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AMA

I'm a Muslim, ask me anything

336 replies

UnderBlue · 30/06/2018 21:26

So I thought I'd join the bandwagon too! I'm a Muslim, and ask me anything. :)

(Please note: I'm very happy to answer questions about my beliefs and my experiences, but not interested in debating issues or bashing please. Please start your own thread if you want to do that. Thanks)

Also, please bear with me if I take a while to reply. I have pelvic pain today and a trip planned to the beach tomorrow, so apologies in advance if I take a while to reply. I will try my best :)

OP posts:
diodati · 01/07/2018 09:04

How do you cope with fasting during Ramadan in the summer? Nothing to eat or drink, not even water, from sunrise to sunset when the days are so much longer in the northern hemisphere? Presuming you're living in the UK, of course.

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:19

Great question!

Sorry if it's offensive but I'm wondering how parenting works with Muslim father's. For example would a Muslim father change his daughters nappy or bath his children? It is that seen firmly as a woman's domain. And if he wouldn't then what would happen if the mother was hospitalised and there was noone else to take care of the children

Muslim fathers must parent their children, and yes that includes changing nappies and taking on their fare share of household chores and looking after children. The Prophet Muhammad did household chores and was always in the khidmah (which means service) of his family and wives. In fact he said: "The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi). My husband did all the nappy changes in the first few weeks post-birth before he went back to work. He was useless at night feeds though (although I was breastfeeding for the most part), but he is making up for it now, as the little one asks him to do everything (No, I want daddy to clean my bottom, NOT mummy hahaha Grin).

In some cultures, the rules are different, so I know some of my extended family members (regardless of faith) who are very cultural rather than religious, can't believe my husband changes my daughter's nappy for example (How can you be so cruel they tell me? Hmm). I remind them of the Prophet and his actions, and if he can do chores, so can my husband.

Practically, I do end up doing more chores though (also not so much now as my husband's working pattern has changed) because I choose to work less hours per week as I want to spend them with my kids. My husband doesn't mind putting them in full time childcare, but I prefer not to. It is just a personal choice which means I have taken on more of the share of household chores. However, my husband has always paid for a cleaner, so I should cut him some slack? :)

Also, in Islam, it is the husband's responsibility to provide all the household income, including all the wife's expenses (the wife can work, but what she earns is for her own personal use :)). This does mean that many Muslim men do spend more time outside of their homes (away from their children) in comparison to their wives. But there is of course flexibility in this, so if the wife wants to be generous and share her income and contribute to the household income, she is free to do so. I don't personally - except maybe once a year when I am in a good mood WinkGrin.

OP posts:
UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:23

@diodati

How do you cope with fasting during Ramadan in the summer? Nothing to eat or drink, not even water, from sunrise to sunset when the days are so much longer in the northern hemisphere? Presuming you're living in the UK, of course.

Yes I am in the UK, and its a good question, and one I get asked most often. Do you mind if I copy the answer I gave to someone else?

I was really worried before Ramadan that I would struggle, especially because its the longest commute I've ever had this year. I struggled the first day (got a headache and was hungry), but by the third day I didn't feel hungry or thirsty during the day, and bizzarely I was actually feeling more energized! The last hour (between 8.30pm - 9:30pm) was when I did get hungry and had to keep away from foodie accounts on instagram and take away menus Smile. It is amazing though (and I am amazed by this every year) how quickly the body gets into the new routine of eating less! We are now 2 weeks post ramadhan - I've lost 3Kg and I am still only eating once a day, and I'm very happy as I think I'll now fit into my size 8 party dress! Grin

OP posts:
UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:23

Ooh I think I've answered all the ones so far - if I've missed any, please do let me know :) And I'm happy to answer any further or new questions too of course.

OP posts:
mammmamia · 01/07/2018 09:35

OP you are so articulate and this is a very good thread.
It is a bit of a pity that you were pretty insulting about Indians in a broad brush statement and for me this makes some of your other posts disingenuous. Sorry.

