I wear a niqab! AMA

[JamTea]

Hi everyone,

I am a regular MNer and NC'd for this :). As background, I have a successful career in tech, I am a Muslim and I wear niqab too. Since Boris's comments, I've seen quite a bit written on MN about burqa and niqab, and thought it may be useful to answer any questions people have in relation to niqab. I also know a large number of Muslim women and have lived in various Muslim communities, so can probably speak from my experience and relay other people's experiences too.

Just as a note: I don't know any women in the UK that wear burqa and I have never seen anyone wear a burqa in real life. The difference between niqab and burqa is illustrated here: cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/590x/scarf-651554.jpg

Candy, stay strong :( . Let's hope for the ban.
Please delete your history.

Thank you for this thread op.
Can I ask if you think women should be free to wear anything they want or should there be some social norms that should be observed?
If you are in the 'women should wear anything they want' camp would you be happy if your child's teacher chose to wear a tiny bikini (for example) while teaching or just in the street?

Sadly it makes you look at images like this and wonder.

@candy I'm so sorry for you. I wonder when I see kids with a veil on if there is a particular age they have to start wearing it. I heard somewhere once it was due to the onset of menustration.

My personal opinions on this topic and indeed religion in general are irrelevant here. I think no one should be telling anyone else what to do in the name of some time of diety or anything else that matter.

However. I remember talking to a girl who was a practising muslim and she said the control thing and the veil is more a problem of culture than of religion. Which I found very interesting.

I think people who wear religious clothing should of course not be harassed in this country, however I know the case is unlikely to occur in reverse - for example there are parts of the world where I would NOT be permitted in anyway to wear, I don't know, shorts or whatever. And that's controlling someones choices. I don't like that. I wouldn't want to be part of a society which controls what women or anyone else for that matter chooses to clothe themselves in.

Damn I totally contradicted myself there my offering some notion of my opinion. Argh!!

Candy, your story is heart-breaking. It is so horrible that your husband and menfolk think it ok to treat you like this - ok to beat you! That is domestic abuse without a doubt. Has he beaten you? It is illegal in this country to treat women like this and for good reason. I am appalled to think whole communities are doing this in the name of their religion. To me, it is on a par with loony cults. I don’t mean that Islam itself is loony - just that this extremism is. I don’t mean to offend you.

I understand that it is extremely difficult for you to leave and I wish there was a way of helping women like you. Maybe that’s what it should be looked at - setting up specific aid to help women in your situation. Making public that you would be entitled to financial help, that the courts would order the children to be in your care...detailed, specific help addressing the reasons why Muslim women don’t leave or go public. I know no one wants to take such a step, but unfortunately I think that unless they do, and expose this practice (anonymously), it is never going to get better.

Maybe another answer is specific teaching programmes about domestic abuse, not only this kind, but non-religious types as well. Teach every little boy in the country that there are types of behaviour that are absolutely not on - and make the teaching compulsory even in faith schools. Hold events and workplace training across the country to try and break down the veil that these men wear - the veil that hides the truth about their behaviour, the veil that they use to tell themselves they are good people. And it’s not just Muslims - again, there are plenty of men of other religions (or no religion) who need this drumming into them! I remember seeing adverts on TV in the 90s about help available to women experiencing domestic abuse (theme tune No One Knows What Goes On Behind Closed Doors), but they’re always aimed at women reaching out, and that could potentially put women in danger. There are also ads in the loos at work which are targeted at men, but those aren’t referencing religion as a reason - and maybe they should.

candysugar your post has made up my mind about the ban.
I think it gives women like you an opportunity to hopefully break the ‘tradition ‘ if no that’s for you, for your daughters.
As I asked earlier, I think women in Muslim cultures seem to have less freedom than they’d did 30 years ago.
The Muslim girls I was I never school with seemed to have more freedom than their counter parts today.

@*JamTea why do you wear it when so many women are forced to wear it, especially in the Middle East?

How does it make you feel when you see images of women like the one above protesting against wearing it?

Do you not think you are complicit in their oppression ?

The picture shows 100,000 women protesting against even wearing the head scarf in Iran. Ladies that refused to wear it were shot

There are specialist domestic violence charities that support Muslim women, in my area we have BAWSO ( Black and Asian Women Stepping out) and nationally there is the Henna Foundation.
Both offer Refuges and outreach support.

