is a necessity to get by in the job, a thick skin and a quick wit, but these really only come through experience.
So in response, I would say that as long as she was safe and happy, so be it. It wouldnt be my first choice for her, but if it's really what she wanted to do then I would support her and give tips on safety.

Another thing I will say which is actually incredibly sad is that I've seen new girls galore join the industry over the years. To personally watch the transformation from sweet and innocent to realising the sexual power they have, sonetimes arrogance then to hardened, aggressive and bitter, realising they could be any old naked body and that they aren't so special after all is awful. I call this the fall from grace. It usually happens within the first few years and most girls level out in their late 20s, early 30s. Life humbled me back out over the past few years thank goodness.

We get sleazy comments. They're usually the same old shit, I'd love to do this or that to you, I'd xyz so hard blah blah yawn yawn. It sounds the same to me as Brenda at McDonald's taking her 95th Big Mac order.
Particularly vulgar comments are met with a stiletto to the testicles.

I think they think we like the comments tbh. If I snap at them to shit the fuck up, they immediately look up with little boy eyes and apologise profusely. After more drinks with their friends they often say goodbye before they leave and apologise again.
It's like they'll push their luck but ultimately appreciate bring put back in their place in a weird kind of way.

missuspointagain
I think it's innate. I think all men crave sex at different levels, and some are more obvious about it than others. I've seen it in the politest men and the rudest men. As I said earlier, the only ones I've met that don't seem phased by it show symptoms of depression and hopelessness. I've also known men that say they hate themselves for their urges but can't help it.
In terms of body sizes, seriously, all sorts, big, small, size 4s, size 18s. They all do well money wise because they all have the confidence to pull it off and I believe it is that confidence that really does it for men.
The oldest I've met was a friend I had to disengage with last year. She'll be 43 this year, then it's usually me, who's coming up 36. Then age ranges down to a fresh faced 18. My ex friend was more often than not the top earner though, so it does show that age really doesn't matter.

MatildaonaWaltzer
I bet she does 😂
I was house Mother for a year or so but couldn't handle the responsibility of it.Plus the pay was worse.
We do see some crazy stuff. I've seen girls drunk sat in bins, girls jump angrily topless on customers cars, men dragged out, fights, bad drug trips, you name it, I've probably seen it l😂😂

Is management typically male, typically female or about half and half?

I've had both male and female. I feel sorry for the make ones, they always look exhausted on account if dealing with all us women and our complaints and issues 😂

Innate. Interesting. I don't know.

You said some seem to be uninterested because they said they love their wives, are past it, etc... so assume it's not either depressed/hopeless or actively hunting sex/sexual entertainment?

I'll go away soon but am really enjoying this thread.

If you are/were in a close relationship, how would you feel about your husband/partner being a paid customer of these clubs?

missusthepointagain
These types are few and far between unfortunately, and often tend not to have been married long. They don't necessarily have private dances but do tend to watch pole shows.
Funnily enough that's one of the many reasons I fell out with the friend I mentioned earlier. Turned out she had danced for my last partner when we first got together. I was livid, which some might see as hypocritical, regardless it wasn't acceptable to me.
I am one of the few girls who has a problem with the idea of a partner having a dance. Most girls see it as no big deal, as a means for their colleagues to make money.

That's fascinating. About your ex. And your friend.

Do you think (in broad terms) having a dance is cheating/disrespectful if you're in a relationship (and it's not been agreed with your partner).

If so - and I assume many of the men you've danced for had wives and partners and they didn't know what the men were up to - what effect did that have on you.

I would never blame or judge the dancers; it's completely the men's choice to do this, but, it's interesting if (some of) the women dancing for them actually consider that that man is being disrespectful/cheating on another woman?

I think everybody has their own idea of what they consider cheating, and for many, myself included lap dances cross that line, understandably. I feel it's much more personal than passively watching porn for example, it's up there with cam girls, though worse as the dancers are physically present. I feel that any man who specifically chooses another female to participate in what is essentially a personal act, whether paid for or not, is cheating. Just as if a partner were to go to a nightclub, go home with a man and have her dance naked. The only difference is the money.
I often thought about men with wives or girlfriends at home. Some years ago actually, a woman burst into the dance area where her partner was sat having a private dance. She flew at him, crying, screaming and hitting him. The doormen removed her and everybody, including the guy found it hilarious. I felt absolutely terrible for her and was incredibly angry at everybody for finding it so funny. I struggled to justify dancing for married and partnered men for quite some time, one thing the drink helped with. As much as I enjoyed aspects of the job, I struggled mentally with other aspects and was incredibly conflicted, as I mentioned earlier.
On the one hand I was keeping a roof above my families head, being financially responsible for my kids. On the other, I was going against many things I believed in. I mentioned this to my manager and a door man that became a good friend. They both saud that as soon as men cone through those doors, they are agreeing to spend money and if it isn't spent on you it will go to someone else. Valid point but it didn't sit right.

Really interesting thread.
Are lap dancers fully nude, or wearing a thong or whatever? In my head, wayyyyy more would be visible watching a cam show...but I could be wrong!

Obviously cam girls go much further, we just dance naked.

That's what I assumed. Seems less "extreme" to me in that regard so I would prob rather my partner had a lap dance than was engaging with cam girls!

I think the fact that you felt conflicted and drink helped shows that you are a nice person. How awful for the woman that came in.

Do you think that being in a club and not having a dance is disrespectful/unfaithful?

And randomly, do you think if you go into criminal justice further you'll be particularly involved in anything related to either "sex work" or women's issues (as a result of your previous work), or not?

But if a tmi information question, but if you dance naked, do you have to keep it clean 'down there?' Must be a bit awkward at times to be gyrating with discharge!

gypsywater Depends on what girl they get.

missusthepointagain Without teying to toot my own horn, I consider myself to be a fundamentally good, empathetic person. In this type of industry it is very easy to become bitter and cynical and end up very miserable I think. In terms of the staff laughing at the lady, this type of 'drama isn't a tee thing and I think many of them become desensitized and forget other people are just human. You have to remember that it's not much different to sales. We are to sell the product with no interest in the customers current situation. It's your sons birthday tomorrow so you can't afford it? Get wasted and worry about that tomorrow, life's too short. You be been saving for a house deposit? You'll not notice 500 quid missing and it sounds like you've been working so hard, you deserve a treat. And so on and so forth. Dancers go for the hard sell, and in doing so for so many years they don't see customers as hinans- more fresh meat. Their girlfriend pushing her way through to the dance area? That's the husbands problem. I've personally witnessed customers having the shit kicked out of them after being ejected from clubs for touching girls. The staff have gathered around the camera, egging it on. Its really sad.

I wouldn't be happy about a partner frequenting one at all tbh as I know what some if the girls are like and I've seen to many men too easily tempted. Sounds a but controlling perhaps, but tough tits, it's a deal breaker for me.
In terms of my future career I don't think I'd explicitly go for work with females, though am likely to encounter some and you never know where life can take you. I'd like to work with repeat offenders, some of which will be women. I was offered to mentor a female group through the Probation Service last year but turned it down as id not long come out of an abusive relationship and wasn't ready to sit amongst a group of women of which previous abuse was likely to be a theme.

Stingray123 yes we do need to stay clean, not just for the customers but in clubs where there are communal dance areas, you dont want to be sweaty, smelly or soggy down there around the other dancers.😂We always have a huge supply if wet wipes and clean throughout the evening.

Handsoffisback what a really lovely comment, thank you very much xx