Ex-Mormon /Latter-day saint (LDS) AMA

[Someonesayroadtrip]

I was born into the pretty much Mormon faith (parents converted when I was tiny) and I was fully converted and fully believed. Myself and family had "leadership" positions etc. Feel free to ask me anything.

Yes, very similar, different tactics but with the same results I think. The whole idea that families can be together forever is massive in the Mormon religion but that means you have to marry in the church and be worthy to go to the temple and stay worthy to get to the highest level in the heavens to stay with your family. It sounds beautiful in one way but the reality is they are saying "do what we tell you or you won't be with you family after you die". It's amazing the hold that has on you.

That's why it breaks up families because they can't bare the thought of not being together after this life but as a result destroy their relationship with that relative and lose everything.

So I left my records because while I know it's all rubbish I know my family would be devastated at the idea they will lose me and their grandchildren via me in the next life. Even though if it were true I have done the thing worse than murder by denying the truth of the religion so would be sent to outer darkness 😂

Is the 'no sex before marriage' rule strictly upheld? I ask this a a catholic who was educated in catholic schools and doesn't know anybody who adhered to this?

I've just remembered that I briefly dated a guy who claimed to be a Mormon. I say claimed because he didn't seem to stick to many of their rules.
Apparently tea, coffee and alcohol were most definitely very bad. He would refuse to buy me coffee if we went out, but also didn't like me ordering my own because he was the man.
He did however believe in sex before marriage, and never went to church or prayed.

He was a complete weirdo!

@purpledagger

Is the 'no sex before marriage' rule strictly upheld? I ask this a a catholic who was educated in catholic schools and doesn't know anybody who adhered to this?

Pretty much on the whole. I have heard about Mormons who try and get away with doing things that are not technically sex and there are a few who do of course. If you do have sex you have to go confess to your bishop who asks you questions about what you did and then will decide what you need to do. This can vary greatly between bishops. So one might just say don't do it again or another may send you to the stake for excommunication. Usually for young people who intend to Marry it's either a slap on the wrist OR bishops council. Which may mean not having callings and not Able to marry in the temple.

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

I've just remembered that I briefly dated a guy who claimed to be a Mormon. I say claimed because he didn't seem to stick to many of their rules. Apparently tea, coffee and alcohol were most definitely very bad. He would refuse to buy me coffee if we went out, but also didn't like me ordering my own because he was the man. He did however believe in sex before marriage, and never went to church or prayed.

He was a complete weirdo!

😂 yeah some Mormons are really warped by it. I still don't drink alcohol, tea or coffee. I've never acquired a taste for it.

There are some Mormons who won't go near coffee shop and deem it as the "appearance of Evil" which basically means that if someone sees you with a coffee cup or in a club then they may gossip about you and report you to the bishop.

I'd say most, least here, are fine with coffee shops but there are bast differences between what people find acceptable. I've never had an issue being around or buying alcohol for example, but I now don't like the taste because I never actually drank any. 😂

Roadtrip thank you so much for the information and insight you've revealed.

I have long been fascinated by the Mormons, I even stopped off in SLC, crossing the US by rail in my late 20s to see the Tabernacle! And hear that amazing (albeit a bit 'Handmaid's Tale') choir. I even managed to research my Cornish great grandparents at the library, on microfiche!

Way back, I could see the appeal of that life, searching, as I was for meaning, certainty, stability - but, as ever, growing up, education, evidence and maturity revealed that it was yet another patriarchal cult, controlling and suppressing women.

Real life is much messier.

But I even have a copy of The Book of Mormon somewhere! Smooth moves, Moroni!

I'm always nice to young American missionary boys (always boys) at my door, though.

@Miljea

Roadtrip thank you so much for the information and insight you've revealed.

I have long been fascinated by the Mormons, I even stopped off in SLC, crossing the US by rail in my late 20s to see the Tabernacle! And hear that amazing (albeit a bit 'Handmaid's Tale') choir. I even managed to research my Cornish great grandparents at the library, on microfiche!

