I'm 20 with an older boyfriend AMA

[bathtimesanity]

I'm currently debating the topic of being in a relationship with an older man on another thread and got a lot of questions there, some criticism and cynical views too- so thought I'd do an AMA to give some honest answers and my view on older/younger relationships!

Promise to answer honestly! :)

Given you have so much in common now, while in totally different life stages, do you worry you'll outgrow him quickly when you graduate?

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis I won't accept insults on this thread, there's no need to be like that when you don't know me. What happened to supporting women and being glad they're strong and sure of themselves?

@jay55 not really no, we both have great work ethic and enjoy talking about our jobs- I'm sure it will only get better when the pressure of the degree is over.

What judgement have you experienced in real life about the relationship?

What does your mum say?

@kenandbarbie I answered this near to the beginning of the thread, in the beginning his siblings were very judgemental (called me a gold digger etc which was never the case and never would be- his sister is 37 with a mid 60 year old man- and she doesn't work!), my parents in the beginning were very concerned and probably judged him, wondering what he saw in me etc. They now love him and see how good he is for me.

Various rude judgement from previous male friends/guys that expressed interest in me that I had turned down.

bath Because as soon as women start going on about how strong etc they are, it’s always a sign that they are the opposite. Strong women don’t need to make a fuss of it. They just are. Strong women wouldn’t get insulted by strangers on the internet.

The patriarchy fucks us all but especially young women - there is very little chance of being truly strong at 20 because we are told our whole life that we are worthy only as a sextoy/housewife. You have to lose that mindset before you become strong.

You’ll look back on this and see I was right. I can basically guarantee it. Look on this as a bit of fun but making plans with an old geezer about having babies etc? Nah. Enjoy your time at university, don’t waste it on stuff that you have plenty of time for when you’re old yourself. So many young women waste years of their lives trying to be more grown up than they are. Go out, make friends, find hobbies, figure out who you are, boff men your own age. All this older guy stuff is a phase that almost all my friends went through and we all regret it as we could have been having so much more fun.

I don't have any strong opinions on the age gap, but unless you're making 40k a year as well I think its a bit off that he's making you pay 50% of the bills! Do you think that the age gap may be driving you to overcompensate in a "must prove I'm not a sugar baby" kind of way? I wonder if you'd still be happy paying half whilst earning 50% less if you didn't have that dynamic in play? I'm asking because there's no way id be paying half if I lived with someone who earned massively more.

The patriarchy fucks us all but especially young women - there is very little chance of being truly strong at 20 because we are told our whole life that we are worthy only as a sextoy/housewife. You have to lose that mindset before you become strong.

WTAF
SexToy... get a grip

At the end of the day you have to go with how well suited you are. These people banging on trying to psychoanalysis the relationship bore off!!!! It's about how well two people gel regardless. You are not a child. Relationships hit bumps in the road regardless of any age difference.

@WisdomOfCrowds I pay the 50% because it helps me feel more responsible, that was my choice- he's never asked me for money.

@Whatsforu definitely! No relationship is ever perfect. :)

Let's be very clear there are many mnetters on here who are told to leave because their dp/dh is an abuser and there's no huge age gap.
Women and men grow up at different ages sets.
To say that the op is being controlled and use for young sex is a joke.
Op is doesn't matter the age as long as the relationship is good and men 18 or 45 can both be arses.

christmas what seering insight! Are you always this politically engaged?

@Christmasisforadults2 THANK YOU perfectly put!

"Let's be very clear there are many mnetters on here who are told to leave because their dp/dh is an abuser and there's no huge age gap.
Women and men grow up at different ages sets.
To say that the op is being controlled and use for young sex is a joke.
Op is doesn't matter the age as long as the relationship is good and men 18 or 45 can both be arses."

Alright guys, I'm off for a day shopping, feel free to leave more questions (maybe leave out the judgements and picking apart my sentences- that would be great😉) enjoy your days. X

I was 20 and DH was 34 when we got together, we're now married with our 3rd baby on the way, I don't get why this is AMA worthy?

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis I'm sending you kisses xoxo and hugs because I feel you need them. You poor thing, growing up and being told your only worth is to be a sextoy and housewife.
Here some more xoxo xoxo

christmas sending them back to you as you clearly havent cottoned on to how society views women.

Poor dear.

15 years gap?! I expected 40 from your girls !

I'm sorry but that's not unique or interesting e ought for an AMA! My exH is 10 years older. It's perfectly ordinary

• title (not girls!)

Snap! Me and DH have the same age gap! And we met at the same ages a you too. Haven’t had any judgement though (maybe because it wasn’t surprising coming from us) sorry you’ve had a hard time of it.

Not an especially noteworthy age gap.

Don’t have children until mid to late twenties. It’s extremely difficult to start a full on career and have a baby.

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis who have you been talking to? I can’t think of anyone that ever said (or anything like that) that to me growing up.

Also worth noting that OP is 20 ‘men’ her age are by and large not men. At least that was my experience (I’m a few years older than op for context so maybe it was different when you were that age but porn culture really hasn’t helped the young men of our generation).

Are you his early midlife crisis? My exH has one. Embarrassing.
On the other hand I have a female sibling who was 35 and dating an 18 year old. Married about 20 years now.

@PerverseConverse haha no I don't think so