I wish everyone would read Infidel: My Life by Ayaan hirsi Ali . An amazing book by an amazing woman. Look it up on Amazon. She probably has a Wikipedia page too.

OP - re "The reason where I wear niqab is I believe it is taking a step even further from the minimum required to please my Lord. There aren't any other reasons."

So you are going against the express instructions of Mohammad who has said that the face and hands of a woman should be visible?

Since you are doing this despite the fact that there is no such thing as covering the face in the Quran, do you not believe that the Quran is perfect, complete, and fully detailed - that is, all you need to know to be a good Muslim?

If Quran says nothing about covering your face AND Mohammad says your face should be visible, who are you to go against them?

And if you think God will love you better if you do more than what Quran says and cover your face, why don't you go a step further and wear a burqa to cover your eyes, too? Don't you want God to love you bestest?

Those are my sincere questions and I hope that you will answer them.

@Candysugar for you & thanks for being so honest. I live in the Midlands so feel free to pm me if I can be of any help at all. Wishing you strength.

Totally agree with all Bluntness had to say.

Op, sorry but I think you're seriously deluded & actually a danger to British society to normalise the Niqab. It has no place in a civilised society & sets women back centuries.

Songbird....all those women protesting yet were FORCED to wear it anyway because men said so! 😪I could cry for these women. And I HATE their fucking evil menfolk!

The OP would have more than likely prepared herself for the fact that many of us can't see anything empowering whatsoever about niqabs and other forms of religious dress, so on and so forth.

I am of the same view as @Hannah and @bluntness. That said, I think we all appreciate you coming and answering some of the queries raised OP so thank you for that.

The ops posts are rather concerning. If you re read them. She wears it through choice, she gets no pressure to do so, she knows of no woman who is pressured To wear it. Her husband and family don't like it, but she wears it because she wants to. It's lovely and breathable and comfortable.

It doesn't ring true.

Lucky stop thanking her...She hasn't answered anything of any value! WHY do people bend backwards with minorities?🤬

I wonder why a god would want women to wear clothes that hide them op? Why do you feel that god likes women covered up?

Why do you wear it when your religion does not actually prescribe it?

Candy I'm so sorry. This was my life until 16. All my father. Bullying, abuse, forced to wear a hijab. It has mentally scarred me.

As someone who is deaf, I don't think anyone should be allowed out in public with their face covered. We need to be able to lipread and I'm pleased that I live somewhere where it's extremely rare to see anyone with any kind of head covering.

OP, not that I expect her to come back, don't you think having a disability is hard enough without people going out of their way to make things harder?

@pieceofpurplesky

Have you noticed an increase in negativity over the last few years. Many of the young girls I teach say that they have.

Yes it has got worse. I think the terrorist attacks made things difficult (understandably in a way) and so did Brexit. And when politicians make these types of offensive remarks, they don't realise it makes our life even more difficult, and restricts our freedom of movement.

Candy hopefully your family and community will gradually change. In the past, in the UK there was a law that a man could beat his wife as long as the stick was no thicker than his thumb. Women could not vote. Women could not own property. Most domestic violence was ignored. Now you are in the U.K. you are entitled to enjoy the same freedoms I have..to live as equal to any man, to choose what I wear, how I think, how I vote etc.

@BeeFarseer

How do you eat and drink in a niqab? Is it possible, or do you just not eat and drink in public?

Drink is really easy, especially with if you have bottle or straw. With food, if its snacks then really easy to lift bottom and eat. Many times say I am on train and eating a sandwich, I'll just lift the whole thing. I'm always practical and there are times when I will remove the whole niqab if I sense danger.

Jamtee it seems to me that your behaviour and attitude makes life harder for women like Candy.

@SleepFreeZone

My only issue with any kind of extreme religious outfit is when I feel like the wearer gets no choice. My personal opinion on dressing in such a way that would make daily life a total chore is that it couldn’t possibly be a personal decision, but hopefully you’ll change my mind on that.

If the wearer has no choice, then I am 100% completely with you, then is very extreme and should not be allowed. How a law would enforce that I have no idea, but I would welcome that. I personally know at least 30-40 women who wear the niqab, and not one of them is forced. I also know women who wore the niqab for 1-10 years or so and then decided to no longer wear it, and it isn't a biggie removing it. As women that wear we know how difficult it is to wear one especially in this country, so we would definitely not be judging anyone if they decided it was no longer for them.

To everyone else: I am going in order btw so will get to your question :)