Way back, I could see the appeal of that life, searching, as I was for meaning, certainty, stability - but, as ever, growing up, education, evidence and maturity revealed that it was yet another patriarchal cult, controlling and suppressing women.

Real life is much messier.

But I even have a copy of The Book of Mormon somewhere! Smooth moves, Moroni!

I'm always nice to young American missionary boys (always boys) at my door, though.

Yes, there is a lot on the surface that is great, I didn't feel oppressed or think it was making me unhappy. I believed it was the only way for true happiness. There is a real sense of community. It's hard seeing things the same way now, but life experiences make you who you are so regardless of how i feel about it now, it moulded me into the person I am today.

Who would you feel if your children wanted to rejoin the faith? Would you try to discourage them?

@Mags5Bia

Who would you feel if your children wanted to rejoin the faith? Would you try to discourage them?

I have thought a lot about that. I would let them yes, because I believe they should have choices and freedoms to decide for themselves.

There were good things, I mean I really confident I'm public speaking because I have spoken to the entire congregation and taught lessons form young.

I had a good time at youth, back then there was always a lot of youth around, it's not the same now, membership seems to be reducing especially in the youth but I did have fun. I do wonder what decisions I would have made if I had not had the church.

I think having non active member parents would help make them more aware too. So they would be less likely to be brainwashed into the same thinking I was.

I don't think they would though. I mean they remember church and they were not treated well there. Two of mine have additional needs and they often were not Welcome in primary.

They ask questions all the times about all things in life, like all children, and I'm always very honest and quite blunt sometimes because two of them have autism and it works best to be very honest and to the point.

My eldest likes the idea of reincarnation, the others are not really fussed either way, they believe in God as school teaches it and they pray in my parents house and volunteer to pray for meals.

I have said they can go to activities but the weren't run for years and years (even though it's Part of the programme ) and when my eldest was old enough for a different set of activities then he wasn't interested.

But, I'm short, if they wanted to join then I would support them to make their own minds up but I would also continue to be open and honest about things.

I’m going to ask a really insensitive question, and please don’t answer if you think it is too far, but if in the sad event you had to plan a funeral for your husband or god forbid one of your children, would you plan something with a religious one and a belief in life ever lasting? Or would you chose a humanist ceremony celebrating a life well lived?

@Justnormajean

I’m going to ask a really insensitive question, and please don’t answer if you think it is too far, but if in the sad event you had to plan a funeral for your husband or god forbid one of your children, would you plan something with a religious one and a belief in life ever lasting? Or would you chose a humanist ceremony celebrating a life well lived?

Good thought. Probably harmonist for my husband. Same for children too I guess. I would just have a brief cremation and a celebration of life.

I've said for years just dump my body and get on with it, whatever is cheapest, happy to be used for medial science but that all has to be pre arranged and you need to be close to a hospital looking for cadavers.

Yes, would just have a celebration of life. My dad may offer but think he would be too emotional. My husbands bets mate is actually the bishop currently, not the same as the asshole before, and I would let him, he's a good guy even if we don't believe the same.

Thank you for answering.

I feel like I need to know more about Mormons, my dad has recently been contacted by a cousin he didn't know existed in Utah who has been compiling a family tree, so we have distant Mormon family. This thread has been really interesting in helping me to understand more.

One thing I heard was that Mormon women often become involved in MLM schemes, and some are hugely successful. It's this because it can be done around the family, and Mormon women are encouraged to think family first over a career outside the home?

Have you seen the musical Book of Mormon? What did you think of it?

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners

I feel like I need to know more about Mormons, my dad has recently been contacted by a cousin he didn't know existed in Utah who has been compiling a family tree, so we have distant Mormon family. This thread has been really interesting in helping me to understand more.

One thing I heard was that Mormon women often become involved in MLM schemes, and some are hugely successful. It's this because it can be done around the family, and Mormon women are encouraged to think family first over a career outside the home?

Yes, MLMs have a massive influence, a lot are originated in Utah and a lot for the tactics used in MLMs are very similar with the religion itself.

Women are very much encouraged to be home and be mothers, it's the most important role. Men are encouraged to be the main breadwinner. It's not always the case of course, but it's definitely the norm.

