I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

[Sideris]

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

why is womens fear of being hurt not worth listening to

I think it is because decisions are based on risk matrices. You take the seriousness of the impact or fear (say rape) and you then combine it with the likelihood of it happening (say fairly rare, 1 in 200 facilities) and then the matrix tells you that pretty much anything rare is not to be worried about.

This same matrix would assess less serious things (say outrage or lawsuits from trans activists) and then combine it with the likelihood of that happening ( say 100% chance at some point you’d be barring a trans person from access) and the matrix tells you it is something you should avoid to preserve your bottom line.

So then you decide to gamble on the rare thing not happening in YOUR toilets or changing rooms because you want to avoid the certain thing (£1m lawsuit for barring a trans person)

It’s all based in logic....which was invented by men....and honestly drives many decisions to be ethically wrong.

You must have had an extremely unusual life as a woman previously if you don’t understand fearing someone on the basis of sex. You felt just as comfortable walking past a large group of men as a large group of women? You received the same harassment out of car windows from groups of women as you did from groups of men?

How do you explain the statistics that clearly show the overwhelming majority of violent criminals are men?

I mean, even living as a man you are at most risk from other men. Not women. You must know that.

multiple posts are telling him he is a woman. What does that achieve? It's so unnecessary. What's wrong with respectful debate?
I don't have a question, but this is a real person facing a level of vitriol that I don't feel they deserve

I’ve only seen one post directly saying that - and I agree it is unnecessary, OP chose to post on here and surely knows how many posters here view transmen in terms of what sex they are. However I don’t find it disrespectful - being called a woman, or mistaken/misgendered as a woman, is not saying someone is a bad thing, it’s not said with malice, it’s a neutral fact in the speaker’s world view. I also don’t see any vitriol - I see disagreement, frustration, exasperation, some upset & anger at OP’s casual dismissal of women’s concerns, I see some incredulity at some of OP’s views. But what is vitriolic? I see a lot of empathy and understanding being shown to OP as well, which hasn’t really been reciprocated.

I 'was' not a biological woman, I am a trans man. I also don't parody women, unless you feel that a dress is pertinent to being a woman

You do realise you are coming across as delusional here?

You have already said you have had a mastectomy and hysterectomy so were (are) a biological woman. You can twist your thinking to fit into your ideology but you were an adult human female.

Plan your idea of risk is fairly sound, but your matrices are off. I trained as an actuary.

Rape is not an uncommon occurrence, neither is death.

If we base society on statistics, it would be ludicrous to even mix women with men. (If we were female statisticians), women wouldn't live or meld their lives with men beyond the mixing of genomes.

Men are statistically detrimental to women. Fact.

OP - I do not wish to sound disrespectful or cause offense, but you posted on ask me anything. What was your overall goal in doing so? Not trying to imply that you shouldn't or anything. But did you seek to 'enlighten' us readers of your experiences?

MN is a very active place for issues around gender etc. So what were you hoping to achieve?

Hope this doesn't sound rude. I'm always cynical of the AMA threads in general - all of them.

People are saying that posters were rude to the OP. I personally can only see a few posts that were rude. I think they have since been deleted, as is right.

However, the OP has been overwhelmingly rude towards both women and men. They have referred to women as "cervix havers" and implied that women shouldn't be concerned about losing their safe spaces!

your idea of risk is fairly sound, but your matrices are off.

Sorry, I only meant it as an illustrative example to explain the concept of risk matrices. I in no way meant the frequency of events I plugged in (rape vs lawsuits) to be accurate statistically. I am sorry I was not clear. I thought I was by putting in “say” before each item to indicate it was just for demo not real numbers.

If we base society on statistics, it would be ludicrous to even mix women with men

Agree. But I will say that often risk assessments and matrices are done in practice based on perceived future risk, not actual statistically calculated risk. This is because often we are trying to project future scenarios for which there is little to no data. I have worked on technology programs where we used them and seen all kinds of (unethical) biases creep into them. Too often risk assessments were blatantly manipulated to make things more palatable to decision makers.

