AMA
I'm a pilot's wife, AMA
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 15:29
If it's of any interest to anyone of course!
ScreamingValenta · 28/07/2018 15:43
Hi OP. Would you fly (or have you ever flown) on a plane your husband was piloting?
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 17:25
I have, ScreamingV. It was really nice getting to see him work, finally.
JustHereForThePooStories · 28/07/2018 17:28
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sarahsnail · 28/07/2018 17:29
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Languageofkindness · 28/07/2018 17:32
Goodness people are mean on AMA today! Do you get to go to a lot of exotic places? Do you worry about his safety when he flies? I know it is safe but I have an irrational fear!
lapetitesiren · 28/07/2018 17:34
How long is he away for and how does it impact on your relationship and your ability to have your own career?
macdhui · 28/07/2018 17:39
Does he fly long haul and if so how do you all cope with jet lag ?
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 17:47
- "Do you not have an identity of your own?". Sure do.
- "Does he sleep with the air hostesses when he stays over?" - Let's hope not.
- "Do you get to go to a lot of exotic places? Do you worry about his safety when he flies?" The ability to go is there, yes, but due to various reasons, pre-children I couldn't, and now we have children it's a bit difficult as they're so young but I will be able to later on in life. I've been able to go to the country that I love which I never thought I'd be able to, so I'm eternally grateful for that. As for safety, to be honest I think I remember reading somewhere you're more likely to be killed taking a taxi than flying. plus having seen what's he's gone through to get his license plus multiple annual safety training and assessments, it's something I try not to worry about too much.
- "How long is he away for and how does it impact on your relationship and your ability to have your own career?". He used to be on short haul flights which was awful, and shot my sleep patterns to pieces - up at 3am, away for a day, back exhausted, then off again at 4am, back at 1am, etc. We adapted to it, which was a sad process because it meant learning to become used to being apart. As for the career, I gave mine up to stay with him. I was working crazy hours, for little pay, weekends, bank holidays....we never, ever saw each other, and when we did, he was dead for tiredness and I was beaten down due to the job and lack of sleep. I hated what I did, so we had a discussion. It made sense that I got a part time job nearer to home, then I ended up giving that up and currently am a SAHM working from home. If i'd had a career that I'd loved, I would've probably had a lot of soul searching to do on where I wanted life to go.
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 18:07
But he's currently long haul so is away for often 4-5 days at a time. I have to let him sleep when he's home, which is hard because I don't get a break from doing the nights (the kids usually wake about three times or so on average), so dealing with the jet lag as well can be hard because it never stops as he never gets a long enough break to get over it.
-"Do you get free flights?" - You get I think maybe one free ticket a year, one at 90% discount, and then a couple at 70% discount, something like that. After that, if your spouse or children you get special rates.
MarshyMallows · 28/07/2018 18:10
I work in the industry, I've known a lot of pilots. Almost without exception, they cheat. The exceptions, maybe they've just kept it quiet so far.
rainbowstardrops · 28/07/2018 18:17
That sounds quite tough on you (and probably your DH too) *@rubyjude. *
Do you resent him for being away so much and then getting over jet-lag while you have to carry on?
How many flights does he have to do a month?
Oh and ignore the GFers. It's Saturday and they're bored 
AllEdges · 28/07/2018 18:18
Why do pilot's wives go on about their husbands job all the time? Loads of the school mum's I know are pilot's (second) wives, we live near an airport. They bang on and on about their husbands pay and rosta and routes... Weird. And yeah, most of them are ex cabin crew the men cheated with and left the first wife... And it's not just cabin crew, one of the dads got drunk and admitted to heavy use of prostitutes abroad. Sleazy as fuck.
EdWinchester · 28/07/2018 18:24
Do you have a job of your own? I can understand a thread on 'I am a pilot...', but 'I am a pilot's wife'?
lapetitesiren · 28/07/2018 18:42
Sounds quite hard. It must put quite a strain on relationships.
lapetitesiren · 28/07/2018 18:44
Does he actively parent and do a fair share when he's home or do you end up carrying everything? Is it difficult to adjust to him being back?
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 18:45
- "I work in the industry, I've known a lot of pilots. Almost without exception, they cheat" - So people like to tell me.