For example, regardless of faith, the south Asian culture overall is not favourable towards women (have a look at the way Indian women across all faiths are treated - it is appalling). And sadly this has seeped into the Muslim south asians too

I found this statement quite shocking and out of kilter with the rest of the thread and no one has called you out on it.

mammmamia · 01/07/2018 09:37

And really I don’t want to get into a debate as that is not your intention. You have done some very good myth busting on this thread. But wanted to point out that you’re also displaying a lack of awareness / defensivensss on this point.

WhatDidItSay · 01/07/2018 09:40

Thank you for your answers. It's an interesting thread. Imam atheist and find it difficult to understand why other people are religious.

I have to say that I find it sad and unkind that so many Muslims do not think it's ok for gays to be in relationships. It's disingenuous to suggest you accept gays as long as they don't actually have sex. In this day and age that's really not ok.

Also, is it correct that Muslim men are taught that they will have endless young virgins when they die? Is t that a bit creepy? How does that fit in with a religion that otherwise seems so conservative. Are women promised endless men? (Sorry if I've misunderstood this but I'm curious)

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:45

@mammmamia

For example, regardless of faith, the south Asian culture overall is not favourable towards women (have a look at the way Indian women across all faiths are treated - it is appalling). And sadly this has seeped into the Muslim south asians too

I am Indian and this is my experience that I am narrating. I admit I can't speak for all Indians, but evidence suggests, on the whole, Indian women are treated badly (than their counterparts in the UK for example). There is tonnes written about it. For example, this may be worth a read:
How India treats its women: www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-20863860

If you feel my statement (which I admit should have had a clause in it) makes my other posts disingenuous, don't read them :). By the way, your username sounds very familiar? If I am not mistaken, don't you appear on almost every thread related to Muslims/Islam and try your utmost to discredit posters and criticise Islam and Muslims? If I am mistaken, do forgive me, but I seem to recall speaking to you before. Anyways, have a good day :)

OP posts:
mammmamia · 01/07/2018 09:51

Absolutely not. I have never posted on a thread about Muslims before!!

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:53

@WhatDidItSay

Hi :)

I have to say that I find it sad and unkind that so many Muslims do not think it's ok for gays to be in relationships. It's disingenuous to suggest you accept gays as long as they don't actually have sex. In this day and age that's really not ok.

I'm going to try and explain this, bear with me please. I accept gays even if they have sex or don't have sex (it is none of my business or concern what other people do). I accept everyone. However, if I was gay, I believe that God wants me (as a Muslim) to be patient and not have sex. And that I will get rewarded for my patience in the next world. Does that make sense?

Also, is it correct that Muslim men are taught that they will have endless young virgins when they die? Is t that a bit creepy? How does that fit in with a religion that otherwise seems so conservative. Are women promised endless men? (Sorry if I've misunderstood this but I'm curious)

Men and women are both promised whatever they want, so yes if a woman wants 500 men, she will get them. Endless young virgins don't appeal to me at all (although wouldn't mind a Ben Aldridge look alike Grin), but the idea of multiple women does seem to appeal to some men? (Isn't that one of the things they love watching in porn?). I'd much rather eat mangos all day, and have a real winnie the pooh to play with :)

OP posts:
SoMisunderstood · 01/07/2018 09:53

Mammmmmia, I thought the OP was referring to the general treatment of women in India. The OP said she is not Pakistani so I am guessing that she may be of Indian origin and therefore sharing her experience of how Indian women are generally treated. I am Pakistani and can confirm that Pakistani women aren't treated much better in Pakistan. This is however, also a sweeping statement. Misogyny is more the root problem.

However, in the UK Indian women are economically better off than Pakistani women in UK. That may be due to their level of education, opportunity presented and enterprise.

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 09:54

@mammmamia In that case, I'm sorry, and my sincerest apologies, perhaps I've mistaken you with a very similar user name (with less 'm's).

