I home educate - my DS has never been to school - AMA

[OvertheUnicornRainbow]

My DS is almost 13, always been home-educated and is thriving. Ask me anything

@janemaster - no it hasn't - many people still on old benefits. Even some new claims. The poster made it clear she has disabled DC so not sure why anyone would think she is getting 'benefits to home-ed'.

Yes people on old claims have not been all migrated over yet. New claims are now UC. Why would you think I would lie about this?
I think now you are simply trying to attack me.

So quick google - UC has been rolled out to all areas. I am low paid, I know about benefits unfortunately.

www.entitledto.co.uk/help/Universal-Credit-Pilot

Oh and to frank I was home-edding under duress to begin with but now, if they wanted to, I'd happily take the others out of school and home-ed them. I feel like they miss out on so much!

@janemaster - why would I lie about it? I only commented it as the lady may have not been on UC. I think they have been unable to cope with the roll- out it has all been such a farce. But yes, from experience some new claims are still not UC.

@wintersweet1977 - do you think any of the others will want to?

I think my youngest would, but apart from that they're all happy in school. She's happy in school too but struggles with attachment issues and would be with me always and forever so I'm leaving her til year six, I don't see the point of sending them to school in year six.

Dear Janemaster, when someone has a severe disability they might need a full time carer who, depending on circumstances, could qualify for carers allowance. For example a parent in their 80s with dementia and/or other disability - adult child living with them or separately. The carer is not required to seek additional work. Carer's allowance is not high.

A parent caring for a child with severe disabilities may qualify for carer's allowance.

Over
When people talk about their experience of home education you dismiss it because things have changed. Yet you talk about your own experience of secondary education, without acknowledging that may have changed. What is your recent experience of secondary education?

You also refer to the friendship groups of your two children and assume all the differences are home education vs school education. For most children the friendship experience is different in secondary to primary, how do you know that isn't a factor for your children?

I feel so incredibly strongly about this subject. As a teacher, I watch children learn social skills on a daily basis by interacting with their peers and learning to deal with minor confrontations. They learn empathy, tolerance, patience, understanding and compassion through these interactions.
By home educating your child, they will not learn these skills, only unquestioning love and bias from you- wonderful things in themselves but sadly not enough to prepare them for adult life.
Unless there is an educational or medical reason to home educate, I struggle to understand why people want to do it.
I know three children who were home educated (one is still a child) and they are ALL socially inept and the two young adults both struggle to integrate in the community even now. I’m sure you have the very best intentions for your child and I admire you confidence in feeling you can confidently deliver every subject in the curriculum to the expected standard (something I as a teacher with 4 years training don’t find easy) but PLEASE remember- your child only gets one childhood and school is a huge part of that.

I cant believe mumsnet has actually come to the point where you cant even call a collective unspecified group of posters, cunts. Has this turned into netmums?

What’s the world coming to eh??

yes, that's quite right safeguarding is everyone's business. Home-ed DC have lots of people around them that could potentially raise safeguarding issues.

some DC have lots of people around them. Some kids are home edded away from the influence of anyone. Those are the kids I worry about.

My job (LA visiting professional type of job) brought me into contact with many home edding families in a particular area. Broadly speaking they fell into two groups - DC with SEN where the state system had utterly and completely failed to meet needs and DC where parents themselves had significant mental health and emotional needs. Latter group had usually struggled through their own schooling and similarly struggled with their own DC’s involvement with formal education. Unlike the OP’s son, this group of DC did not always have a rich home ed experience with other protective adults to potentially safeguard them.

It’s naive at best and disingenous at worst to say all Home Ed DC will have a network of safe and supportive adults around them. I think home education has its place but I would be kidding myself if I thought some parents didn’t use it as a loophole to escape scrutiny for their own ends.

(Re my previous post OP not putting you into any group in case that’s not clear.)

Over. I didn’t say that a father couldn’t be involved in school activities but your comment related to how a teacher would know you from simply dropping your DC at school.

I wa simply pointing out that most parents have much more contact and involvement with their DC’s school than that

I think my key issue is that I feel unable to support something which essentially moves a child away from a fundamental entitlement into something that is totally unregulated and unchecked.

I would have no issue with HE if there was a robust registration system in place with regular assessments/checks to ensure those children are receiving a quality, effective education.

