I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

[Sideris]

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

You haven't answered OP - WHAT IS A MAN?

OP is 30, Soontobe60 - says so in the top post - and transitioned after hearing about it in early 20s.

OP, how do you think life would have panned out for you if - like most of the nonconforming ‘boyish’ women in previous decades - you’d never had transitioning as an option?

Ok, thanks for clarifying.

Do you see why some women, after the long struggle to define themselves are pretty pissed of to find they are now being defined again by another group of people and that definition is suggesting that they identify with (and are therefore complicit with) the tools of their oppression.

Any thoughts on that? I would love it if people could define themselves without the need to define what others should be and what they can and cannot do or say.

Should it be allowable for me to ask people not to call me cis in the same way people can request specific pronouns?

Christ OP I can't believe you willingly gave these lot another place to bang on about this. Zzzzzzzz!

The question was about MEN in womans spaces not transwomen there is supposed to be a difference ie surgery to remove penis etc

Do you believe cross dressers are women?

So you're previously female and transitioning to male.
You are attracted to females so will no longer be a lesbian but will become a heterosexual male?

Why bother transitioning? Is changing your body shape a massively important part of this? Why not dress/style yourself in a masculine way and have relationships with women?

Waiting patiently for the question re would the op insist on being sent to a male prison get answered.

@Inanothertime
Op has said she is attracted to men

And whilst I’m here, in your quest for equality and acceptance have you done anything about your entrenched misogyny and sexist views - such as maths being for boys? Because I find those to be deeply, deeply offensive. I hope you are educating yourself about how offensive and inappropriate those views are....

Or should I be paging Bunbury?

You weren’t happy being a woman. You now consider yourself male. But you want to wear make up and dresses and are trying to find a suitable drag club where you can do this. You sound very confused still.

Plus you still haven’t/won’t/can’t answer what being a man/living like a man actually involves ?

Does makeup or lack thereof, wearing heels, dresses and wigs, having your body reconfigured and taking hormones really make you a different sex to the one you were born with?

Why isn’t it possible to do everything you do without trying to do something that isn’t actually possible - ie change sex?

I’m a woman but couldn’t tell you what feeling like a woman actually feels like. Maybe you have better descriptive powers though and can encapsulate what makes you feel like a man.

Place marking to read later

Thank you @DodoPatrol, I missed that.
The reason I asked that question is because I thought the OP must be much older. I'm double their age, and was aware when much younger about transsexuals. I remember very clearly having a Saturday job in BHS in Manchester, (40+ years ago) and every week there would be several trans women who came in shopping. They used one of the women's changing rooms and we would ensure that whilst they were in there other women were directed to different changing rooms. The trans women appreciated this time as they could be comfortable in their own space without fear of being gawped at. They must have felt comfortable as they came every week!

@Aridane these often get deleted, don't leave it too late

To give OP a little credit, at least OP is being very clear that OP does not understand any of the concerns or points being raised at all. (Aiming to not misgender here hence awkward syntax).

OP I know this is a thread to ask you questions and you haven’t asked for any advice - but - as you’re clearly someone who wishes that women who post on MN understand your cause better - may I respectfully suggest that you need to listen, learn, inform yourself better and understand what our concerns are around women’s rights, child safeguarding etc. We’re all jumping on the opportunity to try and learn from you. Perhaps you should do the same. If you don’t understand our concerns, how can you address them?

I was happy to wear dresses and make-up and do so now again that I'm read as male (I'm trying to find a local trans inclusive drag group

So you’re having your cake and eating it? Wouldn’t it have been easier to have stayed as a woman?

Christ OP I can't believe you willingly gave these lot another place to bang on about this. Zzzzzzzz!

IKR?! All these boring questions that can't be answered without admitting that the whole thing is nonsensical. All these tedious women forcing discussion around how women's rights and spaces are being dismantled to accommodate a tiny minority. Asking mean questions about women's and girls safety, and focussing on the potential mutilation of young people's bodies. So terribly dreary. Who wants to think about that?!

Hi OP,

My question is this:

I can see how it may currently feel to you as though "transitioning to a man" was the right thing for you to do, especially with years of mental health problems in your past.

Do you see how the current overwhelming wave of celebration of transgenderism on social media, and the current policies of many schools and health organisations to "affirm without exception" may be supporting your decision at the moment?

And when the Government and other powers-that-be finally wake up and start safeguarding confused, distressed children properly, and when social media moves onto its next exciting phase (as it inevitably will).........do you fear that you may be left wondering why you are no longer lauded as being stunning and brave, and why you were allowed to mutilate your body?

