I'm a radical unschooler AMA

[OutOfControlSpirals]

I'm a radical unschooling mum, which basically means I've taken the principals of unschooling, where a child is free to learn what they want, when they want, and applied it to every aspect of our lives. So my children have the same freedoms that I do when it comes to eating/sleeping/learning etc.

What was your own experience of school like (if you went to school), OP?

Why do you consider a 4 year-old child to be as capable as an adult of making important judgments about their hygiene and diet?

Ommmwards, those are good questions. Sibling conflict. Oh I hear ya! Bane of my life. It's hard work, but at the end of the day its basically mediation, helping them to consider others, compromise, etc. It's not all sunshine and roses, there's tears of rage and frustration from them sometimes as they work through issues and sometimes there are on going issues that we revisit again and again, but I trust that its all part of their development. And as they've got older I've seen them grow and in the midst of a conflict, take a deep breathe and use a technique or strategy that we've been encouraging for months.

Your second question I think I already answered. If there's no money for chocolates every day, then there's no money. Doesn't matter how much they want it. Same as when you're an adult in the "real world". And yeah, theres been phases when the diet or one child or another was solid beige. But thats all it was, a phase. Again, its trusting that they will make the right choice, when provided with an environment that encourages that. There's no point in labelling food as good or bad , or doing sticker charts for eating your dinner.

And your 3rd questin re radical unschoolers and lord of the flies. Again, I hear ya! But those tend to be the ones who think unschooling = unparenting, that only their childs needs matter. And they tend to only have 1 or 2 children. Part of radical unschooling (in my opinion) is that everyones needs get met. And you can be considerate to others and compromise whilst still getting your own needs met.

But things like violin lessons, air cadets, aquarium membership... these are all things that people who go to school do as well as going to school. What are your children gaining on top of what people who go to school experience?

LEM if you withdraw your child from mainstream school, as is your legal right to do, you will not be chased regarding attendance. You are chased because you are registered therefore your child's attendance will be monitored as part of the education you've signed up for. Withdraw and they have no responsibility to your child.

Hi ommmward haven't seen you in ages. I heard you the first time.

*OMMMWARD IS A MUM, H.educates AND WORKS FULL TIME

If your child refused to brush their teeth for 6 months would you make them do it?

Wondering what you would have done OP if one of your kids had SEN? A relative has autism and as a teenager would have eaten cheesy chips for tea for years if left to it. He was and still is, incredibly limited in the food he eats.

If anything I think the fact that one child has chosen to join the Air Cadets because they want to be a pilot is proof that young people don't have trouble coping with formal structure, uniforms etc. if they've got a reason for joining an organisation with those things. Not necessary to force it on them for 11 years at school first. I think unschooling can absolutely be the right decision for lots of children. Some get on well in the school environment, but plenty don't.

OP, my question is what influenced you to try this approach? Did you read any particular books, or come from an autonomy and children's rights perspective, or were you influenced by your own experiences of the educational system? Also, if one child wanted to attend a conventional school for GCSEs or A Levels would you be okay with that?

When one of them was 4 they ate nothing but instant noodles every night for 6 months. Their body, their choice.

That really is neglect. I don't know how you can say it as though you're proud of yourself.

Op, are you going to answer any questions on what benefits home school bring compared with school + cadet lessons, violin, aquarium visits, mine craft?

Or are you not answering because there aren’t any?

WE HOME EDUCATE AND IT'S THE MOTHER WHO IS IN FULL TIME WORK!!!

Yes but with respect, this thread isn’t about you. It’s about “radical unschooling” which turns out to be the same old sexist, not-radical-at-all family set-up.

I love all the 'extracurricular' activities, experiences and freedom your children have.

I'd love to see an example of a day if you don't mind. Could be yesterday or any 'normal' day. Or a few different days if your day to day is actually really different.

