I'm a radical unschooler AMA

[OutOfControlSpirals]

I'm a radical unschooling mum, which basically means I've taken the principals of unschooling, where a child is free to learn what they want, when they want, and applied it to every aspect of our lives. So my children have the same freedoms that I do when it comes to eating/sleeping/learning etc.

Unschooling - allowing children to learn what they want, when they want? The working world isn’t like that as we need to turn up at a certain time, follow policies and procedures and basically conform to the ways in which your employer operates. As an employee we have to follow instructions, usually whether we agree or not. Aren’t your DC’s going to find that difficult after growing up in such a different way?

Wow the rest of the developing world would kill for an education and chance to learn with other children and you are fostering feral behavior. Western privilege at its worst.

Totally agree hela. I was thinking of Malala last night and the fact that she was almost killed in the fight to be allowed to go to school.

The world's gone mad.

@helacells

The ops children are receiving an education. It's not the way that most people educate their children but it doesn't mean that it's any less valuable than sending them off to the local primary school and thinking "job done".

I really do think it's interesting that so many people were hostile to the Op right from the off before she even said about her child eating noodles because she chooses not to send her child to school. Maybe It Highlights that some people aren't happy with their decision to send their child to a conventional school but it's just what you do and it's easier not to think past that.

"sending them off to the local primary school and thinking "job done"." - I don't know if you meant it to, but this sounds really dismissive of parents who use schools. There are many many parents who are significantly more engaged with their children's education than this. Many people think very hard about how to educate their child, before choosing how and where to educate them. It's not just home educators who are interested in their child's education. Sure, some people will send their children to their catchment school and not engage much, but that's not what everyone does!

There are many places in the world where they'd like to gain an education. The OP is providing an education, I'm confused what the connection is?

Good job that the OP did none of that then, isn't it?FFS.

FFS yourself, she stated how she did precisely those things. RTFT.

The OP said her 4 year old had instant noodles for tea every night for 6 months. Instant noodles have over twice the recommended level of salt for 4 year olds.

And this thread is not about HE, but about unschooling. The two are very different.

To be fair (although I do not agree with what she is saying and she has been quite dismissive/borderline rude at times) OP actually said that her child did not want its hair brushed for two years, she did say they washed. She also said that she did not have a problem with any one refusing to brush teeth and they infact went to the dentist

FFS yourself, she stated how she did precisely those things. RTFT

I've read the thread, thanks. I'm not sure you understand the meaning of 'precisely'.

Not sure you can read then, precisely. You don't seem to have quite understood it.

I'm disappointed you didn't answer my questions about what isn't working well or hasn't worked well in the past, and how you go about making changes if/when you realise things have become dysfunctional.

We home educate but have distanced ourselves from the RU scene in recent years. Disillusioned doesn't begin to describe it. It sounded so lovely when we started. I wanted it to work for us, and tried to be a different kind of mother than I really am. It didn't make anyone happy, so now we are semi-structured (approaching highly structured) with an unapologetic top-down power structure - in other words, your basic "conventionals" - just with extra museums

RUs I know have criticised me for this, despite my children flourishing as a result. I think home edders in general are scared to acknowledge mistakes and failures for understandable reasons, because we have to defend our choices so often. It's even harder for radical unschoolers, but denial is not a good look. I've heard the same script again and again, as if lifted straight from a Sandra Dodd book. The claims of harmony. Yeah right, I've been watching some RU families for years and harmonious they are not. Elaborate philosophical justifications a-plenty, for what is often simply underparenting as a result of overwhelm, mental health difficulties, or (for newbies) influence by gurus such as SD et al. There's a lot of unhealthy enabling going on. Terrible manners, like not honouring commitments that affect others, on the basis that a child changed their mind at the last minute. And so much judgement. I have never encountered a more judgemental group of parents, in fact. So part of my distancing is self-protective. I've been called coercive for making my children do maths every weekday - by a woman who tried to convince me her 5 year old's rotted out teeth were simply not a problem and a reflection of her respect for her child's bodily autonomy. The idea that "conventional" parents do not respect their children's boundaries, support their children's interests or work with them in collaboration is ludicrous and insulting, which is why you have got so much flak on this thread.

TBH, when not irritating me RU just bores me to death, because no one ever seems to go rogue/off-script. While maintaining sanctimonious delusions of being fascinating. Lots of children have special interests. We get it. The truly weird and wonderful home ed families (and I don't include ours - we are very happy to be normcore AF) have modi operandi reflecting the personal values of quirky parents with strong opinions on stuff. I might not agree with the way they do things but they are certainly original. As original as humans ever are, that is. We're all pretty samey really when it all comes down to it.

Saying all this, I have met a couple of truly admirable RU families over the years and they continue to be real sources of inspiration to mine. If you recognise my writing style, hello, dear friends! We are different but I adore you and your children.

Overall, IME the families who are most successful at HE (whatever that means, process or product, whole other thread) don't tend to label themselves, and seem to evolve over time, constantly refining.

Rightyho, Mrs B.

In case it hasn’t already been said- there is as much salt in a pot noodle as bread per 100g. Kidneys safe (relatively speaking)!