I thought bipolar was caused by irregular levels of neurotransmitters.

I picked up on that too but did not find it odd for a sex attack survivor. After my first sex attack which also involved a knife being used to stab me, I chopped off my hair and dressed very masculine.

It wasn't that reaction which I found odd, it was that the OP said that they felt safer in male spaces. The OP said that they had been a victim of rape and sexual assault. 100% of rapes and 98% of sexual crimes are committed by males, so it is almost certain that the attacks suffered by the OP were committed by males. Why would anyone who had suffered these attacks feel safer in male spaces? Women are not a physical threat in the same way as men are.

You said 'feelings are genderless', then you said you KNEW you were trans because you 'FELT like a boy'.

Can you see that that's a contradiction in itself?

It's good that your mental health has improved now you feel like a man, but that doesn't stop dysphoria being a mental illness, it just means the most extreme treatment has worked for you, as you're unable to accept yourself for who you really are (ie, a bio female).

Page 5 (part 2)

@GColdtimer
Do you think children should be able to self id and therefore across intimate spaces and sports if their chosen gender or would you campaign for a third space option?

Children should be able to self ID and as always the person should be treated individually rather than with a collective blind eye. Third spaces could be created for personal privacy, but it shouldn't be a case of forced segregation.

What would you say to the 13 tear old girl who is taking the council to court for overriding her rights to safety, privacy and dignity?

Her safety, privacy and dignity is no less harmed by one extra girl entering than from any other girl entering the space.

What do you think it tells girls about consent (if it's not sought or in fact ignored).

Does it tell girls anything about consent? Are girls allowed to say they do not consent to getting changed with other girls and demand the school accomodates to them beyond the allowance that she can get changed in the toilet if she prefers?

And do you think a teenage girl, who identifies as a boy would be safe in a male dorm, for example.

Then he isn't a teenage girl. And he should be, as it should be the school policy to enable this rather than feeding bigoted behaviour.

Can you see any possible problems with this policy?

I can. But preventing bullying or harassment by forcing kids to dress in a different room from their peers does nothing to end the behaviour. If the behaviour exists, it's likely aggrivated by making them the odd one out even more so.

@CurbsideProphet
No factual supporting evidence? What about "Karen White" who sexually assaulted women and went to a male prison, but then decided they felt like a woman and was then moved to a women's prison where they sexually assaulted more women?

Oh I forgot. That never happens.

It happens so frequently that you have to use the same case over and over and over in this very thread. Again, she was a high-risk inmate and the prison wards did not follow policy.

@GertiMJN
Do you understand why some natal women are afraid of people with penises being in female only spaces?*

Could you answer that slightly rephrased question, because there is plenty of evidence of the damage done to women by people with penises.

And again I will clarify, I don't think every person with a penis is automatically a violent threat, but I do know that statistically I am more likely to be at risk from one. And I have no way of distinguishing a safe biological male from a dangerous one.

No, I don't understand. Least of all because another persons' genitals are of no concern to you until someone engages in bad faith with you, in which case the bad faith act is the problem, not the persons' penis or lack thereof. I suppose it doesn't help that I refuse to see rape as demanding a penis when rape involving no penis can be equally traumatizing, even if that contradicts UK law (likely due to the belief that women can't rape because they're not strong).

@WellErrr
Why do you think women have an issue with female spaces being opened up to males? Are we just all big transphobic meanies?

Or could there actually be a safety issue for us?

It is true. At least with regards to any women I've spoken to when it comes to social spaces.

@Helmetbymidnight
op, did you explain what makes you a man yet?

Self identity is the only ability to say so. Behaviour isn't indicative, nor is manner of dress, stereotypes met or body.

@Danni12
I am a feminist and I am a trans ally. I work closely with the trans community and only recently joined MN. I am truly shocked at the views expressed here on MN regarding the trans community, I'd never encountered anything like it elsewhere.....

Likewise, honestly! Trans activists and feminists work side by side where I am from.