And it would worry me when a PP states their HE DC has a small group of friends (who they’ve met through HE group so essentially introduced by the parent) who they meet maybe once or twice a month...in no way does that make up for the social interactions they are missing out on by not being in a school setting.

@boscois thanks for your post. One of the things I have talked about with other HE adults is how often we had a mother that was ill - often ME/fibromyalgia/self diagnosed illness/mental health issues.
Some parents HE to keep their children with them, for company and reassurance and if ill daily help.
I know one woman who HE at the moment who lives rurally with an autistic son. She seems to spend a lot of time in bed. She defends him playing minecraft nearly every day as education. Yes he struggles with social interaction, but gets very little outside his family. She always says his lack of social skills are down to his SN, but that is only partly true. And he has that oddness from relating as a child primarily to adults.
I am a big fan of the coalition of responsible HE. Sadly not based in the UK, but they push for proper oversight so HE is not used to hide abuse and so that children are not educationally neglected.

The HE community promote those for whom HE is a success. But I think oversight should always be designed for those whom HE is a disaster. I also wish the HE community would stop telling any parent they can HE. I see it even on MN. Struggling to get your DC to school on time - why not HE? Struggling to deal with admin from school - HE. If you are struggling with the demands that sending kids to school creates for you, you really should not HE.

@overtheunicornrainbow at one point one of my children if there was only time to find the right colour grey socks or homework or the right books in a morning my son would choose the socks, as that's what he would have got the most hassle about, how is that valuing and prioritising learning. My dd developed a musculoskeletal problem and was advised by the medics to wear trainers for support and gave her a letter to take ito school but she got so much flack that she preferred to suffer wearing the less supportive school shoes. After 2 terms of wearing the right colour M&S trousers the head out of the blue decided that they were the wrong colour and the wrong cut.. A bully from previous school was put next to ds, at previous school the problem had been dealt with well, but he was left bullying ds as otherwise it would not be fair to the bully. And numerous other time-wasting events. I fought against all of them, you've got to set the example that if something is wrong you have to challenge it not just for yourself but for others. Re uniform at my very traditional. School er all wore our own clothes in the summer and in the 6th form and still unaccountably got good grades and went on to good universities. And my children have gone on to be able to dress appropriately for all occasions including work and if they were bullied at work they have the protection of the law

@marcopront - I haven't just dimissed - I have engaged. But it is true lots of people have spoken about home-ed a long time ago and things have certainly changed. As I'm sure (know) they have since I was at secondary. I do have an idea of what it is like now due to lots of family and friends being in school/their DC in school. I'm not sure I've said much about what secondary is like that affects my decision. As for friends - I would say the diffetences have been apparent for much longer than just the last year or so. I don't think it is a primary/secondary divide.

@marcopront - also some of the 'adult' home-ed experiencrs are more recent and I've listened and engaged. But of course that still doesn't affect my experience which is what this AMA is about, primairily.

@marcopront - although re:friendship - I did say my DD may meet a wider scope of friends if she goes to a comprehensive.

Friendships vary so much at school though - our class has some "paired up for life" besties from nursery, some social butterfly types who flit from group to group, some children who have several play dates/sleep overs per week others who don't really see school friends out side of school. They mix with older and younger children with the school on a daily basis so the they only mix with their own cohort is certainly not true in our school, especially if they do breakfast/after-school clubs, or lunch time or 3.15 activities which are a mix of at least two years but often the school or all infants/all juniors.

I'm no.anti school but can see some of the differences. I will have more of a think and post what I see as the advantages of school and disadvantages of home ed - which might make some people feel better

As a fellow home-edder, OvertheUnicornRainbow you're braver than me 😄

The thing is is "school" is not a uniform experience any more than HE is. We had a child leave our class at the end of year 1 because she wasn't coping well in a class of 30 so her parents decided to try one of the tiny village schools with only about 40 pupils in total. The empty space was filled by a boy leaving that very same tiny school because there were only three other boys in the class who were an existing friendship group and he was lonely. Both schoos are fantastic both children were miserable in one and thrive in the other.

I think we can all agree that the OP has a great child with a great life.

@rev None of us know the OP or her child. I don't think we can say anything for definite at all.