I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

Good thread op!

Do you think it's anti semitic to criticise the government of Israel?

Thank you for the interesting thread. In your own experience, can I ask how do you feel about non-Jewish anglophone people using Yiddish words? Is there any consensus on that amongst other Jewish people that you know?

Re the aeroplane seating, it's not so much that an Orthodox man cannot sit next to a woman, as that he cannot touch a woman he is not married to or who isn't a 1st degree relative. Which is very difficult to avoid when you're wedged into aeroplane seats. Eye contact counts as touching.

Did you end up moving nov1ce? He should have just put his child in the middle seat. Or is that also not allowed?

In nida, if you were very upset, perhaps because something dreadful had happened, would your husband be able to comfort you with a hug, or would he still have to keep his distance? Would there be a consideration of mental well-being over applying the rules? I remember someone said earlier that the rules didn't apply if they would hurt someone (e.g. Sabbath and treating a child's broken leg).

Thank you I am learning so much on this thread.

Really interesting thread and fascinating hearing more about your religion.

I ended up buying a house in Liverpool which used to belong to an old Jewish couple. Three houses up there is a synagogue and I went to a private school which had many Jewish children attending. I also hope my children will be able to attend the Jewish school on my road as 1) it's on my road - no parking issues 2) I hear such great things about the community feel and manners of children and in school 3) it's a good performing school too.

There aren't as many Jewish families in this area as there used to be when I was growing up- a taxi driver told me a lot of the Jewish community in Liverpool had moved to Manchester: does anyone on this thread know if it's true and if so why?

Finally more a thought than a question , you have mentioned in this thread about the command being for men to procreate but I wonder as the bloodline goes through mothers if the commandments could be reviewed wouldn't it make sense for the woman needing to procreate to keep the bloodline going? I am aware commandments can't be reviewed of course I just thought it was an interesting twist

can I ask how do you feel about non-Jewish anglophone people using Yiddish words?

I have absolutely no objection. It's just another language, it has no special je ne sais quoi Similarly Hebrew, though some ultra-Orthodox Jews may feel differently, Hebrew being the language of sacred prayer and study.

What I do object to, though, is 'outsiders' telling me how to pronounce my mother tongue, or the language I grew up hearing every day (even though I don't actually speak it). But that's about people not speaking the language, rather than the religion, so I feel the same about Jews telling me that I should call that food "Peter Ferlaffle".

@pondypandy depends on what denomination.

Masorti (Conservative),Liberal and Reform Jews- males and females can become rabbis. Rabbis generally go to rabbinic school where they study for 5 years. YoAnd then they graduate. I am Liberal and all my rabbis went to leo baeck college which has a cohort of 5 students every year. As you can imagine, admissions is competitive. A graduate degree us compulsory and someone I know who interviewed for the college was questioned about his previous academic record. You get some really smart people applying to become rabbis. Of course you have to be fluent in hebrew, established and active in your local community etc etc in addition to being v book smart. So most of these graduates would get a post at a congregation.

Modern Orthodox- not passed down from father to son..there are rabbinic families where most of the sons are rabbis. Again there are a lot more rabbis in relation to population. The orthodox ladies know more about this so best to let them ask. There are also charedi dynasties.

Basically as for types of Jews, I would rank them in order of strictness from least strict to most strict. Strictness is defined by how much you adhere to traditional Jewish law i.e. a orthodox Jew would walk to synagogue while a reform/liberal Jew may choose to use public transport or drive to synagogue.

Secular/cultural Jews- they may have passover dinner but they generally are not religious
liberal Jews- vsimilar to reform Jews but it is a UK movement that diverged from reform Judaism over 100 years ago. Its similar to American reform Judaism. I would call it more 'modern' and radical, because it tends to question more and be more willing to push the boundaries. First to introduce mixed seating, first to recognize gay marriage, welcomes patrilineal Jews, mixed marriages etc etc.

Reform Judaism-movement that started in 19th century Germany. Emphasizes evolving nature of the faith. It is supposedly more conservative than liberal Judaism but in reality there is little difference today. Like liberal Judaism ,it emphasizes that halacha or Jewish law is non binding but the ethical commandments apply.

Conservation (Masorti) Judaism- they believe in abiding by halacha but believe that gradual change is the way to achieve it.

Orthodox Judaism- believes in strict adherence to Torah and halacha. In modern orthodox Judaism (which is what I would consider 'centre' or mainstream in the UK), people lead lives not vastly dissimilar to non Jews (university, watch movies,listen to music) but they integrate the religious observances with their modern lives. So they would go to university but not attend tutorials if it is on a Friday evening. Not wear skin tight dresses either. They would have non Jewish friends but would eat vegetarian food when out with them. Marriages are usually not arranged. They have internet and telly. Watch (and adore) football. But still would keep a kosher kitchen and never switch on a light on shabbat. My mother in law would not
even tear toilet paper (I used to tear for her) on shabbat but when shabbat is over, she uses the internet and watches soap dramas.

Ultraorthodox/haredi- lead a far more insular life. There is a lot said about them and there are a lot of sects so impossible to generalize. They are usually the ones with the huge families, men who learn full time (this is not common in UK, more common in Israel).