- "Do you resent him for being away so much and then getting over jet-lag while you have to carry on?" I don't resent him for it, it's his job after all and to be expected, and we had an inkling this is what it would be like when we decided to start a family. But nothing prepares you for the exhaustion of years of sleep deprivation. It would nice to be able to have more nights off but he sleeps like the dead and doesn't hear a thing so, fingers crossed when the kids are older (teenagers?!) the lack of sleep will get better :)
-"How many flights does he have to do a month?" - Hmm, maybe 5 - 7?, depending on if he's reaching his working limit allowance, and what line bids they've given him. We also still have stupendous amounts of debt left over from years and years ago from the flight training costs so he takes on extra work if he can here and there within legal limits to help pay it all off faster.
- "Why do pilot's wives go on about their husbands job all the time?" - Hmmm, can't answer that one, I've never met another one. Maybe they talk about it a lot with each other because it can be a trying life in terms of not often seeing your spouse, tiredness, relationship difficulties etc, and it can be very lonely, so having other people that understand a bit of the lifestyle must be a comfort I suppose. Also, some people just like to brag?
- "Do you have a job of your own? I can understand a thread on 'I am a pilot...', but 'I am a pilot's wife'? Well, I could've termed it "I'm currently a SAHM who is running a small online business with further projects lined up in the future so I cam make my own money/not go crazy whilst the children are in school full time and my husband's job is that of pilot, so if anyone were wondering what it might be like to have a spouse who is away all the time or whatever ask me anything", but it's shorter to just assume that people will understand the family dynamics, general day to day life etc, will be different with a spouse who has a job like that and therefore head the thread with what said spouse's job is, like the other lady who is talking about her life as a farmer's wife. Which personally I find is pretty cool, it's interesting reading about what her life is like as an arable farmer.
ScreamingValenta · 28/07/2018 18:50
Really interesting to read your answers, OP. Great thread!
Annarex · 28/07/2018 18:50
Oh, Man, you are fucked after Brexit. Hope your Mum business is doing good. What is it? Arbonne? Younique?
(Credentials - DH commissioned to make a two year study of effects on aviation industry of leaving the EU. It ain't pretty.)
Annarex · 28/07/2018 18:52
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macdhui · 28/07/2018 19:26
Rubyjude, interesting thread and answers. Can’t beliieve some of the comments ...could you be a bit jealous Annarex ??? Have often wondered about the culminate impact of jet lag - thank you for answering. Interesting re Brexit - would you consider an overseas basing if things are as doom and gloom as Annarex suggests?
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/07/2018 19:31
I’m scared of flying (I do it but really hate it), what do you think he would be able to say to someone like me which could take the fear away?
rubyjude · 28/07/2018 19:54
- "Oh, Man, you are fucked after Brexit. Hope your Mum business is doing good. What is it? Arbonne? Younique?" - Well as we don't have to live in the UK it's a nonissue as he can work anywhere in the world. English is lingua franca in aviation but it helps we both speak a couple of languages so job location is adaptable. As for my business, I deal in import/export off of the back of contacts I made over the years as well as new ones I've made since. It's tricky though because most contacts are in different time zones so staying up late to make contact can be horrible, but I enjoy it so I do it :)
- "Really? Genuinely do you think you have something to brag about?" Well, my chocolate fudge cake is pretty on point, so, there's that I suppose.
- "Interesting re Brexit - would you consider an overseas basing if things are as doom and gloom as Annarex suggests?" - Yes, we already have an "escape plan", lol. The main thing is we stay together as a family unit, and we are fortunate enough that we can live pretty much anywhere so, we're not stuck with the UK. A few of his pilot friends commute in from abroad, so it's not unique.
-"I’m scared of flying (I do it but really hate it), what do you think he would be able to say to someone like me which could take the fear away?" - Some airlines, like BA, do flyer fear courses for passengers that have a fear - I'm not sure of costs, but they tailor it to children, teenagers, and adults alike. In terms of anything he can say? What can anyone say to help alleviate a fear? I guess all I can say is that they train, and train, and train. Scenario after scenario, simulation test after test after test, meetings and reports if anything happens to a plane around the world and what can be done next time, it never stops, and pilots WILL be fired for failing a test. Even with one engine a passenger plane like a 747 can fly and land, even in bird strikes or lightening strikes, even with no infra red landing guiding etc, they are trained up to the eyeballs on everything. It's very, very rare, comparatively, for an accident to happen. I would recommend though going on an airline course for fear of flying, a friend of mine did one and it greatly helped her.
macdhui · 28/07/2018 20:00
Have you read The Pilots Wife by Anita Shreve? I couldn’t put it down !
Nothisispatrick · 28/07/2018 20:00
So many AMA about being a someone's wife. It's a bit depressing.
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