(I fear this for your future but I suspect you don't see what a wave of "trendiness" you are riding on at the present time. And I am not pleased about the thought that many young transpeople will eventually realise that they have been lied to. I feel desperately sad about it, and pray that this madness is over before my children reach their teens).

Such contempt for the safety and privacy of women

/// This completely. As if OP started this thread just for this purpose.

You state that women should not fear the small minority of users but also point out that cases are on the rise. Assuming there is no cap on numbers and they continue to rise, at what point are we allowed to be worried for women stuck in prisons, mental health units, hospitals, deprived areas, refuges etc?

What constitutes a change of sex and how long should they have changed for before using spaces? How can I tell who has genuine reasons and who’s trying their luck?

If there was someone abusing the system and threatening in a space, could I come to you for help or would you call me a bigot?

Are we offering young people a realistic healthy future or a lifetime of reliance on medication?

I hope it doesn’t come across as a personal attack. These are things I worry about.

So it's it AMA it's ask me anything I'm prepared to answer to further my agenda whilst insulting women and disregarding their safety concerns and experiences.

Christ OP I can't believe you willingly gave these lot another place to bang on about this. Zzzzzzzz!

What's boring about asking someone these questions ?

Page 2 questions

@Mummyoflittledragon
Have you approached agencies about that and if you are suitable?

Not yet! I know I still need a suitable house and maybe a partner for an easier income, ha. At current my one bedroom apartment isn't suitable for a kid.

@PityParty4one
So not women but cervix havers?

People with a cervix is usually preferred.

@Helmetbymidnight
can you explain what it is that makes you a man?

I'm greatly mentally more comfortable now that I'm seen as a man, referred to as a man, see a man in the mirror, am allowed entry to male spaces and generally get to live my life as a man, even with the increased risk of danger (violence against trans men is considerably high). When trying to emulate a woman it caused me constant mental distress to the point I couldn't live, I was just alive.

For every person it's different, but for me personally it's the fact that I hadn't been able to function otherwise.

@Xiaoxiong
What did "part time dressing as a man" mean for you at the age of 10?

I wasn't 10, I was somewhere around 15. It involved flattening my chest, wearing tons of layers, highly stereotypical mens/boys wear, padding my waist to offset my hips. It was incredibly crude and mostly involved costuming, but I still delighted in the occasional 'sir' or 'boy' even if the costumes were uncomfortable (usually very, very sweaty from the layering).

Oh and also "protecting the girls". How does this make you male?

It doesn't. I was more inclined to do it because as a child, I was taught that was what boys should be doing, however.

@DeeZastris
I’d like a list of manly feelings. Thanks.

There are none. Feelings have no gender.

@flowery
Do you believe it is possible to literally change from one biological sex to the other?

I personally don't care at all about biological sex. I can't change that I was born with a vagina or that it had me indicated as 'female', nor can I change that I don't share the insistence that you need a penis to be considered 'male'.

@WellErrr
As a trans person, presumably identity is important to you.
Can’t you understand how women are not happy at having ours erased to appease the wants of a tiny minority?

I fail to see how your identity is erased by making sure no one with a cervix gets skipped for cervical checks while no one without one is repeatedly hassled to get them done?

Can you see how it’s only women this is happening to? The same isn’t true of prostrate exams. And we don’t see the word ‘men’ being forcibly changed to ‘prostrate havers’ or ‘ejaculators.’

I personally always try to stay in my own lane. But I'll definitely look into a possible check box to the female list to include those who have prostates. Usually estrogen significantly decreases the risk of prostate cancer, though. I'll need to discuss with the trans women in my community.

@ICJump
Have all the females at your surgery been informed of the change? Does it mean that women need to opt in to cervical screening? I'm dumbfounded that you see this as positive.

Presuming you mean GP, nothing changed other than a tick list that allows women to exit the automatic list or men to enter a manual list. Women who complain due to no cervix are ticked off the list, men who indicate desire are put on.

@KTJean
Why did you want to identify out of being seen as female? What message would you give to young women struggling with the gender expectations of being female?

It was killing me to be seen as a woman.

I believe no one has to adhere to gender expectations. Not men, not women, trans or not. Everyone should be allowed to be comfortable as themselves. For me, that meant transitioning. Gender expectations aren't related to being trans, however.

