I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

BTW I heard a lovely dvar Torah once which gave another explanation for cheesecake (ie dairy foods) at Shavuot: at Mount Sinai we were a new-born nation, and the best food for new-borns is milk.

This has been a fascinating AMA, thank you for all of the answers.

I have a question regarding healthcare. You've previously mentioned that there is a volunteer ambulance service, but how do people cope when trying to maintain their beliefs in an NHS hospital? Kitchens can't be guaranteed, males may have to come into contact with females etc?

@Angelnix my SIL was once hospitalized in an ICU due to an allergic reaction to medication. It was very scary. She is orthodox.

Luckily we are in north london and the Royal Free has kosher food (probably from a kosher caterer) as well as a shabbat room ( i think they had fishballs and kugel there, we never really went). Her mum visited her during shabbat (they walked from hendon to hampstead, its a 3.7 mile walk). she had to climb the stairs or wait for someone to press the lift button. The auto taps aren't great as she isn't allowed to use it (but they did have normal taps elsewhere so she used that instead). A problem is that my sister in law refused to use the button to call the nurse on shabbat so i think she just called out to her or waited.

Men are allowed to look after women in medical emergencies. in my MIL's community, this really isn't a thing, cant speak for all communities. I know there was another time when another SIL was warded on Friday and by nightfall when shabbat came in, there was no news and my MIL was crying because she didn't know what was happening. I am liberal so I could make the call (and I was living with them at that time). But by and large, if you live in a jewish area, these things (kosher food, shabbat facilities) are catered for! If it isn't, you make do with what you have

@PikesPeaked love this!

Thanks so much for the insight @Desiring that sounds terrifying for all involved.

I work on the frontline in a hospital, but have never cared for a Jewish patient, but occasionally we will have patients transferred to us for specialist care, so it's really useful to know these things. I hadn't thought about the call bell, or push to open doors for example, that is definitely something that I will take away from this and remember. I hope you SIL made a full recovery.

Really great thread thanks op.

What's your view on circumcision for converts?

Also why do you think Israel (the government) and the settlers continue to breach international human rights law in such barbaric ways? Do you think their actions give Jews a bad name.

Such an informative thread, thank you. I was wondering how lockdown has impacted Jewish life when it is so focused on community and communal worship/ritual? How did people celebrate Passover and how are people upholding the Sabbath?

@Angelnix yes baruch hashem, she made a full recovery.

Yes, the basic rule of thumb is that anything that triggers electricity (whether its a button or a light) isn't allowed. Those little lights in fridges, i think most orthodox jews remove them. And this is from friday sundown to saturday sundown. This changes weekly and esp seasonally (i have an app on my phone that tells me the candle lighting times- time when the shabbat starts). So in summer, its something like 8.29 pm. In winter, it is much earlier, way before 5 pm. And of course what starts late also ends late (roughly 25 + hours or so after shabbat starts but always better to check)

The rabbis are pretty relaxed about what patients do in hospital, tbh. I've seen guidance from some pretty heavyweight rabbis saying essentially that you should try not to use electricity but it's not the worst thing in the world if you do. The kosher meals in hospital make a big difference when they are the only breaks in the day. We always make a donation to the meals service when we have visited someone.

@blondie87 my synagogue is liberal so we cope well with the lockdown. there is a young rabbi who is incredibly tech savvy and our services are streamed online on youtube.As we are liberal, we have a choir and an organ player, basically the organists/ musicians pre record their singing/playing and then someone does the editing. After the service, there is a kiddush on zoom (basically where we bless the bread and wine), and the rabbi has us break up into zoom breakout rooms so we can chat with each other. Its not as easy for the orthodox jews as they can't use electricity but i think they have zoom services before shabbat starts. They probably have other things, my mother in law prays the service by herself. Orthodox jews tend to be much better at hebrew so actually they don't really need a rabbi to guide them through the service the way many reform jews need.

Passover was difficult, I had a zoom sedar with my congregation (passover meal) on the second night which was very fun, but for the first night I was alone because my DH isn't really interested in judaism even though he grew up orthodox (he didn't really join in pre covid, usually he has a nap during the prayers and then stumbles out at roughly midnight for the food and his mother sighs but accepts it; my mother in law's passover meals are from 8 pm to 3 am, literally not joking). and zoom passover meals are not allowed for the orthodox. I hope that next year, passover would be nicer and we can meet in person.

@blondie87 also kids education is not affected, the religion school uses zoom. Conversion classes are happening during zoom. We had an online beit din (jewish court of 3 judges) too so one of my friends converted using that. i thankfully used the mikveh before the coronavirus broke out so i am officially converted but i am also having my admission ceremony online (and my MIL can tune in because i fixed it on friday before shabbat comes in at 8 pm).

@Angelnix the commandment to guard your health takes precedence. So it would not be a problem to be examined or treated by a male doctor, even in a non emergency. In areas with large orthodox Jewish communities we've set up a shabbos room in the main hospitals, and we have a volunteer medical assistance
group called ezra umarpeh who run the rooms and keep them stocked with fresh food and supplies,so that people who run in in an emergency can access fresh kosher food and milk. It's funded by the community and people who use the rooms will often donate after. There are also prayer books and Jewish magazines and things. The one in the MRI Is actually connected to the Muslim prayer room. I find the doctors and nurses often quite knowledgeable. I've spent a lot of time in and out of hospital with one of my children and they are usually very culturally aware and helpful.

For stays in hospital it is possible to request kosher food, although friends and family will usually bring a lot of extra food as well.

