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AMA

I'm a Muslim, ask me anything

336 replies

UnderBlue · 30/06/2018 21:26

So I thought I'd join the bandwagon too! I'm a Muslim, and ask me anything. :)

(Please note: I'm very happy to answer questions about my beliefs and my experiences, but not interested in debating issues or bashing please. Please start your own thread if you want to do that. Thanks)

Also, please bear with me if I take a while to reply. I have pelvic pain today and a trip planned to the beach tomorrow, so apologies in advance if I take a while to reply. I will try my best :)

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HateSummer · 01/07/2018 16:54

She’s actually criticised India very broadly without laying any kind of crime on the Muslims living there. She’s happy to note things that a minority of Pakistani Muslims have done wrong though whilst expressively stating that she’s Indian and not from the Pakistani community.

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WhatDidItSay · 01/07/2018 16:59

OP, do you ever wonder about why being a Muslim involves so many rules. Why do you feel you need to do XY and Z to be a good Muslim. I'm not religious but I always think that if it turns out I'm wrong any God won't mind as I'm a decent person who tries to be a good, charitable and honest member of society. I also think I might get some credit for being a good person because I feel it's the right thing to do rather than being a good person because I am trying to get myself eternal life with endless young virgins! Ie my reasons for being a decent person seems more wholesome than someone who does because their religion tells them they must.
I just can't imagine a decent God would care about all the rituals and rules. Surely he would be concerned with more important things.
For example, look at all the time and money different religions and religious people spend on worshipping their God or Gods. Why would a truly benevolent and caring God want people to do that when they could be actually doing something useful that helps other people less fortunate than themselves.
I know all religions are different but I find certain religions very patriarchal and very old fashioned. Too many seem overly concerned with controlling what their members think and do.

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ifigoup · 01/07/2018 17:19

Re: pubic hair, I got it from a friend who is an NHS nurse and told me because she said they have to facilitate removal for Muslim patients in hospital. I hadn’t heard of it before, so wanted to ask. Is this not Ask Me Anything?

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HarryLovesDraco · 01/07/2018 17:24

My Muslim in laws all remove all their body hair including my late GMIL who was paralysed and almost 90.

Not that they do it religiously or anything, but it is their preference. Perhaps because they are dark skinned and dark haired. My ex didn't remove all of his! I never asked him if he had done, it never came up!

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LEMtheoriginal · 01/07/2018 17:36

Thankyou for answering waaayy up thread xxx

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ladybirdsi · 01/07/2018 17:43

@HateSummer exactly!! Why say Pakistan's why not say some Muslims.


My BF is Indian and I have heard horrific stories from what has happened in India, forced Marriages, 6 year olds marrying dogs!! Girls being raped etc yet the OP only mentions "Pakistanis" when it comes to forged marriages it happens in other cultures like Indians, Bengalis and Africans,

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HateSummer · 01/07/2018 18:30

Yes ladybirdsi, the thing is that op pinpointed Pakistani Muslims and I want to know why and whether she will apologise for that because it’s not just a “Pakistani” problem. It is a problem spanning across all the countries in South Asia and many African and middle eastern countries too. It’s a problem within Indian communities too, so reading up about your faith for 10 years doesn’t really account for anything unless you’re teaching your community too.

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Wheretheresawill1 · 01/07/2018 18:31

Interesting thread.
I had a relationship with a Muslim dr for 3yrs. I never once met his family and he used to get anxious about being seen out with me. He appeared very conflicted. It inevitably ended and I felt very upset about it. Is this more of a cultural issue or is it religious as well?

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hmmwhatatodo · 01/07/2018 19:53

The waxing question.... yes some Muslims will remove as much hair as they can, they just don’t like the look of it. From as Islamic point of view it should be kept neat and trimmed and not left for over 40 days but there’s nothing about waxing it all off.

Still not sure why a poster is still getting upset over a Pakistan comment, I think the op said ‘for example, in Pakistan...’ she could have added any number of countries in there. She’s probably wishing she didn’t bother to start the thread now.

To the poster who had a relationship with someone for 3 years, well, relationships without marriage aren’t really allowed and it’s possible that your religion (or lack of) would also have been a problem.

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HateSummer · 01/07/2018 20:45

I think the op said ‘for example, in Pakistan...’ she could have added any number of countries in there.

No. She said “for example, forced marriages” and then followed this with: “some Pakistani Muslims still think that's OK despite it being completely banned in our faith (and it doesn't make any sense!).”

She completely bypassed the fact that this is happening in Indian communities aswell! Also, there are many Indian Muslim practices that are hardly Islamic. One of these being how some Indian parents take their son’s monthly salary after marriage to make up for the money they’ve spent on them growing up. This happened to a Pakistani Muslim friend of mine when she married an Indian Muslim in the uk.

I find laying the blame for something heinous on the people of one country and ignoring that it’s happening in yours is quite hateful.

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UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 21:00

Good evening everyone :)

I'm finally back from the beach, had a great time but I am completely shattered!! (I completely forgot how tiring the beach trip is, although of course lots of fun!). I've also got an early start at work tomorrow, so I have to have an early night. So hopefully I will read & answer your questions tomorrow evening. Have a lovely evening all!

