I'm a Muslim, ask me anything

[UnderBlue]

So I thought I'd join the bandwagon too! I'm a Muslim, and ask me anything. :)

(Please note: I'm very happy to answer questions about my beliefs and my experiences, but not interested in debating issues or bashing please. Please start your own thread if you want to do that. Thanks)

Also, please bear with me if I take a while to reply. I have pelvic pain today and a trip planned to the beach tomorrow, so apologies in advance if I take a while to reply. I will try my best :)

Not sure how you got that from what she wrote.

I think she has been very brave to start this thread knowing how much hostility there is in this country towards Muslims.

Personally I am an atheist who dislikes all religions without exception but I fail to see how attacking someone on thread of this nature where the op has answered with such patience and openness constructive. It has been started with a generosity of spirit and I think it should be met with the same generosity of spirit.

Maybe start a thread to discuss faith and lgbtq issues. You can all rip shreds off each other's beliefs there.

This thread has opened my eyes
Same here Helloflamingogo

To be made to feel dirty and less than.

Honestly, I haven't felt this at all from the OP. I thought she gave her personal view in a very considered way. I haven't seen the OP refer to any sexuality as dirty, or less than. As much as we need to go forward with LGBT rights I don't think you can force someone to agree with your views. They cannot show prejudice but should practice tolerance. I believe the OP has done this.

I am not hostile towards muslims. Just because there is some degree of hostility towards muslims doesn't mean that it is ok to ignore these views. Oh it is ok to think people should be killed for their sexual orientation, because some people hate you. It is ok that you openly hate Israelis because Palestine. It is ok that some of your men use religious text to get away with abusive behaviour and disgusting attitudes to women because of 'kill a muslim' shit.
I don't support any hatred towards any muslim, yet many muslims including their blinkered supporters, are totally fine towards hatred towards me as a bisexual woman.
Oh that's ok then, is it?

The op hasn't expressed any hatred towards you as a bisexual woman. She says it's not her concern what you do.

I just know that a little intolerance to any social group usually means there is something nasty and worse lurking underneath, otherwise there would be acceptance.
OP could have reassured me, could have told me that his views were out of date and muslims do not think like this. But instead she reiterated the hatred, and actually said that homosexuals should not act according to their nature. Then what? That we should all lead lonely painful lives to keep some God happy. WTF?!

(Just catching up with the replies.) I'm so, so sorry you went through what you did rightknockered, of course that is totally unacceptable. However:
Not' I'm a muslim, go gently with me, and it isn't my fault"

It isn't the Op's fault. She had nothing to do with it. Have you read the whole thread? The OP has come across as very tolerant, explained how she doesn't judge (Only God does.), explained that she tries to live devout life and treat other how she would like to be treated.

I'm sorry you are finding this thread so upsetting. I hope you find peace and help to deal with your problems.

You don't have to do anything to keep any God happy.

It is not acceptable in Islam to treat women the way you were treated. But abusive men/patriarchal societies will happily interpret religion to suit themselves. It wasn't possible for a Christian man in this Christian country to rape his wife until very recently. Plenty of men in white British society feel the same entitlement that you describe.

I'm not saying non-white men are islamic rapists. My ex is mixed race. Was brought up a Christian, but was attracted to islam. And actually admitted that he liked that it gave him a place above women. Many of his friend had the same attitude, and the wives accepted it. They would give lip service to the face that women had status, could own property etc., but in reality this is rare. They are mostly controlled by their fathers and brothers and then their husbands. This is the truth I have seen.

Also i am not advocating not challenging attitudes we disagree with. I live with a Catholic man and a Muslim man. They are both from the same country. They both think homosexuality is sinful. I disagree. I will work on changing their minds as our relationships develop but I'm not going to shun them for holding views in line with the societies they grew up in. If I just tell them they are vile then there will be no openness or dialogue.

OP I really hope you do come back, you’ve been open and honest and patient. Thank you for such an interesting thread, im sorry there are so many disrespectful posts.

I feel really disappointed that this thread was going really well but it's been derailed because of someone's personal grievances with Islam.

The OP didn't say anything offensive about anyone bi or gay.