@Pinkyyy
Do you think that trans women have a right to go into single sex women's spaces? How do you feel about the fact that my culture (any many others) strictly prohibits me sharing the space with someone who is biologically male? Meaning I would be pushed out of that space to enable them to go in?

You likely already shared these spaces with people you consider biologically male. Religion also doesn't allow you to inhibit the behaviour and rights of others. The freedom of your religion does allow you to ask for accomodations to be made.

@Karwomannghia
Has transitioning helped your mental health issues? Because it sounds like you’re still feeling a need to battle something or change aspects of yourself. I hope you feel content.

Oh, no, definitely not. I'm happy being who I am, I'm mentally sound, I'm free from endless streams of therapy and medication which gave zero solutions and solved no problems. I'm content as can be.

I also noted that you seem more preoccupied with others perceiveing you as a man rather than actually being a man. Why do you think that is?

I'd like to see the OP's answer to this. It's something that I've been noticing a lot recently, that people who are transgender say that they want to be treated as/perceived as their chosen sex. So it all seems to be about playing a role and trying to convince others that they are their chosen sex and controlling how other people see them and behave towards them.

Not so much an internal feeling as a need for external validation. Which means it is always doomed to fail because nobody can control how other people see them or behave towards them.

Her safety, privacy and dignity is no less harmed by one extra girl entering than from any other girl entering the space.

A 'girl' with a penis is not a girl.

Sideris do you really believe that people can change sex? At what point in does this miraculous transformation take place?

Typo. Should read: At what point does this miraculous transformation take place?

But preventing bullying or harassment by forcing kids to dress in a different room from their peers does nothing to end the behaviour. If the behaviour exists, it's likely aggrivated by making them the odd one out even more so.

A 'girl' with a penis is already an odd one out when compared to the girls. Why not put the 'girl' with a penis in with the boys where this 'girl' will no longer be the odd one out.

No, I don't understand. Least of all because another persons' genitals are of no concern to you until someone engages in bad faith with you, in which case the bad faith act is the problem, not the persons' penis or lack thereof. I suppose it doesn't help that I refuse to see rape as demanding a penis when rape involving no penis can be equally traumatizing, even if that contradicts UK law (likely due to the belief that women can't rape because they're not strong).

Rape is a crime, under UK law committed by man with his penis - t recognises the damage that men can do when they sexually violate women, including the risk of pregnancy and stds. Any other form of sexual violence will be considered a sexual assault, and may be equally serious, but it is not rape.

It sounds from the first part of your post that you would just tear up existing safeguarding structures that are in place now - one of which is single sex provision for women, where they may be vulnerable, in a state of undress, sleeping or whatever.

Why do we not have mixed sex spaces in those circumstances already? Why not put everyone in together, regardless of biological sex? Because of safeguarding policies that are in existence to keep women as safe as possible. We know that not all men are a risk to women - but we know enough are a risk, and that men are a significantly higher risk to women than other women are, that single sex facilities are safer for women.

Then he isn't a teenage girl. And he should be, as it should be the school policy to enable this rather than feeding bigoted behaviour.

So what happens if they sleep in the boys dorm and end up having sex and get pregnant ?

Can you honestly not get that a "girl" with a penis who was a boy yesterday doesn't suddenly change into someone teenage girls feel comfortable changing in front of overnight by virtue of declaring a name change? Can you not see that it might not be the nice sympathetic gay boy that all the girls like and would have no problem with? That it might be the creepy lad who's a bit of an outcast because of the odd things he says and the lies he tells? The one who was suspected of peeping when the girls were changing for swimming? It might be that kid who suddenly discovers a trans identity, and noone's quite sure if he's lying again - but trans identity can't be questioned can it? When the girls say they think the new girl is watching them change, will they be believed, or will they be accused of transphobic bullying? After all, when they said that about the lesbian girl, it was homophobic bullying. I don't understand how anyone who was once a teenaged girl can fail to see there's an issue here.

And whether someone has a penis or not is of utmost importance to women - penises can get women and girl's pregnant. Penis havers (a term I'm sure you approve of) commit 98% of sexual crime. It's incredibly relevant.