I am also a doctor. Forgotten virtually everything I learnt in a levels. Medicine is now encouraging people from alternative routes through graduate courses etc.

OP I don’t home school but do believe it gives the best education in most cases. Luckily my kids are thriving at school however the topics are below their abilities. Doesn’t matter at their age though

And I completely agree allowing children to take responsibility turns them into responsible adults :)

Oh, it has been said, arewehomeyet. Cue lots of pursed lipped posters insisting their child never has a ham sandwich, either...

@AssassinatedBeauty

I'm aware that many people give more thought to educating their children than just sticking them in the local primary school. However there are likely to be a lot of parents out there who do think that just putting them in the local school will be enough. Maybe some of the more aggressive posters are those kind of people and they are insecure about the choices they've made about their child's education. But a lot of the responses that the Op has had, seemed to want to suggest that she's just decided to let them raise themselves and she basically has feral children because she gives her children control over their own bodies and doesnt send them to a conventional school. It seems to me that she has given her children's education a lot of thought and has decided that this is what works best for her family.

I think she's touched a nerve with people that would like to be able to put more effort into their children's education but can't or don't for whatever reason but it doesn't give those people licence to be rude and accuse her of neglect. Rather than engage with her they decide to attack instead. It's getting rather boring on these ask me anything threads that people just decide to go on the attack instead of asking proper questions.

My children aren't school age yet although I have school age stepchildren) my dc would be going to the local primary so I'm not a homeschooler or unschooler and i have no particular iron in the fire. I don't think that the current conventional school system would suit very many children at all but most of us don't have a choice. I wonder if some of the responses to this thread are born out of jealousy.

I just think it's quite a shame that what had the potential to be an interesting thread has been completely derailed by people who seem to have taken real offence at the idea that someone else's children might thrive by them doing something different to what the normal thing to do is.

Excellent and insightful post @RadicalUnspooler
Best of luck to you, sounds like you're doing a great job

Radical unschooler thank you for your great post

It’s funny what you say about thriving goldenwolfe because one thing I’ve observed from this thread, which is obviously a very limited view, is how very low standards seem for the children we’ve heard about. To pull out a few examples- schoolaged children excited and learning through a shopping list?! Another that stood out was the child interested in Violin who got an hour a week with a local teen and someone suggested it was ok as she didn’t want to be a professional. Which of course she didn’t, so fine. But what if she did? She had no chance, a few hours with another child?!

I would’ve expected that if you take the time to pick up on children’s passions and allow them to focus on it you’d get them the very best opportunities you can- not just you tube videos or an aquarium membership, or someone’s dad taking them for a class.

@radicalunspooler Thank you - fab post, which articulates a lot of my own feelings on the subject.

Like you, I really stepped away from defining myself as "this" kind of home educator, or "that" kind of home educator. "A little bit of structure" probably, honestly, describes what almost all of us do, with "a little bit" ranging from a few minutes each day through to proper sit down top down stuff for hours at a time,.

You talk about unschoolers having "Terrible manners, like not honouring commitments that affect others, on the basis that a child changed their mind at the last minute." This is a real bugbear of mine, and a big reason why we don't routinely hang out with many self-defined unschoolers. Drives me absolutely bananas, and is a big reason why we tend to do activities with a subset of reliable people (NOT radical unschoolers...), or at least with people who are willing to pay for a set of classes (or whatever) in advance, so that I don't end up footing the bill for hall hire (say) for all the oh-so-sensitive-to-their-children's-preferences families who don't seem to care at all about letting other people down.

@glintandglide in my experience, the learning through shopping list phase happens around the time when a child is acquiring basic literacy, numeracy and sequencing. For a NT child, that would be around 4-6 years old probably; given the high proportion of special needs in the HE community, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to encounter it as a useful tool further up towards 8 or even 9 years old. In combination with a zillion other things.

Lots of home educators use experts to help with the things they aren't themselves expert in. (especially art, music, languages, science, that sort of thing). But you really don't always need expert tuition for techie type stuff (cooking, gardening, programming, animation, car or bike mechanics, film making, lots of engineering projects, almost anything practical to be honest) because YouTube is genuinely stuffed with good tutorials if the parents don't themselves know how to do something.

You talk about unschoolers having "Terrible manners, like not honouring commitments that affect others, on the basis that a child changed their mind at the last minute." This is a real bugbear of mine, and a big reason why we don't routinely hang out with many self-defined unschoolers. Drives me absolutely bananas, and is a big reason why we tend to do activities with a subset of reliable people (NOT radical unschoolers...), or at least with people who are willing to pay for a set of classes (or whatever) in advance, so that I don't end up footing the bill for hall hire (say) for all the oh-so-sensitive-to-their-children's-preferences families who don't seem to care at all about letting other people down.

Oh, well, I have to second all of this!

But we’re talking unschooling rather than HE aren’t we? My understanding is that was unschooling centred around letting children do what they want, rather than a more structured home based education.

UNSCHOOLERS ARE HOME EDUCATORS
Not all home educators are unschoolers, but unschoolers are home educators. Home education does not have to be structured in any way, and very often isn't.