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AMA

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I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

999 replies

Sideris · 05/01/2020 07:10

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

OP posts:
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5
Drizzzle · 06/01/2020 15:43

But if male and female aren't biological facts then what did you transfer from?

FrogsFrogs · 06/01/2020 15:43

So if our organs are important and the term men/ male can mean anyone with any combination and similar for female, what is the point of this categorisation. Why use man woman boy girl male female at all, if they mean nothing stable whatsoever.

furrytoebean · 06/01/2020 15:44

There's only two possibilities if you believe sex isn't a biological fact.

  1. you are confusing sex and gender

  2. you are so far gone with 1st year degree postmodernism that you are questioning if anything is real outside your own head.

StillWeRise · 06/01/2020 15:51

furrytoebean, many a true word is spoken in jest...
I think that a lot of this madness is down to the fact that people in general have become distanced from their bodies (and for that matter from the natural world in general)
If you'd grown up on a farm, understanding biology at first hand (not just as relates to reproduction but also food chains, conditions for growth of plants and animals etc etc)- you would not believe that you can change sex.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 06/01/2020 15:58

Overlooked again Sad I'll repost in the hope you might see your way clear to answering this time:

  1. What do you see as the difference(s) between sex and gender?
  2. How did/do you know that your “sense” of being a male was more masculine than other girls/women feel and/or less feminine than other boys/men feel?
  3. If you acknowledge biological sex and are dismissive of gender stereotypes, why did you feel the need to transition at all?
  4. Do you believe that people who present with anorexia should be encouraged to continue controlling their weight, even to the point of starvation or death?
  5. Did your therapist(s) ever make the connection between your rape, your persistent depression and your desire to transition?
  6. Do you believe that presenting as masculine protects you from the increased risk of suffering (further) sexual assault that occurs as being a member of the female class?
  7. Does your trans activism include support for detransitioners? If not, why not?
  8. Do you think parents whose child indicates to a teacher/classmates they think they may be trans should be informed by the school?
  9. Why do you think there are not similar numbers of middle aged women transitioning as there are middle aged men?
  10. What do you know about autogynephilia?
  11. At what point will you acknowledge the validity of those who have concerns about the reduction in safeguarding that self-ID brings about? The concerns of women, women of faith, rape/sexual abuse survivors, female prisoners, transwidows, parents of children seeing the evidence of ROGD in their own children? Do you believe they’re all “misdirected” despite the breadth of their experience?
  12. How many women and girls need to suffer rape, assault or voyeurism in formerly single sex spaces before you acknowledge they are required in society?
  13. If sex is a construct/spectrum/whatever, what are the third (or subsequent) gametes, where do they okay and where is the evidence of reproduction via these thirds (fourth, fifth etc) gametes?
OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 06/01/2020 15:59

"okay" should be "occur".

Sideris · 06/01/2020 15:59

Page 10
How do you feel about all of the threads on here that are vile about trans issues (basically all of them)?

Rather a shitsty innit? I mean I could marginally accept 'fear' if there wasn't the constant hammering on misgendering someone like me, insisting others are pedophiles or predators purely for being trans, that we should be allowed to remove a persons' identity but ONLY if they're trans if they're criminals, etcetera.

Do you think it’s fair that if the same abuse was aimed at e.g. religion/race etc it would be classed as hate speech and removed but for some reason MN allow it to remain?

Not at all.

Does increased smell mean you have more body odour or you have an increased sense of smell? Can’t decide if the latter would be awesome or terrible!

Increased body odour. Which... I mean, grateful, considering the increased body odour, wouldn't want a better sense of smell, too! (And my dogs' a champion farter, wouldn't want a better nose for her)

But surely a letter once every three years that pertains your anatomy and physiology isn't that big a deal? Come on, we've accepted you, it's all good 👍🏻 don't take the piss! Just get on with your life and when you get your smear letter, allow yourself a moment of indignation/annoyance/sadness ... and carry on with your day.

The problem isn't that I would receive it, it's that the system functioned so that I never once received it in my life, even though I only had my cervix removed recently. Had I had cancer and the ultrasound not shown anything, my surgeon would be in for a surprise (at best case scenario).