Page 6

@Geoffreythecat
Karen White? Were you aware that a study shows that when Target started to allow anyone in women's changing rooms, offences against women increased dramatically? And that offending by transwomen continues to be male pattern?

Given you're approximately the fourth person to bring up the exact same person in the past 6 pages...

If there is an uptick of offenses at Target, that sounds like Target should work on improving the safety of their company.

And I've already answered that. There's nuance unable to grasp out of stiff figures, such as discrimination against trans people, the increased chance of poverty due to unemployment causing more criminal behaviour, etcetera.

Here's the question I'd really like you to answer: do you feel that if women are uncomfortable with, or scared by a person born male in a women only space, that women should have to accept that? If so, do you think that aligns with the Equality Act 2010?

The Equality Act already indicates that a trans woman isn't allowed to be discriminated against on the grounds of being trans, solely by a case-by-case basis, so it is incredibly ironic you cite that against me.

Again, beliefs are not to infringe on another persons' rights.

@furrytoebean
*If you can't name the problem, you can't fix the problem. It's not some random cluster of people are more likely to commit violent crimes and some other random cluster of people are on average smaller and can get pregnant.

I did not ask to be born female, and it's something I can't change.
I do not identify with womanhood, I am not complicit in my oppression.

How can you not see how misogynist the whole trans ideology is??*

Misogyny being real doesn't get changed by me counting attacks against all women as misogynistic. It doesn't change when some of the 'women' assaulted are factually men or nonbinary, it doesn't change when systems are set up to discriminate against women regardless of if they have the ability to give birth, regardless of how tall or short they are, how weak or strong. Yes, men perpetuate crimes, that includes trans men, that includes all men. It is the nature of the masculinity that's taught that rots men.

If you see 'womanhood' exclusively as oppression, I genuinely feel for you, as it shouldn't be. But other than us doing our best, me doing my best, do you expect me to be able to over throw misogyny singlehandedly purely because others seem to think I'm trying to throw women under the bus by wanting safety and respect for all women, regardless of expenses for extra training and extra staff to prevent harm to any women?

@EmmaGrundyForPM
Please can you explain what now makes you a man rather than a woman? I'm a bit confused. Also, how did you know you were Male rather than female?

Self identity, again. I realized this is where I am comfortable and this is where I'm mentally sound.

@GlitchStitch
Do you ever get tired of spending your time trying to police language, policy etc even down to how women's medical appointments are issued (!) just for your personal validation? Do you ever stop to think it's a bit narcissistic?

Please do tell how allowing women to opt out and men to opt into medical appointments polices other womens' medical appointments for my personal validation, I'm lost on that.

Also, as you are attracted to men do you consider yourself a gay man? If so do understand why many gay people think that's homophobic?

Yes, I consider myself a gay man. No, I do not. They can think so, but are wrong as far as I'm concerned.

@Cwenthryth
OP, why do you think certain spaces, services and facilities are segregated by Male/Female in the first place?

Speaking completely honestly, due to the false belief that women are always weaker and always need protection as if they're unfit to tend to themselves (and raised as such - with boys being told to have physically active hobbies while girls should be pretty and meek in many families, as if girls can't enjoy roughhousing), as well as an ingrained belief that bodies (especially of those deemed male seeing those deemed female and vice versa) are naturally perverted when looked at, how men are raised to view women as lesser and property.

@FFSFFSFFS
There is no evidence that people who were born make are a threat to women in female only spaces? REALLY? What is your answer to the question of why do female only spaces exist?

The statistics frequently pushed up are those indicating men, not trans women.

Would you insist on going to a male prison if you were sent to prison?

I'd prefer no prisons, but male prison if any.

@Helmetbymidnight
do your partners identify as gay men?

The ones that were gay, yes.

