I'm a midwife who works in abortion care. AMA

[GlitteryPoopooplop]

Go ahead. I'll try and answer everything the best way I can. Sorry if this is boring (I love my job and can go on about it a bit.)!

I am booked in next week for an appointment with BPAS, it's my first appointment and I'll be about 8 weeks. I have a medical condition and was told on the phone I would be referred to the specialist team. Can you tell me what this means exactly ?

I'm also not entirely sure this is what I want, DH has said he wouldn't cope with another DC as we have 3 already. I'm not sure what to expect around the 'discussion' will it help me decide as such?

I am very angry at myself for being in this position, I am 38 and had 6 MC and fertility issues before I had DC2 &3 so feeling so guilty about not knowing what I want exactly.

Also thank you for the job you do, you sound so lovely.

Is it true that sometimes the babies can be born alive, even cry, if it's tOwards the later end of the cut off?

Pm me if you like, it's hard to know without knowing the medical condition. But basically you'll have a conversation around "have you made a decision? What are your thoughts? Can we offer any information to help?". They'll go through your medical history form and scan you. Then if it's a condition which means they can't treat you, they refer you to their specialist placement team. They're experts and will find you treatment within the NHS as soon as possible.

@ComeTheFuck0nBridget I bloody love your user name! If the pregnancy is past 23 weeks we offer what's known as feticide. I can talk more about it if people are interested, might be a step too far though.

In the interests of 'informed consent', I'd be interested to hear more, Glittery.

I'd also be interested to hear.

Also is it true that in some abortions they pierce the babies heart.

I've been following this thread since it started but haven't posted til now. I have been lucky enough to have never needed a termination but I am eternally grateful that we have a system in place where women can access one of its needed. I've found this thread very interesting, I come from a nursing background but I felt very naive of the physical side when I had medical management for a mmc last year and was glad of another thread here on mn for information. I personally feel the more information out there the better and hopefully those in need of info can see this.

Thank you for what you do OP. I had a termination last year and the nurse I saw was wonderful.

I think there was an earlier question about antenatal anxiety and depression and whether this is something you see very often? This was the reason for my decision, and I'd never even heard of antenatal depression at the time. Is there much awareness around it? I struggled to get any help or support and didn't know what was happening to me.

I was someone who always said I would never choose to terminate, but until you've been in a situation like that you really don't know.

As I said earlier a relative had a TFMR some years ago after tests revealed major abnormalities. An awful decision that most of us will never have to face. We will always be grateful for the compassion of the medical staff.

DwayneDibbly

You do know what infanticide is right? I think it perfectly ok for someone to say they think that's horrendous and doesn't make them any less a feminist.

Hello OP
I had an abortion when I was 12, I’m 46 now with 4 beautiful children.
I didn’t have a choice to not go through with it but that’s another story.
My question is would it have caused it pain? It probably sounds like a naive question but it’s something that has always weighed on my mind all these years. I was 13 weeks pg.
Thanks in advance

@GlitteryPoopooplop

I have PMed you

Feticide is something which is done prior to later abortions (for medical reasons or not) in order to make sure that the baby isn't born alive. Effectively we stop the baby's heart by injecting it. I first saw it done as a student for a woman who's baby had seriously horrendous abnormalities and who may have survived the birth but it would have not been at all gentle or pleasant. So they stopped his heart before labour to make sure he wouldn't suffer.

Oh yes i forgot I was going to reply about antenatal depression. I think it's hugely ignored or underestimated by lots of health professionals. When I was a midwife in the usual setting I definitely saw a lot of it and women just thought they were going crazy with no explanation. Post natal depression is often poo pooed as baby blues, antenatal depression isn't even acknowledged sometimes. It's something which I feel very very strongly about and I'm so sorry you went through it @Wheretoturnnext.

Motheroffeminists I'm not sure who that was directed at.

A heartfelt thank you. And thank you also for this thread - I think it helps for these things to be open.

@Drogosnextwife I do indeed know what the term means. I found it offensive used in this context. And I expressed disbelief that someone who professes to be a feminist can espouse those views.

How does it work when nurses/midwives working in termination care are pregnant themselves. Could potentially be distressing for the woman, are you moved to a more clerical role or continue as normal?

@GlitteryPoopooplop I have phenomenal amounts of respect for you, and just want to thank you so much for this thread.

@Ooof at 13 weeks, no. The nervous system is not developed at that stage. So i your baby wouldn't have felt pain, or have any knowledge of itself or that anything bad was happening to it. That's such a good question, lots of people ask the same. They're a huge amount of debate about when the pain receptors start working but it would be as early as 13 weeks.

Xx

@Doesthiscountasausername no i was pregnant whilst doing the job. Some women apologised to me, some women felt bad, most didn't notice (I'm a bit far and wear scrubs). I never mentioned it unless they did. Luckily my baby is pro choice and so she agreed with their decisions too.

@GlitteryPoopooplop Thank you 🙏

*wouldn't be as early as 13 weeks (sorry, what a horrible typo). X

Thank you xx

Thank you for what you do. Do you feel privileged to be able to help women who may be going through a really difficult time?

I think I understand your belief that there shouldn't be any stage of pregnancy when an abortion couldn't be carried out (hope all those negatives make sense). Did you always feel like this, before you worked in this field? Or did it evolve from a realisation that drawing a line was arbitrary? Do you think there would be pressure to shorten the 24 week limit if medical advances meant that a significant proportion of babies born at 23 weeks survived?