I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness - Ask me anything

[ExJW]

More or less grew up amongst JWs, was baptised and very active in the religion for over 10 years including going door to door etc.!
Left by choice about 9 years ago and am treated as excommunicated / disfellowshipped.
Happy to answer any questions though they keep changing some of their doctrine so on that front I may not be 100% up to date.

What do you think about blood transfusions?
I think they’re absolutely fine and would have no issue accepting one for myself or my DC! When I was a JW I would’ve rather died than accept blood and I used to carry with me a “medical card” advising healthcare professionals of this.

Were you vaccinated as a child?
Yup, vaccinations are fine according to JW doctrine, though some individuals may refuse them but that would be personal choice.

I have relatives who are JW in my extended family. We have no relationship as it's extremely difficult when they are told by the elders not to talk to us. Very sad.

Another question on the blood transfusion issue. I'd never want to be a JW but my DS when we were talking about different religions and mentioned the transfusion thing said to me "So you couldn't be one then because you had two, one when a baby and one when you had me!" - do they accept people into JW who have had transfusions?

And if I may, a second question:
Why is it that JWs are not allowed to attend RE lessons at school? It just seems ridiculous to me.... but then so does the whole JW thing tbh! (I have a whole load of other questions to ask you, but I don't want to hog the thread. I'm always too scared to ask the JWs at the leaflet stands at our local train station for fear of either a friend seeing me doing so and thinking I was actually interested in becoming one, or me getting so angry and frustrated with them that I cause a scene! )

Yes I find it very hard to maintain "real" friendships TBH. I don't even know how you express the way it effects you, if you've never grown up in that it's very difficult to explain. I find it very hard to be "me" and to displease people.

Thank you for answering 💐

Was it really hard not being able to celebrate your birthday or take part in Christmas plays at school?

Did any of the shifting, changing messages ever give you pause, or did you just accept it all as 'new light', with no misgivings?
I went to a convention with a school friend in the 90's and one of the speakers quite matter of factly announced that the meaning of 'generation' in the prophecy understood to mean to people alive in 1914 had changed, and now the end of the world wouldn't come necessarily before everyone alive in 1914 had died.

Everyone around me just nodded and made approving, 'how interesting!' comments, and I was sat there thinking, "wtf? You've just spent at least six months going on at me about how the end of the world was extremely imminent, and now someone has just changed that central teaching and none of you think this is hinky??"

It rather coloured my view of their critical thinking skills at the time, I must say.

do they accept people into JW who have had transfusions?
Yes, any past “sins” committed by “worldly people” before they become a JW are forgiven as they were ignorant... this includes having had blood transfusions. Obviously you’d still be bonkers to join them though, but it doesn’t sound like you would! ;)

And why they don’t attend RE lessons at school - because all other religions except for the witnesses are false religions, including mainstream Christianity, and things taught at RE would include false teachings that they would not want their children subjected to... All false religion is said to be controlled by Satan, after all!

Was it really hard not being able to celebrate your birthday or take part in Christmas plays at school?
It wasn’t the not celebrating per se that was hard, as in I didn’t envy other children. I was taught it was wrong and bad and I accepted that, and it’s not like I really understood what I was missing. What WAS hard was standing out at school and later work because of my beliefs, worrying about having to explain why I couldn’t participate in certain activities (like Christmas crafts, secret Santa, singing carols etc), or why I couldn’t attend someone’s birthday party. It is hard being that JW weirdo, especially when you’re young!

Did any of the shifting, changing messages ever give you pause, or did you just accept it all as 'new light', with no misgivings?
Ashamed to say I did accept that kind of “new light” when I was in, though it was confusing to know the current state of “knowledge” at times! Criticising or not accepting information from the organisation would be a sign of a rebellious spirit, and we were told to see it as proof that the governing body (who dictate doctrine) were humble and constantly trying to understand the “truth” better.
Also, any kind of doubt that occasionally may come up in a JW’s mind is a sign of spiritual weakness so if I ever had doubts I would pray for understanding and “study more” (read their publications) to suppress/eliminate this kind of thinking.
Because if you allow yourself to start doubting then suddenly your whole world view may come tumbling down (as it did for me, eventually).

