I grew up in a warzone - Ask Me Anything

[ILoveHumanity]

Hi all,

So I came to this country in my mid-teens, however I had grown up in a warzone. Have a couple of friends who had their fathers shot dead. Have relatives that went missing. Family members that were tortured and when found were mentally unwell and almost like strangers.. Grew up around refugees.. Became a worker with refugees after I graduated..

Personally lived in fear for almost 4 years, as raping me was a threat to a family member that wouldnt complyt.. I received a phone call at the age of 9 from a stranger threatening towards my parents. My father was abused... (dont want to go into this). Im a practicing muslim. I am british dual national, and that didnt matter at the time because I wasnt living in England.

When I grew older I went to work with Syrian Refugees and Palestinian refugees and it helped me resolve internal issues..

My background has motivated me in life to seek justice and call for it.

Ask me anything.

I am in awe of your strength op. I cannot imagine how hard life must have been for you. What were your best memories from growing up? What was the area you lived in like, and the people?

I will read properly in the morning, but for now, I just wanted to say, please don't ever feel like a burden OP There really is no need to feel that way.

Humanity, have you tried unravelling why a therapist would not understand your situation?

If you have time, I recommend listening to Dr. David Nott's Desert Island Discs. He's British doctor who volunteers in war torn countries

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07djzyq

We have relatives who were killed in the Holocaust and a family member murdered through Aktion T4. I do notice the theme of anxiety and depression that runs in the family. Nobody is a happy-go-lucky.

I wish you all the best

You Sound amazing op. I’m also from a war zone ( Beirut) many years ago. I came here at the age of 8 and no therapy at all.
It didn’t all come up till many years later in my adult life. I too always thought no one would understand unless you have actually lived that life.
I really can’t believe how people survive these situations in life and still at the end have enough to give back. Well done op. I couldn’t do it. Too painful.

Great thread OP. Thank you.

Sorry OP, I certainly didn't meant to imply any part of your personal story was untrue. And I'm genuinely sorry if you felt that, that wasn't my intention.

I'd explain what I meant, but I'll respect your comment about avoiding a political discussion.

Thanks for answering my other question, and for your other responses.

Inione Elie, thanks for your response and warm words.

What, in your view, most helps someone adjust to peacetime life, when they have grown up with threats and fears around them every day as a child?

I didnt know the answer to that myself at first, but I feel when I myself went to work with refugee kids and saw the hopes in their eyes, and the defeat when they were treated like less than humans.. When I started to show that that they can be who they want to be and dream no matter what their surrounding throws in their direction.. I felt at least, they had the tools, to value their own selves.. Make themselves motivated with ambition. Distract themselves with a real purpose and channel their own helplessness into a goal of contributing to a better future..

As Cliche as this sounds, but a roadmap of how to acheive a better future themselves makes a big difference in my opinon. Thats what motivated me.. I spent my childhood coming up with insane strategies of how to rescue my father, which obviuously was so beyond my childish capacity, and so i felt defeated... every single time... I didnt understand life, and didnt know that im just a child and that one day I can be a positive difference to the world.. and that right then my biggest power was my imagination..

So one day someone came, made me realise my potential.. Made me understand that just because there is nothing i can do to solve my inner sadness, didnt mean that i never will be able to.. read me stories of people that grew to make a difference to the world..

My grades went back on track. they took me to play.. paid for my education.. My grades became my dream.. and thats how i ended up in one of the best universities in the UK.

I did try to replicate this with the kids.. and i saw the lights in their eyes when i informed them that they have not yet been broken.. that their hard childhood was gonna make everything else in life seem like a walk in the park. .

I dont know what every individual could do, aside from give these kids a chance to have dignity and a dream, with whatever means possible.

Do you think counseling or therapy can help traumatized people recover?

I think it can help, but it doesnt solve it, at least not in my opinoon. I didnt try it though. I think it is hard to convince someone who has loved ones stripped away from human rights to not feel negative about things. no words can change reality..but maybe can re interpret it, so perhaps its possible.

whats important is for them to know that their negative childhood could be the awakening force for their motivation to do something positive, and to not continue a cycle of destruction of themselves and then surroundings .

Apologies. I still haven't dedicated time to read and think properly and I don't wan't to just give lip service in a response to what's been posted before.

For now I'll say that I do sometimes sit in my house, looking around and pondering on the what ifs should we live in a war zone.

I can't even begin to contemplate how it is for people who face that situation in reality, both past and present.