I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

@rev None of us know the OP or her child. I don't think we can say anything for definite at all

It hasn't stopped you up to now.

Sorry, meant to say, the best child, with the best life

@Boscoismyspiritanimal - if you read the discussion I have never said all home ed DC. I did state that home - ed is not seen as a safeguarding issue by the powers that be.

@sparkymummy2 - I fail to see how my DS is also not developing those skills with his peer group.

Just come on to say well done OP, I admire you. I seriously looked into home Ed for my eldest DD who has SEN. I wouldn’t have coped although there’s no doubt in my mind it would have been the best thing for her, certainly for the first few years of primary.

I’ve posted this link before but I will do so again because to me, this young lady is such a great example of a home educated child and dispels lots of the myths you hear.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=hrDZX9eeJrU

@Nanamilly No I have not said anything at all definite about the OP or her DC. I know it is easier to throw insults around than engage though.

OP I know you said your youngest went to school because she asked to. Do you think she would have been better off HE? And why?

Also OP I wonder what you think of the fairly significant group of HE children whose parents decided to HE after being threatened with court because their children were not attending school. Do any of them access the HE groups you are involved in? I always wonder how integrated they are in the HE community, or if they keep themselves very separate.

Janemaster I'm not the OP but as another HE'er (out of necessity rather than choice) I know from experience that the parents who HE for reasons of laziness, no other polite way of putting it I'm afraid, tend to get their kids back to school pretty sharpish. Changing schools is often the way to solve problems that have built up, a fresh start with new teachers and headteacher.

Also yes there are different groups who never meet each other. We have specific religious HE'ers in our area who I only know about thru our HE contact at the council. Both groups do not mix with other secular HE'ers. HE'ers are a very diverse mix of people so there tends to be lots of groups for people with the same interests or world views, and we might never come across many of them as we have different interests or styles of HEing.

And he has that oddness from relating as a child primarily to adults.

How can you possibly know this when the child has ASD?! Nonsensical assertion.

I admire you for sticking around OP. I HE too - a teen with ASD, and used to try to defend it a lot here on MN. I don't bother anymore. People don't generally want to understand so it's a waste of all our time.

All the negative stereotypes claimed on here fascinate me given that before I was forced into HE I had never met even one HE family yet on here everyone criticising it claims to know multiple HE families on which they base their claims. I know hundreds of HE families - live in London - and only ever met one family who really shouldn't have been doing it as the mother was really struggling. Most people who do it have been forced into it or are doing an amazing job.

I home educated as a last resort. My son was really damaged by school. There are advantages and disadvantages to homeschooling. You probably know the good side of homeschooling, but here is the dark side.

1 Your child won’t mix with other people with different points of view. This is limiting for your child, to be a tolerant, outgoing, confident person kids need to mix.

2 You May end up with a child who is only really good at the same things as you. You’ll be more confident teaching the things you’re good at so your son may end up with limited opportunities. I offered to run a media studies work shop for homeschooled kids and one parent said “I homeschool because I don’t want other people teaching my kids”. I found that very odd and concerning.

3 They miss out on teenage kicks and friendships. Bad behaviour is part of teen life and a learning curve.

On the other had, the education system in England is incredibly messed up. Creativity has been sucked out of the curriculum, schools have become unhappy, and rule obsessed places.

Please get your child a social life and make sure they mix with plenty of adults.

I do think I must have a different experience of HE than many others. Where I am there are huge organised groups of HE kids who meet up for activities. All different ages but plenty of teens who form their friendship groups. There are organised sports days and museum and arts workshops. Home Ed judo, football teams, Lego, dance, choir, GCSE study groups and so on. I honestly don't recognise this lack of socialisation and only being round your Mum thing that everyone is so concerned about. All the teens I know travel unaccompanied all over London to various groups and activities,

Something that people tend to conveniently ignore, is that if all HE parents decided that school was the way to go, there wouldn't be nearly enough spaces. Our local schools are 100% (or more) full; it isn't a case of budge up to fit in a couple more children, we're talking about 200,000 extra children or thereabouts, many of them autistic or with other complicated needs. Plenty of councils are quite happy to go along with a situation where there aren't enough specialist school spaces, or money to pay for those spaces, for the thousands of children with SEN who are HE.

OP do you think there should be any regulation of HE at all?

@YgritteSnow Fair enough, the people you see are mixing socially. You won't know about the ones who aren't. I've accidentally come across a few families now, as I'm one of those annoying people who always asks if people are Home Edders when we're out and about and see parents and children, who are failing their children. Parents who admit to not educating their children at all, who don't go to any social groups due to parents' anxieties. Even a memorable one who was so scared of the LEA that her kids weren't registered with a GP or dentist. There's the great, Insta side of Home Ed that is fun and not a problem at all, but let's not ignore the dark, batshit side.

