My Dad is a transsexual, she started transitioning when I was 5 - AMA

[WheelyMom]

There’s a lot of threads on the topic so I thought I’d start this thread xxx

@DodoPatrol we don’t talk about it, which might seem strange to the outside because we went through this experience together but we weren’t close growing up, my Dad had this big mental burden which meant home had a tense atmosphere and he had a volatile temper, it wasn’t a nice place to be and we coped in our own ways. I coped by keeping myself to myself so as not to be the burden I felt like. My sister is younger than me and didn’t want her family to split up. I did. I had wanted them to split up for years. She blamed me for a while.

The family you know sounds a lot healthier if one of the children felt comfortable enough to live with their dad.

@WheelyMom

Hi *@differentnameforthis*, you make some good points. I have had some counselling, but not about this. I started having panic attacks around 21, which led to agoraphobia, so I had CBT for that, though I still have anxiety now. I then developed MS, which I’ve had for about 10 years and has led to disability. I do feel a bit broken with the pandemic going on and the flare of of trans issues just dredges up some often painful memories. I do maintain a relationship with my “father” and I do try to just get on with life, so it’s a hard balance. I’m not sure my point but thank you for your support and understanding

I think the people around you did you a huge disservice by not helping you through it, and yes, that does include your mum.

Your "father" had their support, and all you had was an adult talking to you, as a child, about adult themes.

I sincerely hope you will consider getting yourself some clarity around this. Because it must be very confusing, even for the adult you.

Thanks for answering, Tropical, and sorry if it was too close to the bone. I'm not sure if they're healthier or not, long term, as we've rather lost touch. From second-hand info, I'd say at least one, possibly both children developed eating disorders as adolescents.

to you and to Wheelymom.

@TinselAngel

You don't seem all that sympathetic towards what your mother must have been through as a trans widow. Have you read any trans widows stories?

OP graciously responded to this but the question did not sit right with me.

First, because I don’t see how anyone could come to that conclusion based on anything she wrote here.

Also, because this discussion is not about the experience of her mother, but her own. I don’t think it’s the role of children, even adult children, to provide sympathy to their parents after a difficult childhood because one or both of their parents had all of the focus on themselves. It’s not her job.

It’s great if children develop and adult relationships with parents that lead to them gaining perspective and understanding.

But it’s not really nice to take a thread about the OP and chastise her for not, yet again placing full focus on how one of her parents felt. Suspect she’s spent enough of her life with her feelings being considered last or not at all.

@packamack if OP does not feel her dad was grotesquely selfish, will you accept that?