I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness - Ask me anything

[ExJW]

More or less grew up amongst JWs, was baptised and very active in the religion for over 10 years including going door to door etc.!
Left by choice about 9 years ago and am treated as excommunicated / disfellowshipped.
Happy to answer any questions though they keep changing some of their doctrine so on that front I may not be 100% up to date.

Do you think the numbers or percentage of JWs is coming down nowadays since communication is so much easier, or is it more or less the same as it's always been?

Well done to all who left. It sounds like an isolating experience before and after.

Do you think the numbers or percentage of JWs is coming down nowadays since communication is so much easier, or is it more or less the same as it's always been?
Good question! Having been out for 9 years I had to look up the current number of JWs (around 8.23 million on average apparently). It was somewhere between 6-7 million when I left. Growth rates per year in the religion seem to be around 1-3% in recent times, so numbers are going up very slightly in relation to world population.
However the only significant growth tends to happen in developing countries where people have limited access to information online. This is where JWs put most of their efforts as poor/deprived people are more likely to -fall for- accept their message. In western countries there is usually little to no growth (mostly JW children joining the ranks) or sometimes a reduction in members.
I also believe many JWs stay in officially to maintain a relationship with their family but lead a double life online / do not truly believe.

My dad has married a JW and recently became one himself. I feel he has been brain washed. How can I make him see sense?

How can I make him see sense?
I am so sorry to hear that. Has he already been baptised? Do you think he truly believes it is he just going along with it for his wife’s sake? I’m afraid it will be very difficult if not impossible to make him see sense, because any attempts to “sow doubts” now will be seen as the Devil working through you to get him to “stumble”.
If he isn’t yet baptised and is willing to be confronted with information from former witnesses, a lot of good information can be found on jwfacts.com. Even if he won’t look at it himself, you may find information there to equip you to deal with any future discussions. But fair warning - when I was in, I would not look at any information from “apostates”.
Sad as it is, once someone is in it is extremely hard to get out.

Why do JW try and push their beliefs into others? Ime no other religious body knocks on doors etc

Thank you so much for your swift response. My dad has been married for 10 years and has dabbled in The Kingdom Hall for the last 4 years or so. He says he is a JW, and would not accept blood, however he isn't ready to be baptised as he says it is such a huge step. I feel that something is holding him back, but when I have tried to talk to him about it, I get shut down, he changes the subject.

Why do JW try and push their beliefs into others?
They believe it is a requirement by God to go and tell others about their beliefs to try and “save them”. So it is partly because they’re trying to convert others, but equally their own salvation depends on them being active in their preaching work.

Do JW target certain households when they go door to door? In my cul de sac they always knock on the door of my friend who is a single mum. She worries that they view her as vulnerable as they always offer her help and give her literature. They also knock for our elderly neighbour who is not religious. Again, we wondered if that was on purpose. They never knock at my door (I've got the go away glare perfected) or the other elderly single women who are very involved in the local church.

I feel that something is holding him back, but when I have tried to talk to him about it, I get shut down, he changes the subject.
It sounds like there is some hope for him yet. He is wise to not rush into baptism! Your Dad may be experiencing cognitive dissonance which is why he changes the subject. He may not truly believe all their teachings but wishes to please his wife perhaps? She may be doing her utmost to “save him” and the elders may also be putting some pressure on.
Was his wife already a JW when they got married? Please note in that case she would have gone against her religious teachings by marrying a non-believer - not an offense that will lead to disfellowshipping as long as there was no sex outside marriage, but serious enough to be reprimanded.

Again there is no simple answer I’m afraid, but many good points are explained here which may help you in talking to your Dad: www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/helping-someone-leave.php

Do JW target certain households when they go door to door?
They are supposed to call on every household. But anyone who does not outrightly reject them, especially those who accept literature will be getting regular “return visits”. JWs report number of hours spent in “the work”, return visits and magazines placed every month and the more they do the better! So if your neighbours have been willing to speak to them or accept literature they will be visited again and again.

Thanks for your reply OP.

Hmm, not allowed to go to RE simply because they are 'false teachings' when it could be the perfect chance to 'witness'. Seems to me that even the elders actually realise that the whole premise of their religion/cult is so weak that if Children (who have more open minds than adults which is why there are easily led/manipulated) were to hear about these 'false' religions then they would realise immediately how awful their own is and leave. In my mind anyone who won't even hear and learn about opposing views doesn't have a strong faith, they have a very fragile one.

I don't like religion. I sort of believe in a higher being 'God' and occasionally go to church as was brought up to, but my beliefs are such a mixture I'd never call myself 'Christian'. Religion causes too many problems imho.

When JWs used to come to our door when I was a kid my Dad always used to say "No thankyou I'm a Methodist" and then try to hand THEM a copy of his church newsletter. He's not evangelical in the slightest but said he used to love watching the looks on their faces as they battled with whether to take it or not.

Very interesting thread - thank you and i see similarities with other similar groups. We have both JW (always at our tube station on work mornings) and also Exclusive Brethren around here - more noticeable as the girls have very long hair and head scarves and the group stands on the street to preach.

I think JW children go to mainstream UK schools. One similarity in one of the posts above with other groups is often when the end of the world date is put back (it always is again and again) that does tend to make some people (not all) think there may be something not quite right here.