Regarding the other issues to do with being in on shabbos, again the patient will do their best to minimise breaking shabbos and will speak to their rabbi before about what they are allowed to do and can't do and answers will definitely vary depending on how ill you are,so one person will be able to use a call bell and another not. Also when it comes to children's health the laws are more lenient again.

I remember my parents walking an hour and a half each way to visit my grandmother on shabbos for weeks
in hospital years ago so she'd have company. No eruv at the time (and the hospital was out of the boundaries of the eruv now anyway).

@samG76 thats really interesting, thanks. However does this ruling apply to the people who visit the patients?

@samG76 cos if your child is in the ICU, you would want to visit everyday, even during shabbat. i have a SIL who often goes to hospital cos of a chronic condition, i think my MIL does visit her sometimes during shabbat. Cos it really sucks to be alone on shabbat.

@Elladisenchanted yes to clarify, i meant to write male doctors can examine women in all medical situations. My MIL's GP is male and she chose him cos he is very knowledgeable about halakchic implications of medication or something like that.

Also my SIL was 20, so i think thats why she was so strict with herself about breaking shabbat. If it was before bat mitzvah age, i think it would have been different.

Swapping all the dishes back after the week was never as much fun.

That made me smile. I remember putting the Christmas decorations away in the same way.

Do women have to come home early from work on Fridays in winter to start the meal? What happens when an employer isn't accommodating?

Desiring - it depends which rabbi you ask, of course, but no-one is going to allow anyone's health to be endangered for shabbat. Essentially, no-one is going to question what you're doing unless you're gossiping loudly on your mobile or playing CoD on an ipad.

@blondie87 shabbos hasn't been affected other than the men can't go to shul (synagogue) , so they are davening (praying) at home and no one is having guests. Also the celebrations that happen on shabbos are taking place at home without guests or postponed. (bar mitzva leining (reading from the Torah) is done in shul for example, and the follow on kiddush (erm celebration?) with loads of guests isn't happening. That's been very strange. My friend made her child's bar mitzva and it was emotional because obviously it wasn't celebrated as you would normally.

Pesach normally families gather together for seder, so everyone made it on their own in their own homes. We personally wouldn't use electricity on shabbos so no zoom seders for us! It was quieter than usual and it felt a bit strange. A lot of people who would normally be with their families made pesach for the first time (it's a huge job).

My husband is praying at home every day and learning Torah is happening over zoom conferences. Our shul has also done zoom shiurim (lectures I guess the translation is?) over zoom.

They've sent things around for the kids, and singers have made international concerts to celebrate things like chol hamoed (there are the middle days of pesach).

@Desiringonlychild this year we were like right! For once we are going to have a short seder and finish it before midnight... Yeah that didn't happen! Kids loved it, we made it all about them and did loads of fun things and as always it finished super late. It was odd but nice.

@Desiringonlychild no the ruling would only apply to the patient not the visitors.

@Cleanmean If you ever talk to an Iraqi or an Iranian Jew, you would get a very different picture of what happens to Jews in an Arab Muslim country. After the revolution, many Iranian Jews had to flee for their lives. Muslim countries don't treat Jews well, that is a fact. The Yemenite Jews had to be airlifted to israel. This isn't to say that muslims and Jews can't coexist peacefully and be friends, but it is naive to think that the likes of Hamas would be nice to Jews if they were ever in a position of power.

I think thats what makes Israelis scared. I understand it. Fear drives people to support a strongman like Netanyahu. Brits and Americans are not any different, we support populists like Boris and Trump. The settlers are not helpful but a lot of them have religious motivations I don't completely understand. Also i have family living in israel and apparently a lot of people support netanyahu for economic reasons; before covid 19, the economy was booming. And of course the haredi community would support netanyahu because he gives them stipends and generous family allowances which supports their lifestyle of full time learning, only 1 earner and 8 + children.

Its a complex situation.

Do you think their actions give Jews a bad name.

This is where criticism of Israel tips over into anti-Semitism.

Would it be acceptable for what a Muslim country does to give Muslims a bad name? No! That is called Islamophobia, and it is unacceptable. Does the existence of the Hindu caste system give Hinduism a bad name? Are people of Chinese heritage responsible for the actions of the Chinese government? Why should what Israel does give Jews a bad name?

Why is it even acceptable to ask this?

@Elladisenchanted in my family, the women go to synagogue ( me, my MIL and my SIL). The only man, my DH doesn't go! Except when I make him to. I do miss synagogue, Online isn't the same thing. Can't wait to go back! I would like to go to orthodox service again, i liked it to practice my hebrew.

@quillink Fridays in England will affect men and women. When shabbos comes in early - it can start at 330 in the winter- the men need to be home too. For an orthodox jew of an employer can't accommodate shabbos or yom tov (festivals) then we can't work there. Historically this was a huge issue in America, and orthodox Jews would start a job at the start of the week and be fired at the end of the week for refusing to work on shabbos. I think it was pre war. My husband makes up his short Friday hours in winter by staying late daily through the week in winter. Also people work in Jewish owned businesses as it makes it a lot easier.

Regarding the cooking at lot of working women will cook it all on Thursday night. Once you've made shabbos a lot, you get pretty fast at cooking. My mum regularly cooks and hosts 3 meals over shabbos for 15-20 people, 2 of them multiple courses. She's just very very quick. And the older kids pitch in too. I also do have a few friends whose husbands do the shabbos cooking. I hate cleaning so I'd rather cook and he cleans.

@desiringonlychild I'm the opposite - I just walk to meet my husband with the kids at the end of shul so I can socialise with my friends in the kiddush. I like the chill morning at home with the kids and they wouldn't stay quiet in shul anyway :)