I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness - Ask me anything

[ExJW]

More or less grew up amongst JWs, was baptised and very active in the religion for over 10 years including going door to door etc.!
Left by choice about 9 years ago and am treated as excommunicated / disfellowshipped.
Happy to answer any questions though they keep changing some of their doctrine so on that front I may not be 100% up to date.

Do you have to give a percentage of your income to the church? I am an ex-Mormon, the control and brainwashing of both cults are extremely similar.

Good on you for breaking free from the Mormon cult! I agree there are quite a few similarities in terms of the indoctrination / high control atmosphere in both groups.

Do you have to give a percentage of your income to the church?
No, all monetary contributions are voluntary. Personally I lived on the breadline for most of my time as a JW so I rarely gave money - I contributed many many hours of my time though. Others who were better off tended to give more. The HQ of the organisation is doing well financially but then they have volunteers doing everything for them so low overheads! I can’t say what lifestyle the Governing Body (de facto leaders of the organisation) lead - they certainly travel a lot all over the world though!

I actually don't mind the door knocking. It's infrequent, I take the leaflet and put it in the recycling. But I really take exception to the stands at the train stations. I think it's horrible that my daily routine is intruded upon in such a passive aggressive way.

Is it just an easy way for JWs to get their hours in?

All the JW's around here seem to marry really young (18 to 20), the boys do window cleaning or gardening or dog walking and the girls have two or three children in rapid succession. Is that the expected path? Many of themwent to school with my dc and would have been capable of uni etc.

Is it really true that one JW belief I that only a limited number will enter heaven at the end of the world? If so how does that work other constantly trying to recruit?!

Interesting thread!

What are JW views on homosexuality? I've heard it's frowned upon, but not the reasons why? What happens if you're a JW and found to be gay? Statistically, the two must overlap at least occasionally.

Is it just an easy way for JWs to get their hours in?

The official JW answer would be, people are rarely at home so let’s go preach where the people are... but es I suspect it’s an easy way to do your hours, and some JWs may be more comfortable with this method of preaching than knocking on people’s doors.

I’d find the home visits much more annoying personally!

ExJW thanks for your reply - I've always wanted to ask someone that's left this question.

I hear you ref the teachings but have to say I've only encountered kindness from any JW that I've met. In recent years I've had a few chats & explained how I found some of the bibles stories recounted quite terrifying & they assured me they've toned down all that teaching.

Hello OP. This is so interesting. It sounds like you grew up in a controlling and fairly oppressive atmosphere and you've done so well to find your way out. So glad you are happy now.

As a Christian myself, I'm really interested in the differences you perceive between JW and mainstream Christianity. What are the main doctrinal differences - and do JWs think Christians are lost or going to hell?

It sounds so toxic - so sad that religion can get like this with no freedom to explore doubt and use your mind to seek answers and explore more than what you are being told to believe. Thankfully I haven't experienced that in my faith but I imagine it to be very stifling, although when you're in it you probably think it's fine. What does it feel like to be brainwashed in that way?

All the best op

All the JW's around here seem to marry really young (18 to 20), the boys do window cleaning or gardening or dog walking and the girls have two or three children in rapid succession. Is that the expected path?

No JW is expected to marry young, but most do due to the strict no sex before marriage rule.
Young people are encouraged not to pursue a proper education so window cleaning etc. are often the best/only option for them.

Is it really true that one JW belief I that only a limited number will enter heaven at the end of the world? If so how does that work other constantly trying to recruit?!
Yes, only 144,000 will be going to heaven. They believe the other millions who are saved will live eternally on a paradise on earth after all the wicked people have been destroyed in Armaggedon. So any new recruits are usually lured in with the prospect of the Paradise earth rather than going to heaven.

What are JW views on homosexuality? I've heard it's frowned upon, but not the reasons why? What happens if you're a JW and found to be gay?
Homosexual activity of any kind is seen as a serious sin on the same scale as fornication / adultery etc. JWs are very reluctant to go into any kind of “nature vs nurture” debate regarding homosexuality but they believe any gay person can live according to their Biblical views if they truly want to and basically “overcome” their sexual urges / not act upon them.
I fear life for young gay people growing up in a JW household isn’t easy.

What goes on in the JW centres? I used to work right near one and there were tonnes of people coming and going all day, dressed really smart all of the time. It wasn't a watch tower either more of a head office type thing?

I hear you ref the teachings but have to say I've only encountered kindness from any JW that I've met. In recent years I've had a few chats & explained how I found some of the bibles stories recounted quite terrifying & they assured me they've toned down all that teaching.
Oh yes, they are very kind and welcoming to potential new members, there is no denying that. It’s called “love bombing” and is a strategy used by many cults / high control religious groups when recruiting members.
I wouldn’t say anything has been toned down - but they probably choose not to share all of their teachings and keep the more difficult to swallow teachings on the lowdown until someone is “ready” and sufficiently indoctrinated to accept them.
Please feel free to ask any further questions you may have.

