I'm a radical unschooler AMA

[OutOfControlSpirals]

I'm a radical unschooling mum, which basically means I've taken the principals of unschooling, where a child is free to learn what they want, when they want, and applied it to every aspect of our lives. So my children have the same freedoms that I do when it comes to eating/sleeping/learning etc.

If you fed your child instant noodles for 6 months and it's not down to a real genuine reason like a food phobia or an extreme fussy eater that you try and tempt with other foods too, and you let your young child go without a hair wash or brush for 2 years then that is just neglect.

It just IS. My question is how do you defend what I think is indefensible?

If one of your children decided they didn't fancy having a bath or shower for 6 months would you just nicely encourage them but meh their body their choice?

My 11 year old would happily skip his bath for a week or so. He'd happily not bother about his teeth or washing his hair. It's my job to ensure these get done each day so why don't you consider it your job?

soy what is it that children gain from going to school though....

For me the main benefit of a child learning at home rather than at school is the efficiency of it. I can teach her stuff exactly when she is ready to learn it. My DD and my nephew are about the same age and they both learned about fractions this year. My nephew is in school and had lessons on fractions on and off for months. He went from bemused and learning nothing, though and active phase of getting it, onto bored of this now.

My DD just did it once, when she was ready.

I was massively bored at school, much of the time. A lot of the rest of the time I was annoyed by disruptive classmates. I think if you sat down to plan the perfect education system with unlimited resources to play with, you wouldn't come up with 30 kids of varying abilities in the same class together with one teacher. You might come up with personal tutor for each kid with lots of socialization time built in each day. Home-Ed isn't all that, because parents aren't tutors, and we probably on socialize every other day....but school really really isn't all that great.

omm

Again, this isn’t really about the pros and cons of HE.

I work in a school and I can really see how conventional education doesn’t suit all children. So for those who can afford to have one parent not earning it’s a great solution.

But some of the things the OP does with her children would worry me - six hours of minecraft? Eating junk food incessantly? Not brushing their hair? What’s that got to do with encouraging their natural love of learning?

As a pp said, it’s neglect, no need to dress it up.

OP you're avoiding loads of questions but I'll try again.

• seeing as it's legal for minors from the age of 5 to drink alcohol at home, would you allow your children to drink if they wanted to? If not, why not? And if yes, how much? Would you let them get drunk on the basis that they can make their own choices?

• if your child refused to brush their teeth, would you force them? If not, how would you explain to them as an adult that you thought oral hygiene was their choice aged 5 and therefore they have to suffer with poor teeth for the rest of their life as a result?

• why do you think it's acceptable for a child to live off supernoodles for six months? What if it hadn't been a phase and he was still doing it now? Is there ever a time where you'd intervene for their health/safety/future?

Someone needs to be the adult in the family.

Funnily enough OP, i went to a normal school setting, and I self regulated from an early age, I.e went to bed at the same time every day because I didn’t like being tired from around the age of nine. I read everything I could get my hands on, kept my sense of curiosity and wonder, and learned so much about human relationships and interaction from being at school with my peers.

I draw on these skills now in my professional job, which I balance with managing my growing family, marriage, volunteer work and role isn’t he community.

Not sure how being at home with matted hair eating supernoodles and playing minecraft would have added anything to be honest.

I agree not washing or brushing a child's hair for 2 years is neglect

Holly I know SEN children are over represented in the HE sector. But my question was not about that, but about allowing total freedom of choices for a child with SN such as autism.

So much of this that seems to be the selling point is what most parents do anyway. I did so many extracurricular activities as a child, sport, music, art etc. Some were facilitated by school and some by parents. The schools sports system and music system gave me the opportunity to do both at a good level for relatively little money (accommodation for English schools athletics etc was hugely subsidised).

I find it interesting that you've skirted around talking about qualifications.

I'm also interested what you'd do if any of your children asked to start school in September?

All the things you list that your children get to do because they’re not in school can be done in the evenings, at weekends and in the 13 weeks holiday every year.

I want to know about teeth, too. Most little kids don't like having their teeth brushed at first. Did you insist on it? Do you still insist on it?

What if one of your children wanted a full body tattoo? A tattoo on their face? Would you stop them at any point?

Clionba - he's only just joined, we'll see how he goes. If he sticks with it, its because he has chosen to, he understands the need for the formalities. If its truly what he wants, then I'll suppor him in that. I just don't see the need to enforce a dress code and strict code of conduct in our home and in ourday to day lives just because one day he might like to be a pilot.

@OutOfControlSpirals (did I manage to tag you?)