Is it just me or has a whole whack of this thread disappeared? I'm sure we were up to about page 8??? Maybe MNHQ are having a look?

The OP said it as tactfully and politely as she could but her opinion is that if she were gay she wouldn't think it was ok to have sex.

I do find it sad that religions still teach people to think like this. It makes people less accepting of homosexuals. It feels very old fashioned and intolerant to me. I realise that lots of religions teach that homosexuality if wrong though and it's not just (some) Muslims. I find it incredible sad that homosexuality is still a crime in many countries.

Rightknockered, your ex has treated you very badly and you somehow blame all muslims for the pain he caused you despite repeatedly denying that you are doing so but then go on to mention how you dont trust muslim charity workers and a list of what else you don’t like about muslims.

Your sexual orientation is your business only, not OP’s. However, this thread is about Islamic beliefs and it is no secret that Islam forbids any sexual relationship that does not take place within the confines of a heterosexual marriage.

So that includes homosexuality and also includes sex where the two (heterosexual) people are single/not married. Islam asks the muslim not to act on any feelings/desires that are not permitted by islam, whatever their sexual orientation. Similarly it asks muslims to abstain from alcohol, music etc. A muslim may be inclined towards say, alcohol - that is not the problem. However, as a muslim you are supposed to keep your desires in check and abstain. That is the difficult part.

Islam in UK is not passing judgement on the non muslim who drinks, nor the non muslim who is a lesbian. It does have a series of rules which it instructs the muslims to live by. We understand the reasoning of some, others we don’t. However, we try to follow all commands whether we know the reasoning or not because ultimately we believe that Allah is our All knowing Lord and we humans are fallible.

Hi OP,

Assuming, you are in the UK, what do you do at Christmas-time?

@JustGiveMeTwoMinutes

I was wondering after your comment that Muslims must never judge their fellow humans, how the Islamic courts work?

Hi :) Good question. Because injustice has been done to another person, using the witnesses' testimony judges must grant justice to the victim. I'm not sure to be honest how modern day Islamic courts work (as there are only a few family Islamic courts in the UK, and these are very basic too).

@French2019

Firstly, my 13yo dd has a couple of very close Muslim friends. They are both lovely girls. One of them put something on social media recently about the horrible "Kill a Muslim day", saying that she and her family would be staying at home that day in order to stay safe. This really shocked and angered my dd, who was really upset on behalf of her friend. She dropped a card and some flowers/chocolate around to her friend's house to try and show some support, but it made me wonder how on earth Muslim parents even begin to explain that kind of hatred and prejudice to their children? How do you help them to make sense of stuff like that, and how do you ensure that they feel safe as they go about their daily lives? And what can others in the community do to help?

This is a really good question! Thanks first of all for your and your DD's support, it must mean a lot to her friend and her family. My parents bought us up with the mindset that you have to be grateful that the British allowed us to live here, and therefore, your aim in life is to give back to the community despite however they treated you. And to be honest, this is how all of us siblings are living. We are resilient and hard working, and have chosen professions where we are helping others. Whether this will work for the next generation (my kids), I really don't know. This generation seem like a much more independent, vocal and feisty bunch, who I don't think are just going to simply accept that. The only thing I can do is to make my children very confident in their identity as Muslims, so that when they do face prejudice and discrimination (as that is inevitable), it will not destroy their confidence. So for example, two years ago I had the option to either send my child to a local private school or a local outstanding (non-fee paying) faith based Islamic school. I had always thought I would send my child to a mixed faith or non-faith school. We visited both, and came to the relaisation that as much I wanted my child to mix with others, I didn't want her to teased about being a Muslim, or to hear degrading comments about Muslims, so I decided that I would send her to plenty of after school and weekend clubs where she could mix with people from all backgrounds and go to the faith school. Her faith school are also excellent, they have a partner non-faith school and children reguarly mix, and they are huge on community projects and helping the local community. I think it'd help if the wider community understood why some Muslims (NOT the majority) may decide to send their children to a faith school. This also correlates with these research findings that fear of bullying is what drives some Muslim parents to home school: www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/04/03/fears-bullying-drives-muslim-children-homeschooled/

The other thing that would help on a practical level is if the wider community supported initiatives (rather than opposing) that would help us as a community. So for example, supporting building applications for Mosques/schools etc.