Thank you for doing this OP, I have two questions if you don't mind?
One is my Dd has a JW child in her class, he's obviously not allowed to come to her birthday party - any advice on how to explain this in a kind way to her? So far we've gone for his parents don't think party's are a good thing but she has a lot of questions about it (as 5yr olds do).
Also, what's going through that little boys head when everyone else is getting an invite except him (his parents have requested none), is he sad about it or does he think its an awful, awful thing & he doesn't want to go anyway? Anything we can do to make things easier for him? I have thought about sending sweets in 'because it's friday' rather than 'because it's DDs birthday' in the hope he'd be allowed to join in?

Are JW anti-psychiatry, or against medication for mental health problems? I know someone with a very serious mental illness who did not get the treatment he needed for many years, as it was opposed by members of his family who were JW. But not sure if that was just their personal views.

Thanks for taking the time btw!

What are the main doctrinal differences - and do JWs think Christians are lost or going to hell?
Hmm ok, I will try to sum this up as best as I can:

• JWs do not believe in a trinity of any kind, God Jehovah and Jesus are separate entities (father and son) and the Holy Spirit is God’s active force. They only pray TO Jehovah but THROUGH Jesus. Jesus must not be prayed to as he isn’t God.
• JWs believe God’s name is Jehovah and that they must use his name.
• They do not believe in hell (death is a state of non-existence).
• They believe only 144,000 will go to heaven (to rule together with Jesus) and millions will live on a Paradise earth after Armaggedon.
• They believe true Christians must preach “the good news” until Armaggedon comes.
• Armaggedon is when God will destroy all the “wicked” on earth, this also includes false Christians (anyone not a JW).
• They believe after Armaggedon many millions of dead people will have a resurrection into the Paradise earth, this includes non-JWs who then need to be educated on the “truth”.
• Blood transfusions are not acceptable.
• Divorce (with a prospect to re-marry) is only allowed if one of the parties has committed adultery.
• Biggest difference of all is the practice of disfellowshipping/shunning those who have sinned or who leave and discredit the organisation.
• They are extremely strict regarding sex before marriage, masturbation is a sin, as is homosexuality.

There is actually a lot more I could probably mention but this will hopefully do for a start!

What does it feel like to be brainwashed in that way?
That’s just it, while you’re in it you do not feel brainwashed and you do feel like this is the truth, else you would not abide by the strict rules and requirements of the religion. No one knowingly wants to be brainwashed after all - it’s a gradual process.
There are moments of cognitive dissonance - a feeling of discomfort that something isn’t quite right, but you are taught to pray any doubt away so you just keep studying more and (unknowingly) keep the indoctrination going. If you believe that Armaggedon is going to happen any time in the very near future you live with a constant fear of not doing enough or having a strong enough faith in order to be chosen to survive, so that keeps your motivation going - no one is guaranteed to be saved, it’s a constant battle of proving one’s loyalty to God and his organisation.

What goes on in the JW centres? I used to work right near one and there were tonnes of people coming and going all day, dressed really smart all of the time. It wasn't a watch tower either more of a head office type thing?
Not sure what kind of centre you mean - there are the Kingdom Halls where they have their meetings / talks / prayer and singing several times a week. These are their churches basically though they don’t use that term.

Then there are “Bethels” where they do things like organise the territories for preaching work, organise the congregations for certain countries, organise conventions, deal with financial matters, there are also printing centres where they print their literature, distribution etc. Bethels also run “training courses” for elders / ministerial servants / overseers (anyone with authority in the congregations).

The main HQ is in Brooklyn/NY where all the literature is written and doctrine is determined by the Governing Body (a group of 10-12 men or so who are effectively in charge).

any advice on how to explain this in a kind way to her?
Tricky one! Not sure myself really as I haven’t had to explain it to a young child before. I would probably have just said something as simple as his family do not celebrate birthdays/Christmas because of their religious beliefs, just like some people wear head scarves and some go to different churches or mosques? Not sure how well I’d deal with an inquisitive 5 year old though!
The JW child may feel left out, but they may also feel relieved not to receive an invitation because then they would have to explain why they can’t accept it?
As a child I felt really awkward trying to explain to classmates why I couldn’t come to a birthday party or participate in Christmas stuff and would’ve preferred not to be asked in the first place, but everyone is different!
The sweets because it’s Friday thing is a kind idea - though realistically will the teacher or even your DD or her friends say anything about it being your DD’s birthday, no matter what you say? In that case it may not work or the child may be made to feel guilty if they accept the sweets and it turns out it was for a birthday.

Are JW anti-psychiatry, or against medication for mental health problems?
No, that is just a personal choice - the only medical treatment that’s forbidden is blood transfusions, and getting hypnotised (in some kind of therapy setting) or similar procedures are also a no-no, but any other treatments/medications are allowed.
Obviously some JWs may feel they should be able to overcome mental health issues without treatment, but that’s not a doctrine.

Is there anything that you miss or that you still think 'actually, that's not so bad'?

Is there anything that you miss or that you still think 'actually, that's not so bad'?
I do sometimes miss my former friends and some (not all ) of my family members who shun me, and I guess the sense of community and feeling you had all these brothers and sisters around the world. However when I think about how conditional these friendships really were and how I was manipulated into isolating myself from the world around me (preventing me from forming other friendships outside the religion), I feel that losing them was a sacrifice worth making in order to be free.

How much violence / abuse is there? Is it just religious nuttery or a dangerous cult?

Can I ask how somebody becomes an elder?