I'm a pilot's wife, AMA

[rubyjude]

If it's of any interest to anyone of course!

Sorry Ruby, didn’t mean to take over.your thread!. I just get frustrated (irl) by the lack of knowledge about pilots’ pay and some of the assumptions made.

Yes DH gets bonded for 2 years whenever he moves to a new aircraft he needs training for. If he were to leave before then he'd have to pay them back. Can cost around £30,000!

Mine is an ex military pilot so didn't have to pay the vast training fees. In his airline, captains are assigned based on seniority and how many people bid for it.

Oh and I certainly don't think that all cabin crew want to get it on with the pilots, far from it. I'm sure they have much better things to do with their time, like sleep!

r change. But it's not easy ,I mean, he has young, beautiful women (as well as older women, men, etc), throwing themselves at him and doing anything they can sometimes to get into his room/get a date/get him on
his own, all the time, despite the fact he's married and has children (it's happened with me there! I was like....hi, I'm the wife?
Wow that sounds like he’s a rockstar!! Don’t put yourself down as just a Mum, or a stay at home mum either. You have to do what works for your family, I can see with the irregularity of his hours, how it would probably add extra pressure that you don’t necessarily need.

You’re getting a hard time Op!

I worked in the industry and spent a lot of time away with pilots, I’d say actually most didn’t cheat. On average 20%... even the military/ex-military largely stayed faithful.

As for brexit people will always go on holiday and business trips- there may be a downturn where they don’t recruit for a while and turn the manning tap off, but predictions of Armageddon are not necessary.

Also to be a pilot you need to be an intelligent/geeky sort- it tends not to attract air head play boy types who womanise loads with gay abandon.
Most of the pilots I know are fiercely loyal and boring! They’re not particularly ‘cool’ or attractive in that way, therefore the (often younger) cabin crew just aren’t interested!

I also fly and am married to one but have never referred to myself as a 'pilots wife'

It's tickled me.

-"I also fly and am married to one but have never referred to myself as a 'pilots wife' It's tickled me." - Only for "AMA" have I referred to myself as this

"Wow that sounds like he’s a rockstar!!" -Ha, no. It hasn't happened all the time. The last few years it hasn't, it did more so at the start....hmmm, maybe because he was younger? Who knows!

Op

Glad to hear it

I’m actually really shocked he earns so little, for such a demanding job. I thought you were going to say 3-4K per week!

"I’m actually really shocked he earns so little, for such a demanding job. I thought you were going to say 3-4K per week!" - This is roughly the minimum amount after tax.

HI OP also married to a pilot... cudos to you. We’ve just chosen short haul after a few years long haul for various reasons. Hoping it’s not going to be hideous!
There is a different impact on relationships with long haul, depending on the length of time away. One of the things I find tricky with long haul is the change over days. We have three kids all under 10. I’m fine when he’s away - we have our rhythm... great when he’s home as we’re all together... but the leaving and ‘re-entry’ into the household is always stressful, and that’s when we tend to argue, when we’re rebalancing ourselves. I liken it to balancing on a spinning top. When we are all at home the five of us spread out evenly and everything is balanced; when DH is away the four of us shift round a bit so that the top spins evenly; but when he jumps off and on there is always a bit of a wobble.
Just my take on it 😊 I think the term is intermittent spouse. There’s some research done on how families deal with the changes in dynamics when one person is away a lot. It’s interesting.
Good luck. Not an easy life, but your family is your own unique creation and your story is your own, so don’t feel you need to justify your choices to anyone.

rainyafternoon that’s a really good way of describing it. My DH is an MP so away every week Monday-Thursday or Monday - Friday, and then sometime home in recess.
It’s the leaving & re-entry that we find tricky.

And rubyjude I had helpful people telling me that most MPs cheat on their wives on my thread too. I find it strange that people presume that because 1 partner is away from home that they automatically cheat.

I feel for you with the night waking & dealing with it alone. My kids are bigger now so I get sleep, but I still sometimes wish he was around all the time to do more!

How fascinating! It's interesting to see from the other side of things.

How long did it take him to train?

I know you're used to this life and have accepted it but does a tiny bit of you secretly wish he done something else so he was home more?

Did he get time off and if so how much when your babies were first born?

Ignore the nasties on here x

Really interesting thread OP. Hats off to you for handling the bitchploppers with such good grace

You have answered some of the more unkind posters with good humour OP.
My nosiness has always been around the salary, I have a friend whose dh is a captain for BA and have a fantastic lifestyle. I would agree with the geeky comments, he is a really clever man, obsessed with engineering.