@French2019

The second question relates to extra-curricula activities. Neither of dd's closest Muslim friends, nor any of the other Muslim girls she knows seem to do any clubs/hobbies outside the home beyond the early stages of primary school. Is this just coincidental, or is there a religious reason for this? I did wonder if it might be cultural but the girls in question come from various different backgrounds. All of them still socialise outside school with their friends, so it clearly isn't the case that they aren't allowed to mix with others.

Another great question! How old are your DD's friends?

Sports activities are very much encouraged in Islam, in fact we have a huge responsibility to look after our bodies and nurture them. The Prophet also encouraged Muslims to par take in particular in swimming, archery, horse riding, running etc.

Culturally however it is very different. Most of our ancestors (for south asian Muslims) were manual labourers who worked in agriculture and did plenty of manual work so didn't need to partake in designed physical activities (they didn't need to). Therefore we don't have a culture of fitness or exercise (I for example don't know anyone from our community above the age of 40 who does regular exercise). This is just to give you an understanding of the back drop.

As a child, I did no extra curricula activities (we played alot in the street though). My parents couldn't afford it and also had young children to look after as I was growing up. In my teens, I really wanted to play sports, but there were no female only sports facilities, and I didn't want to compromise by faith. DH's sisters on the other hand who are my age did plenty of extra curricula activities (including football, basketball, drama, etc). Their family is wealthy and could afford to send them to clubs when in primary school and pay for private coaching in secondary.

However, things are changing. My daughter goes for football, swimming and soon tennis. I attend a female only gym. When my daughter goes into her teens it may become more tricky, as there aren't many female only clubs (and the ones that are available are too far), and I suspect she will want to attend female only classes. So this may be the partial reason why your DD's friends may not be attending (depending on their age)? But there may be a financial reason too. Overall we are economically deprived, and some families still have parents/families to support back home, and are expected to send money back home.

@ifigoup

Is it true that the reason there are so many waxing salons in places like Manchester and Birmingham is because all Muslims, women and men, are required to remove all their pubic hair? What if you live somewhere without a big Muslim population - would you do it yourself?

Hi :) We are required to trim (not wax) our public hair and underarm hair at least once every four weeks. I shave my pubic hair, waxing is too painful for me. I think there are now plenty of salons because generally most of us tend to have very dark hair (black or very dark brown) and light olive skin. So our hair is very visible! I for example, get my full face threaded or waxed. The other thing I have noticed is that the older generation had very little bodily hair, but we've got tonnes (no idea why), hence I guess the increase in salons etc. (salons were unheard of in our communities when I was a child)

@saucepotty

Why do women have to wear the black robes and men wear white? It seems unfair in a hot country like Saudi Arabia where the sun is strong that women have to wear a colour that absorbs heat.

They don't have to wear black - they can choose any colour as long as it isn't opaque, and same applies for men too. I think Malaysian women wear a lot of white. Saudi women do wear mainly black and I think it is because it is convenient and very widely available. Personally I have different coloured abayas (outer cloaks/dresses), but I always seem to want to wear black because it is easy to wear (I don't have to worry about toddler stains), it looks elegant, I look slimmer in it (yes I am still a bit vain), and I can wear any colour scarf I want to with it and not worry about whether it matches (I am terrible at matching colours). As well as this, I can get tailored black abayas from Saudi for about £10-£15 (which is very cheap - getting a coloured one tailored here would cost me at least £50). So there are all practical reasons why I prefer to wear black :)

@likeacrow

How can you be so certain that the faith you happened to be born into is the "right " one? What if you were born into a Catholic family do you think you'd have converted to Islam of your own accord or do you think your thread would have been titled "I'm a Catholic, ask me anything..." What if one of the many other gods or religions are right, or if none of them are?Tbf it's a question that could be directed at any religious person, and if you don't want to answer it that's fine.

