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AMA

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I'm a trans man and local trans activist, AMA

999 replies

Sideris · 05/01/2020 07:10

Hi there, folks.

As the title says, I'm here to respond to questions in good nature.

For a bit of background information, I'm 30 years old, a trans activist out of necessity (being the first 'out' trans person in numerous spaces, which didn't have any rules or regulations before, but have since been commended for ease of process by some new trans members or trans members who have been referred by me), have been 'passing' for about three years, now.

OP posts:
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QueenOfTheFae · 05/01/2020 11:55

* barring those without an actual medical need of course

Doubleraspberry · 05/01/2020 11:57

I was going to say what Hermione has, OP. I realise you have spent a great deal of time thinking about biology in your life, but more women than you can imagine don’t, or don’t know medical words for their anatomy. There are women who simply don’t know that they have a cervix, sad though that is to consider, or who don’t know the English word for it. So they might respond to a poster in a GP’s waiting room addressed to ‘women’ but not register one addressed to ‘people with a cervix’.

TheChampagneGalop · 05/01/2020 11:57

How do humans and other mammals procreate if sex is a construct?

FrivolousPancake · 05/01/2020 12:03

I reject the construct of sex, personally.

Ah ffs, this makes you no different to flat earthers.

Cwenthryth · 05/01/2020 12:03

Not just mammals, Champagne. Birds, the majority of fish, insects, amphibians and reptiles, most plants....

Sideris · 05/01/2020 12:07

Page 4

@Helmetbymidnight
do you believe women cant or dont protect other women?
they all need a man to save them?

I do, but my reasoning was 'this is something boys should especially do, so this counts triple for me'.

what are your thoughts on JK Rowling?

Supporting an anti-feminist who wants to legalize sexual harassment and unethical work behavior put her lower in my book than when she wrote antisemitical stereotypes in her children's books.

@WineIsMyCarb
Hi OP.
What is a man?
What is a woman?
Thanks

They're personal identities that we usually have social expectations towards.

@ThistlyPerf
Most trans activists seem to wilfully be unable to grasp the concept that women’s concerns are not anti-trans. Self ID allows the system and women’s hard fought sex based rights to be abused.

If these practices take place and have taken place regardless of trans people's rights, trans people being denied proper access will not change them. Self ID in the legal sense allows a persons birth certificate to be altered, something that isn't needed to update your passport in the UK, so if this is such a dire issue, we should already be seeing thousands of men changing their passport to female to enter women's spaces (more so because most legal practices require extent of ID or passport, not birth certificate).

@Cwenthryth
Pretty sure that women don’t forget they’ve had a hysterectomy

No, but some had them due to medical incidents, birth defects, prior cancer, etcetera.

Did you consult advocacy groups for cervical cancer, such as Jo’s Trust or Eve Appeal, on this change? How this will affect women who don’t have English as a first language or learning difficulties for example who may not be able to access a tick box form using medical language? Smear tests are about saving lives, cancer doesn’t care about your feelings.

The GP ticks the box. As it's a personal opt out, not a requested opt in (unless the person is a man with a uterus), nothing changes for most women.

@Xiaoxiong
It's not a rare transwoman that poses the threat. The fact that they are trans is not the safeguarding issues. It's opening up women's prisons, shelters, spaces to MEN as a class that is a safeguarding issue. My lovely transwoman friend wouldn't hurt a fly, I've known her for over a decade but if she is allowed into a female only rape shelter then so can any man who says he identifies as a woman. Any repetition of the magical incantation that "transwomen are women" opens that gate to any man, anytime, anywhere. That's how you get the Karen Whites of this world.

I do not believe all women should be banned from tending to children because I know abusive mothers.

I also don't believe you think your friend should go to a male prison if she were arrested (perhaps on false charges), purely because Karen White exists. These cases should be seen and treated individually, as with all inmates (though I prefer no prisons to begin with, as the system upholding them is bigoted, but that is a wholly different topic I don't feel comfortable discussing with a likely mostly white crowd), not that all trans women have to go to men's prisons.

@Chosennone
So... you were a biological woman who didn't 'feel' like a woman so transitioned to become a man but want to join a drag group that parodies women!?

I 'was' not a biological woman, I am a trans man. I also don't parody women, unless you feel that a dress is pertinent to being a woman.

@DodoPatrol
*‘Sharing with a rare transwoman’? Do you mean you think that girls shouldn’t mind this as long as it’s only occasionally?

What would you say to the girls at my child’s school, then, who would be sharing with a mtf child every day, not ‘rarely’?

One (that I know of; there may be others) has previously been raped and is horrified at the thought of encountering a male student In supposed female-only facilities.*

Rare or daily makes no different. A woman also can't be a 'male student', thus any woman, trans or not, is never going to be a male student in the bathroom.