What is it that makes you a man, as opposed to being a woman with dysphoria which is alleviated by being perceived/treated 'as a man' by others?

Neither situation would functionally differ. I am a man by my own identity.

This is exactly the point though, not everyone who is a woman also has a cervix. “Woman” and “person with a cervix” are two separate categories, used in different situations.

That's precisely what I mean, too. Not everyone with a woman has a cervix and not everyone with a cervix is a woman. There's significant overlap, but neither terms directly indicate each other.

I think deep down radical feminists and transpeople are natural allies if only we could find a common language.

I'm wholly for radical feminism. I don't believe people should be treated differently based on sex, I don't believe women should be oppressed, I don't think high estrogen production means a weak person (physically, mentally, emotionally). I was told radical feminism was the elimination of the patriarchy, erasing social stereotypes, abolishing the sex distinction.

My problem becomes when people, more frequently than not people who insist radical feminism, enforce sex distinction and social stereotypes on us. When I'm told I should just be a woman because that's what I'm supposed to be because that's what my sex dictates and that's my role in life no matter how delusional, it doesn't feel like abolishing anything, it feels like reinforcement.

If a trans person wants the toilet they should go to their birth sex toilet. It's almost like a tran man is scared of using the male toilets and a trans women likes using the female toilets.

If you want to invite men with beards into women's bathrooms, that's a sound way to do it. Trans people who are read as the wrong gender may be scared of using the proper bathroom for fear of violence. I personally have no fear of using male toilets and have been using them before I was even read as male.

Given sex self ID (and Sex being seen as a construct) do you think we should just scrap Sex as a protected characteristic in the Equality Act?

Once the patriarchy is fully eliminated and people are treated equally, absolutely.

I am interested to understand why you felt you had to change gender? Why did you feel you couldn't be yourself in your birth body? I don't really like the term 'tomboy' because that suggests girls should act in a certain way, when in fact they should just be allowed to be themselves. Yet you use it a couple of times. Did you feel being a girl meant you had to act in a particular so called 'feminine way'?

I did not change my gender, my gender is as is.. My dysphoria made me alienated from parts of my body and that's since been aleviated. I never believed feminine behavior indicated gender and do not desire to be particularly masculine.

OP, you say you feel like a man... presumably like the men who define themselves biologically as a man, and have XY chromosomes, testes etc.

It is a biological aspect of sex differentiation (testosterone) that has made you feel like ‘you’.

So Trans doesn’t exist without a primary biological reference.

I understand that for you, gender is the way you identify and define yourself.

But how can you and other TRAs demand that women abandon biological sex as a reference for identity?

I identify strongly as ‘woman’ and ‘female’ but have resisted gender construct. It is the basis of much discrimination, and as a so-called Tomboy all my life is restrictive. I am female, not ‘feminine’.

You identify as ‘masculine’, fine.

But there is a part of the Venn diagram where your demands that we all identify according to gender has conflicting interests with my identity as biologically female.

Your presumptions are wrong. All men are the same gender, regardless of genitals or chromosomes, and that includes my own. I do not need a 'biological reference'. I have desires to look a certain way and it meets some stereotypes associated with men and rejects other stereotypes. I also do not identify as masculine, which I've constantly repeated.

I also still fail to see how you're at all having conflicted interests, but that may be because you already have ingrained stereotypes about who trans people are and what we want.

Feminism says 'we don't know why not just let people be who they want to be and play with whatever toys'

And trans ideology says 'no it's nature I have a boy brain because I like maths' hmm

Funny, I'm trans and quite out there in terms of 'trans ideology' and have consistently said the former.

OP posts:
schoolcats · 06/01/2020 15:59

Male and female aren't biological facts

You keep saying this but you keep failing to answer the question about how a person I regard as a teenage girl and you regard as a teenage boy can be allowed to sleep in the boy's dorm on a school trip could have sex and get pregnant.

The answer to this question is because she is female, she is a biological female despite the fact that you claim she is a teenage boy because she identifies as a boy. If she were a boy then she would be unable to get pregnant because that is something that only females can do, therefore if she gets pregnant then she is a female.