Hi, that's a great question, thanks for asking :) I am confident it is the right one because I have studied Islam in detail and believe that Prophet Muhammad spoke the truth (if you get a chance, I would recommend you read a biography about him). I have also studied other faiths too such as Christianity, and some of the things I couldn't get my head around. We also have the original scripture of the Quran from the Prophet's time, and this has not been altered, so I know the divine word is exactly intact, and not been altered by humans.

@MelanieSmooter

I can’t get my head around the idea of blindly following the rule of a book (any book) and not even considering researching science/the world and making my own choices. Is that not something you have/would do, OP?

I don't believe Science contradicts Islam, rather science conforms to what Islam has said on science. I have read up on some aspects of science, but to be honest I can't remember the technical terms. With regards to blindly following, how many of us blindly don't believe in God? How many of us have read in detail about other faiths?

For all that you say you have freely made choices, are they truly informed? It sounds to me more like you have chosen to follow your cultural and religious upbringing, which is fine, but I don’t think it represents independent, informed decisions.

I have made free choices and make free choices every day. I have studied other religions and read about atheism too. Every day I choose whether to believe in God or not.

I also find your comments on homosexuality quite offensive, if I’m honest. I am sorry you feel that way. If you were able to be more specific about exactly which comment you find offensive, that would really help, as I am very open to reflecting on my views, especially if I do have an offensive view (which obviously currently I don't think so).

Hi @underblue
I’m a teacher in a school with a large number of Muslim students.
Some of the girls I teach have asked me to undertake Ramadan for all or part of the month next year. As I am not Muslim do you think this is problematic or offensive- I would love to support them, and we had party snacks on the Monday after eid to celebrate!

I hope your pelvic pain is better and you had a lovely day at the beach x

Do you believe in flying horses?

@Bingpot

Hi OP, thank you for answering all these questions. Could I ask you to comment on something that's always troubled me? What do you think of the fact that as a non Muslim I'm not welcome at the holiest Muslim sites (Mecca, Al-Aqsa) but you would have no trouble visiting the Vatican or the Western Wall? I've always thought it a bit unpleasant. Shouldn't Muslim holy sites be open for all to visit and learn from?

The holy sites are there for people to worship in and a way to bring them closer to God. Even Muslims that attend these Muslim sites, have restrictions they must abide by, so that their sole purpose for being there is to worship God. Everytime we enter Mecca for example, we have to go in a state of ihram, which means we have to spend around a day solely worshipping God (So those not serious about worshipping God, don't go to the holy sites). Therefore, it is against this back drop that God said as it is only a place to worship God, only Muslims who want to worship can attend. It is NOT to make others non-welcome.

As a young teen, I always wished my non-Muslim friends were able to attend the holy sites, as I thought they would all convert to Islam :) As there is something really really special about the place. However, as an adult. I am seeing the sites becoming more and more like holiday destinations, with people constantly taking selfies etc and I am glad it is restricted to people who are serious about worshipping.

On a practical level, it is so so unbelievably busy and packed, that opening the doors to non-Muslims would be a serious safety hazard. If you google some pictures of 'makkah haram', have a look, it can be completely mad!

Also, I've got a maybe more difficult question - and please, I'm truly not trying to offend, it's out of genuine curiosity and I ask as you mention you've studied Islam for a decade. Why is Jerusalem considered so holy for Muslims when it is not mentioned (as I understand) by name in the Qu'ran? I've always thought that a bit odd. I mean, how can you know that the Al-Aqsa mosque is truly the one in Jerusalem?

Not an offensive question at all! :) It is mentioned by name in the Qur'an:

{Exalted is He Who took His Servant by night from al-Masjid al-Haraam to al-Masjid al-Aqsa, whose surroundings We have blessed, to show him of Our signs. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Seeing.} [Quran 17:1]

We know it is the one in Jerusalem, because this is mentioned by the Prophet and his companions, and also in the Quran it is referenced to when talking about Prophet-King David, and after him his son Prophet-King Solomon’s great kingdom (mentioned in many chapters including Al-Anbiyaa, An-Naml, Saba and Saad). Surah Al-Isra also mentions the two destructions of the Temple. These also corroborates with reports from Christianity and Judaism.