A persons' rape should never be used as the reason to exclude the whole of a minority group. It should never be used as a weapon at all.

@fuckitywhy
What does it mean to be a man to you?

Self identity, purely. I am a man and per that self identity I enjoy having others treat me as such, too. I'm sure you understand constantly treating a woman as a man or vice versa can be traumatizing.

@WendyMoiraAngelaDarling
So you now consider you are amanwho likes to dress as a woman sometimes and feel that you must put the label of "drag" onto that preference?

Oh, no, there's a significant difference between doing drag and wearing a dress. The latter involves some fabric, the first involves art.

@MoltoAgitato
So if transitioning is now an option, where are all the middle aged women rushing to transition to men? If nothing else for the immediate pay rise?

If there's an immediate pay rise I've yet to see it. And there's significantly more trans men transitioning later in life, but many feel they can't any more because of their stance in the family and the hardships associated with it.

And why don’t you think your history of mental illness has anything to do with transitioning?
Because my 'history of mental illness' was completely unaffected by treatment of said illnesses yet vanished on transitioning.

@Branleuse
Are gay men usually ok with you not having a cock?

Some are, some aren't. Some seek me out and try to get me to engage because of it. I'm not interested in one night stands so they usually droop off.

@SylvanianFrenemies
What is a man? What is a woman? What words should we use to distinguish between the two biological sex classes? Should universities be censured for saying that XX is female?

There's so much distinction and overlap that no description includes all men or all women. Not all people born with a vagina who give birth have XX chromosomes, not all people with testes and XY chromosomes are men or ever seen as men. Stick with your 3rd grade biology definitions by all means, it's places that matter in others' lives that need to realize that the distinction is more of a grey area.

One of my daughters has a lot of stereotypically male interests. Sometimes she says "Is it ok for me to like this, it's a boy thing?" I usually respond "you can like what you like. There are no toys just for boys". Am I wrong?

There are no toys or behaviour for boys or girls, no, that's correct. If she consistently (over years) initiates being a boy or desire to transition it might be more an idea to pay attention for possibly being trans.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/01/2020 12:14

Are you a feminist?

Michelleoftheresistance · 05/01/2020 12:15

OP I absolutely support you rejecting any constructs and concepts you choose to, living however you choose to, using whatever language you choose to, identifying and categorising yourself however you choose to, and in basically doing whatever makes you happy. I am happy not to place any labels on you that you reject, and delighted for you personally to make whatever arrangements suit you in seeking medical care etc under categories you are more comfortable with.

I'd really appreciate it if you'd extend me the same respect and tolerance in return.

QueenOfTheFae · 05/01/2020 12:18

There are no toys or behaviour for boys or girls, no, that's correct. If she consistently (over years) initiates being a boy or desire to transition it might be more an idea to pay attention for possibly being trans.

did you mean imitates? as quite a few of us here went through a tomboy phase, I still do 'boy things' doesn't mean I want to be a boy though. Most of the time I'm just me, without a label, boy/girl

so if she says she wants to transition then that might be a clue?

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 05/01/2020 12:21

I have many questions, sorry:

  1. What do you see as the difference(s) between sex and gender?
  2. How did/do you know that your “sense” of being a male was more masculine than other girls/women feel and/or less feminine than other boys/men feel?
  3. If you acknowledge biological sex as immutable and are dismissive of gender stereotypes, why did you feel the need to transition at all?
  4. Do you believe that people who present with anorexia should be encouraged to continue controlling their weight, even to the point of starvation or death?
  5. Did your therapist(s) ever make the connection between your rape, your persistent depression and your desire to transition?
  6. Do you believe that presenting as masculine protects you from the increased risk of suffering (further) sexual assault that occurs as being a member of the female class?
  7. Does your trans activism include support for detransitioners? If not, why not?
  8. Do you think parents whose child indicates to a teacher/classmates they think they may be trans should be informed by the school?
  9. Why do you think there are not similar numbers of middle aged women transitioning as there are middle aged men?
  10. What do you know about autogynephilia?
  11. At what point will you acknowledge the validity of those who have concerns about the reduction in safeguarding that self-ID brings about? The concerns of women, women of faith, rape/sexual abuse survivors, female prisoners, transwidows, parents of children seeing the evidence of ROGD in their own children? Do you believe they’re all “misdirected” despite the breadth of their experience?
  12. How many women and girls need to suffer rape, assault or voyeurism in formerly single sex spaces before you acknowledge they are required in society?
Michelleoftheresistance · 05/01/2020 12:21

To the poster asking about transmen in male prisons: the UK prison system at present does not allow this because it would be impossible to manage the transman's safety in a male environment.

They are happy with the safety of transwomen in female environments. As usual, the feelings, preferences, dignity and even basic physical safety of the non transgendered female people unwillingly involved in this situation are disregarded as too unimportant to engage with, and are simply dismissed. If acknowledged at all.