Is that really so difficult for you to understand or is it simply that you have decided that personal feelings are more relevant than biology when it comes to what sex you are?

Look at what you are claiming a different way:

I have decided today that I am Canadian.

Despite the fact that they say I am not entitled to live and work in Canada I insist that I am and that they must allow me to live and work in Canada because the people who say I was born in Scotland and am therefore British Scots are wrong,

I know I am Canadian because I feel like it. Are Canada being unreasonable for refusing to recognise my Canadian citizenship? No, they aren't because no matter how I feel, I can't just declare that I am Canadian. If I managed to get citizenship of Canada my birth certificate would still state the truth that I was born in Scotland, as it should because it's a legal record of what I was when I was born - Scottish/British Scot.

iswhois · 06/01/2020 16:00

Male and female aren't biological facts. Biological facts are the presence of a uterus, the presence of testicles, the function of a kidney, the surface of a brain. We assigned male and female to them and assigned that they should be, insisted stereotypes for them, created oppression for one and dominance for the other, perform surgery on new borns to make them fit the physical stereotypes if they don't fit.

There are two distinct sexes for a reason though. If we didn't have them then the human race would die out.

forkfun · 06/01/2020 16:02

I was trying really hard to understand what you were saying,OP, but you've lost me now. This is a truly callous thing to say.

"2) what do you think about people who request a specific sex of medical professional for certain things?

Personally I think it's ridiculous. It's the care they provide that's important. Next'll be demands for medical professionals of specific sexualities because otherwise it's 'gross'."

I'm a survivor of child sexual abuse. I cannot have men examine me intimately. You don't have the monopoly in suicidal thoughts and "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the option of transitioning". I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the fact that there are sex-based safe spaces for me. Why do your thoughts and feelings trump mine?

Sideris · 06/01/2020 16:02

I'm going to hold up for a second because I'm seeing a lot of people constantly ask the same questions from page 12 when I'm still responding to people from page 10.

I'm not ignoring you, you came into the conversation late and if I respond to everything all over the place, I'm just going to get more people insisting I'm ignoring x or flouncing or whatever.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/01/2020 16:04

I’m sorry, @Sideris, it the phrase ‘assigned female at birth’ is a ridiculous one. It makes it sound as if the doctor or midwife chooses which sex the baby is going to be, when in fact what happens is that they observe the external genitalia of the baby and based on that observation, they say that the baby IS male or female - an observation that is biologically accurate in the vast majority of cases.

Biology is factual. Sex is biological fact. Gender is the social construct.

I happen to believe that the trans movement is based on deeply old-fashioned and toxic gender stereotypes, seeking, as it does, to force people into boxes marked male and female based on their likes, dislikes and character. Surely the truly progressive option is to say that no choices (liking a particular colour, toys, clothing - skirts or trousers for example, choice of career, hobbies etc) should have gender based labels attached such as “boys don’t cry”, “girls don’t play contact sports”, “real women wear high heels, skirts and make up, and are gentle people pleasers”, “men are better at being in charge”, “men who wear make up or dresses are sissies” - and when anyone can wear what they like, choose whatever clothes, hair styles, hobbies, make up, toys, sports, jobs etc without any value judgements being made, based on their choices, people will be much happier in their own skins.

I also believe you cannot change sex. You could have a phalloplasty, but it will not be a fully functioning penis. It won’t function like a real penis. It is a simulacrum. Similarly, a ‘vagina’, formed from an inverted penis, will not be a real vagina. It will require regular dilation and other maintenance, to keep it patent and healthy. It will not be self cleaning or self lubricating, nor would it be capable of expanding to allow something the size of a small melon to pass through it with little or no damage, and then return to its former dimensions.

