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Original poster

I am a swinger. Ask me anything

96 replies

Justask · 01/07/2018 21:46

So, getting on the bandwagon here. I am a swinger along with DH of course. For about 7 years now. Ask away!

OP posts:
Original poster
Justask · 01/07/2018 22:55

People can record what's happening, but they have to get the consent of everyone involved. There is also agreement about what can be shared online.

I have consented to be photographed in the past and it was for the other couple to keep only. They were true to their word and have not shared the images.

OP posts:
SleepFreeZone · 01/07/2018 22:57

Do you worry about catching STDs from oral sex? I know you mentioned safe sex but I’m assuming that is only when you’re having penetrative sex?

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 23:00

How would you know that the couple haven't shared those images though? Unless you stumbled across them online, you'd never know.

RainbowsAndSmiles · 01/07/2018 23:00

Why get married if the vows mean nothing to you and you still want to sleep around? Kind of makes a mockery of them?

(Sorry, but you did say ask me anything about the subject)

doodlejump1980 · 01/07/2018 23:01

Apparently the new pampas grass is wicker hearts hanging in your windows.

Original poster
Justask · 01/07/2018 23:04

There is always an element of risk as there would be if you were single and met a new partner. It's about trusting the other party and if you have any doubts at all you just don't do it.

I once sent a guy away who was covered in warts. No way was I going there!!!

I will never knowingly put myself or DH at risk, it's either we don't do it or condoms for oral. Where he is concerned, again if any red flags we say no.

Generally people who swing are very good at STD checks and safe sex. We get checked regularly and never had A problem

OP posts:
BetsyBellringer · 01/07/2018 23:38

Surely not in this heat! I can't even be bothered to shag DP, let alone a random. Covered in warts, eeewwww!

Original poster
Justask · 01/07/2018 23:48

I don't know that they haven't been shared but we got to know the couple in question well and we trust them. It is not something we would agree to willy-nilly.

Our wedding vows mean just as much to us as to anyone. neither of us would do anything which would upset the other.
We are a close knit couple and we know and trust each other implicitly. if he were to become ill tomorrow and need me 24/7 then of course I would have no interest in anyone else. This is something we do together because we both want to. I put him above all others (apart from DC) and he does the same.

I don't own a wicker anything.

It's definitely too hot for swinging. Yuk

OP posts:
villageshop · 01/07/2018 23:54

How old is considered too old to join in? It would be awful to turn up all hopeful and have everyone look at you askance.

Original poster
Justask · 02/07/2018 00:01

There are no age limits. The chances are if you are 80 and up for it so are other people.

We find most people are older than us (late 30s)

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Limpopobongo · 02/07/2018 00:16

Are some clubs thinly disguised brothels which may employ "single women" to lure men in having paid fat membership fees?

SleepFreeZone · 02/07/2018 06:36

It’s that (and the fact that DP is totally not up for it) that would seriously put me off. No way do I want to catch genital warts or similar. If someone isn’t shaved down below and the lighting is low I think there could be warts and you wouldn’t know. Fuck that shit.

jackal1456 · 02/07/2018 10:39

how has your day been ? where are you from?

jackal1456 · 02/07/2018 10:39

what is the key to a good butt?

IdLikeABiscuitPlease · 02/07/2018 10:40

Are you on fab??

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 02/07/2018 10:48

Where do you get the will and energy to sleep with others from? I can't imagine wanting to sleep with other people as my DH gives me everything I need and satisfies me completely and I love him so other men don't interest me.
Do you get different qualities from different people? I can't imagine focusing on more than one person at a time.

Badtasteflump · 02/07/2018 12:24

You mention that your DC are young and therefore obviously don't know anything about it all. Will there be a time/age when you tell them what you do, and have you thought about how you would explain to to them?

Maybe I live in a parallel universe but I just can't imagine how I could begin to tell my DC something like that without it going against everything I have ever taught them about healthy relationships Confused

Genuine question btw - it's hard to ask without sounding like I'm giving you a bashing, I realise Grin

PhaedrasChocolate · 02/07/2018 13:18

It's difficult to say what's 'healthy and what isn't though, isn't it? Monogamy isn't law.

Emotionally I'm definitely monogamous. Physically, probably not. Never done anything about it though!

Original poster
Justask · 02/07/2018 13:22

I've never known clubs to lure anyone in with single women. In fact I've never seen a single woman in a club.

My day has been fine and my location is secret.

The key to a good butt is exercise and a decent diet.

Yes I'm on fab.

It's not about the other people for us as such, it's more about watching each other and getting turned on by seeing each other from a different perspective

I can't imagine I will ever need to discuss this with my children. Would you tell your kids that you like oral or your DH is great at making you orgasm? I'm not being snippy, I just can't imagine sharing any details of my sex life with my kids.

OP posts:
UtterlyDesperate · 02/07/2018 13:33

Have you ever bumped into someone you knew irl in a club, when you had not previously known they were swingers?

Mookatron · 02/07/2018 13:42

Do you reckon - based on the number of people you meet who are swingers - that we all know at least one couple who swing?

DearMrDilkington · 02/07/2018 13:44

Are the meetings themed/role play based? Or is it just a general dive in folks?

Do you all have a cuppa and a chat before you start? Also, who makes the first move? I just imagine the dynamics are awkward in a group. I mean if it's just a couple, one of you just start kissing the other one to kick things off, but in a group what happens?

Sorry for my blunt questions, but i gather you aren't a prude Grin

readyforapummelling · 02/07/2018 13:50

So, does your DH sexually perform with other men? Do you engage with other women? Or do you both stick to the opposite sex?

Original poster
Justask · 02/07/2018 13:59

Never bumped into a RL friend in a club.
I have bumped into swingers in RL a couple of times, shopping etc!

I think most people probably know a swinger.

Not usually themed although some clubs do theme nights. We start off with a chat and a drink and things just progress with a hand on a thigh and that sort of thing.

DH is straight but I play with both men and ladies and he loves to watch both

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mittensofsteel · 02/07/2018 14:08

I’m curious about swinging but self consciousness puts me off. Is everyone thin and fit?