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I am very, very messy. AMA

89 replies

timshortfforthalia · 12/07/2018 22:09

OP posts:
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WonderfulWonders · 16/07/2018 10:26

Do you see the difference between a few toys scattered in the floor and an empty cup on the coffee table V. no clean plates and rotting food?

The first seems absolutely normal to me and the latter not at all.

My rule to live by is never leave a room empty handed. It's simple but totally effective in keeping things tidy.

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SoyDora · 16/07/2018 10:38

Kardashian, your post is really interesting because I absolutely feel that trashing a room within 5 minutes is something that happens to me and is beyond my control

But can’t you see that’s a bizarre way to think? Of course it doesn’t happen to you. Of course it’s within your control. Keeping a house clean and tidy is a lot of effort for everyone. I am not naturally tidy, but I value a clean and tidy environment (as do my children) so I make the effort.
There are no specific instructions for cleaning and tidying. You just do it. I do it as I go along... I can’t give any more specific instructions than that. I think people asking for those specific instructions are looking for some miracle solution that doesn’t exist.
Housework is dull. You either think it’s worthwhile or you don’t.

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Doyoumind · 16/07/2018 10:47

Soy I think you have a simplistic view of it. It's like saying to someone who has issues with food "just eat more/less and you'll be fine".

I am similar to the OP and it has caused me stress for years. I know the theory of how to keep tidy. I have times when I get the place tidy. I just don't seem to be able to actually finish the whole job and maintain it. It's not about being lazy or not knowing what to do. It's something much deeper than that. I wish I could unravel it all and sort it out.

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Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:00

I agree in the face of it it's sheer laziness, but underneath it there is something in a messy persons brain that makes them behave as they are,

My house is tidy, I'm tidy, my husband would be messy if basically allowed.

So I put my plate in the dishwasher as soon as I've finished using it. It takes two seconds. My husband will leave his out, he can't be arsed moving it. That's the key difference between a messy person and a non messy person as a pp said. The question on why he can't be arsed is a deeper one. He clearly knows it takes two seconds to move it.

I also think the stress of living in a messy environment, being constantly unhappy about your living conditions, must be much worse than tidying as you go, but then that's because I don't understand messiness.

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SoyDora · 16/07/2018 11:03

Doyoumind I understand that it’s a deeper issue for many people, of course it is. I was responding to the poster who said mess is something that ‘happens’ to them (it isn’t) and to the one who said she needs specific instructions (there aren’t any!). I’m not saying it’s simple, and there are obviously deeper issues at play, but in reality there is no magic solution.

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Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:13

I'd agree, it's not complicated to keep a tidy house. It's really about motivation to do so.

However, and I mean this gently, if your house is dirty and smelly, then it's more than being messy, much more.

The problem I guess is it builds to such a level it becomes a major job.

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SecretMagicThings · 16/07/2018 11:29

It was me that said mess happens to me. It really seems to! I never leave a room empty handed, try to put at least one thing away in every room and I still leave a trail of chaos. I find I frequently forget things, e.g. I will bave a drink in my hand, then put it down somewhere and find it much later, having had no recollection of putting it down.

Perhaps those linking it to understanding weight loss etc are on to something. I find eating less and moving more to be easy and logical yet I know many many people don’t. I find keeping things tidy completely confusing. Yet when I look for answers there are none because it is meant to be so easy.

Dishwasher taking 10 mins:-
Need to unload draining board with the stuff already drying on it, some may not be dry so needs drying - 1 or 2 minutes
Start unloading, plastic and Tupperware stuff and bottles are never dry so they need stacking on draining board or drying, 2 minutes
Actual unloading of other stuff and putting it away - 2 minutes
Ok then, 5 mins but seems to take me 10.

And YY to never being able to actually get to a tidy state in the first place.

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SoyDora · 16/07/2018 11:36

But the thing is, it’s going to take 10 mins whether you do it now or tomorrow. And the longer you leave it, the longer it will take as there is more stuff on the pile.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t enjoy doing it. It’s dull. There are other things I’d rather be doing. But equally, I’d rather do 10 mins a couple of times a day than be faced with days worth of cleaning further down the line. Having a DH who pulls his weight obviously helps.

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Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 11:47

That's the way I look at it too, I'd rather do it as I go, than be faced with a mammoth task at the end, and have to live in a dirty environment in between times.

But I think messy people don't really think that, or simply don't care enough to tidy as they go, they'd rather just put it off. And the worse it gets the more impossible the task seems.

I do think it's one of these things neither side can really comprehend about the other.

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SecretMagicThings · 16/07/2018 11:53

The thing is, I genuinely do try to tidy as I go! I just don’t seem to succeed but maybe that is just excuses. Throw in 2 messy kids and it always seems 5 minutes from chaos.

Have been decluttering today so hopefully that is a start and my dishwasher is empty!

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Bluntness100 · 16/07/2018 12:01

It is harder with kids, but you need to teach them to tidy after themselves as they go too, for example tell them to put their toys away before bed time or when they have finished playing, to put their crockery in kitchen, clothes in laundry basket. How much they can do depends on age, but you need to lead by example and also instruct them until the behaviour becomes ingrained,

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Kardashianlove · 16/07/2018 15:00

Yet when I look for answers there are none because it is meant to be so easy.
It’s not easy though, that’s the point, it’s constant, boring, hard work for everyone. I think most ‘tidy people’ are tempted to sit and have a cup of tea/go on mumsnet or whatever rather than do the dishwasher. It really is hard work to make yourself do it a lot of the time.

Dishwasher taking 10 mins:-
Need to unload draining board with the stuff already drying on it, some may not be dry so needs drying - 1 or 2 minutes
Start unloading, plastic and Tupperware stuff and bottles are never dry so they need stacking on draining board or drying, 2 minutes
Actual unloading of other stuff and putting it away - 2 minutes
Ok then, 5 mins but seems to take me 10.

You don’t need to sort the draining board-get a tea towel and dry the things that need drying as you go-so remove from dishwasher, dry what’s in your hand, put it in cupboard, dry next thing, etc.

Also, you’ve already doubled the job in your head to 10 minutes and you’re way of thinking is ‘it seems to take me 10’ which is another way of removing responsibility from yourself ‘oh everyone else seems to do this quickly and easily, but for me it’s so hard and takes so long’! Disabilities, etc aside, it really honestly takes everyone the same length of time to unload a dishwasherSmile

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byronicheroine · 16/07/2018 21:15

I grew up in quite a disorganised home, and and this has continued in my own home. I am having some success with The Organised Mum Method (website or Instagram) at present. She seems lovely!
My question is about why you think your childhood was disorganised. My mum thinks that being messy is creative and that she has more important things to do Hmm but I find mess stressful and it means I am (trying to do some) tidying up instead of other things. Is your mum similar?

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DrWhy · 16/07/2018 21:29

I really empathise with the messy people on here. My house is not too bad (between a 1 and a 2 on those clutter photos posted) but it never seems to be a 1. Which is what my mum, my sister and many of my friends houses look like. I’d really like it to just look immaculate once but getting all the last bits done seems to take forever, I’m not good at throwing things out so we have clutter and there are always a range of things that need to be done, a pile of paperwork on the table to be dealt with for example, a pile of toddler artwork that I should photograph and get rid of, the map of where people travelled from to our wedding that needs to be mounted and go on a wall etc etc. Some of it has been there so long I’ve stopped seeing it except for the fact that the room doesn’t look ‘nice’.

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