I was a lap dancer for 16 years, AMA

[Tiny2018]

I noticed a thread about stripclubs on the relationships board. I was a lap dancer from the age of around 20. I worked less and less until Covid hit and the club's were shut down.
Feel free to ask me anything.

And no I do not believe that being a customer has anything to do with specific views on women.
It's clear who they are and what their views on women are after 5 minutes of speaking to them though.

Absolutely not to the misogyny question.
One of our regular customers unfortunately died last year.
Many of us attended his funeral. He was by far one of the kindest, most compassionate men I have ever had the pleasure to meet and he is greatly missed.

In fact, most long term customers are really quite pleasant and are respectful.
Many appear to need or want someone to talk to, don't get me wrong, most will have dances, but for most it seems to be the company of women they like.
Someone who doesn't judge, somebody unbiased to their problems.
The only misogyny I've really seen is often put on to look macho. I don't think I've ever seen a clear cut, honest case of misogyny at work, but I will have a think.

I have had men touch themselves during a dance.
The sane rule applies for if they touched me, one chance, then you're out.
I didn't learn to dance before I started but soon picked it up as I always enjoyed dancing on nights out.
Is my body toned? I'm a little over 5 ft, I'm a size 6 and have always been toned due yo an active lifestyle, though my family are all small and thin so I believe genetics play a huge part too.
I was told by my first midwife that due to years of extreme pole work, my stomach would revert back quite quickly, which it did after both pregnancies.

That's interesting. Thanks. I have to admit I judge a man terribly if he is a customer. I assume he revels in his absolutely entitlement to objectify women. It almost feels as if these clubs are somewhere they can indulge their inner sexist and then go out in to the real world without judgement. I admit though it is probably more complex. Your answers are really interesting though.

When you've had stag or work parties in, is the "I got dragged along and didn't have a dance/ enjoy it/ open my eyes " man a real thing, or just bullshit they all tell their wives/partners. Is there different dynamics within a group that you would be aware of. Or are they all basically the same....

In terms of stag doos, there are men who honestly come for moral support, will have a drink and a chat and that's that. The older men in particular will tell us we are wasting our time as they've done it all years ago, know we are here to make our money and to find somebody else to make it off. Some come to laugh at/ tease the stag. In my experience, stag doos aren't massively profitable, often the group will chip in for the stag for a dance. Occasionally the rest of the party would have a dance themselves.
Interestingly, there is usually always one who sits it out and watches everybody have fun. As I got older, I found myself drawn to these types, I wanted to know what made them tick, what made them stay faithful to their wives. They would often say their wife fulfilled all their needs, they adore their wife etc. These men allowed me to hang on to hope in regards to the male population, that not all men just unwillingly follow their nob.
Important to note obviously that they always mention being sexually fulfilled at home.
This has made it difficult for me in personal relationships, in that I often felt pressure yo have sex with my ex partner, else he would go elsewhere. Not a nice way to live.
The job comes with a heavy price.

I wouldnt say its entitlement. These establishments exist, and men take advantage of that.
I will also say that from a big picture point of view, women may well be victims of a patriarchal society that allows and encourages the objectification of women, to have them viewed as commodities, bit make no mistake, the women in these types of clubs by and large are the ones with the power, bar a few girls that have been pushed into it by boyfriends.

What was your hourly rate and was it more than you would earn in another job you were qualified for.

There was no hourly rate, we were paid per dance. 20 per dance usually, commission is minuses at the end of shift.
The income fluctuated due to season, in the good months, yes it was more than I would make in any other job that I could have got at the time, as I had no high end qualifications.
I have since completed a Degree and am due to start Masters in a few weeks though.

I thought this was a thread about TAP dancing

Not one of my skills I'm afraid 😂😂

I have so so many questions but fear hogging your thread. Appreciate your considered replies. Fascinating.

Have you had female friends along the way who were anti-lap dancing? Did it cause any issues with friendships? Differing opinions?

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

Do you feel that those that are anti the industry misunderstand it or have a point?

Do you think the internet/porn has had an effect on the popularity of these clubs?

And no I do not believe that being a customer has anything to do with specific views on women.

I couldn't disagree more.

There are certain types on men who see women's bodies as commodities, I choose not to asscociate with these types.

OP you have a skewed view of men because you come into contact with all the sleazy ones.

You are right in that their are some men who view women as commodities, in my experience however, they are few and far between and I don not believe that this is related to the types of men I have met.

I would say I have a deep seated resentment towards men, yes

some men who view women as commodities, in my experience however, they are few and far between

So why the deep seated resentment?

I think they generally have it easier than women, in most respects if life.
I hate how easily led astray they are. I think in many respects they are quite weak willed when it comes to women and sex.

Don't you feel ashamed of yourself for doing this work?

My brother's ex wife when she met him was an 'exotic dancer' and she met her previous fiance (another story) before she met my DB.

She told me that a few women who do this do offer lots of extras which aren't even permitted by the club but said as long as they (the women) got paid for this they didn't mind.

I hate how easily led astray they are. I think in many respects they are quite weak willed when it comes to women and sex.

Not my experience at all.

Again I would suggest it's the company you keep.

Its only the "weak willed" and "easily led astray" that go to lap dancing bars.
Athough I would challenge that analysis.

I have seen it first-hand with make friends, family members and ex boyfriends.
At 36 years old, I feel it highly unlikely that every man I have been exposed to that has given me this impression is a certain breed of man.

male*

I think it is very sad to have a deep seated resentment towards half the human race.

I absolutely do not feel ashamed, nor do I feel I should be. Everybody is entitled to an opinion on the matter, however.

I agree, it is sad.

Although I am very wary of suggesting women "lead men astray" etc as that's a whole area of scariness.... I wonder if (some) men's attitudes to sex, female bodies, sex as throwaway "entertainment" is reinforced by the willingness of women to lap dance etc (albeit for good money).

I'm not placing blame on you (or any woman) at all for men's actions and attitudes. But isn't there some dissonance in feeling (sadly) like men are weak willed/easily led astray, and then providing sexual entertainment for them?

That's really not meant as a dig, I'm genuinely interested in your (and other dancers/providers of male entertainment) feelings on it.