I can answer the question about salaries if that's okay. Salaries, especially at BA, used to be fantastic with final salary pensions. Things are changing a bit now, retirement age changed from 55 to 65 about 10 years ago and also final salary pensions in BA were scrapped. Generally people that work for flag carriers across Europe are still paid pretty well, but there is a general acceptance that terms and conditions are going to be squeezed more and more in the future as the market opens up. Some of the low-cost airlines are now able to pay very low salaries. It is still a popular career, and some of the low-cost carriers in Europe have a starting salary for First Officers of as little as €15,000. Also in the US, regional airlines can pay really low salaries. If you think how little you can buy a flight ticket for now, and how much of that is airport tax, it's not a surprise really. There are ways to make a lot of money still – notably in China… if you manage to get through the medicals… and are happy to put up with the employment conditions. But I think the days of it being a glamorous prospect are long gone! For most people I know, the biggest perk is the fact that they love flying, so really enjoy the job, not the salary really.

I am also a pilot’s wife.
My husband has only ever flown short haul, previously he has been away on nights but no longer.

We’ve lived in three different parts of the uk so are never settled for long.

My husband didn’t have anytime off when we had ds2.

rainyafternoon, you phrased it perfectly. It's hard sometimes to rebalance the family when he leaves/when he gets home. He forgets sometimes the rhythm of what the kids need, and will sometimes be cleaning/using the bathroom/doing computer work right when they're supposed to be going out the front door for school, because his timings are all out of whack. The kids are often upset/inconsolable for the hour or so after he's left for work, and sometimes have bad dreams at night the first night. Then the first day he's back they don't understand why he's sleeping and not being with them, so he ends up on the sofa downstairs asleep whilst they all lay on him watching a movie or something :)

LongWeek - oh, I'll have a read of your thread - it's a shame people feel the need to be negative. Oh, it's good to hear kids do actually start to sleep longer!

-"How long did it take him to train?" Two years, with I think four/six months in America.

-"I know you're used to this life and have accepted it but does a tiny bit of you secretly wish he done something else so he was home more?" Hmmm....I do wonder this sometimes, more for the children's sake though.

-"Did he get time off and if so how much when your babies were first born?" 4 weeks as I was emergency c-sec. He'd applied for extra time. I think it was 4 weeks..might have been 6, it was all a bit of a blur.

-"I have a friend whose dh is a captain for BA and have a fantastic lifestyle" - The old contract Captains have the most stupendously amazing salaries/pensions! Probably why BA changed the contracts lol. Good for her though :)

x post Rainy, sorry :) x

Does a pilot need different qualifications to fly cargo planes and passenger planes?
I ask because I've seen huge cargo planes which look the same as those that fly passengers (except without windows).

RainyAfternoon - I love that description. My little one is still too young (19mths) to be bothered by her father leaving/returning and I am not looking forward to the time when she is old enough to be upset by it. What age did it start for your children? Also, do you have a ref/link for the research you mentioned, sounds very interesting!

OP - thanks for all your helpful responses, such an interesting thread. Seems some posters are getting bogged down by the semantics of words used. I also think pilots' cheating is overestimated.

My DH friend’s dad was an old 747 training captain with BA.

They lived in Cornwall with him commuting from Newquay airport.
They had the most wonderful life and gorgeous farmhouse.

He retired and she got fed up of him being around so divorced.

You do get used to life without your OH, and I used to resent him coming home and upsetting our life that we had and routines.

My boys are 7 and 10 and just take it for granted that their dad is a captain. He goes and comes back.

MamitaA here are a couple of links for you www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/7945135/ and www.cambridge.org/core/journals/the-british-journal-of-psychiatry/article/oil-wives-and-intermittent-husbands/05C587200F5417320C66629C92381FAA# I don't think I can pinpoint an age with the children when it affects them more or less. I've gone through periods where I've found it easier or harder. Depends so much on external factors. In a perfect world we'd all just acknowledge stresses and get on with it. Doesn't always work that way though!

RainyAfernoon For most people I know, the biggest perk is the fact that they love flying, so really enjoy the job, not the salary really

I agree. Almost all of DP's friends/colleagues are the slightly geeky types who genuinely love the technical aspects of flying. In fact, most of them would be the sort to have a crush on a new engine rather than an OW .