Are JW fairly sexist like a lot of these groups or is it sexually neutral in the sense that most teenagers stop school at 16 or 18 regardless of gender?

Thanks very much for doing this AMA OP, it's really enlightened me.

My best friend at school (in our early teens) became JW and suddenly ditched me, preferring to spend time only with another JW girl. I didn't understand it at the time but now I know why she stopped being friendly to me.

Xenia they are horribly sexist although both sexes are encouraged to leave education at the first opportunity (probably to discourage the development of critical thinking skills that would lead you to wonder why an organisation that speaks the truth would not open itself to scrutiny and encourage its followers to read everything safe in the knowledge their informed decision would be the same?)

But women must submit to men as head of the household, are not allowed positions of responsibility, must not wear trousers at the place of worship, etc etc etc. The most shocking thing for me that I remember in their literature was the assertstion that you should fight to the death to preserve your virginity or marital fidelity in the face of a rapist. So basically if you were raped and alive it was in some way your fault for not trying hard enough to stop it. That was 80s so they may have recanted on that now.

IMO they attract vulnerable people, those who don't quite fit in, those with mental health issues and a certain type of inadequate man who enjoys the power trip of being told they are in control of something.

Are JW fairly sexist like a lot of these groups or is it sexually neutral in the sense that most teenagers stop school at 16 or 18 regardless of gender?
I’d definitely say it’s a sexist religion in that only men can hold hold positions of authority in the organisation such as elders / overseers etc. Men are also the head of the family and can make any final decisions pertaining to family matters. Wives are supposed to submit to their husbands and support his decisions. I could go on!
However, both male and female members are equally discouraged from pursuing a career / higher education, so THAT particular part of JW life is the same for all.

Did you ever feel isolated as a child? There is a JW child in my sons class at school, she never comes to birthday parties, can’t attend the Christmas concert, sing carols, attend the Halloween discos.
My heart breaks for all she’s missing out on, and how you explain that to a 6 year old...

Thanks for the advice about the No Call List, I will pursue that. I hate and fear cults. A while ago in the UK I was having a difficult time - my then DP had left and I was heavily pregnant, and I'd been ostracised socially. I was then approached in the street by a friendly older woman who I sort of knew by sight and we had a few chats. I think her spiel was something about being new to the area and wanting to get to know the neighbours or whatever. When she eventually revealed her agenda as a recruiter for the JWs I was horrified: if the sharks were circling already there must have been a lot of blood in the water, so to speak. That, as well as having seen a handful of people fall prey to cults, is why I fear the JWs: it's the worry that I might stand out as somebody obviously vulnerable or not coping, and if the religious nutters have noticed, who else might have done?

Thanks again for the thread, OP.

Did you ever feel isolated as a child?
Yes, especially at school, you just can’t have a normal school life as a JW child. I think the worst is being teased about how you’re different from the rest, rather than the missing out on stuff! If you can get your son to be kind to that JW child that will go a long way.

I agree that they attract vulnerable people, in fact I don’t think any person with good mental health and with a good home life would ever have reason to join them!

Thank you for answering my questions OP, those links are interesting, I will show my dad

So glad you got out of the cult. I think it speaks volumes that they always prey on vulnerable people. People that are at their lowest or with MH issues, possibly no one else to talk to. They think the cult are being nice & friendly when in reality they are just sucking them in & using them. Anyone with any sense will tell them to do one & never cross their path again. I've never been one but knew quite a few. I went on to read JW facts & it's really scary. Why would any parent subject a small child to doors being slammed in their face & awful abuse. How could you let your child die in the name of a fake religion. Sorry that was a bit of a rant rather than a question. Such an interesting topic though. Thank you.

How many people actually sign up from the door knocking??

How many people actually sign up from the door knocking??
Not many in western countries, though you do get the odd door to door convert; a lot more in developing countries obviously! Over the course of my 10ish years as an active witness I’ve spent literally thousands of hours going door to door. I did conduct a few studies too but I never personally brought anyone “into the truth” as they say. I don’t know the actual numbers as JWs only report how many get baptised a year, but not how many from door to door preaching - most are JW children, that much I know.

I wonder if they analyse if the effort is worth it then? The Mormons must have the same issues. Surely if eg it is easier to get converts by paying £500 to someone in Africa to convert it would be more sensible to do that than waste hours of time t knocking on doors hat could be spent working to give money back to the church.

I wonder if they analyse if the effort is worth it then?
JWs are taught that the way of the truth is one only few will find, so they do not actually expect to convert loads of people - they go door to door for their own salvation as well as in search of those “few”. They believe their “witnessing work” is one of the key factors that identifies them as the one true religion. If they didn’t do this, they would lose their very identity and what really sets them apart from most other religions. They believe that if a Jehovah’s witness stops preaching door to door / on the street etc, they would not be following Jesus’ command and this would prompt concern from the Elders.
I always felt the main reason many stay in this high control group is because they are being kept so busy with meetings, preaching, constantly being told to “study”, endless supplies of new publications and magazines to keep up with, personal Bible reading, conventions etc. There is not much time for worldly pursuits!
Another important point is that if you keep repeating the same message to others when preaching, it keeps reinforcing that message to the JW who preach it themselves, an endless cycle of indoctrination basically.