In addition to this, Mormons pay a 10th of their income to the church as well as fast offerings (this money is the money used for welfare and members are asked to not eat for a day and donate that money generously to the church) and additional funds such as missionary, temple, humanitarian aid, school funds etc.

I have so many Mormon friends involved in MLMs, i remember back in the 80s my parents getting involved in one called Amway. I guess people who are easy to believe that type of religion are easy to convinced they will make their millions if they buy into a product that all their friends will want to buy and be a part of.

Interestingly most women do get an education or go on missions, sometimes both, sometimes get married super young (I say that as someone who got married at 23 and thought that was old to get married). Unless it's teaching or nursing, a lot don't seem to pursue careers once they get married, and then will only work part time. I was highly pressured to chose one of those which I did. I don't work in those fields now though, mostly because I gave up everything to move and support my husband.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Have you seen the musical Book of Mormon? What did you think of it?

No, I've heard about it and would love to see it. From what I heard it doesn't represent what I think/know about the religion, but happy to answer any specifics you may have.

I highly recommend it! So funny. Tbh its not so much about mormons but the west influencing the global south, however well intentioned, through questionable means.

I was reading recently about a young widow whose husband was killed this year in a flying accident in the UK (US Air Force).
They got married quickly in secret before his posting to the UK & sadly he died before she was able to join him here.

After his death, (before his funeral, in fact) she got 'sealed'? to him in the Temple and a member of his family stood in for him for the ceremony.
I found that very strange, tbh!
There were pictures of her looking a million dollars in a beautiful wedding dress. It was a bit weird.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

I highly recommend it! So funny. Tbh its not so much about mormons but the west influencing the global south, however well intentioned, through questionable means.

They have a tendency to put a lot of converging effort into developing countries where there baptism rate is pretty high. They also have missionaries training in mandarin and other Chinese dialects to teach students in areas in the UK. They have a large amount of Chinese students who join for short periods even when they have a very poor grasp of English.

@Horsemad

I was reading recently about a young widow whose husband was killed this year in a flying accident in the UK (US Air Force). They got married quickly in secret before his posting to the UK & sadly he died before she was able to join him here.

After his death, (before his funeral, in fact) she got 'sealed'? to him in the Temple and a member of his family stood in for him for the ceremony.
I found that very strange, tbh!
There were pictures of her looking a million dollars in a beautiful wedding dress. It was a bit weird.

Interesting. Used to be you would have to wait a year after death (or even marriage) but they have changed things recently.

Yes they do lots of "work" for the dead. You can be baptised, married etc to people after their death and others stand as proxy. They believe that every human who has lived and died needs these saving ordinance to be saved. So they do mass amounts of family history and then do "work for" the dead by doing the ordinances via proxy in the temple.

They believe without this you can't be with your family forever or get to the highest heaven and therefore can't become gods themselves.

Hi OP. Have you seen the programme Big Love and if you have do you think it was an accurate portrayal?

I haven't. I assume that they are polygamists? Mainstream Mormonism no longer practices, at least not "in this lifetime". I'll have a watch and let you know though.

Yes - polygamists living in Salt Lake City but also with links to a fundamentalist compound. I really like it but no idea how true to life it is!

@ChessieFL

Yes - polygamists living in Salt Lake City but also with links to a fundamentalist compound. I really like it but no idea how true to life it is!

I'll have a watch, but it will be a breakaway group.

I was a member of the mainstream LDS religion, but after the first prophet of the Mormon faith died their was many arguments over who would be the next prophet and as a result the religion ended up dividing itself up. They all originally practice polygamy though, but the mainstream stopped earlier after threats of having their temples and building taken away.

I've refrained from commenting further but as I see OP hasn't watched Big Love, I thought I'd chime in.

The off compound stuff in the earliest seasons of Big Love is fairly accurate, as are the temple scenes. The stuff with the compound is definitely not accurate to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints whose wards you'll see in your towns and cities, and whose missionaries you'll encounter at your doorstep. Some of the stuff when Bill creates a church for Barb is very heavily influenced by the practices of the LDS church but isn't accurate. HTH.