ResistanceIsNecessary
It is sad and one of my main misgivings with the JWs now - the whole tearing families apart thing. I’ve got nephews same age as my children but they will never be friends and may never even meet.

Which books are forbidden?
If you are JW and in a relationship but not married., can you have sex?

I had a 'study' for about 5 years from then age of 10. I loved the person who came round & I loved learning from all the books.
However, hormones kicked in & I stopped the study. I said my prayers at night for years though, perhaps 30 odd years. Sometimes I still say them.
I've had a few chats with JW'a that knock on my door & who give the mags away in the street, but I've not been back.
In the depths of my heart I feel it has to be true, I believe in God, I believe there is no way all this evil can continue.
In the depths of your heart, what do you feel?

Which books are forbidden?
Books or articles written by former witnesses discrediting the organisation - there is no official “list” of forbidden books but it is a sin / strongly condemned to read any material written by ex witnesses. A true JW for example would not wish to read this thread.

If you are JW and in a relationship but not married., can you have sex?
Big fat no, you would be committing fornication. If found out you would both be disfellowshipped unless you repent, and either end the relationship or get married ASAP (with no more sex until the wedding night). JWs are encouraged to use chaperones and to not be alone with someone they are “courting” to avoid temptation.
Lots of JWs get married young because of the strict no sex rule.

In the depths of my heart I feel it has to be true, I believe in God, I believe there is no way all this evil can continue.
In the depths of your heart, what do you feel?
Honestly - I feel lucky to have escaped from that sort of thinking. I am not saying with 100% certainty that there is nothing out there, but what the witnesses call “the truth” is NOT IT.
I know that the way JWs indoctrinate people can linger for a long time, your post is proof of this. But there are so many things wrong with their teachings, especially when it comes to how they view people choosing a different path - not even to mention their views on gay people, and how they isolate members from the outside world... I could go on!

Hello OP. I'm sorry that you went through the difficult experience of breaking free from a cult, I can't imagine how hard it must have been when you were brought up in it. My question: what's the best way to stop JWs coming to the door? In the UK I have always found the door knocking ones polite, but that is not the case everywhere. Dealing with pushy religious extremists in one's second language is not easy, and pretending not to speak it at all doesn't deter them. What would be the best way to politely yet assertively tell them not to approach me again? Would a letter of complaint be appropriate or would that make it worse?

You can get out in the do not call list if you write to your local Kingdom Hall. (ExJW)

I stopped as when trying to explain to my DC the beliefs it sounded utterly bonkers to me, all of it. My GM was a JW and some of my aunts are/were. I think only one is now. My mother became one as a means to control her DC. She’s been in and out and is currently in, and has the wool pulled over their eyes as to her true narcissistic nature. But that’s their problem now, lol.

Good thread, OP. Well done for finding your own way, your courage must have been immense.

DP grew up a witness, and it is at the heart of what has turned out to be a lifetime of depression, anxiety and paranoia, which he is only just beginning to find a way of working through. Having run away from home as a teen, he never experienced being disfellowshipped, but has rather been some sort of regrettable 'black sheep' since re-establishing contact with his JW DM as an adult. His experience of childhood was one of institutionalised violence, coercion, deprivation and isolation in the name of Jehova, and I will never fully understand the depth of the loneliness he felt as a boy.
Your words about mental illness really ring true; on the rare occasions we visit his DM (other side of the country), there are sometimes old JW family friends around, and they will talk about "Oh, and do you remember so and so from X congregation, their eldest daughter committed suicide / suffers so with depression / struggles with an eating disorder / is an alcoholic...", the list of kids he remembers growing up with in the faith whose lives have turned out really difficult seems endless. They invariably put it down to 'modern life' or living in the last days, and have this air of benevolent inevitability about it; like it is only to be expected. Tragic.
We have contacted our local congregation and got them to note down our address so they will never knock on our door. DP found 'going out on the work' totally traumatising as a child, and completely crumbled the first times JWs came to our door here. They have accepted this with good grace.
Strangely, the person who was most helpful to me in processing what was unfolding in my relationship with DP as a result of his JW upbringing was my old teaching assistant, a larger than life Peggy Mitchell type who was also a JW. In my mind though, she must be from some parallel universe JW congregation, as she was great for, while clearly knowing her Bible, still taking scripture with a large pinch of salt and always putting a very human spin on things (along with lots of other heartwarming, ungodly behaviours such as swearing, drinking and gossiping).