OP posts:
WhatDidItSay · 01/07/2018 09:58

Thanks you for answering my questions OP.Smile

Helloflamingogo · 01/07/2018 10:00

Thank you 😊 I couldn’t understand how the banks make their money!

Helloflamingogo · 01/07/2018 10:00

Thank you 😊 I couldn’t understand how the banks make their money!

mammmamia · 01/07/2018 10:00

I don’t want to derail what is otherwise a very good thread. The OP didn’t state before she was Indian which does make a difference but could have been interpreted before as “the Hindus are even worse”. Thanks for the explanation and to reiterate I am absolutely not someone who pops up on every Muslim related thread, you must have me confused with someone else.

comfycosy123 · 01/07/2018 10:01

Am I correct in thinking that if a Muslim husband wants to have intercourse with his wife , she has to comply even if she isn't in the moan, tired ect ?

Also is Islam the same as Christianity that there is no sex before marriage ? And if so does this apply to both men and woman

BartholinsSister · 01/07/2018 10:03

Do you accept evolution by natural selection as a tenet of biology?

Aftereights91 · 01/07/2018 10:07

Thankyou :)

scantilylace · 01/07/2018 10:09

I live in a part of the U.K. with very little cultural diversity. Other than standing up for Muslims when people are being openly islamophobic and/or racist, and trying to say hello or smile when I see someone in the street wearing a hijab etc, what are the little things that we could all be doing to make your life easier/more pleasant/ safer.

Roomba · 01/07/2018 10:16

Ah, thank you for the link about fasting/daylight hours you posted. In a funny coincidence, DS1 asked me just this question last night as he went to bed. We ended up chatting about it for a while as I didn't know the answer and I promised to look it up today.

He decided that it was a bit unfair that muslims have to use the hours of daylight in their own country and that everyone should follow the timings for Mecca. I said I was fairly sure that would have occurred to people before and there was probably a reason they had rejected this idea!

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 10:24

@comfycosy123

Am I correct in thinking that if a Muslim husband wants to have intercourse with his wife , she has to comply even if she isn't in the moan, tired ect ?

Hi :) No, a wife is under no obligation to comply if she is tried or unwell or doesn't feel up for it etc. (as long as she or he isn't using it as a tool to play mind games or be cruel). The husband on other hand, is explicitly encouraged to give a woman proper foreplay before attempting to have sex with her. As part of foreplay, for some women, initial foreplay may mean taking over chores that are perhaps making her tired, giving her a nice massage, doing something nice for her, having a good chat with her etc?

OP posts:
UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 10:26

@BartholinsSister

Do you accept evolution by natural selection as a tenet of biology?

This is embarassing but I have no idea what that means Blush. Sorry! Sadly I skipped quite a few science lessons at school.

OP posts:
diodati · 01/07/2018 10:26

@UnderBlue Thank you! One of my best friends is Tunisian and I know he struggles - the poor man runs a restaurant! - but he loves how fit he feels afterwards. We've never really talked about it because I hate to seem nosy but I'm honestly fascinated and love to know about the Muslim faith.

UnderBlue · 01/07/2018 10:32

@scantilylace

I live in a part of the U.K. with very little cultural diversity. Other than standing up for Muslims when people are being openly islamophobic and/or racist, and trying to say hello or smile when I see someone in the street wearing a hijab etc, what are the little things that we could all be doing to make your life easier/more pleasant/ safer.

Thanks for being so considerate and caring. If you could challenge the far right - both in real life and on social media/published media - that would really help. I think one of the things Muslims feel that we are hugely disadvantaged over is print media like the daily mail and sun, who run some rather provocative articles that have a very anti-Muslim bias and tone. If you could perhaps challenge that in any way you can, or even support voices of those who are trying to (say on social media), that would really help.

There is some evidence that Muslim women are facing triple discrimination in the work place, so if you have the capacity, perhaps offer to mentor a Muslim woman or when you are recruiting, ensure there is no unconscious bias against Muslim women when recruiting? Also don't be afraid to speak to us and ask questions too if you want to - it makes us very happy :)

OP posts:
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