@Thatagain
Do you really think a person can change their sex?. Where is that info from about a women not haveing a cervix?. All women have a cervix. Do you think as humans anyone is satisfied with their bodies. How can a minority group change the reality for the majority? Do you think that women will ever be comfortable with a man in their public toilets? Do you have a identity issue? Do you think anyone has the power to change people's knolage and truths (Except satan) what are you trying to achieve? Do you think homophobia and transphobia exist? I do not understand the people phobia words.

I don't care if I can or can't change sex. No, not all women have a cervix. I'm sure some people are happy with their bodies. 'Reality' gets changed time and time again. I'm not insisting men should get into women's toilets, so don't insist I am.

No, I do not have an identity issue. I don't hold Christian beliefs. I'm trying to encourage a basic mediocrity of respect towards trans people that no matter how weird someone sounds to you, we're still human beings who want to be treated with dignity and respect instead of compared to Satan and told that we're lying about ourselves and are required to ignore who we are for a bunch of body parts deemed 'male' or 'female'.

Yes, homophobia and transphobia are very real.

@Soontobe60
OP, considering all this, at what age do you think that hormones should be prescribed for people who want to change gender?

It's not 'changing gender' to start hormone treatment. Also, it's a case by case. I don't think someone who indicates being trans yesterday should be started on hormones tomorrow, but I do think there should be leniency for someone who indicated being a girl at age 5 to receive estrogen before a hard cut off 18 if their indication is consistent, if they're allowed to socially transition and thrive, if they're clearly distressed by possible male puberty (which could be prevented to give them more time if there needs to be).

What is your definition of a man and a woman?

They're self identities. I nor you can define either in a way that includes all men or all women.

Do you see that sex and gender are two different things?

Yes, they are. Sex is physical, gender is mental.

How old are you?
I'm 30, as stated in the OP.

@Nousernameforme
*Do you think it is a feminist issue that trans men are so poorly looked after medically. For instance the lack of information around reduction of estrogen causing vaginal atrophy. The aforementioned possibility of being missed out on smears. The lack of information about the problems caused by the ftm bottom surgery. Etc

Personally I do think this should be as feminist issue but is that offensive to you*

It depends on the interpretation of feminism. I've heard some state that feminism includes women and men both, in that it stands for equality, which would fit. I see it more a trans issue, but I could see an overlap in the former definition of feminism. Not in the sense of a 'female issue', though, then it's straight up a trans issue.

Again, beliefs are not to infringe on another persons' rights

Self awareness is lacking ...

Page 7

@DodoPatrol
OP, how do you think life would have panned out for you if - like most of the nonconforming ‘boyish’ women in previous decades - you’d never had transitioning as an option?

I would never be 'boyish' in the sense of a masculine woman, as I'm not very masculine. I would also have been dead.

@BelleSausage
*Do you see why some women, after the long struggle to define themselves are pretty pissed of to find they are now being defined again by another group of people and that definition is suggesting that they identify with (and are therefore complicit with) the tools of their oppression.

Any thoughts on that? I would love it if people could define themselves without the need to define what others should be and what they can and cannot do or say.

Should it be allowable for me to ask people not to call me cis in the same way people can request specific pronouns?*

'Woman' is not being redefined. I don't know who or what you consider 'tools of (who's?) oppression', thus I can't answer the remainder.

You can ask people not to call you cis. I've not used the term during the duration of this thread. I would continue to include all women under 'women', though, so I'd recommend another word when speaking of women who were assigned female at birth.

@slipperywhensparticus
The question was about MEN in womans spaces not transwomen there is supposed to be a difference ie surgery to remove penis etc

Requiring another person has surgery to fit your comfort is inhumane and cruel. You're not entitled to physically changing another person to suit your wishes.

Do you believe cross dressers are women?

I believe cross dressers can be woman. A man wearing a dress is not a woman, though.

@Inanothertime
*So you're previously female and transitioning to male.
You are attracted to females so will no longer be a lesbian but will become a heterosexual male?

Why bother transitioning? Is changing your body shape a massively important part of this? Why not dress/style yourself in a masculine way and have relationships with women?*

I'm a man who's attracted to men. I'm not a 'female attracted to females', I'm not attracted to women thus not heterosexual.

