My children were removed by Social Services. AMA

[OpiesOldLady]

Obviously nothing that could identify us but I'll be as open and as honest as i can be.

Wow OP. You’re exceptional under extreme circumstances.

As there are only 7 months until your oldest sits their GCSEs how are they going to change moving area, school and starting a new course and having to learning 19 months worth of course in 7 months.

Op you sound amazingly balanced considering.
Can I ask if your childhood was stable and supportive?

My DS will be going into year ten as he only just turned 15. Dp is a maths graduate and we're more than happy to get a tutor for him if needbe. There's always the option to repeat a year if needbe and DC is open to that.

My own childhood was ok. Not especially stable as my mother would leave my dad often. Affairs. I don't remember being unhappy as such. They did the best they could i suppose. Dm has passed now and Df is in a nursing home and has vascular dementia. I'm glad neither of them are here to see the spectacular fuck up I've made of things. I'm so ashamed.

How old are you OP?

I have a family member who's children were removed. This was all entirely her doing (the kind of woman who should never have had children) she has not once accepted any responsibility for the situation and lives life with a 'poor me' attitude. Op on the other hand, you are amazing and I am in complete awe of your post. You put your children first no matter what and regardless of your feelings, this is obviously still a difficult part of your life but I just wanted you to know that if you were my mum then I would be immensely proud once I was old enough to understand. You are an incredibly strong person whether you see that or not, I truly hope everything works out well for all of you

You shouldn't be ashamed, OP, you should be proud of yourself.

I hope everything works out great.

How is your second child doing in residential? Why did they not consider a move home for him rather than a children’s home?

Wow, so much respect for you posting this, very brave and honest of you.

My son was in Foster care on 2 separate occasions a few years apart from each other as I had a complete mental health breakdown twice.

It was bloody hard to see my only child have to live with someone else, do I can't imagine how that feels for four children.

I wish you so much luck with the future and think its amazingly selfless to say that you realise the best place for your children in the future may not be to live with you permanently.

I so hope this works out for you and your eldest has a successful return to home.

• What are your thoughts on contact outside of the formal letterbox?
• Do you do letterbox?
• have you met the carers your children are with?
• what would you want your children to know about you?

I'm 41.

@MissMarks - DC2 has hugely complex emotional and physical needs. Honestly, it was them that i stuggled with the most, and i do believe they have additional learning needs that they are being tested for currently. A move home would not have been the right thing for either of us. As it is, where they are is wonderful. They are thriving and when i visit and speak on the phone i can tell how happy they are there. In house they have access to a therapist 24/7 as well as thier own school which DC2 has just started at comprehensive level. They are finally settled and seem to be doing really well.

I don’t have a question I just wanted to say well done to you for getting the help you needed and for putting your DC first. It must have been unbelievably hard to go through that- for all of you. I’m glad things are settled and going much better. I hope your DC2 can get some stability too. Take care OP.

That’s good he is doing well in residential and getting specialist support.

What kind of mess was the house? I dont exactly keep a tidy house and this scares the shit out of me. You sound like a good mum. Doing what's best for the kids. Good luck with everything else.

It sounds like you have made a lot of progress. I guess you won’t have more children. Do you have pets? Do you work?

I hope everything goes well for you and your family 💐💐

How was it flagged up about your house etc? Did someone report concerns?

This all sounds so sad for you all OP but it’s also encouraging to read about SS stepping in and doing the best thing for you and all your children. I wish you and them much happiness in the future.

wow what an emotional read.
could you bare to go into more detail of what the points were that meant they were removed. i know many of us often think if we fuck up that someone will come and whisk out children away.itbrings lots of fear and guilt.so i cant imagine how hard it must have been for you to have this happen.
but you havent fucked up nor should you be ashamed.no way.your post screams at someone who only ever wants to be a good person,a good mum.and you hit a wall.and that happens.so many mothers out there are struggling and simply hanging by a thread op.but at least now with you,youve gotten the help.and so maybe can come out strong with your family.
im so sorry for you eldest.to be put into so many placements and moved so much!that must have been horrid for him and im sure has some lasting emotional damage?
did he ask to come home?
have the other children asked to come home?

i dont know how you coped op.its a mother worst fear.
please dont think you should ever feel ashamed.you are so very brave.to truggle,fall then keep getting back up shows how amazing you actually are.and to have that kind of fighter as a mother would be a blessing in the future im sure.

How much were you allowed to know about the foster families they stayed with? I've heard such awful stories about foster care/abuse.

Did they stay together or were they split up?

I'd like to ask about the children's father/s.

Why did the children go to foster parents and not their dad/s?
Are the children in regular contact their dad/s?

Opies I am a Foster Carer and you should use this time to try really hard to de-clutter your home so easier to keep clean. Ask for and accept help if necessary. If you can show you have made progress you may be able to get your children back. In the meanwhile make the most of your contact time.

@Straycatstrut. Foster Carers have regular visits from both the Foster Child's social worker and their own Social Workers so a Social Worker comes about once a fortnight or more often. Social Workers get to speak to Foster Children on their own sometimes taking the child out for a meal away from Foster Family. I am not saying abuse does not happen but I do think it is very rare. I have only ever known one case in over 10 years of Foster Caring and in that case the FC slapped a child in their care and child was removed immediately the same evening. I have also heard of several FC's who have been hit, punched and kicked by Foster Children.

You're very brave to do this op and I'm glad you are getting your life back together. Without sounding judgemental here though do you think having another mam in your life is a good idea? Do you think your children will be comfortable being returned to you after what happened with the last bf? It's just that if it were me I couldn't even consider a relationship until I'd sorted myself out and got my kids back.

I just wanted to say well done with how far you've come. I hope things work out for the best for all of you, whatever that may be. Hugs xxxxx

Sometimes it really is for the best that children live with someone other than parents, although it's socially very taboo. I wish you luck in the future with your family.