As an ex JW disfellowshipped 20 plus years ago just well done for escaping. It's hard but you did it. Now enjoy the rest of your life. I am!

Ex JW here too but I walked away almost 25 years ago. Back then because I hadn't done anything wrong I wasn't disfellowshipped or shunned (which seems to be a recent thing.) In fact it would have been easier if they had because the guilt trips were awful, including one elderly sister constantly popping into my job! Several of my old congregation still speak to me. I lived with a member whose mum and brother were disfellowshipped and they regularly popped round, she just didn't eat with them. Is all association banned between families now if you're disfellowshipped?

what's the best way to stop JWs coming to the door?
As PP said, JWs can put you on a Do Not Call list. Simply saying you’re not interested or even slamming the door in their face won’t be enough, you need to specifically ask to be put on the Do not call list (ask either JWs who come to your door or contact their local congregation), this should then be put on the notes for the territory you live in and should be respected by the JWs working that area.
Some overzealous or particularly disorganised JWs may still end up calling though!
You could also put a sign on your door of course (it would need to mention JWs specifically because they don’t see themselves as door to door salespeople because they give away their literature for free nowadays).

I think the saddest thing for me about your post is the way that the toxic JW cult has cut you off from normal mainstream Christianity, and left you without any loving relationship with God, or a supportive church community. I feel you’ve thrown the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
If you read the gospels, can you see that Jesus was loving and inclusive, and didn’t approve of judgmental “ holier than thou” Pharisee types?
Do you think you might eventually be able to find a more normal church, and be able to let God love and support you?

justinhawkinsnavalfluff Likewise!

Is all association banned between families now if you’re disfellowshipped?
Well done on escaping the madness! Members are told not to associate even with close family members (parents/children included) who are disfellowshipped in order to get them to see their wicked ways. The only exception is communication regarding “important family matters” (illness, death etc), and if a close disfellowshipped family member is in need of care for example, or if it is an underage person still living with their JW parents then the JW family would be expected to look after them but to limit social interactions as far as possible.

Lots of quotes from recent JW publications regarding this topic to be found here: www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/disfellowship-shunning.php

That said, close family is a bit of a grey area and different JWs will choose to interpret the guidelines differently, not all of them will cease all contact, but many do.

If you read the gospels, can you see that Jesus was loving and inclusive, and didn’t approve of judgmental “ holier than thou” Pharisee types?
Of course, I’ve read the whole of the Bible multiple times in fact. Trust me when I say that rejecting religion as a whole, including mainstream Chistian churches, has been an informed decision. Mainstream churches have had their own share in ruining people‘s lives one way or another over the course of history. Organised religion is always about power. I can agree with some of Jesus‘ teachings on a humanistic level though!

Do you think you might eventually be able to find a more normal church, and be able to let God love and support you?
If God exists in one form or another, then I doubt I will find him in a church.

Perhaps my experience has doomed me to be a cynical when it comes to religion, who knows? However, I have many non-religious/atheist friends who have never had any dealings with the JWs, and I simply feel I have much more in common with them than with any churchgoers. Don’t feel sad for me, I believe I am trying to be a good person - if this isn’t enough for any hypothetical God that may or may not exist, then so be it!