My increased testosterone count helped clear my mind and my being a man is part of who I am. I'm not masculine and I do not have relationships with women, so I don't know what you're speaking of.

@MoltoAgitato
*And whilst I’m here, in your quest for equality and acceptance have you done anything about your entrenched misogyny and sexist views - such as maths being for boys? Because I find those to be deeply, deeply offensive. I hope you are educating yourself about how offensive and inappropriate those views are....

Or should I be paging Bunbury?*

I think you have a wrong person in mind, as I've never mentioned maths, to my recollection. Certainly was my weakest subject at school, alongside economics.

@Sylvestre
*You weren’t happy being a woman. You now consider yourself male. But you want to wear make up and dresses and are trying to find a suitable drag club where you can do this. You sound very confused still.

Plus you still haven’t/won’t/can’t answer what being a man/living like a man actually involves ?

Does makeup or lack thereof, wearing heels, dresses and wigs, having your body reconfigured and taking hormones really make you a different sex to the one you were born with?

Why isn’t it possible to do everything you do without trying to do something that isn’t actually possible - ie change sex?

I’m a woman but couldn’t tell you what feeling like a woman actually feels like. Maybe you have better descriptive powers though and can encapsulate what makes you feel like a man.*

I'm not confused at all. Wearing make up and dresses doesn't make me a woman, nor does it make me confused about who I am. If you believe that I should be a woman because I wear drag, then I'm really confused why others assume I think it while you're free to go.

No, I can't answer what 'living as a man' involves other than how society sees and treats me.

I do not care about sex.

It's impossible because without all that which I'm not trying to do - ie change sex - I was in hell.

I'm a man and I can't tell you what feeling like a man actually feels like. Your sense of knowing is equal to my sense of knowing.

@Abraid2
So you’re having your cake and eating it? Wouldn’t it have been easier to have stayed as a woman?

What of wearing dresses and make-up would make me a woman? Can a man not wear either? Are those two things suddenly the determining factor of my identity while trans women are mocked for wearing either and insisted they believe that dresses and make-up make them women?

@littlecabbage
*Do you see how the current overwhelming wave of celebration of transgenderism on social media, and the current policies of many schools and health organisations to "affirm without exception" may be supporting your decision at the moment?

And when the Government and other powers-that-be finally wake up and start safeguarding confused, distressed children properly, and when social media moves onto its next exciting phase (as it inevitably will).........do you fear that you may be left wondering why you are no longer lauded as being stunning and brave, and why you were allowed to mutilate your body?*

My decision is not a spur of the moment thing. I asked for a double mastectomy and hysterectomy since I was 10 years old. I never once wavered off that desire and I'm incredibly happy to now have had them. I also delight in my transition on testosterone, the idea of being a balding old man is greatly preferrable over the non-testosterone alternative.

I do not consider it mutilation to have surgery I've dreamed of for two thirds of my life. Nor am I 'lauded as being stunning and brave', thankfully, because I'd vomit all over myself.

@ChakaDakotaRegina
You state that women should not fear the small minority of users but also point out that cases are on the rise. Assuming there is no cap on numbers and they continue to rise, at what point are we allowed to be worried for women stuck in prisons, mental health units, hospitals, deprived areas, refuges etc?

Preferably never. Obviously these places should be kept well monitored regardless of who's in them.

What constitutes a change of sex and how long should they have changed for before using spaces? How can I tell who has genuine reasons and who’s trying their luck?

I never indicated 'change of sex', and you can't tell but can stay vigilent.

If there was someone abusing the system and threatening in a space, could I come to you for help or would you call me a bigot?

Absolutely you could come to me for help and I'd give it the best I could.

Are we offering young people a realistic healthy future or a lifetime of reliance on medication?

Significant amount of people have a lifetime of reliance on medication. That's not neccessarily a bad thing. My testosterone keeps my mind healthy, someone's antidepressants can keep their mind healthy.

Anyway, I'm going to bed now.