I am very, very messy. AMA

[timshortfforthalia]

[Howmanysleepstilchristmas]

Are you me?

[ScreamingValenta]

Me too! Is this a choice you have made, or would you like to be more organised?

[timshortfforthalia]

I don't know, I can't see you under the piles of rotting food, paper and laundry.

[timshortfforthalia]

Me too! Is this a choice you have made, or would you like to be more organised?

It doesn;t feel like a choice, i hate it. But I guess in reality it IS a choice, or at least a non-stop series of (very poor) choices.

[Doublevodka]

Do you enjoy being messy? Or does the mess make you uncomfortable?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Where is my new nail buffer? It’s conpleyeky disappeared

[brownmouse]

Why do you live in a mess?

Don't you just want to get a skip and through it all out?

Do you hoard?

[timshortfforthalia]

Do you enjoy being messy? Or does the mess make you uncomfortable?

I really, really hate it. Under the mess, it's obviously really quite dirty. I can't let kids friends in and I just can't relax. People round, like family, involves 48 hours of stress. Everything is so stressful, especially mornings, school uniforms. My dc (9 and 10) can't be responsible and independent for theirs stuff because there is literally no way they would be able to find it. And I just hate it.

Where is my new nail buffer? It’s conpleyeky disappeared

Don't worry, we can just buy you another one. That will in no way contribute to the ongoing crisis of too much stuff. Sod it, we'll buy you two.

[brownmouse]

Would you like someone to sort ornate all out, like on telly?! Or would you just revert to mess quickly?

Could you throw stuff out or would you want to keep it?

[SecretMagicThings]

Have you ever found anything that helps you? I am naturally very messy and just don’t understand how to be tidy. Tidy people can’t explain it to me!

[timshortfforthalia]

Why do you live in a mess?

I really don't know. I can genuinely walk into a tidy room and then walk out five min later and it's trashed. I actually spend quite a bit of time doing house stuff, but then I am so messy it all gets undone within 24 hours. Then it's hard to fine the motivation to do it again as I know it won't stay that way.

Don't you just want to get a skip and through it all out? Do you hoard?

No, I'm not a hoarder, if anything I am the complete opposite and try to own as little as possible. It's the only strategy I have for not completely losing my mind. So I only own two sets of bedding per bed, and six glasses etc. But I have a unique talent for spreading a little bit of stuff over a large surface area.

[AlpacaLypse]

So long as you can find keys and passport everything will be okay. Don't worry.

[SecretMagicThings]

I can relate so much to some of your posts OP.

[BananaToffo]

Do you have any plans to try and sort it out? (As tone can't always be assessed online, my question is completely unjudgemental & I may have some advice that helps).

[timshortfforthalia]

Have you ever found anything that helps you? I am naturally very messy and just don’t understand how to be tidy. Tidy people can’t explain it to me!

I have a couple of things to help motivate me to housework. I set timers a lot and listen to podcasts to prevent boredom. But, no, the actual putting things away in the first place, the not leaving a constant mess wherever I go, that is beyond me. I have considered hypnosis, which I have used effectively for other things, but I haven't found a good recording or app for this yet

[ScreamingValenta]

Question related to your username not your OP - which is your favourite Antonia Forest novel?

[Okaassan]

Do you ever worry what effect it will have on your children?

My mother had a messy house and it made us very ashamed as we got older. We would panic if friends knocked on the door incase they could see the mess. Not being able to have friends over or sleepovers was pretty sad, along with being envious of friends with clean and tidy houses who had a dining table that was clear from mess and used as a family.

We all run very efficient houses now and are the total opposite of our mother when it comes to housework.

[timshortfforthalia]

Would you like someone to sort ornate all out, like on telly?! Or would you just revert to mess quickly?

Could you throw stuff out or would you want to keep it?

No, I don't really need someone to sort it out, cause I think I would do an ok job of sorting it myself. i have the kind of brain that can see how systems work well. However, in the moment, a million times a day, I can't/don't execute these decisions, so any thinking and systems are fairly fruitless.

I'm fine with throwing stuff out. Almost too good at it to be honest, and I have chucked stuff I have later regretted just because the mess was doing my head in.

[timshortfforthalia]

Question related to your username not your OP - which is your favourite Antonia Forest novel?

Cricket Term, natch

[timshortfforthalia]

Do you have any plans to try and sort it out? (As tone can't always be assessed online, my question is completely unjudgemental & I may have some advice that helps).

In terms of the mess, I feel like I am ALWAYS sorting it out. I'm in a sort it/trash it cycle. It's awful! I am off tomo and will spend a lot of the day trying to sort it, but I know that I will end up spending so much time making decisions about the tidying (where does this go, what do I do with this... etc etc) that I won't get any cleaning done. And I REALLY need to do A LOT of cleaning.

[Rozzzzzalmost35]

Just know you are not alone. Did your parents do everything for you growing up?

[lostinjapan]

Is there any chance of posting a picture of the worst of the mess? It’s just that ‘very messy’ means different things to different people. I’ve seen some people’s ‘messy’ houses and I wish I could get mine half as tidy as that. For instance, do you physically struggle to walk through your house because there’s so much stuff covering the floor? Would you turn away an unexpected visitor because it’s so awful?

[ScreamingValenta]

Good choice. I like Attic Term, with Peter's Room a close second (closet Ginty fan) .

[timshortfforthalia]

Do you ever worry what effect it will have on your children?

My mother had a messy house and it made us very ashamed as we got older. We would panic if friends knocked on the door incase they could see the mess. Not being able to have friends over or sleepovers was pretty sad, along with being envious of friends with clean and tidy houses who had a dining table that was clear from mess and used as a family.

We all run very efficient houses now and are the total opposite of our mother when it comes to housework.

When I grew upMy house was quite messy and I relate to your above post. My mum and dad both worked very hard and we had a cleaner three mornings a week, and she was happy to tidy and wash dishes.

Interestingly, both my brother and sister now live in pristine environments. My brother's wife is very clean and tidy and my sister is gay. I think they have both been lucky to have shown how to be tidy by efficient and ordered women!

Yes, I do worry about the effect on my chn. I live in quite a close knit community and I'm aware that we can't let kids friends round unless we have prepared (for 24 hours!). Also, I worry that I can't model the skills of tidiness and organisation, so my chn are going to have to learn it for themselves. Plus, obvs, it's not nice for them to live like this.

Though saying that, I do try to let myself off the hook re the kids. I could beat myself up forever, but that would be worse. I try to focus on all the many ways I am a great mum - I would go mad otherwise. That is a real sea change for me and it has really helped me become a much easier going person, I'm kinder on myself now I realise home-making and organisation are just a set of skills I struggle with.

[timshortfforthalia]

Did your parents do everything for you growing up?

Not at all. Both my parents worked hard, both FT and we were all quite self sufficient. Like I said, we had a cleaner 9 hours a week, but she wouldn't do any of our rooms. We did our own laundry etc from before secondary.