Of course it is the same in schools. Some children are being badly failed and have terrible home lives, like poor Daniel Pelka, and somehow they slip through the net.

Agreed, I felt some homeschool mums were strange, overprotective and harmful..

I mean my children have been to school, and been home ed. I’ve seen the good and bad in both systems. And the thing is, yes there will be a percentage of home ed kids who would have been better suited to school, but there will also be a number of kids who went to school that would have been better suited to home education. I was a bright child, I certainly didn’t thrive in school, in fact I dropped out. The majority of my memories of my school days are not positive. I’m certain I would have achieved more learning at home with books / tutors / correspondence courses. But that’s not to deny the experiences of those who wish they could have gone to school.
I guess what I’m saying is, there is really no “one size fits all” approach.

@Dorsetdays - the point was if a teacher could be aware of a mother having a PD. That parent does not have to be involved with school in any other way than drop offs or pick ups (unless someone else is doing it - then contact is even less). So it is quite possible for school not to be aware. I wouldn't say my DD's teacher knows me well enough to know if I have mental health issues. I've had a meeting with him last term for 10 min. I only see him at the pick ups I do during the week - where he will literally see me standing in the playground. I honestly can't think of another time I've seen him.

I have met a fair few home ed. kids over the years, I have found them to be well balanced, interesting and confident.

Of course Home Ed has the potential for good or bad experiences, as does school.

A couple of families I know now are 'good' at home educating - wide variety of stimulating activity, and social contact. However I do feel a twinge of concern that the views of parents on thing like anti vaxx are strong and do these children get exposure to different attitudes/views?
One of the children has decided to go to school at 13 and really enjoys it.

I just think you have to be aware of the pitfalls. Mainstream schools have their downsides - peer pressure, conformity and MH, online porn sharing, bullying, one size fits all, unpleasant teachers. 1 teacher to 30 children does not always allow for close observation of progress or difficulty.

I can well understand parents of kids who do not fit the system going for HE. We have huge struggles trying to get an appropriate education for DS who has various SEN. The hours spent on battling paperwork and bullsh*t are hours I will not get back to spend with DS.

I think most people are fairly reasonable, and trust that they will get on with providing a decent education for their children.

How you overcome violence against children, whether in school or out, is a difficult one. DV can be hidden in plain site either way, even when there is oversight. I am broadly in favour of the right to HE but I would not object to a visit from the LA to check if DS was OK.

I know some HE folk fear this opens the door for enforcing a type of education they wish to move away from (for example, National Curriculum rather than unschooling).

Interestingly, we actually have not had mass schooling for that long (in the context of history), it was partly a social response to industrialisation.

I am not anti school, I think for some children it may be a relief to escape from home. Though I do fear that it is letting a lot of young people and children down. A lot come out barely able to read and write, and with crippled confidence, never mind passing 9 GCSE.

@Overthe unicornRainbow. Just seen he'd like to be a teacher or librarian. That shows how much he loves learning and wants to share it with others - spot on!

@janemaster - I must admit I've never come across the HE family telling everyone they can do it or HE if you can't get out of bed in the morning! I agree really not good reasons to home ed!!

@sparkymummy2 - I think you have to remember yes, children have one childhood and many spend it miserable at school. Every parent wants their DC to have the best childhood and for some home-ed is a huge part of that.

@Flusteredcustard - at my grammar there was much less fussiness about uniform and none of this not being allowed to take your jumper off unless the teacher says it is ok or having to wear tights all year round. If a DC is hot they should be able to take clothing off, ffs. And yes we still got good grades without this control.

@Whattheother2catsprefer - my DD rarely mixes with anyone outside of her class during the day. However, yes at afterschool clubs she does mix with some different DC. I'm not saying her friendships are worse than her DB's - they're not. But when people say how will home-ed DC learn to be around DC for all walks of life - I do point out my DS has been around many, many people from all walks of life and tbh my DD hasn't. She may get more of that experience, as I said if she goes to a comprehensive.

@ALittleBitofVitriol
@Whattheother2catsprefer - yes, true school experience varies a lot due to the school or the teacher. I think we can agree school is more uniform than home-ed. It is harder to make changes at school as there is lack of the flexibility available through home-ed. But yes as I've already you can have a good or bad school experience and a good or bad HE experience. One is not better than the other - they just suit different DC.