By all means, change your appearance if you choose (and if you are an adult who is properly capable of understanding the ramifications of your decision, not a child), but do not pretend that scientifically, biologically, a man can change into a woman or vice versa.

flowery · 06/01/2020 16:04

”All men are the same gender”

Interesting, so you think gender is as binary as sex? That differs from virtually every other trans person I’ve come across.

furrytoebean · 06/01/2020 16:04

Rather a shitsty innit? I mean I could marginally accept 'fear' if there wasn't the constant hammering on misgendering someone like me, insisting others are pedophiles or predators purely for being trans, that we should be allowed to remove a persons' identity but ONLY if they're trans if they're criminals, etcetera.

Aaaaaaaand I'm out.

What is the point of this if you're just going to deliberately misunderstand what we're saying and put words in our mouths.

Not one person, not one has said people are peadophiles simply for being trans and if you think that's what is being said you are either not listening or deliberately twisting what we're saying.

What's the point.

ittooshallpass · 06/01/2020 16:05

If you are attracted to men, why did you transition? Surely it would have been easier to stay as a woman?

YouJustDoYou · 06/01/2020 16:11

insisting others are pedophiles or predators purely for being trans

For the love of fuck, yet again, that's NOT what people have said. At all. They've said the SYSTEM of allowing in anyone who identifies is open to abuse from those PRETENDING to be trans, but HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

You find me one quote, one single quote, on this site where someone has said " transwomen are "predators or paedophiles". You CAN'T because no one has said it.

YouJustDoYou · 06/01/2020 16:14

Deliberately lying, OP, does nothing to further your cause.

Michelleoftheresistance · 06/01/2020 16:15

Rather a shitsty innit?

Oh I don't know.

After all, women here have spent a long time explaining, for the most part politely, and in a lot of detail, why they find what you are saying deeply offensive, insulting, erasing, misogynistic and damaging, and yet haven't resorted to being anywhere near as rude as you're being here.

Your response is to gaslight, shrug, dismiss, belittle, basically refuse to show the faintest respect for anything MNetters here have said. And yet you're moaning about MNetters for failing to treat you with sufficient respect and approval while you treat them like this.

Yes, it's pointless engaging any further, but it's certainly illuminating.

iswhois · 06/01/2020 16:18

** You say this in response to needing a specific gender of a medical professional

Personally I think it's ridiculous. It's the care they provide that's important. Next'll be demands for medical professionals of specific sexualities because otherwise it's 'gross'."

And then this to the issue of what toilets a trans person should use

Trans people who are read as the wrong gender may be scared of using the proper bathroom for fear of violence.

Can you not see how this = "our thoughts and feelings trump yours"

Fraggot · 06/01/2020 16:22

If you are attracted to men, why did you transition?

Wow.

DodoPatrol · 06/01/2020 16:24

'I'm a man' is just words, though, isn't it? It's like declaring a religious belief.

Whereas 'This person is male, in the sense of being born with testes and no ovaries, making sperm rather than eggs, and having a Y chromosome and a penis' says something testable and of possible importance to others --
such as sexual partners trying to guess whether they need contraception
or women asking for a same-sex practitioner for a smear
or hapless medics trying to work out whether test results put someone in the danger zone for their sex
or whether donated blood is from a male or female donor.

YouJustDoYou · 06/01/2020 16:25

Why have you ignored the Target statistics discussion further inposts saying that the system is open to abuse, NOT that , as you made up, people were saying "transwomen are paedophiles and predators"? Why would you twist it like that? What is your purpose in twisting things?

YouJustDoYou · 06/01/2020 16:27

Also, page after page after page of questions and discussions - and EVERYONE had shown you the respect of using your preferred pronouns. Why have you said people are "misgendering" you? I'm confused, as haven't seen a single instance of that here. Please do correct me if I'm wrong, because I've been reading from the start and must have missed it.

loserssaywhat · 06/01/2020 16:29

I've seen enough im afraid. Thanks op, you've really solidified my opinion that the trans community don't give a flying fuck about women and girls.
You're happy to trample all over our rights as long as it satisfies you and validates your delusions.
Well done. I'm sure a few eyes have been opened on this thread.

Gertrudesgarden · 06/01/2020 16:32

I honestly think I'm all compassioned out at this point. When the trend moves on to something else, I think I will probably just sit and shrug my shoulders disinterestedly at the human shrapnel left behind. I'll all outta fucks.