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SoMisunderstood · 01/07/2018 21:13

HateSummer,

OP was not picking on pakistanis for being the sole perpetrators of forced marriages. She also stated that Indian women are generally treated very poorly no matter which religion. Now of course I know many Indian friends who were not treated poorly, but that detracts from the point that she is trying to make.

I really cannot get upset about an example that she gave regarding pakistanis. Of course Pakistan has so many amazing people and majority are good people too. There are also many many problems too. Highlighting an issue didn't undermine its good points in this context.



Peace.

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EmmaGrundyForPM · 01/07/2018 21:24

UnderBlue this is a really interesting thread, thanks so much for answering.
I was in rural Morocco a couple for years ago and went through a village where a funeral was taking place. All the male villagers seemed to have turned out to honour the dead person, but there were no women in evidence at all. Do women take part in Muslim funerals? If so, what role do they play? And if not, do they get a chance to say "goodbye" to their loved one?

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dovegrey18 · 01/07/2018 22:29

OP thanks for starting this thread. I was thinking of starting this but was a bit scared at how it would go. Mentioned it to my non Muslim friend who told me there already was one! You've articulated your responses really well, I couldn't have written like that. May Allah SwT reward you for your efforts ameen x

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rightknockered · 01/07/2018 22:36

I can not understand why it is acceptable to have the attitude you do towards homosexuality, you even smiled when answering my question, you were so glib about your obvious homophobia I actually clenched reading your answers. It's been a long time since I came across such bigotry, infact, since my ex 're-discovered' islam. His growing intolerance for anyone and any practice outside of his own view point, the more obvious his narcissism became. The more religious he became, the more abusive. He began ordering me around, told me I was disgusting, stole my belongings claiming I was too 'free', all the time chatting to women online and dating other women claiming he was entitled to 3 wives.
you've done nothing to abate my fears. I look at all muslims with a degree of scepticism now, even those that are involved in charitable works. What use is all of that when your mind set is so poisonous.

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73kittycat73 · 01/07/2018 22:41

Hi UnderBlue, I just wanted to thank you once more for a very informative thread. You have help me change my views on Muslims (I would never have known otherwise based on the UK media.). I have appreciated your well thought out and honest replies. I hope a few of the more recent posts haven't put you off coming back. You sound like a lovely, tolerant person and a credit to your religion. Flowers

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73kittycat73 · 01/07/2018 22:50

Hi rightknockered, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here to help answer your question?
I'm a lesbian and haven't been offended at the Ops views. Yes, gender ID and sexuality might have been a bit mixed up but I haven't seen any evidence that the OP is anti gay. Maybe, because I was brought up Christian, that I understand somewhat where the OP is coming from? I really think UnderBlue has tried to be understanding, as much as she can (With regards to restraints in the religion.) and as accepting as she can. I suppose it doesn't phase me as my sexuality is between me and God and if He does/doesn't like it, it's between me and him! Grin
As for your ex, it sounds like the religion was just an excuse for his awful behaviour. Take a look at a lot of threads in CHAT and AIBU? and you will see evidence of a lot of abusive men treating women this way and their religion has nothing to do with it. It's a shame you are letting one bad man tar your experience of a whole load of other (Religious) men. I really hope you have been able to move on and heal from your experience. Flowers

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Helloflamingogo · 01/07/2018 23:01

@73kittycat73

Thank you for such a gracious response. This thread has opened my eyes, so many posters have attacked the OP.

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rightknockered · 01/07/2018 23:19

But it is illogical, immoral to hold such views. As if someone can be held accountable for something outside of their control. To be made to feel dirty and less than. It is not acceptable.

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rightknockered · 01/07/2018 23:23

And you can say what you like about men being abusive regardless of their religion, but controlling men find themselves a nice place in islam Where they are told that to have charge over women, to be able to dictate what their wives wear/how they live/ whether they can leave their houses etc. and for it to be acceptable to behave like this. It may not be the best way to behave, but it certainly isn't considered a crime.
My ex raped me, and I was told that as a muslim man he can decide when to have sex and the wife must agree, and that the wrong was that I was not a muslim not that he was a rapist. The blame was mine. Again it was me, as a kafir, that was dirty, unacceptable and to blame.
It has taken me 4 years to silence the voices in my head.
I refuse to go back to that dark place. The attitude to my sexuality is part of it. I find these answers intolerable, and deeply upsetting

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papayasareyum · 01/07/2018 23:25

I’m with you rightlnockered, I feel exactly the same as you

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maxthemartian · 01/07/2018 23:27

rightknockered in the nicest possible way it's maybe best if you step away from this thread. It's not fair for you to project the actions of your highly abusive ex onto a genuinely devout, pleasant woman like this.

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rightknockered · 01/07/2018 23:29

The thread is called "Im a muslim, AMA"
Not' I'm a muslim, go gently with me, and it isn't my fault"
FFS
You can't just whitewash over the truth.
A lot of women have had my experience.

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rightknockered · 01/07/2018 23:31

And Max, don't bother with asking 'in the nicest possible way", so damn patronising. I have every right to post on any thread I choose. Why don't you answer me then?

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maxthemartian · 01/07/2018 23:33

Answer you about what? You're obviously very angry and distraught about what you went through at the hands of your ex buy taking it out on an innocent bystander is not on.

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