I'd also really like to know what you do with your other children when you are doing something with one of them, like you said your DD does beach cleaning, another does early morning football, whilst others say up really late. If one stays up until 2am, but another is awake at say 6am do they have some time unsupervised, with the expectation that they will sort themselves out, or do you and your DH do like shifts? So one is up early and the other stays up late?

Sorry I know it's a long post. I quite like your approach to parenting, in terms of self-learning, self-care, self-motivation. My parents barked orders at me or expected me to sit still and quiet, I really lack motivation as an adult.

So is your child ok with the uniform, drill and strict rules of Air Cadets?

How does your family earn enough money to make this possible? Does your husband work and you SAH or do you have another arrangement?

What does HE give my children that's better (for them) than full time school?

• much less exposure to bullying. They learn how to cope with it in infrequent encounters rather than having to live with it every day

• just in time education. When they are ready to learn something, or interested in it, they learn it very very fast. It's a real struggle to learn something that you aren't ready for, and it's boring to have to go around something that you already learned all about at home because you were interested in it.

• much less peer pressure. In my experience, the home educating community is pretty tolerant of children being "weird" (there are lots of children with special needs, and then there's the whole hippy dippy subculture). The children are free to dress how they want, talk how they want (and about the things that fascinate them), with much less likelihood of having fun made of them for it being uncool or nerdy or babyish. When they begin to want to fit in with the crowd, they'll have the confidence to wear the right clothes and learn to talk about the right things, but it can wait until they seek it out rather than surrounding them every day.

That's just off the top of my head. For MY children, with their personalities and particular needs, they are happy and confident and thriving out of school. Why rock that boat?

My child has autism. This is why I have to home ed. I would say that children with SEN are very over represented in the Home Ed community as they all too often cannot be supported in the school system.

Do they run wild around the supermarket? Tbh I've never seen an adult do that. Why would a child do it? When they were little I carried them in a sling and chatted to them, and as they got older and could walk beside me I engaged them in helping me, weighing produce, looking for cheaper items etc. Like all the other parents whose kids weren't being left to run wild. I've walked out of a supermarket mid shop with a small child screaming and sat with them out side until they had calmed down enough to go back in.

But the child wanted to have a good scream in the supermarket, but you stopped them from doing it and therefore set boundaries. I have never seen adults screaming in the supermarket, so why would your child do it?

What if one freedom overrides another in the family? You can talk as much as you like to children but sometimes you have to put your foot down and say, "This isn't going to happen", don't you agree?

Children learn so much from school that they just can't learn in a small family - and I don't mean only academic things, either. Your children are used to doing whatever they want, whenever they want. They're going to find jobs really difficult and relationships, too.

I love a HEd thread on MN. Always gives me a good laugh to see how lacking in imagination some people are.

I applaud you OP. I would love to do as you do but I don’t have any faith that I could pull it off.

Yawn, avoiding the pertinent questions much OP?

LEM all parents are obliged to ensure that their children receive an education either at school or otherwise.
Children educated at school are presumed to not be receiving an education whilst absent from school, unless the la has put other provisions in place for medical reasons.

And the truth is chocolates every day is less expensive than fruit every day. It sounds like you basically manipulate your kids into behaving a certain way. For example your 12 year old saying if he ate junk food all the time he would feel like shit. A healthy 12 year old boy would not feel like shit from eating junk food all the time, the impact comes when you are older. So this sounds like something he has been taught to believe.

What are my children getting from this that they wouldn't get from mainstream education? They are getting the freedom to self regulate, to study what interest them, for as long as they like - they don't have to stop just because the bell rang. They read, voraciously, for pleasure, not because they have to write a book report. If they want to paint till 1am or sit out star gaze, they can, they don't have get up early to go to school, they can sleep in as long as they're body needs. Interestingly, as they've gotten older, they've had no problems self regulating and having an early night if they have an early start the following morning. Probably because its their choice

Hollowtalk, it wasn't the only food she ate for month, it was just her dinner time choice

Sometimes they self regulate, but sometimes you regulate them.
How do you decide when they self regulate? (please tell me about the teeth cleaning!)