Thank you for your answers.

On sibling conflict: yes, I guess that's pretty much what I'm doing with my lot. There are moments, though, like if I'm trying to drive and WW3 starts up in the back, when I will just shout "everybody SHUT UP UNTIL WE GET THERE OR I WILL CRASH". That's not very radical unschooler-y, but it does mean that (with luck) I don't kill everyone on the way to

On food: I used to worry so much about limited diets (sensory issues in the mix, too). The things that helped were remembering that it's really not a good look to force someone to eat something, and (a Sonrise tip) if I offered the same simple food day after day, without expectation or response whether they tried it or not, in the end they would, and they'd probably decide they liked it, and woohoo, that's a non-beige food that works its way into the standard diet. I've seen children go from frighteningly selective eaters to being willing to eat all sorts of new foods, and requesting them, too, when they are developmentally ready for it.

There is a challenge around the whole "children in charge of the shopping list" thing, at a stage where their desires for particular foods is at odds with the parental desire for different foods, or with parental budget, and the children can't process "there isn't enough money for that". Then it DOES end up as a straight, top down "no". I could never reconcile that with my unschool-y principles, because in the end I wasn't going to buy 14 jars of caviar (I just made that example up. I have never bought caviar in my life).

I think unschoolers quite often get muddled up with people who just don't bother to parent. It's probably one reason why I have stepped right away from aspiring to define myself as a radical unschooler, because I so often don't like what I see from families who claim to be part of that philosophy.

What are your plans for when you have taught them everything you know?....my ddY10 is doing maths a physics that I do not understand and studying literature that I haven't, her knowledge in those areas has overtaken mine, because she's been taught by teachers who specialise in those subjects.

"There's no point in labelling food as good or bad , or doing sticker charts for eating your dinner. "

Again you're making massive assumptions about what other parents do. There are other ways to help your children learn how to eat healthily that aren't your lack of boundaries or the sticker chart approach.

Hi OP, I love your approach and think this sounds a fantastic education that will really fuel their interests & learning. I would love to do this but I hear what you say about being fully present and engaged and I don’t have the health or energy. Envious though, it sounds like a great adventure.

If your children can do everything they need to by themselves - if they go to bed when they want, choose what they want to eat, choose to look after their personal hygiene or not as they see fit, learn everything from the internet, what’s the point of you? You talk about being so much more present and engaged than those of us who don’t parent like you, but as far as I can see, you don’t do anything (except pay for the instant noodles).

So why do you think the Air Cadets enforce it? If its not necessary?

If you split up with your husband will you send the kids to school because you'll need to work full time?

In all honesty I'd rather mine had a screaming fit in a supermarket than had unbrushed hair and a poor diet. Your choices, though.

“Your body, your choice”

No, not for a four year old. That is absolutely ridiculous, and undermines the rest of what you are saying about encouraging them to self-regulate. At age 4? Plus their kidneys are probably knackered after all those noodles. I hope it hasn’t permanently damaged them

I know an unschooled 10 year old who cannot read and can barely write their own name. The parents are insistent that this is not an issue and the child will do it it their own time despite the fact that the child has no interest in learning how.

What do you think of this?

I've never had any kind of sticker chart with my children, nor labelled food "good" or "bad". You seem to have a very narrow view of what other parents do!

Adaline - its also legal to walk across roads but im not going to leave a crawling baby to cross a road by themselves. The alcohol question is ridiculous. But, if my child did come and ask me about alcohol, we would discuss it, we would talk about the affects on their body,is it a good idea, we would explore all the reasons they might be wanting to drink and what they thought they would gain from it. I just cant see any of them coming to me with that request yet tho. Maybe when they were in their teens and I guess theb we would discuss drinking responsibly and keeping themselves safe and if they wanted a glass of wine with dinner I'd be ok with that.

With the teeth brushing, we never had a major issue with it. As babies I gave them toothbrushs to chew on when they were teething, so they associated teeth brushing with relieving pain. The biggest issue we have had has been with individual preference to toothpaste - everyone has their own tube because we all prefer different kinds.

As for the noodles - it was just dinner. She ate fine the rest of the day, she was just going through a phase. Her health didnt suffer at all.
Incessant junk food? Where have I said they eat junk food non stop? Not one of them has a single cavity, so I'd say their diet is just fine.

The amount of salt in instant noodles has got to be damaging for a 4 year old when consumed in those quantities?
It’s ok to trust them to make decisions, but they don’t always have the knowledge required to make those decisions effectively. Did your 4 old know the potential dangers to her health of consuming such high levels of salt?