I am Jewish AMA

[Bells3032]

Following answering some Q&As on a thread about the programme Unorthodox thought i'd do an AMA here. I have looked and don't think there's been one since like 2018.

I am a traditional/modern orthodox Jew so not Hasidic like the show but I actually do talks on Judaism as part of my job and I so my knowledge is fairly good and I am rarely embarrassed or offended by questions.

So go ahead AMA

I used to work with a Jewish vet in a very Jewish area.
When it came to a put to sleep, I would quite often get the owner to sign a form giving the ownership of the animal to me as they couldn't sign the consent form. I was told this was because it was otherwise doing harm to a living creature.
I loved working there.

I don't really like all this veiled criticism of ancient cultural and religious practices It is not veiled, I am being quite open here. I think that like many ancient cultural and religious practices, it is not in the best interest of women. The frum communities I know stop educating their women beyond 16. How do they get a voice?

Agreed: ancient cultural and religious practices - from any culture or religion - deserve to be critiqued.

Not all are good, some may be harmful to women, or men, or children. That goes for any cultural or religious practice.

Agreed. But we need to be cautious and open-minded in our critique, both from within the religion and from outside it. We should not lambast a practice purely because we dislike it.

An outsider might see the concept of nidda as misogynistic, isolating, but what of the woman who experiences it as a welcome break from routine, an opportunity to engage with herself, the visit to the mikveh being a spiritual and physical freedom? I have heard it described - by women who practice nidda and mikveh - as almost being the beginning of foreplay, because they know they will be making love with their husbands that night, after nearly 2 weeks of restraint. They like it.

Who am I to judge?

Do you approve of chopping the foreskin off baby boys?

I predicted this up thread:

Circumcision gets attacked by the woke army anytime it's raised.

@TKAAHUARTG that really is a tiny minority. I have lived in Hendon for years and in an orthodox community. I knew orthodox girls who went to Cambridge. I would say they are better educated with better life chances than 90% of Brits.

MissConductUS - it is an entirely valid question to ask of a Jew. I will be interested in the answer.

I am not part of a "woke army" - just a fellow human being concerned for child welfare.

@Mischance yes and given the tone of your post I will not be responding any further.

I will be interested in the answer.

See page 3 of this thread, where it's mentioned 22 times.

@Bells - wise choice.

Am presuming that mischance was in such a rush to do their 'gotcha' post that they failed to read the thread where this had already been discussed.

Thank you so much for a wonderful thread - it has been a real delight and education to read. On food, I once had a copy of Claudia R's book on Jewish food but don't have it any more but am tempted to see if its available to order.

I discussed The concept of nidda with a very orthodox lady a couple of years back. She said It wasn’t for everyone but it worked for her. She earns several hundred thousand a year and has loads of kids so I don’t think her life chances have been too seriously diminished....

I once worked for a Charedi family and IME Mrs Charedi did not hesitate to give Mr Charedi a piece of her mind if she felt it justified. The girls in that community had the option to stay to do A Levels at school but no one, male or female, went to uni.

It's so easy to look at communities like theirs from the outside and make assumptions about what they're like and how they live.

@samG76 thats the thing. As Jewish communities are centered around expensive urban centres, the survival of this lifestyle is dependent on upper middle class incomes. Even if not everyone gets that income, a large percentage of the community needs to- in order to pay for the synagogue fees, school fees. Also the Jewish shops charge as much as 30% or twice of normal prices, so the consumers need to be able to afford those prices to keep those companies afloat. Jews don't eat out as much or consume as many luxury product compared to most non Jews but those business need the footfall.

So that's why most women in orthodox Jewish communities need to get a good education and work. They need to more than secular people. Most people can move to Wales and live a cheap lifestyle. Doing that for a Jew would be complete isolation.

I was asking the OP what her view of this was. Sounds reasonable to me.

Is conraception allowed within the Orthodox/Ultra Orthodox? I get that every childs a blessing however ive seen women onto their 12/13th baby just like my catholic granny in the 1940s. Is it advisable these days? Who supports the women later on they must end up with problems gynae wise, would they talk about it amongst each other?

Mischance - I will hazard a guess that OP's view is similar to that of 99% of practising Jews, ie that we do it with some misgivings. The latter bit isn't a lack of faith - it's acknowledged in the religion that this is how it should be done.

Don't bother coming back with "a friend's brother's father in law didn't have a brit for his sons - and one of them is now the Chief Rabbi of Holon". This doesn't happen in RL.

@eachandeveryone technically no but there are exceptions to the rule eg due to health reasons or financial ones. If a couple wishes to do so they should consult a rabbi about it first and pref not use a barrier method such as a condom as it prevents husband and wife being connected and "wastes the seed" so things like the pill would be preferred.

@EachandEveryone most orthodox /ultra orthodox use contraception nowadays, though usually hormonal or a coil, not condoms. I There are still small elements who don't use contraception. Yes we talk about gynae type subjects with each other, although again I can't speak for the more extreme elements of the ultra orthodox communities who possibly don't.

@Bells3032 contraception is a lot more common nowadays, barring condoms. Those not using contraception at all are a far smaller percentage than they used to be. Still tend to have large/ larger than average families though.

It is interesting that my question has induced quite shirty responses - a "gotcha" post makes no sense at all.

I am not getting at anyone. The OP said AMA - so I did. But it clearly hits a nerve. And so it should. It is something that needs to be justified; and not something to be glossed over.

I am genuinely interested in the rationale behind this, as it so goes against all that we normally hold dear: the protection of the vulnerable.

Mischance as people have pointed out to you if you read the thread you'd see the same question has already been asked and answered. By not reading the thread and ignoring people who have said that it's been previously discussed it appears you are not interested in our answer and reasoning at all.

@Mischance I have not refused to answer a single question on this entire thread and when people have asked me about circumcision I have given a full and detailed response - even citing the fact I did my anthropology dissertation on the morals and attitudes of this particular practice - I do not have issues with people questioning me on this and I revel the opportunity to have a respectful debate on the subject taking into account the cultural, physical and mental impacts it had.

Your post, however, was not respectful - it was demeaning and uses language and imagery that is disrespectful. If you would like to have a proper discussion using respectful language I am happy to do but saying "chopping off babies foreskin" is not something I will respond to positively. As said there is a discussion on the subject earlier in the thread.

Niddah ends with the menopause, so your don't need to go to the mikveh after menopause, either. But would you be allowed to continue going?

@Mischance have you actually read the entire thread?