@SophoclesTheFox
Do you share concerns about the over-medicalisation (affirmation only model) for gender non conforming children, where children are being irrevocably set on a path towards an adulthood with little to no sexual function and fertility, before they are old enough to understand the full impact of these interventions? (Eg clinicians at the Tavistock resigning in protest, Jazz Jennings etc).

Gender noncomformity doesn't put children on hormones or blockers. It's extended indication of being the wrong gender. The first usually gives results fast (most detransitioners cease before or a few months into hormone use), the latter simply buys time and was indicated safe to use for 5-6 year olds with precocious puberty. I personally feel that if something sticks by a kid age 7-16, it's highly unlikely to change in any future. In fact, the amount of changed beliefs on gender drastically minimize around puberty.

Those who do regret it should be given more guidance, however, as it's looking for a thumbtack in a system that functions as a needle in a haystack.

@shortytrekker
Do you agree with young children being allowed to pursue a new gender, even taking steps to change their hormones at a very young age?

Young children should be allowed to socially transition in self discovery. The vanity wears off fast, if it persists for years it's likely they are factually trans.

Very young children do not have their hormones changed.

@Elindab
Did you decide to be trans because you did feel like a man, or was it more that you didn't feel like a woman (to or from)?

I never decided to 'be trans', it's something that I am. But initially I realized I wasn't a girl or a woman, it was during my required therapy period that I realized the blockage for me being a man was because I put different standards for myself than others (with regards to my desired steps in transition).

And also, I'm so curious, do you find that people behave towards you completely differently as a man? Does it make you feel differently, the way they behave?

Not really! There's a handful of times before that I had comments about my chest but the void gets overfilled by remarks about my genitals or sex life the second someone knows I'm trans (which I don't hide).

@ChickenNuggetsChipsAndBeans
I have heard that taking testorine etc can reduce your fertility and chances of being a parent. What are your feelings about this?

Nothing but positive, for myself. For trans men who do want biological children, it would be more food for thought (but that's wholly their own choice).

@MoltoAgitato
Can you share anything that’s not a traditional male stereotype that you think makes you a man? All the things you mention as a child (defending women etc) are all very stereotypical Male roles. Why do you feel that you couldn’t behave in that way as a woman? Why do you think that women need defending and who do they need defending from?

I don't think any gender roles indicate gender. I'm just as happy knitting, wearing dresses, crying to friends, going shopping, arranging flowers, cooing over baby animals. I could behave any way 'as a woman' and thought at that time that I had to be one because of my body parts.

Given you’ve clearly had some struggles in your life, why do you think you would make a good adoptive parent and why do you think it would be in the best interests of a child, given you seem quite firmly attached to traditional gender roles?

I'm not attached to traditional gender roles at all, for starters. I've also done exceedingly well in helping friends with neglective and/or abusive (foster) parents. Obviously I've never cared for any for full time (especially because it'd be odd for me to do so), but I'm more than willing to offer my best and the depth of my heart. That's the same as I could've offered any child of my own, had I had one.

@Margotshypotheticaldog
I would be curious to know How many trans persons are there attending your surgery? Versus how many women? I think that's an extraordinary and terrifying change to make, just so a few people don't have their feelings hurt.

I don't understand the question?

@midgebabe
What do you get positively from being a transman rather than a woman?

Everything. I mean, life still has it's ups and downs, but now that I'm on testosterone I can appreciate how blue the sky can be and how nice the warmth of the sun feels.

@FagAsh
Whom would you rather get into a brawl with, a transwoman or a bio woman?

Preferably neither, I'm not much of a fighter, but if it were a boxing match or something I wouldn't care as long as they avoided the nose.

Do you not think that there are obvious dangers in allowing men to access women’s spaces?

I think you're confused, I'm a man trying very hard to stay away from women's spaces.

My friend who lost ovaries uterus and breasts to cancer.... is she now a transman?

No, that's purely self identity.

@chergar
As you were 10 when you started becoming aware do you think this is more of a "I don't want to be "girly" and fit that stereotype, I'd rather be more masculine" more than feeling you are actually a man in a woman's body?

I never had issues being girly or feminine. I'm still feminine today. I felt I was a boy and I was being told to lie and everyone around me just repeated after me, to the point I decided any desire I had to be seen as a boy might as well join in next to the tale of Thumbelina and Cinderella.

Still no answer to the women becomes a man then wants to dress as a woman again so...drag! question I see I despite numerous posters focussing on it.

People with a cervix is usually preferred

Preferred by whom?

I think you're confused, I'm a man trying very hard to stay away from women's spaces

Ok. How about “do you agree there are obvious dangers in allowing penis owners access to women’s spaces?