BercowsFestiveFlamingo · 05/01/2020 12:22

Why are you assuming we are "a mostly white crowd"? I find that quite offensive.

Did you answer about whether you'd go to a male or female prison? For the sake of argument there is no trans wing.

thebluearsefly · 05/01/2020 12:23

I do not believe all women should be banned from tending to children because I know abusive mothers.

@Sideris Respectfully, what an idiotic thing to say. Male on female violence is a HUGE issue. Male on Children sexual violence is a HUGE issue. % of Women who commit these crimes are MINUSCULE and not comparable. You’ve just outed yourself

Choosername · 05/01/2020 12:23

This thread is like something out of Black Mirror or Gilead.

There are places in the world where the west claim women are being oppressed and hidden away from men in public because they have separate spaces in public transport/toilets etc. Here we’re fighting to keep women safe in public spaces. What kind of weirdness is this?

OP, You obviously don’t believe physical traits make you a man or a woman because you don’t have a penis, and don’t believe a cervix makes you a woman. So, why change yourself with testosterone etc, if you “felt” like a man? Was the “feeling” not enough?

pachyderm · 05/01/2020 12:25

Are you American? You mention "3rd grade biology"

LadyFlumpalot · 05/01/2020 12:27

Hello :)

As a person born as a female with female reproductive organs... if you were diagnosed with a female cancer how would you react? My mum passed away from Ovarian Cancer and there was a Transwomen in the cancer ward who was creating because they had prostate cancer and they were insisting it was Ovarian cancer as they were a woman and therefore could only be diagnosed with women's cancers.

Personally I am of the opinion, after watching that debacle that anyone can feel free to wear what they want, call themselves what they want, use whatever descriptors they feel comfy with, but when it comes to your health then get the fuck over yourself.

WellErrr · 05/01/2020 12:27

I think OP does really realise all these things. But it’s a very big step to acknowledge that to yourself.

Cwenthryth · 05/01/2020 12:28

Not all people born with a vagina who give birth have XX chromosomes, not all people with testes and XY chromosomes are men or ever seen as men.
If you are referring to disorders of sexual development, or intersex conditions, many intersex groups and advocates have repeatedly asked not to be used as strawpeople to justify points around transgenderism, so please don’t do this.
AFAIK there has been one reported case of a woman with a unique DSD who gave birth unassisted. Every other case - only a handful - required a lot of medical intervention. None of them have anything to do with trans rights activism or transgender ideology, please leave them alone. Some people are born with no legs, humans are still a bipedal species.

So just to clarify, OP, your answers to “what is a man/woman” and variations thereof are - it’s a personal identity, or too complicated to describe?
What are you basing your personal identity on then, how are you seeing yourself differently ‘as a man’ than you did ‘as a woman’, if it is not tied up in gender stereotypes about what men and women should be?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 05/01/2020 12:32

genetics.thetech.org/ask/ask352

Above is a good link that explains how a small number of non xx women give birth (but with donated eggs). Not to muddy the waters we are of course in the territory of intersex here which is very different from trans anything and also rare and a recognised genetic abnormality.

Cwenthryth · 05/01/2020 12:32

Correction:
one reported case of a XY woman with a unique DSD who gave birth unassisted.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 05/01/2020 12:36

As far as I can determine, you don't believe in biological sex; don't believe that feelings are gender-specific; don't believe that there are gender-specific behaviours.

So in that case, could you explain what distinction you are making between biological women and biological men which enabled you to know that you were one and not the other?

thebluearsefly · 05/01/2020 12:37

I’d also like to see the answer to theonlylivingboyinnewcross question above. From all Trans identified people - it never ever gets an answer though

WineIsMyCarb · 05/01/2020 12:39

Thanks @Sideris
So they're just labels we ascribe to ourselves and others?; lovely idea, but I'm afraid you are incorrect.
They are the sex classifications for all mammals and most other living beings. I accept its trickier with snails and trees.
Are 'snail' and 'tree' personal identities we can identify into and out of?

Thanks for answering anyway; the answer was illuminating. All the best.

flowery · 05/01/2020 12:39

”Supporting an anti-feminist who wants to legalize sexual harassment”

I assume the person asking you about JK Rowling was referring to her recent tweet in support of Maya Forstater, in which Ms Rowling said a person should not be sacked for saying (as you also say) that biological sex exists. Has she also tweeted in support of someone who wants to legalise sexual harassment? Who?

Or, if you are also referring to Ms Forstater, please link to where she has indicated that she believes sexual harassment should be legalised.

Thank you.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 05/01/2020 12:39

Possibly OP is Canadian? I think changing notation on birth certificates there had become easier in recent years? Happy to be corrected if not so.

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