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Original poster

I am a swinger. Ask me anything

96 replies

Justask · 01/07/2018 21:46

So, getting on the bandwagon here. I am a swinger along with DH of course. For about 7 years now. Ask away!

OP posts:

Badtasteflump · 01/07/2018 22:14

I can't help thinking that if you really loved and desired your partner you couldn't share him with other randoms... nor he you.

Does any part of you wonder if you're not just trying to prop a relationship that's not good enough to stand alone without having sex with other people?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:14

We have never had more than 4 people together including me and DH.

We have chatted to couples that have split because of jealousy. I think you need to really be on the same page as your partner to swing, know where your limits are and what both of you are happy with. I have never been jealous and nor has DH but we are very clear about what we will and won't accept.

Never had an std and always play safe

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Kittykat93 · 01/07/2018 22:16

Always been a bit interested in this but worry that swinging clubs will be full of unattractive creepy men!! Have you ever found this to be the case?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:22

We have never propositioned friends, it just seems to happen. We are very respectful of other people's boundaries as well as each other. We never push anyone out of their comfort zones.

When things have happened with friends everyone involved is discreet. We don't advertise what we do amongst friends but our closest friends do know.

I live DH to pieces, and he loves me. Swinging has made us closer and strengthened our relationship because we share these moments together, we talk about them before and after. Every decision we make is made together. Our relationship has seen many tests and traumas and swinging is not one of them. We are totally honest with each other and faithful to each other apart from when we choose to swing together

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Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:23

The clubs are careful to not be filled with single sleazy men. If they were, women would not go. If you research them, they all have strict codes of conduct and often have couple only nights etc

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ShesSoUnusual · 01/07/2018 22:25

Isn't it odd though if you're meeting a friend for coffee? Don't you sit the whole time thinking OMG you had sex with my DH the other day!?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:28

Funnily enough no, it's not odd at all! When you are all in the moment it's great. After that, business as usual. I can happily have coffee with people we were having sex with a few weeks before, it isn't mentioned again unless someone wants more.

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ShesSoUnusual · 01/07/2018 22:29

From what you've said, most of the people you've 'played' with were strangers. Don't you worry that once your DH has had sex and made an intimate connection with a friend, someone he already knows and likes, that he might want to develop that relationship further, or that it might just happen regardless?

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:31

Has the sex ever been that bad that you've decided stop halfway through?

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:34

Also, has a bloke ever lost an erection halfway through the deed? I know it happens occasionally but it must be horribly awkward with an audience waiting

What happens then? Do you all take a break or do you carry on without him?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:36

I don't worry that he will stray. The encounters we have are very much about us both having fun together. If we are going through a bad patch in our relationship we just don't do it at all. As far as friends go, it tends to be men rather than women or couples who are of the same mindset as us.

I have stopped and said no when I wasn't enjoying sex.

OP posts:

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:38

I have stopped and said no when I wasn't enjoying sex.

How do you handle that when it's a group act? I mean, do you just say you've had enough now? Does your dh carry on with out you? The whole situation just feels really awkward to me.

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:38

Lots of limp dick moments.

They don't worry us, if people are tired or have had too much to drink or an attack of nerves we just end it. Being under pressure is no good for anyone in the situation. I would be annoyed if I felt forced into anything so we let sleeping willies lie.

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feral · 01/07/2018 22:39

Were you at the Swinging Festival in Malvern this weekend?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:41

We have phrases or signals we use if either of us is unhappy with anything. The consensus in the swinging world is pretty much the same, it doesn't matter how many people are involved, if one person isn't happy then we stop.

OP posts:

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:41

No, I was busy with the kids this weekend!

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goingagain · 01/07/2018 22:42

Was the first time really awkward?? Do you get drunk first?

battleofthebeanfield · 01/07/2018 22:42

Do you have children?

If so, are they aware of your lifstyle?

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:42

Have you ever joined in on one of those swinging clubs that meet on random roads in their cars?

If so, where are you dtd? In cars or in the fields?

DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:44

It's good how nobody is pressured into anything, it all sounds quite respectful.

cornershopkeeper · 01/07/2018 22:45

My parents were swingers and very indiscreet about what they were up to with their friends.

It's one of the reasons I think my older brother sexually abused me - because my parents were presenting it as quite normal to get up on anything that passed by.

How do you safeguard your children?

Flowerfae · 01/07/2018 22:47

Whoever said about the pampas grass... I had absolutely no idea that was a thing!! ... I will be getting loooads of my relatives those plants now, I'll suggest that they are best planted at the front of their houses. My aunt is like Hyacinth Bucket, she most definitely will be getting some.

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:50

The first time was nerve racking but actually really nice. We will have a drink or two but don't get drunk because it spoils it and is less safe. We want to be in control of what we do.

We Have kids and they don't know. There is no need for them to know and they are young. They are never in the same building when we swing.

We don't have sex in car parks or fields or anything like that, either in our own home, someone else's house or a club.

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DearMrDilkington · 01/07/2018 22:51

Do you ever worry that one of the other swingers may be secretly recording it all?

Original poster

Justask · 01/07/2018 22:53

My kids are my top priority, their safety is paramount. I am clear that they are taught about healthy relationships and they are never around when we swing.

I personally think the pampas grass is urban legend, but please do furnish your friends and relatives with it

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