@nov1ce orthodox Jewish men and women are careful not to have physical contact with the opposite sex outside of their immediate families. In a situation like a plane where you will inadvertently have contact with the opposite sex, most will just sit there and try keep their elbows to themselves. Some men will be ultra stringent and try ask if they can be moved or ask the woman if she will move @TKAAHUARTG is right, legally and realistically there is no obligation for you to move and you are totally within your rights to refuse his request. To be fair he really should have swapped with his son.

Re the eye contact it's really not common practice and is something a few men have taken on themselves to do. I know of only one man abroad who does that and another man who fixed something for me who I think was doing it (if he was it was discreet anyway).

I'm so sorry if that man on the plane made you feel uncomfortable, that wasn't right.

@onemorewish I used to visit the Liverpool Jewish community a lot (Allerton Road) because I have friends there! A lot move for different reasons, if they become more religious then they'd move somewhere like Manchester because it is a large Jewish community, with loads of schools and shuls and kosher shops and other Jewish amenities which are more limited in Liverpool. Liverpool is an older community and more are traditional Jews rather than very orthodox.

In answer to your other thought I think it goes through the mother because you can definitively prove that the child is hers, unlike with men. I don't actually know why the obligation is on the men, although I have personally wondered if it has to do with pregnancy being physically risky for women. So a man can ask his wife but she can refuse because she is not obligated to have children? I keep meaning to ask my rabbi

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, it's so informative and interesting. I've learned a lot.

My question is- has there ever been a time in your life when your faith was tested, or you questioned your beliefs? What centred you again?

@weirdlyodd yes they would still have to maintain their physical distance. Assuming you aren't referring to extreme distress like suicidal or self harming?

@Elladisenchanted been meaning to ask, how would you define traditional judaism? Is it like modern orthodox or more lax on halacha?

@addler as a teenager I definitely questioned my belief. I asked questions, had debates and discussions and did a lot of thinking. There were a number of things that ended up really striking a chord with me personally that helped me with my belief. I'm grateful that I met people who were open minded and happy to discuss rather than 'command' and instruct. Life is always testing and faith is an area I try to work on to grow in, it's not static.

@Desiringonlychild I guess what I think of as traditional is more of a stereotype which which probably isn't right but this is what I think of : basically they have Friday night dinner but maybe drive to shul on shabbos day. They'd have a Jewish burial and wedding, and be upset if their children married out. They aren't aligned with groups like reform or Liberal or masorti and if they go to shul it would be more likely to be a united synagogue. Would have a pesach seder etc and maybe doughnuts at chanuka etc It's very much more in older generations.

That's just how I see it though!

@handingove I find it odd! Not offensive just odd and kind of funny no consensus that I know of I've never even discussed it with anyone. I've only really heard it on American shows though.

@Elladisenchanted ahhh makes sense. Actually DH's paternal grandparents fit that stereotype. drive on shabbat, united shul membership, jewish burials and weddings, pesach sedar, kids did go to cheider. But when their son become more religious and was dating a a lady in the process of converting, the rabbinate didn't consider his upbringing to be religious and required him to take classes on how to keep shabbos etc. Like he was considered baal teshuva (secular jew who has become religious).

@TheRealMrsKeanuReeves it's an interesting question to answer. On the face of it, no, criticising Israel is not anti semitic.
The problem is so many many times the people criticising Israel are using that as a very thinly veiled excuse for anti semitism, and when it happens often enough, there comes a point where you can't help but be suspicious of motives. There are definitely some genuine people but often it comes down to an aggressive tone and verbal attacking rather than a real desire to engage in discussion and conversation on what is a highly complex situation.

Also sometimes it depends on context: if you asked an English person of Chinese ancestry who lives in England to defend the actions of the Chinese government you'd rightly be seen as racist. I'm English, born and bred here, but because I'm Jewish I'm usually seen as fair game to answer all sorts of criticisms of Israel. Not sure if I've explained that well but it happens a lot. Kind of like - "you're Jewish - how dare Israel do x y z!!!"

I do also find the criticism of Israel, the only Jewish state, to be heavily disproportionate to criticism of any other country in the world.

There can also be a very aggressive undertone which I find really scary.

@Desiringonlychild I have a few traditional relatives and know quite a few lovely people who are traditional :)

In a way anti-semitism and Israel is really similar to the way Chinese people have been treated post covid. My great grandparents left China 100 years ago for singapore, and people still want to shout racist slurs at me in the street. European Jews have little to do with israel (DH's family have no roots there, other than a sister who made aliyah a few years ago). I am facing racism in uk on account of covid, and DH said, 'thats why i didn't want you to convert to judaism, this is what i dealt with everyday when I wore a kippah and looked visibly jewish. Chinese people are now just experiencing what Jews have endured for years'. My DH was once thrown out a political party conference because he was jewish (cos of Israel) and had rocks thrown at him when he was a child walking home from school.

And this is why criticism of israel is so sensitive. People never criticise the government (which would be fine), they criticize the whole country. they criticise the state of israel for existing, and that is not ok when jews already feel discriminated against and Israel is the country that they can escape to if things get bad. Its like saying you don't want Jews to exist.

Was it the Labour conference @Desiringonlychild ?

@DrDreReturns nope. Don't really want to say which party it is. :)

I was at school with quite a lot of Jewish young people. My memory from RE lessons was that they considered being Jewish to be their nationality as well as their religion.

OP did you watch "Unorthodox" and if so what did you think of it?

Judaism isn’t a nationality, it’s an ethnic group (as recognised by British law and most Jews).